Lulu sends a birthday wish, and transfers sufficient funds into my Chinese bank to buy 100 beers. OMB! Does she want I drink myself to death?
I detest mirrors and shop windows, and hate birthdays; my birthdays that is. And I especially loathe waking up drunk. Last night I couldn't get the key in the door. A house mate let me in; March 2015.
I didn't really drink much but ate small. Middle Eastern food, Homos especially my favourite, a birthday treat to myself. It's a mere half a kilometre walk to the Persian Palace (behind Mango Square here in Cebu). When in sight I change my mind then walk to El Gecko bar, back near home, staying until nearly midnight.
Sixty two years and one day, I need a "Medic" but somehow suffer the pain until four in the afternoon. Back to the Persian Palace, for a late lunch, one beer (Medic) and Homos on Pitta bread, taking care to eat and drink slowly. For whatever reason the food sits like a brick in my stomach, and I can't finish the beer; home time. And home I stay for the next three days, rarely venturing outside. Little food, no beer, I drink water day and night. But sleep is impossible, waking up after two or three hours, lying awake thinking of; you can guess. When sleep is impossible, time to watch my favourite American sitcom, "Married With Children".
I receive emails from two friends, my neighbours before in a nearby Pension (boarding) house. They continue living there. Jeff a fellow Aussie went travelling around the Philippines early January without notice to either Kell (the other neighbour) or myself. After several weeks I receive this email.
"in davao then cdo dapitan bacolod tx u when back cebu all the best jeff" (Jan 26th).
CDO is Cagayan De Oro city in Mindanao province as are Davao and Dapitan. Bacolod is in Negros province, quite a deviation, he must have a reason to go there. I reply!
"Hello mate, good to hear from you.
Look forward to hearing about your adventure.
Lulu is here now."
Jeff's next email (Feb 5th)
"bukidnon cdo gensa dumughete bacold cebu hello Lulu u get english work all the best to u mate jeff"
No more from Jeff! Kell and I wonder if he will return. He gave no warning about being away for two or more months.
Kell emails me (March 21st)
"I'm not sure if it's laughable but it looks like Jeff returned and some girl tried to kill him straight away this morning!"
Another email follows from Kell.
"right when you see him ask about the blood spatter in front of his door."
Then Jeff himself emails me all on the same day.
"girl atteupt stab me my pension house tell u when icu attempt stab me mango rent girl all the bedt to u both jeff"
"You both!" Perhaps he thinks Lulu is still with me; I could only wish!
A few days later I bump into Kell on the street, he asks, 'Have you seen Jeff yet?'
'No mate! I went there yesterday afternoon, looking for Jeff and you. Nobody home! You haven't seen him yet?'
Kell shakes his head no! 'I saw the girl, not nice either, hanging around the pension house; angry. Very angry and nobody says or does anything to her. Jeff was a prisoner in his room, he must have really upset her.'
'He has no secrets, we will find out soon enough.'
Kell continues, 'You know he sometimes requests unnatural acts from girls he brings back to his room.'
'Really?' I lie. Jeff a practising AA, and former drug user is quite open about his sexual needs; only if the girl is willing and from what I hear many are extremely willing. Jeff's a good heart and many girls steal and trick him. He has what they need, "Peso", they have what he needs "pussy" and other body parts.
I try visiting Jeff a few times, no luck, then by chance several days after my birthday, and I'm almost recovered, we meet in the street; our first face to face in three months.
How to describe Jeff, I attempt a physical image, but it's his energy, not easy to share on paper. Much the same as a certain Lulu. It's their mannerisms and mischievous eyes hinting at the energy inside.
About my height, thinner build, Jeff's 5 years older. Hair dyed reddish brown with a few natural curls tied in a ponytail, thin on top, always well shaven. Sharp nose, sharp eyes you need just a moment to detect the surgery wounds, horizontal ripples either side of his face in front of his ears; botched cosmetic surgery. A few almost undetectable scars just behind and under each ear; cosmetic surgery success.
I was living next door to Jeff when all excited he said 'I found a cosmetic surgeon, price too good to be true. He's doing me tomorrow.'
'But mate! You don't need it, leave well enough alone.'
'You don't see the world through my eyes.' He replies. 'I see people's eyes when they look into my face. Old fart! The whores are ok, they see peso. With this face can I get a decent girl even if I wanted one?'
I enjoy Jeff's logic; foreign to mine, and perhaps why we get along so well. A rash decisions, he was holed up in his room for ten days after the surgery, couldn't eat for two days, because the facial muscles might drop. Such sacrifice, not to mention the money 25,000 Peso.
Jeff once asked me, 'You don't have girls coming to your room?'
'Lulu will be back in four weeks, no worries!'
'You can wait a month without sex?'
'Yeah! She's worth the wait, and when she gets here the last thing I need is some crazy, banging on my door.'
'Send them to me!' Jeff laughs and continues, 'Lulu's eyes, constantly alert, she doesn't miss a thing mate. Too intelligent for you! Enjoy her why you can. And her breasts, man! Tits on a stick. You dirty bastard!'
"Tits on a stick!" It's the first time I hear this expression, it indeed describes Lulu.
When we meet in the street, Jeff points to a large black scab on his nose, 'The bitch can fuckin' throw a punch.'
How not to laugh?
Jeff's clenched fist bangs down almost to his chest. 'The knife! What can I do but grab the blade with my hand, luckily the handle broke.' Jeff's open palm shows signs of a slight wound. 'And she kept threatening me, "Mark me and I go to the police." I had to get her out of my room, she's strong. I open the door she closes it, God knows how many times. I grabbed her hair, swing her around a few times, open the door and drag her out. That's when I copped the nose punch.'
'Came to visit you, I saw the blood outside your door.'
'When I consider how many fucks I've had here in the Philippines and only two try killing me, I suppose I'm pretty lucky!' What an optimist!
Jeff continues, 'Mate! You're looking good! You been off the beer?'
'A few days, stomach no good!'
'Me and my AA buddies will help you if you want to get off. But if you're handling it? Don't worry! I couldn't handle it, I'd be dead now. No girls to fuck there.' Pointing to the ground Jeff shudders, 'I love it here!' He grins. 'Mate I've got to get some new girls. All my good girls, gone feral on me, most likely on Shebu.'
Shebu is (Methamphetamine), called "ICE" in Australia, a plague in both Countries.
'No more Mango (Square Cebu) or Colon girls; too dangerous.'
'You're just going to do the Malls?' I ask.
'I bought a tablet, joined DIA (Date In Asia).'
'Jeff mate! DIA, almost all freelance whores.'
'That's what I want! How much?'
'And if you give your phone number, they give it to friends. Nuisance calls all the time. My useless phone; I can't block numbers. You want some numbers?'
'Mate! Nuisance to you, maybe candy for me.'
'They love texting; I hate texting.'
'I love texting young girls.' Laughs Jeff.
'This girl, the one that tried stabbing you, what did you do, to upset her so?'
A grimace befalls Jeff's face. 'I hope I didn't need to tell you this, it's embarrassing.'
Oh! Kell guessed correct: "he sometimes requests unnatural acts".
'I've been away ten weeks, traveling around to escape from her. I met her in Mango must be four or five months back. She seems ok, pay her Peso she looks after me. She takes me to visit the family, they have a house in the mountain, it needs repair and an extension for me to live. I hate this filthy polluted Cebu air, killing me!'
Points at me, 'Killing you too! So I live in the mountain rent free, because I've paid in advance. I think ok!'
'How much?' I must ask.
Another grimace, 'Two hundred and thirty thousand Pesos!'
'No wonder you're embarrassed!'
'I must be going senile. She gives me lists of materials, I should inspect the work weekly. When I finally made the effort. Nothing! Not a single improvement. The family deny receiving any money at all from the daughter. I come back home, quickly pack my bag and go to the bus station. Stay away long enough for her to cool off, because when I text her, "no more money". Her text back threatens to kill me.'
'Jeff! Might be best if you discuss important things with a friend before rushing in.'
'Will you mentor me? Please!'
'If you move up there, she will poison you for sure. You're much safer here in the pollution. Did you have a good trip?'
'Yeah! I enjoyed it, traveling from town to town, AA chapters everywhere, all over the Philippines, worldwide I can find a meeting to attend. No alcohol or drugs, like-minded members everywhere chasing pussy. Brothers worldwide, everywhere! You can be a brother too!'
Laughing! I wave goodbye and turn to go.
'There was one incident!'
An encore, I must turn back, Jeff's saves his best for last.
'Avoid putting bags in the compartments under the bus. Some arsehole stole my bag. I packed in a hurry and put my bank code device in there. That's going to create problems. There was clothes and the like, not to worry, they wear out anyway. But my SD card!'
Jeff lift's his shirt revealing a money belt.
'Should've put it in here, it's only small. Could've put the bank code thing in too! But my precious SD with all my home made porn, it's gone. All those beautiful memories.' Jeff sniffles. 'Making new ones, already began. You know our memories fade and distort, homemade porn helps keep us young.'
Jeff's logic! My ribs hurt from laughter, time to go.
'But the worst thing!'
Another encore, arms clamped against, protecting my ribs, I turn to Jeff.
'Guess what else is in the stolen bag? My "Western Cowboy" cock pump, best one ever. Can't replace the "Cowboy", not here in the Philippines.'
Tears tumble from my eyes.
'I've got spares, but the Cowboy, my favourite, best in the west!'
Time to go, speechless turning away from Jeff, there's another foreigner walking toward me. I can't even gesture "Hello" and he gives a curious gaze, perhaps thinking I'm on drugs. After my encounter with Jeff, life's my drug again. I sleep well this night.
What is a cock pump? Jeff explained to me when neighbours. He took medication to make himself look and feel younger. Rash and impetuous to regain his youth, he overdosed three or four times the recommended dosage, resulting in renal complications, including impotency.
It's a vacuum pump that enlarges the penis. Then a rubber ring (must be the right size) fits over the rear of the penis to restrict blood flow back to the body. The device is used mostly by diabetic, obese or males suffering renal problems. Whoever stole Jeff's bag, is in for a few surprises.
How are we, Lulu and I handling the break-up of a close relationship; next chapter!
Sorry I'm slow with new chapters, but sometimes I lose my voice. Who am I writing for? Me! A cathartic experience? This is the intention.
Do I write for Lulu? You may assume so as the saga evolves.
I'm drafting the earlier chapters, and after all this story supposedly a romance. However recounting our history at this moment, a real effort, but I'm getting there.
Do I write for you, my readers, increasing in number? It's satisfying to discover an audience, including many Chinese. Try my best not to let anyone down. Thank you! OMB.
I'm learning to fly, but I ain't got wings
Coming down is the hardest thing
Well the good ol' days may not return
And the rocks might melt and the sea may burn.
The Tom Petty and the Heartbreakers song "Learning To Fly", plays in my head.