Accept Me

Steve finished filling the bathtub in his and Tony's bathroom, which was really more like a small swimming pool, and started to undress. Tony strolled in, whistling, but abruptly stopped when he saw Steve with one leg in the tub. Steve smiled brightly at his lover.

"Hey, you're just in time to join me. That last fight has me sore. I'm sure you are too."

Tony stood frozen for a moment before whipping out his phone and mumbling something about needing to finish a project in the workshop. Before the genius could leave the bathroom though, Steve caught him in his arms, ignoring the water running off his left leg and making a puddle on the tiled floor.

"Come on, just soak with me for a while; you can work later." Steve spoke softly into Tony's ear. Tony's whole body gave a violent shudder and Steve smiled, thinking he had won. Tony shook his head and struggled to escape the embrace that had turned suffocating. His fingers worked quickly on the phone still clutched in his hand and then he waited. Only moments later JARVIS spoke up.

"Sir, Dr. Banner has requested your assistance in his lab."

Tony sighed. "Be right there."

Steve resisted Tony's attempts to escape his arms. "I'm sure Bruce can wait a bit."

Before Tony could protest, JARVIS spoke up again. "Sir, I'm afraid Dr. Banner is rather insistent about your immediate presence."

And it was JARVIS to his rescue. Tony slipped out of Steve's arms and pressed a quick kiss to the side of his mouth before darting out of the door. Steve sighed, feeling a bit put out before shrugging it off and climbing into the steaming water.

Tony audibly sighed in relief when he was enclosed in the elevator heading for Bruce's lab. The panic had settled and as long as he didn't close his eyes he wouldn't see flashes of that cave. The elevator stopped and Tony took a deep breath before opening the lab's door and walking straight into a mild-mannered lecture.

Bruce had on a traditional lab coat and goggles as he mixed various solutions and made notes. He didn't bother to look up when his science partner slid into a stool across the desk.

"You can't keep avoiding this, Tony." Bruce pointed to the phone sitting next to his page of notes. The screen still displayed Tony's code for help. Tony had various codes for every member of the team for when he needed them to do something. Only Bruce ever really responded though.

Tony swiveled the stool back and forth. "Sure I can. How often can he really want to take a bath?"

Bruce shook his head. "You know it's more than that, Tony. What happens when we have a battle over an ocean and your suit fails?"

"It wouldn't."

"But what if it does?"

Tony plucked up an empty beaker and began pinning it between his hands. "Then you'll catch me like you did when we were fighting Loki."

"The other guy might not see you."

Tony growled a bit. "We're a team of superheroes, someone will save me."

Bruce took off his goggles and stared straight into Tony's eyes when he spoke again. "What if you're kidnapped again?"

Tony opened his mouth to protest again, but Bruce cut him off. "What if we can't get to you for days and they torture you?"

Tony shuddered, but still came up with a retort. "Why would they use water?"

Bruce chose his next words carefully, aiming the punch that could really hurt his best friend, but he knew Tony had to get past this fear. He needed to let Steve help him past the fear, more specifically.

"Because maybe they'll figure electricity and water don't mix well and they can short out Iron Man and maybe kill you."

There was undisguised terror in Tony's eyes now and Bruce felt immediately guilty, even though he knew nothing would be solved without pushing his best friend past the excuses and lying the worst case scenario out in front of him. Out of the corner of his eye he saw Steve hovering in the doorway. Bruce took a deep breath and closed his eyes for a moment before regaining his calm demeanor and beckoning Steve over to the table. Tony flinched at the hand movement, but otherwise didn't look up from the beaker in his hands, though it was no longer being playfully shifted back and forth.

Steve stood close to Tony, but didn't touch him.

"What happened?" The super-soldier asked. He tried to catch his lover's eyes, but Tony didn't appear to even be aware of Steve's presence.

Bruce pulled a hand through his hair. "How much did you hear?" Steve glared at him.

"You were describing how possible captors would kill him."

"Of course that's all you heard. I know it sounded bad, but it had to be said."

Steve didn't calm any at the small explanation. "I don't understand how telling him how he could be killed would benefit him at all."

Bruce nodded, he agreed with Steve to an extent, but Steve didn't know about this piece of Tony's history, about exactly what happened to the man in that cave in Afghanistan. "You need to get him to talk to you, Steve."

"About what?" Steve's hand hovered over Tony's shoulder as if he couldn't decide if touching the genius would do him more harm than good. He finally made the decision and placed one big hand gently on the slender shoulder. Tony jumped and the beaker he had been holding was hurled at Steve's head. Steve managed to duck in time, but Tony still looked horror-struck at what he had tried to do.

"I-I didn't... sorry." Tony slipped past Steve and left the lab. Steve looked to Bruce for an explanation, but the scientist just motioned the super soldier to go after his lover. Steve nodded and left the lab quickly, but the floor was already empty of the genius, as was his workshop. When Tony wasn't to be found in their bedroom or bathroom either Steve gave in an asked JARVIS for help.

"Sir wishes to be alone." JARVIS replied coldly. Steve winced; he knew things were bad when Tony's AI was upset with him.

"Please, JARVIS? I just want to help."

There was no reply so Steve, not one to give up on his lover, continued searching other floors of the tower. It was unlikely that Tony would have left the safety of the tower if he was this shaken and scared.

Thor was in New Mexico with Jane and Steve didn't feel right invading his floor so he skipped it for the moment and moved on to Natasha's level. The spy gave him a look that clearly said "would I be this calm if you're crazy boyfriend was in my room?" Steve nodded his thanks and moved on. Coulson's floor was empty, not surprising, but on Barton's floor he found the archer and their handler wrapped around a sleeping Tony. The genius's face was red and there were dry tear tracks down his cheeks. The men on either side of his lover glared at him. Clint's eyes moved to his bow which was leaning up against the wall within arm's reach before looking back to Steve.

"What happened?" Coulson asked, not one to shoot first and ask questions later like his lover.

Steve raised his arms in a noncommittal manner, "I don't know."

Coulson didn't look convinced so Steve sat at the bottom of the bed, resting a hand around Tony's ankle.

"He was down in Bruce's lab and when I came in Bruce was telling him how he could be tortured to death with water. When I rested a hand on his shoulder he threw a beaker at my head, apologized, and fled."

Both agents relaxed at the explanation.

"So he hasn't told you." Clint remarked.

"Told me what?" Steve asked. Clint went to speak but Coulson shook his head.

"It isn't for us to tell you. Tony will explain when he feels comfortable."

"But why do you two and Bruce know, but I don't?"

Clint shrugged slightly. "I was on part of the team that found him during a mission; Phil is my handler so he knew what was happening on the mission. Bruce probably figured it out early because of how those two have bonded."

Steve shook his head though. "But why not me? Doesn't he trust me enough?"

"He's likely afraid you'll leave him when you learn what he went through." Coulson was always the voice of reason when Steve was out of commission.

Steve was shocked.

"But I would never do that!" His voice raised and Tony stirred, though when he responded it was clear he had heard a good amount of the conversation.

"But everyone else does."

Tony peaked over the blanket that had been draped over him. Steve looked absolutely heartbroken.

"Tony..."

Steve gripped his lover's ankle tighter and subconsciously started dragging the genius closer to him. Tony balked a little, but Clint helped by poking Tony until he was at the end of the bed and in Steve's arms. The super soldier gathered the other man close and Tony buried his face in Steve's shoulder.

"Okay, now you two go and make up." Clint made a shoeing motion and gave Tony covert thumbs up and encouraging smile. Steve picked Tony up bridal style and the left the room, Clint mouthing 'tell him' over Steve's shoulder to Tony. The genius still looked skeptical but nodded slightly.

Back in the penthouse Steve laid Tony on the large bed and climbed in behind him, wrapping his arms tightly around his lover. He didn't know how to start the conversation or even whether he wanted to or not. It wasn't that Steve didn't want to know, he just didn't want to cause Tony any more pain. After laying there for several minutes Steve though maybe the other man had fallen asleep when he started talking.

"You know I was kidnapped a few years ago?" Tony asked.

Steve nodded, but gave a verbal yes after Tony strained to roll over in Steve's arms. Steve allowed Tony to turn, but the genius still didn't look at him, instead staring at his own hand on the super soldier's chest, which was hovering over Steve's heart. There was something about the steady beating of Steve's heart that never failed to sooth Tony. After Tony had settled against him comfortably again he continued to speak.

"How much do you know?" Tony's voice was little more than a whisper in the quiet room.

Steve thought back to the files had been provided to him by S.H.I.E.L.D. before the Avengers had formed.

"You were captured by a band of terrorists after giving a weapons presentation to the army." He started, there really had not been much information in Tony's file about his past and now Steve was beginning to question if Tony had done that on purpose. "You were held there for weeks and ordered to make weapons for them. Then you escaped by becoming Iron Man."

Tony nodded.

"Yeah, that's all in the file. That's all I let them put in the file. It was so much worse than that."

Steve pressed a kiss to his partner's forehead, silently encouraging him to finally open up and let go of some of the fear. Tony looked at him and Steve could feel himself getting lost in blue eyes. The genius didn't break eye contact as he told the super solder about what had happened in those weeks.

"When they captured me I was injured from the debris of the missiles. There was shrapnel lodged in my chest, inching towards my chest. When I first woke up in the cave there was a cavity in my chest, filled with metal, and the wires leading out connected to an old car battery. A man named Yinsen had operated on my and put a magnet in my chest, charged by the battery, to keep the shrapnel from getting any closer to my heart.

"Soon the leader of The Ten Rings, the terrorist group, came and demanded I make him the Jericho, the missile I designed for the U.S. Army. I refused. They tortured me to get me to change my mind and build the missile, to add to all the other Stark Industries weapons they had stockpiled."

Tony fell silent and Steve swallowed hard before he asked the one question he wasn't sure he truly wanted the answer to. "What did they do to you?"

Tony shuddered in his arms.

"They would hold my head under water until I couldn't hold my breath any longer and then they would continue to hold me there until I was sure I would black out. They would yank me out of the water and ask if I would build the Jericho. As soon as I refused I was forced back under the surface. During this the car battery that was keeping me alive was in my arms and water was constantly dripping onto the wires and causing shocks to go through me. If that battery had shorted out or shocked me too hard I would have died.

"Finally I agreed, I couldn't take it anymore. They brought me tools and the first thing I did was make an arc reactor."

Tony tapped on the current arc reactor embedded in his chest and emitting a soft blue glow from under his t-shirt.

"Then we built Iron Man Mark I, Yinsen and me. We tried to escape. I made it. He didn't..."

Tony trailed off again, this time tears blurring his vision. Tony had never told the whole story to anyone like this, it was always shown to them in some way. Steve pulled him closer and murmured soft words of safety and acceptance. When Tony composed himself again he saw a few straggling tears sliding down his lover's face. Carefully he wiped them away and the pair laid in silence for a while. It was Steve who spoke next.

"What was Bruce reminding you of this? Threatening you with it?" Steve felt the anger return. How could Tony's best friend remind him of one of the worst times in his life, a time when he almost died in a cave in Afghanistan.

"It wasn't like that."

Steve gave him a pointed look.

"Really," Tony tried to defend his friend. "He was just trying to get me to tell you, to explain why I always avoid you when you want to go swimming, or take a bath. Like earlier."

Tony looked ashamed at himself. "I can't go in water. I can take showers, but that's hard enough. I can't be submerged."

"But the arc reactor is water proof, isn't it?" Steve asked.

Tony nodded. "The only way water could damage it would be if it was already cracked or damaged and water leaked in."

"Then..."

"I'm scared. Terrified. I get flashbacks, nightmares." Tony couldn't hold Steve's intense gaze anymore.

"It's okay."

"It isn't!"

Tony ripped himself from the comfort of Steve's arms and sat, curled in a ball, on the other side of the bed.

"I should be over it. I'm a superhero. I should be able to take a bath."

Steve sat up and followed Tony to the other side of the bed, but didn't initiate contact again.

"You went through something terrible, Tony. A couple years isn't going to fix the torture they put you through and it isn't going to get rid of the memories. I won't pressure you, and I'm sorry I did before."

Tony shook his head. "It's not your fault, you should be able to expect your boyfriend to be able to take a bath with you."

Steve wrapped his arms around the other man again. "When you're ready, actually ready and not forcing it, we'll try. Together. You're not alone anymore."

Tony didn't move for a few minutes, he just sat and absorbed the warm of the acceptance he hadn't expected.

That night when they were curled up together in bed, Steve fell asleep with his hand resting over the arc reactor while Tony's rested over his heart.

The End