A/N: MISS ME GUYS?! I'm working almost daily and I feel like crap, as to that effect. But nevertheless, despite this pesky little hiccup-I wanted to get word out any way I could, and since for some strange reason the site is being buggy, I wasn't able to work on this anywhere near as much as I would've liked. Still...so many reviews!

I love you guys so much! *Cries*

Now, this chapter might be a bit confusing consider I haven't done something like this in awhile. With good reason! My job has been beating the living hell out of my as of late! This was REALLY had to write with being tired from work; exhausting, actually. But I'm proud of it, and I hope you enjoy it as I finally get some rest.

This story was birthed from the idea that came from watching Batman: Assault on Arkham. Needless to say, it gave me quite a few idea. Classic movie. Funny, too. Wish we had more like it. Beautiful women, great acting, and did I mention the women? Harley had me in stitches, Killer Frost, and even the glimpse of the lovely Poison Ivy that we were given. And then, then I thought to myself, now what if I did something with this?

So a poll was held, votes were tallied. Three fics were created, and this is the first! Naturally, being the lord of insipid, happy, silly endings that I am, I decided to do go with this first. Now, after a brutal round of Winter Storm Thor...

...happy belated spring! Sorry if its short, but hey, I'm back, folks! And as to how Naruto got here in the first place? Easy. Reality/The Universe as a whole seems to be broken almost every other day in this show; small wonder he popped up! And yes, a few changes have been made and YES...

...the Intro is done by the green goddess herself! It also addresses an interesting little discrepancy; Joker TOLD most of Arkham what he was planning. So it stands to reason that, she, like most of the inmates, probably knew about the bomb...SO WHY THE HELL DIDN'T SHE TRY TO RUN?!

"Well, aren't you handsome...

~?

Poison

Some call love a poison. I disagree. Its worse than a poison.

Love is toxic.

It eats at you, creeps into your body, your mind, your very soul, until its all that you know. You would die for such a love. Give your everything to see it realized, wouldn't you? Tell me, what would you do to keep it? To hold onto that wonderful, indescribable feeling forever? When you're in love, you don't care if its real, if its fake, if the one you love might not love you back.

See, all you want to do is hold onto that feeling. That poison. No matter that cost. When you find that special someone, that one person whom you think just might be able to empathized with you, well...

...you do whatever you can to hold onto that. It.

Them.

Him.

Tell me, what would you do, were you in love? Yes, I'm talking about that sappy, crappy at-first-sight shit. Actual love. If you found someone who could touch you-kiss you-without dying? Someone who looked past you; past the jade eyes and the green skin. Someone who saw a person beneath it all, saw past all your faults and flaws; saw you as an actual human being. What would you do?

Me?

What would I do?

I wouldn't let him out of my sight.

Arkham was in chaos.

Alarms blared, guns barked, dying men and women screamed; all general hell breaking loose as the entire prison rioted. That sort of thing. It seemed to happen every other day now-someone or something was always trying to break in or out of the famous penitentiary for some reason or another. Thanks to the Bat, they almost always failed.

Today was an exception.

Even now she wasn't entirely sure what happened or how, only that the Joker had somehow gotten out-escaped!-from his cell. Again. Then he'd gotten his hands on a dirty bomb. A very big, dirty bomb for his so-called party. The Clown Prince's little "party" involved releasing nearly every inmate in the asylum, herself included.

Poison Ivy, formerly known as Pamela Isley, wasn't one to look a gift horse in the mouth. She intended to make full use of that opportunity to escape. She already knew Batman would try to stop him; regardless, she'd no intention of sticking around to see whether or not he would succeed. But before the escape, she needed reinforcements.

"Damnit!" A rare, frustrated snarl left her lips as she chewed on her thumb, pacing furiously. "Damnit, damnit, damnit!" Everything was slipping through her fingers even as she struggled to think, the incessant tick of a mental clock counting down to her own imminent annihilation. "Calm down, Ivy. Just calm down. There's a way out of this. Out of here. You just have to think...

So here she was in the Greenhouse, in her home territory-more the fools them for not tearing it down the moment she was incarcerated-provisioning herself as it were. That, and trying to figure out how the hell she was getting out of here before everything went to shit. It wasn't as if she could use the fauna to simply carry her across the water and back into the city. The gate wasn't an option either...

In the end, the answer came to her all on its own. It always did.

"I wouldn't go in there, officers." a male voice sang. "She's gonna chew ya up and spit ya out, 'ttebayo."

Ivy perked up, her ears prickling as a voice neared her sanctuary. Hello...what do we have here?

She shrank back into the shadows, into the brush, the beginnings of an idea starting to form. Footsteps intruded on her solace, barely audible over the madness and insanity surging outside. Shadows now, barely visible through the panes of the glass. Three figures. One was noticeably larger than the other, portly shadows, what looked like a giant handle protruding from his back. She looked at that shadow Ivy did, and she felt dread-a touch of unexplained feat trickling through her.

'It's nothing. Probably just imagining things...

"I'm tellin' ya," the first voice continued, sounding faintly amused. "She's in there. You should let me handle this. After all, I'm probably immu-

"With all due respect," an older man cut in, "We didn't ask for your help. Don't need anymore damned Supes gettin' involved here. Bad enough that the Bat's probably already on the grounds. Its our mess and we need to fix it. Don't need you two fighting it out on top of all this!"

"You wound me!"

"The two of you tore up the docks just last week!"

"Libel!"

"Who, batsy?" a laugh came back. "Probably right about that. Old broddy mick brood-brood can't stand me. I keep telling him we're on the same side! Ya dye a man's cape orange one time and fill up his batmobile with ramen twice an' things get so damn messy. Hmm. Wait, wait, no no, there was the other thing. Wonder if he's still mad about the batcave...

"The...ah, Batcave, sir? Did you do something to it?"

"Painted it pink."

Ivy nearly fell over!

Her body physically shook in an effort to restrain her laughter, all terror of being atomized momentarily forgotten, legs kicking out mightily as she thrashed behind the bushes. Her hands formed a small tent over her full lips as she fought not to burst into demented giggles. Funny as it might have been, that would've given her away.

A silence followed, the officers doubly dumbstruck by the man's words.

"What? I'm a ninja! Ninja's are tricksy!"

"Yeah, and on that note, you and that big honking sword of yours can stay the hell back."

"Fine, fine...your funeral."

Merficully, she'd gotten the giggles under control by the time the door swung open. Two officers advanced on her the moment she stepped from hiding, their shotguns in hand. Bingo. An idea was born and, smiling, she sauntered forward. They hesitated, transfixed by her beauty. Predictable; they never even noticed the roots she'd summoned, crawling across the roof, the ground, the very glass itself. One managed to work up enough nerve to call out to her:

"Stop!" His strong voice turned into a squeak as she continued to advance. "Please?" Ivy smiled.

"Let me think about tha-no."

She waved a hand, and her children-the vines-found them. Too late they fired, their guns barking uselessly against the thick roots before being ripped away-

"Odama Rasengan."

She never saw the attack, but she certainly felt it.

One moment she'd been observing her prey, the next, a large sphere of shimmering energy slammed into her unprepared back. Oh. Then she was engulfed in the storm. The tattered red shirt she'd been wearing found itself shredded as she was flung forward, her body crashing through the glass. Shards of molten agony stabbed into her arms and legs as her skin scraped cruelly across the pavement.

When at last she stopped, when Ivy finally found she could move again, she realized her body couldn't. Her left lay twisted at a horrible angle, not broken, but the pain, oh dear-sweet-god the pain! It was everywhere; a white hot vortex of

Sching!

The figure hurtled forward, arms swinging even as she summoned up more vines. A knife made its mark in the hardy roots, slicing them in twine with ease.

She looked up, just in time to see a brightly-colored figure in red and blue approaching. Rolling on her good leg, she realized it was more of a navy/crimson color, a uniform. Sleek and armored not unlike Batman's, only the shoulders were slimmer, the guards tapering off into nasty-looking hooks. His chest stood embossed with the strange insignia of...what was that, exactly? A maelstrom? No, that wasn't it, it looked more like...some sort of whirlpool, but in the rain she couldn't be sure...

"Sorry to intrude," that same, pleasant voice from before drawled, "But I think its my turn."

Whatever lingering mirth Ivy might've felt died when she looked up and saw that face. Whiskered cheeks. Blond hair. Bright blue eyes that sparkled like the sea. He was smiling, looking as though this was nothing more than an evening stroll through the rain.

There was a silence.

...who are you?"

"Shoudn't the lady gave her name first?"

She hesitated a moment, frowning. Ugh...

"Ivy."

"See, was that so bad?" Impossibly, his smile brightened. "Now as to the name, I'm so very glad you asked! No one does that anymore. It's all "grrr, lets fight!", or "I will destroy you!" nowadays. No sense of style. No decorum. So nice to see a change."

Ivy frowned up at her tormentor for a long moment, trying-and failing-to get a read on him. "Um...

"Oh, right, right! The name's Naruto. I'm sure you haven't heard of it. Few people in this 'verse have."

"Verse?"

"Ah, that! I got bored back where I was from, so I decided to travel a little. Funny things you can do when you've sealed a Goddess inside you." at her disbelieving stare, he hastened to continue. "Say, Ivy-chan, was it? Did you know there are millions of universes? Literally! And this is only the third I've visited!"

Insane. Yes, that was it. This man was insane, and she was wasting time dealing with him while a bomb was about to go off-

"Yup. That's what they all say." Naruto snickered crouching down, heedless of her own fears. "Anywho, the first revolved around something called "Dragonballs". Lots of fighting. Lots of explosions. Saving the earth and all that. It was fun for the first decade, then I got bored of the same old thing and left. Second had a bunch of, and I shit you not, intergalactic giant space-robo-squid things trying to exterminate all sentient life around the cosmos every fifth thousand years. Boring there, too.

He leaned forward, as though confiding a great secret in her. "Its much more fun here-mmph." It was all the opportunity she needed. He was close enough, and she needed him out of the way.

His lips were cool against her own, and she almost regretted killing him. She felt him stiffen, those blue eyes bulging as her venom entered him, and then...

...nothing.

"Hmm." a blink followed as he drew away, frowning slightly. Then he smacked his lips. "Weeell, that was almost entirely uncalled for. Not unwelcome, though. May I have another?" When he moved to kiss her again she started, both baffled and simultaneously aroused all at once. His hands ghosted small circles around her back, tugging her head to his, and oh, mercy that felt good. No. Wait!

Ivy sputtered, pushing him off her.

"I...you...what?! Why are you alive?!"

Naruto blinked. "Hey, the kiss wasn't that bad-

"You were supposed to die!"

"Ah. I get it." his jovial expression suddenly looked sad. "Pity."

His eyes were blue, but when she looked again, they were a deadly shade of gold. That didn't make sense. Ordinary people didn't change their eye color on a whim. Even her own bright, green eyes were a result of that accident so long ago. Which meant he must be-yipe!

A small squeak forced itself past her lips when a gust of air shot by her face, tearing a few scarlet strands from her cheek as he passed by.

"About that," He turned his head, regarding the thin slice on her cheek. "Sorry. Poison doesn't work on me. I can't be controlled. But if you want to continue this, that badly, I'll just have to fight nature with nature. Mokuton!"

Eh?

All he did was stomp a foot.

All he did was turn away and stomp the ground once; then a wall of wood-wood?!-emerged, the stoic barrier snapping up and launching her across the yard. Pain flared in her leg as she crashed down, hastily summoned vines breaking against her back. Enough! She didn't have time for this! She needed to get out of here! Get out, before-

Naruto was already closing in.

"Alright." Those eerie orbs narrowed, his arm moving back, hooking around the giant weapon she'd only glimpsed until now. "Hard way it is." A massive broadsword crashed into the ground, its curved edge still wet with blood, tiny scraps of orange fabric clinging to the damp edge. She had no illusions to that; he'd probably cut his way through dozens of convicts before coming here. And he was going to kill her. The thought made Ivy's plant-blood run cold.

"No! Wait!" she cried! "Stop!"

"What's the matter?" he chuckled at the foliage even as it arose. "I thought you were going to kill me?"

Chop.

The giant cleaver swung down, ringing both weed and the woman behind it like a bell. A death knell. Ivy gasped. A single crack formed in the impenetrable foliage.

Chop.

From beneath it swept, slapping her defenses away as though they were little than sticks. Another crack etched itself into the vines.

CHOP.

Now it swung from the east, its smooth, curving edge biting into a hastily raised root, severing it nearly. Three cracks now. Four.

CHOP!

His fourth and final swing crashed down like a falling meteo, the blunt of the blade swatting Ivy from her feet and sending her sprawling. Her body dragged across the ground yet once more, small trenches opening in her green skin as she struggled to stand, to push herself upright-

"Sorry." his voice whispered into her ear, the warm caress of his words eliciting a soft shudder. "This is going to hurt."

'Shit.'

The final blow knocked her flat on her back, her wounds open and bare. She lay there, her world spinning merrily in and out of focus, trying to recover, to make sense of something, anything at all. The moment she saw him, that blade raised, she cried out:

"Wait, wait, wait! Stop! I give up! I'll do whatever you want! JUST STOP!"

Ba-dump.

"Wow, you actually know when to quit."

The Head Cleaver froze, its edge touching her nose. Ivy nearly fainted dead away. To her amazement he shouldered the blade, its massive weight settling neatly against his shoulders. Then he did something strange; so strange that, to this day, Poison Ivy still didn't know why he did it. Uzumaki Naruto reached down, and swept her off her feet.

"Up we go"

Had she still possessed blood, Ivy would've blushed.

As it were, she was left to sputter helplessly as he cradled her against his chest like a husband would his bride. Her arms instinctively wrapped around his neck for support as one hand cradled her by the waist, the other her rear. Those eerie eyes stared down at her intently, his expression unreadable. What came next caught her completely flat-footed.

"Always did have a thing for redheads."

"What're you-?" And then-mother of all mothers-his lips were on hers.

Every cell in her body froze all at once then thawed in the next instant as his tongue licked at her lip, asking for entry. Her body and mind were of two on the matter, the former yielding even as the latter clamored up in arms against this sudden and unexpected intrusion of her body. The fleeting, fierce kiss lasted a moment longer before he pulled away, grinning.

"Oh, I like you, Red...

"W-What're you going to do with me?" She knew that look in his eyes; he had plans for her, plans that she might not like.

"Nothing much." he answered. "I seem to recall you saying you'd do "whatever I want" if I didn't kill you."

"Urk."

"Come on now, I'm not going to ravage you or anything."

"Why doesn't that reassure me...

The man laughed, a low, sensual purr that left her body tingling. "You and me...

..we're gonna have some fun."

A/N: There we go! Naruto and Posion Ivy! I left the ending deliberately ambiguous, considering that these two can raise all sorts of hell together. You think this is crazy? Check out my Naruto x Killer Frost fic when it comes out next!

So...in the immortal words of Atlas...

...Review, Would You Kindly? And what the hell, since there wasn't a preview for my Harley fic, lets have one for this!

(Preview)

"Nope."

Batman fought down a growl as the Ninja flopped upright, taking himself off the rail with a single bound. Ever laid back, the blond didn't seem to be taking him seriously. Naruto never did. Life was just one big game to him; he never seemed to think about the consequences. He was naive. Poison Ivy was dangerous; nothing could change that, nothing would change that, and for him to harbor her...

"I'm not asking." he declared, striding forward across the catwalk. "Hand her over. Now."

"Don't wanna." Naruto moved to meet him, the light clunk of his sandals smooth and unconcerned. He was going to move past him. "She deserves a chance to, excuse the pun, turn over a new leaf."

"That woman will never change-

Those words got him a heel-palm to the chest.

The sudden strike sent him staggering backwards; by the time he'd recovered, the naked steel of the Head Cleaver was face his cowl. Naruto's scowl, he thought, was perhaps the first serious expression he'd seen from the blond since they'd met. Red eyes, the color of blood, leered back at him.

"I'm not giving her back, Bats."

R&R! =D