The Golden Everett Interpretation

Author: Prospero Hibiki

Disclaimer: The Big Bang Theory characters are the property of Chuck Lorre, Bill Prady, the CBS Network, and the actors who portray them. In no way are these aforementioned characters being used for my own personal profit, and this is not meant as an infringement of the copyright owned by any of the above entities.

Author's Comments: Oh yeah, definitely glad I bumped this up to M when I wrote the last chapter. Yes, before you ask, I fully intend to break Sheldon this chapter. But I promise I'll return him in one piece at the end...more or less. Muuahahahahahahhahaaaa! Oh and my promise to turn this fic around still applies...so no whining!

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"The Enticing Terrycloth Hemorrhage"

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Penny's nose twitched as something tickled it slightly. She felt the all too familiar ache in her head and general fuzziness that often followed a long night of drinking. Frankly she suspected she might still be at least a little bit buzzed from the night before even if she could tell she wasn't drunk. But who really cared, it was a vacation. Besides she didn't want to wake up fully because this time of the day, when she was just barely awake and lying in bed with Kurt, had rapidly become the only time she seemed to be able to get along with him. Well this time and when they had sex. But even that was rapidly losing it's attraction. Not because it was bad, but rather she was starting to feel rather cheap afterwards. Especially after starting to become more and more suspicious that he was cheating on her.

Hmm. There was something nagging at her. Oh well, it couldn't be that important so she wasn't going to let it distract her from the memories of the previous night. Well, what she could remember of it anyway. Judging by how she completely relaxed she felt, she really enjoyed herself last night.

Feeling more than a little generous she looked over at the lump of covers that was her companion and grinned. He always seemed to enjoy it when she chose to wake him up this way. She ducked under the thick comforter and proceeded to give him a wake up that they would both remember for a long time.

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"This is all your fault." Sheldon's voice came out slightly muffled as he spoke through the handkerchief that he was holding to his nose in an attempt to stem the flow of blood pouring from it. He was successful enough that there weren't any drips on the white robe he was wearing while sitting in a chair he'd placed ten feet away from her.

Penny did admit, if only to herself, that she felt more than a little bad about his bloody nose since she was the one who gave it to him. She absolutely refused to shoulder all of the blame though. "It's not all my fault. You could have said something to let me know you weren't Kurt at any time, but you didn't." She ignored the fact that there might have been several times where she would have kept going even if he had told her to stop. He certainly didn't need to know that fact.

"I was unable to form any coherent words while you writhed wantonly atop my body."

Penny felt her face go hot as her brain traitorously brought the event to the front of her mind. Okay, some part of her had in fact noticed that the man she was with wasn't Kurt, but she'd been too far gone to care by that point. She absently flapped the right lapel of her robe in a vain attempt to cool herself. Looking around for anything to distract herself from that train of thought she noticed his eyes were fixed firmly to a point on her body well below her face. This time she consciously flapped the lapel a little more vigorously and not coincidentally showing a much larger expanse of cleavage in the process. Every cycle of reveal and conceal was accompanied by a twitch on the part of the scientist.

Well, well, well. What did we have here?

"So you were unable speak, and yet your hands were more than up to the task of playing with my breasts?" She stood up from her chair making sure even more of her chest was showing than before. Sure enough his eyes followed her as she rose but not nearly enough to meet her eyes.

"What...what are you doing?"

"I'm just seeing what's going to happen." Penny took a step forward while dropping her hands to the belt of her robe.

Sheldon cocked his head slightly and their eyes met. His eyes really were a lovely shade of blue. "Like an experiment?"

Penny pulled the string on the knot of her robe and shrugged causing it to fall to the ground as she walked forward the rest of the way and straddled his lap. "Yes, exactly like an experiment."

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Thirty minutes later the two of them were sitting side by side on a couch. This time both Sheldon and Penny were both holding handkerchiefs to their noses.

"Okay. I'll admit it. This time it really was my fault. But how was I to know that the chair was going to break? It seemed sturdy enough."

"I suppose under the circumstances I can forgive you. I was an active participant in our activities therefore at least some of the blame rests with me." There was a long pause. "I feel my mother is going to be so disappointed in me. Gambling. Drinking. Pre-marital sex. In Las Vegas of all places. I fear I'm never going to hear the end of this."

Penny shrugged. "I'm still sorry."

"I'm not." Penny's head whipped around to stare at him. He was blushing and looking away from her even as he continued. "While I would rather we had known each other for a much longer period of time before moving on to coitus, I cannot deny the fact that I enjoyed myself very much."

"Oh really?" Penny found herself smiling despite herself. He was rather cute in a somewhat nerdy way. "I did too."

Sheldon turned back to her and the bashful expression on his face made Penny's heart melt a little bit more than it already had. Why couldn't she meet guys like this all the time?

She saw him start looking around appreciatively. "I must admit though you do have a much nicer room than I do. I am surprised that you are able to afford such a suite based on what you stated about your financial situation yesterday."

"Hey!" Wait a minute, my room? "This isn't my room. I thought it was your room."

"It most assuredly is not my room or I would have already put on the clothes I packed for Tuesday instead of wearing this robe."

The two looked at each other and got up as one to start looking around the room for any clue as to whose room it actually was. The answer came relatively quickly when they each discovered their luggage placed inside the door of the suite alongside a rolling cart filled with breakfast foods.

Oh and a pair of large metal briefcases holding a million dollars each. Each with one of their names engraved on it.

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After they showered and dressed they sat next to each other at the dining room table while staring at the two open briefcases of money on the other side of the table.

"Sheldon, is that really...?"

"Two million three hundred thousand dollars. Divided in half so that each briefcase holds one million one hundred and fifty thousand dollars. Oh and one set of car keys."

Penny stopped staring at the money and looked at Sheldon in confusion. "Car keys?"

"Yes it appears in addition to winning all of this money we also apparently acquired ownership of a car. And by we I mean you because I do not drive."

"Oh. I guess I could use a new car. What type is it?"

"How would I know that? I have not seen the car. As it is I placed the keys inside your briefcase."

"Do you me to give you some of my money to make it more even?"

"And spend hours trying to determine the value of a car I haven't even seen? Certainly not. What if I don't like the color? Does that make it less valuable? Logically the money is divided evenly because it is simple to do so. Also logically the car goes to you because I have no use for it."

"That sounds...fair. I guess." Penny wasn't exactly sure how giving her a car was logical, but if he was happy with it who was she to argue. "Did you figure out how we got into this room?"

"This room, or more accurately this suite, is ours. Upon contacting the lobby I discovered that after we won this money we each checked out of our individual rooms and checked into this one. The room is already paid for until noon on Sunday."

"Sunday? In here? That's amazing."

Sheldon smiled at her and Penny couldn't help smiling back. There was just something

about this man. In the limited amount of time she'd spent with him she'd seen that he had more than a few quirks that she just knew would drive her crazy, but she couldn't seem to bring herself to care. He was a genuinely nice guy and that already put him leagues above Kurt and any other guy she'd dated.

"So, Sheldon, I was wondering. Would you want to spend the rest of your vacation here with me? I mean, it'd be a real shame for one of us to get another room when we've already paid for this one."

"I think I would like that very much."

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Four Days Later

"Okay this time it was your fault."

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End "The Enticing Terrycloth Hemorrhage"

Chapter Notes: This chapter was really difficult to write. No clue why. I blame YOU. Yes YOU the guy in the third row! Don't think I didn't see those faces you were making at me while I was working my fingers to the bone writing this.

But the real reason it took so long to write this is because I decided to split the events of this chapter into two (the second half of which will actually be the 4th chapter and not the 3rd.) Hopefully the 3rd chapter will write faster but I'll tell you now that 4th will probably be somewhat slower. Annnnd I'll probably post the first chapter of a different story in a different fandom before chapter 3 comes out. SORRY!

Later All...

-K