AN: Here we have the middle part of our villain arc.

The Endless Spiral

She thinks that if she can just get him in her bed, just have him – all of him – just once, that maybe she'll get over this infatuation that she can't seem to shake. As long as she doesn't know what it would be like with them, he'll continue to have this power over her, continue to be the block in the road of shit she needs to get done.

It would be so much easier if he had just left.

Emma is used to being abandoned. She was abandoned by her parents, by August, by a trail of foster parents, and then by Neal. She's an old hat at it, knows that she can survive abandonment.

But Killian just won't go.

Hook, she reminds herself, hating that she has to. That she can't think of him as the handsome but dangerous pirate, one that had no other tie to her. She tries to forget that, even then, she was telling herself that he was trouble, over and over like a mantra that she apparently never got through to her foolish heart, because he's there and refuses to leave her, and Emma can't kill him, even though she knows she should.

"You look thoughtful, Dear," Cruella drawls in that accented voice that holds nothing but boredom, for all that her words express curiosity. "Pirate on your mind?"

Ursula might want Killian – Hook – to die, but Emma knows that Cruella finds him and his infatuation with her – it's just an infatuation, it's not love – amusing. Just as she finds him pretty to look at, which is why the duo haired witch soothes Ursula's anger to keep the pirate alive.

"I'm contemplating what we do next," Emma responds, ever in denial. She will never admit any sort of weakness to her supposed allies. They may have helped her discover her inner darkness, her inner power, but she doesn't trust them not to use both for their own twisted desires.

The only twisted desire Emma has any plans of sating are her own… and right now the desires revolve around Killian – Hook, dammit! – who is sitting and pretending to read, but Emma knows better. He won't relax enough to read, can't even relax enough to catch more than an hour or two of sleep, until they are no longer surrounded by the Queens of Darkness.

"Yes… I'm sure that's what you're doing," Cruella replied, her gaze lingering on Hook in a way that said she knew exactly what Emma would like to do. And that it had absolutely nothing to do with their upcoming plans.

"Just play your part in finding this author, Cruella. You do still want your happy ending, don't you?"

Cruella smiled and innocently held up her hands, backing off. Emma glared until the witch disappeared, and when she turned away from the door she had retreated through, Emma turned her attention back to Kill – Hook.

Only to find his blue, blue eyes were focused on her.

"That doesn't sound like you're playing nice with your new friends, Swan," he commented, setting aside his book. She saw on the spine that it was the complete works of Jane Austen, and it made her smirk.

"Taking wooing lessons from Mr. Darcy? Not sure it's quite your style, Captain."

"I have no idea what you're talking about," he told her with a blank expression that made her roll her eyes.

"Yeah, that's a sure sign that you haven't been reading that book. Not that I really needed the proof. Let's go."

Hook, and there, she could call him by the right name, looked at the cover of his book curiously for a moment, and Emma wondered if he'd pick it up later and actually read it. Then again, if all things went to plan, he wouldn't have the chance.

She bit back a curse when that caused a pang, because she found herself wondering will I have him when I change things? And it shouldn't matter.

She'll have her happy ending, and give happy endings to the people her parents stole them from, to Maleficent and the child she lost.

Will Henry be in my happy ending?

A question that haunts her constantly, but Emma tries not to dwell on it. Her happy ending… there's no world where her happy ending doesn't include Henry. She has to believe he'll be there.

She looks at Hook again, and then away with a silent snarl. She doesn't care.

She just needs to have him – all of him – once, and then he'll be out of her system and she can move on.

The problem, however, is that while she's constantly remind herself that he's Hook, these days Killian is far more apt a name. And while Hook would have happily let her take what he had to offer, Killian likes to be oh-so-noble.

Nobility isn't what Emma wants from him – she wants the goddamn pirate.

"Where are we going?" he asks, setting aside the book, and dragging Emma out of her thoughts. It's a good thing, because she had been contemplating simply ripping his shirt open and seducing him, and now isn't the time for that.

"We need to visit the mayor. I spoke to Gold, we need a thing or two that only an Evil Queen can supply."

Later, she would deny the noise that came out of her throat, but when he grasped her wrist, pulling her around so she was pinned to the wall, she actually let out a squeak of surprise.

"What the hell, Hook?" she demands, glaring at him. In an act completely unlike him, he simply glares back, and for the first time in months, Emma can see the pirate captain that lurks beneath the surface of Killian Jones.

"The Crocodile, Love?" he demands, his leg pressing between hers. "Really? Bad enough that I have to be anywhere near him, but now you'll turn me into his errand boy again?" He grabs her hand, pressing it over his chest. "Why don't you rip it out and hand it to him again. Because that's the only way I'll do what that man wants."

She wonders what it would feel like, to hold his heart in her hand again, but this time for control, not to return it. To use it to control him. She could have him on the bed, under her, begging for her –

His heart in Gold's palm, about to be crushed, and she can't move. She can't breathe, and that that has nothing to do with Gold's spell, and everything to do with the thought of losing him.

For a moment, it's like she's in the clock tower again, and so afraid that she's going to lose him. The pain she felt, and then the bone deep relief when Belle showed up and ordered Gold off. And she forgets, that she swore to help Maleficent, that she wants to see her parents suffer for the things they did. She forgets that she's no longer a savior or a lost girl, but rather a powerful sorceress in her own right, and her hand clutches at the fabric that covers his heart.

It's not the Emma full of darkness that rises on her tippy toes to press her lips to his in a desperate kiss, but instead the Emma that was still having nightmares of losing him when the Queens of Darkness and the Dark One returned to Storybrooke.

His hand delves into her hair, and he kisses back just as desperately. As though he's drowning and her kiss is water, and he never wants to give it up.

And then reality hits her again, and she pushes him back, sending him into the wall across from them with a painful thud. She stays against the other wall, back pressed against it, using the hard surface to support her weight, and breathes in desperate gasps of air. That wasn't supposed to happen. He wasn't supposed to have that effect on her –

"How much longer do we do this, Emma?" he asks, pulling himself to his feet, and it's the first time since this started that she truly looks at him, truly sees the effect his is having on him.

He looks exhausted. There are shadows in and below his eyes – those shadows hold grief and darkness, and every line of his body is simply weary. For the first time since meeting him, Emma can believe that Killian is three hundred years old, because the way his shoulders slump seem to hold every one of those centuries.

"No one is making you stay," she tells him. "So why do you?"

"Because I won't let the Crocodile destroy another woman I love," he snaps back, and Emma nearly sneers, because of course, it all comes back to Rumplestiltskin and their feud. But Killian curses, and runs a hand through his hair. He takes a step towards her, and Emma's spin stiffens. He notices and stops, cursing and rubbing his face. "Dammit, Swan, I won't let you destroy yourself, either. Whatever you think you'll accomplish… it's not going to pan out the way you expect."

"Just because you never managed to get what you wanted, doesn't mean I'll fail too."

"Villains never win – haven't you learned that?"

"And who decides who the villain is?"

The words echo between them, holding all the weight that has been weighing Emma down ever since she discovered the truth of her parents' actions. The weight that suffocates her, because what they did was done in her name… and how can she be a savior if her beginnings are soaked in treachery and darkness?

They were so desperate to keep her good… that they sacrificed her, that they sacrificed another child, in order to keep it safe.

"Who decides, Killian?" she asks, stepping towards him, wishing that he could make this make sense, because none of it has. Not in days. "Because what my parents did? Heroes don't do that. So who writes the story? Who decides that they get a happy ending despite that, when Maleficent doesn't?"

"I…" Killian sighs again, rubs the brace of his hook against his ear. "I don't have your answers, Emma. But changing all of this? It's not the way to do it."

"Why not? Maybe… maybe you'll get Milah back. Get the life you always wanted-"

"But then I'll never have met you," his blue gaze is clear and focused on her, and the words he speaks makes her hold her breath. "Aye, I loved Milah. Part of me will always love her. But Swan…. I'm a pirate. We're a superstitious lot. And I believe that I was always meant for you. That it doesn't matter what you change in the past, I would still find a way to you."

"I didn't think you were the type to believe in fate."

"Neither did I… not until you pushed a dead body off of me and I knew that my life would never be the same for having met you. Swan, what your parents did wasn't right. No one would claim it was so… but anyone can tell that they feel guilt for what they did-"

"Let me guess, you've been sharing drinks with your good mate Dave. Passing on information?"

He ignored her sneer to step up to her, to brush some of her hair over her shoulder.

"-and maybe that's why they're the heroes. Because they did what anyone might do to save their child, but they still felt guilt for it. Still felt grief. And that has to mean something. But changing the whole story? You change the very things that forged us. And Swan, I wouldn't trade a single moment with you to redo anything in my past."

The terrifying, beautiful thing is that she can tell he's telling her the truth. And it makes her stumble back from him. Because what he's saying…

Milah, Liam, his hand… who knows what other horrors he encountered in three hundred years?

… he's saying that she made all of it worth it.

"I promised I'd get Maleficent her happy ending-"

"Emma, you can't force other's happiness. And it's not your job to give everyone what they're looking for."

"I'm the savior. It kind of is my job."

"No. It was your job to stop the curse. You stopped it. Happy endings? That's up to the owner to find themselves. If all this talk of the author is to be believed, then I'd have to doom myself to losing you. And that isn't a thought I'll entertain."

Emma turns away from him, and wonders how they got here? How did he get under her skin, manage to prick at every little piece of her that she had kept hidden –

"What if it's the only way to get my happy ending. One without all of… this."

"This being that your parents aren't perfect? Or that the witches are trying to blame you for something you played no part in? Emma, this is life. It's gritty, and difficult, and I'm sorry that our stories aren't what they were painted to be in your fairytales, but life isn't like that. Not even a life with magic as we've led."

"Snow White and Prince Charming are supposed to be good."

"And those people you read about aren't real. David and Mary Margaret? They are good people. But good does not mean perfect. And that's why this author quest is a load of bollocks. Because our stories might be told in the pages of that book, but the fact that we're here now shows that we're not just pictures in books. And no sorcerer has the ability to make our decisions for us. Villains don't lose because they're villains – they lose because they never accept the blame for their own actions. Take it from a man that was a villain for far longer than he's been good. We take the easy way out… and breaking old habits can be difficult, but it can be done."

"So you want me to just walk away and let Maleficent suffer?"

"I want you to let Maleficent make her own path, because it's hers, and that you think you can take responsibility for that? It makes you rather arrogant, Swan."

She spins to glare at him.

"Arrogant? What the hell do you know?"

"You're acting as though you have any right to control the actions and choices of others. So aye, Swan. Arrogant."

She feels the cold darkness of her tainted magic fall over her as she steps towards him, and she sees his confidence falter, though he refuses to back down. She considers it again, ripping out her heart, but when the memory of that day in the clock tower…

No. She won't do that again.

"Are you going to make my choices for me now, Emma?" he asks when she's a mere half foot from him.

"You should go," she tells him, and thinks that she could make him go. Could banish him to his good friend Dave's side.

"Do it, Swan. And I'll just come back. Again… and again… and again."

"Arrogant, isn't it? To think you can control what I do and don't do?"

"I've always been an arrogant man."

They're at a stalemate, because she refuses to back down, but she can't bring herself to do it, to either send him away or rip away his free will.

Suddenly, the defiance seems to drain out of him and he stumbles forward, leaning his head on her shoulder.

"Don't go somewhere I can't go, Emma."

Emma stiffens, but Killian's arms wrap around her, and after a beat, she wraps hers around him in return, burying her face in his hair and breathing in his scent.

"What do I do, Killian?" she asks, her grip on him tight.

"Stay with me," he replies. "Just… stay with me."

Emma doesn't say anything, simply holds him and wishes that things were different. That her parents hadn't turned out to be so… not a fairytale. That she knew what to do about Maleficent and the guilt that filled her.

That she had the strength to either let Killian go, or wholeheartedly choose him and walk away from the dark path she danced with.

"I can't go back to them."

"You will," he says to her, his voice filled with such promise that she almost believed him. "Someday, you will. Until then… just stay with me, Swan. That's the first step."

Emma says nothing and lets Killian hold her a little tighter. She holds up her hand behind his back, magic flickering around it – shadowed and tainted. She fists her hand, clenching her jaw as the magic dissipates.

She wished it was that simple.

AN: And there it is. Emma is struggling, but can't quite get over the darkness and the guilt. There will be a third part, which will finish this whole thing out.