II.

It was early morning. The only students present were those who rode the bus. Since majority of the students occupied the courtyard, Beth entered the campus and hurried over to her destination. She had about thirty minutes to spare before classes started.

Taking a deep breath, Beth knocked and slowly opened the door. She didn't expect to see Daryl right in front of her, placing a cleaning bottle on the shelf.

"Good Morning," she breathed out. She held up her textbook. "I forgot to do some homework. Can I do 'em in here?"

Daryl merely stared at her before nodding and gesturing to his makeshift desk.

She said a soft "thank you" before walking over to his desk. It had an obsolete-looking TV screen placed at the side and random magazines and paperwork strewn around. She grabbed them and began organizing them into two neat piles.

He appeared in front of her. "Sorry 'bout the mess," he muttered.

She sent him a smile. "It's fine," she assured him. Once she was done, she sat down on the chair and set her bag on the surface.

"How long you gonna take?"

Beth looked at him, noticing the uncomfortable expression in his eyes. "Not long, promise."

He nodded before pushing himself off the wall and began busying himself.

Last night, she finished all of her homework. Originally, the plan was to enter his office and make conversation or let whatever happen, happen. (She grew warm remembering the lollipop and how his lips looked around them and couldn't believe what she did in response.) But she didn't expect to see him up close and panicked.

Now she ended up making him uncomfortable with her presence. He was probably busy doing something or enjoying his moment of peace before dealing with teenagers.

Disappointment came, and she began inserting her textbook and other supplies in her bag.

Daryl came back, wiping his hands from the grease with a do rag.

"What's your homework on?" he asked.

The question surprised her. A guilty look appeared on her face.

"I lied," she confessed. "I finished my homework last night. I came in here to … talk."

He furrowed his eyebrows and pocketed the rag in his back pocket. "'Bout what?"

She shrugged. "Anythin' really. Get to know you."

He opened his mouth to say something, probably lecture her or snap at her to stay away from him and stop prying into his life.

"Like I said before," she interrupted, "I want to get to know you regardless of your occupation or your age, Daryl. I don't know, I guess when you talked to Carl and got him to open up … it just made me intrigued with you? Even more than the rumors that erupted when it was your first day at work." Her face flushed with embarrassment, and she covered her face with her hands. "Oh my God, I'm going to stop and just leave. This is ridiculous."

Her ears detected his footsteps approaching her closer and closer. She heard him take a seat on the table and clear his throat to get her to look up.

"I ain't all that intriguin'," Daryl spoke quietly.

His modesty caused another smile to appear on her face. "I beg to differ," she said.

His fingers tapped on the table, which led her eyes to look at the gauze wrapped around his hand.

She gasped, reflexively grabbing his wounded hand. "Daryl! Why didn't you change your wound dressings?"

"Oh. Forgot."

Aware of holding his hand, Beth let it go instantly, ignoring how rough it felt beneath her fingertips. "You should go to Ms. Carol's office and have her check it."

He was silent for a moment before mentioning, "She ain't in yet."

"Oh."

It grew even more silent. Beth wrung her hands around on her lap, fidgety.

He scratched the side of his head, refusing to look at her. He practically mumbled, "You can do it, if you want, y'know."

She nodded, smiling brightly. "Okay."

—0—

Every morning, Beth came to school and hung out with Daryl at his office. She made sure she was discreet about it especially since he was worried they'd get caught and he'd get fired while she'd get punished.

She didn't really see the problem since what they were doing was harmless. It wasn't like she was sneaking into his office to have sex with him.

(Though, every time she visited him during his smoke break, she found herself fascinated watching him smoke. It was all the more attractive than the lollipop, watching his cheeks sink inwards when he inhaled and the smoke traveling out of his mouth.)

No, this was honest. This was fine. This was good.

"Do you ever feel like nothin's ever enough?" Beth asked seriously while she doodled in her notebook.

Daryl opened his eyes. He was leaning against the wall, chair tipping precariously, with his legs crossed over the other on the table.

"The hell, girl?"

She shrugged, not looking at him. "Just wonderin'."

It was more than wondering. She found herself wanting to let out all the questions she asked herself over and over again ever since her weakest moment in life. It felt right with him. It felt safe with him.

He closed his eyes again. "Don't know what you want me to say to that."

She began creating swirls all around the edges. "I just feel like … like I don't know what I'm doin' here. I know high school's all about findin' your place and buildin' your future. I know I'm gonna go college and pursue somethin' with music and kids. But that's it." She swallowed, throat tightening. "That's all I know. And I don't want just that, y'know? I want more, but I don't know what."

Beth stopped speaking as well as doodling. She set her pen on the table and stared at the mess on her notebook.

"'S good," Daryl commented.

She looked up and saw that his eyes remained closed.

"'S good that you know what you want for your life. I dunno 'bout findin' your place or some shit like that, but 's not like it's gonna end at high school." He got quiet for a while and then — "You've got time, and … "

Beth waited for him to continue.

Softly and almost too quietly, he added, "I dunno, you're more already, so."

She continued watching him until he opened his eyes. He looked startled and averted his eyes. When his eyes returned to her, she smiled brightly at him.

"You're more too, Daryl," Beth said firmly. "More than just a Dixon. You're a lot more. And if ya say no, then that's bullshit."

"Dirty mouth ya got there."

"Who do ya think I got it from, Mr. Dixon?"

She expected him to shoot something else back or tell her to do her homework. Instead, his eyes turned intense, and she felt herself being pulled in.

She allowed it.

—0—

It wasn't like she planned for this to happen. Truly, all she wanted to do was get to know Daryl. The rumors merely sparked the curiosity and interest, but it didn't keep it burning.

She didn't expect herself to feel more than just curiosity and friendship.

As she watched him look over a couple of batteries T-Dog gave him, she couldn't stop looking at the focused look in his eyes. She knew how it felt to be the main focus with those eyes. It was like she actually existed instead of going through the motions. The world stopped, and all she could see was his eyes, honestly and truly looking at her and understanding her. It was so easy for him to understand her.

Even though she was better, even though she made peace with the tragedies of her past life, Beth felt alone. She had a family and friends, but nothing could take away the numb feeling spreading throughout her body. It would hit her without warning, and sometimes she didn't know how to deal with it.

Ever since he came into her life, it disappeared.

Daryl shook his head. "All a' these are pieces of shit," he grumbled.

When he looked up at her to say something, she saw he was taken aback. She should say something or, better yet, break the contact and resume back to whatever they had going on.

Wait. That was exactly what she was going to do.

So, she jumped down from the table, approached the confused man, placed her hands on his broad shoulders, leaned down, and kissed him.

Once her heart started beating from fear and rejection, once she started feeling regret, once she started feeling that she was being delusional —

Beth smiled against the lips that began reciprocating her feelings.

—0—

Maybe they were going too fast, but right now, all Beth cared was that they were going far too slow.

Beth opened her mouth, and so did Daryl. Their tongues met in the middle. Her hands fisted at the lapel of his jumper. Her dress hitched up mid-thigh, and Daryl's hands kneaded at the exposed flesh, long fingers close to the hem of her underwear.

She needed more of him, so she brought her pelvis closer to his, feeling hardness underneath her center. A moan escaped her lips, wanting to feel more. She grinded her hips against his, and his hands tightened on her thighs, now just underneath her ass.

Latching away from his mouth, Beth panted out, "You have?"

Daryl buried his face in side of her neck. "Shit," he cursed, just as out of breath. "Ran out."

Her thighs tightened around him, and she resisted the urge to whimper.

Reluctantly, Beth pulled back, holding his shoulders at arms-length.

"I don't wanna risk it," she said, attempting to catch her breath. Her eyes kept glancing from his dark, lust-filled ones and his bruised lips. His hair was mussed up, and it wasn't helping the situation.

"Yeah." His thumbs continued kneading her inner-thighs, peeking into her underwear.

She gave him a warning glance before making a motion to stand up. Her legs were slightly wobbly, but she was stable enough. She smoothed out her dress and attempted to fix her ponytail.

As she did so, Beth took a peek at Daryl. He stood up from the chair and bent over his desk, trying to calm himself down. His knuckles were white from gripping the edge of the table.

She should be helping him, but she couldn't resist. After fixing herself up, Beth hopped up on the table and swung her legs to and fro. Her dress pushed upwards again, stopping a few inches above her knee, and she leaned back, hands supporting her.

"I even wore this dress to make it easier," she complained, looking at him from underneath her lashes.

Daryl glanced at her thighs and the look she was sending him. He growled and quickly stood in front of her. He spread her legs apart and inserted himself between them. With one hand on her lower back, he pulled her upwards until her chest was flat against his, noses touching.

Beth wound her arms around his neck, eyes blinking innocently at him.

He shook his head, smirking. "You're gonna get it, girl," he murmured.

Leaning forward, she pecked his lips once and murmured back, "That's the idea."

—0—

"I love being with you, Daryl. You know that, right?"

He remained silent. Just like he always did when she expressed emotions he was uncomfortable with.

"I ain't … good at this. You know that, so … don't expect much."

She nuzzled her face into his neck, listening but not really hearing. She was enjoying his presence far too much and getting caught up in the present feelings.

"We're fine."

"Beth … "

"Daryl, we're fine."

He told her not to expect, but she did.

Just not what was to come.

—0—

At the night of her school's fundraiser, Beth felt excited but not as much as before. She really wanted to arrive at the event with Daryl. Maybe him agreeing to that would somehow be him agreeing to have their relationship go public.

Beth would never do anything that would make Daryl uncomfortable. She was a private girl herself, so she understood his reservations. The main reason was that he was old and she was young, which would cause yet another stir in the community. Another was that he didn't deserve her, something she had told him repeatedly was pure and utter bullshit.

However, she didn't want to worry about going to the park or grocery store with him. She just wanted him to be there, and that would be it. There would be nothing else to think of it. She wanted their relationship private but not … hidden.

She knew his reasons and understood them. But there was something that lurked in the darkest corners of her mind — that he was ashamed of them, of her.

Which she did not believe but couldn't help but consider.

Smoothing out her blouse, Beth gathered up some courage for whatever was to come her way.

She met up with some friends and tried out some games from the booths with them. The entire time, however, she kept glancing around looking for Daryl, as discreetly as possible.

Finally, Beth spotted him talking with Carl and holding Judith with one arm. She smiled and went over to them.

The sight of Daryl holding a baby warmed her heart and conjured up fantasies of another baby with brown hair.

Carl waved at her. "Hey Beth!" he greeted, munching on a churro.

"Hi Carl," she greeted back. She turned toward Judith and planted a kiss on the baby's cheek. Her proximity was so close that her chest brushed against Daryl's bare arm.

When she looked upwards, Daryl was looking at her intensely and she couldn't help but smirk at him before saying, "Hi Daryl."

Judith was holding out her arms for Beth to carry her, which she automatically did. She bounced the baby a few times and laughed when Judith began babbling to her.

"Oh really?" Beth asked her. "Big Brother Carl isn't sharing his churros with you?"

Carl tore a tiny part and inserted it in his little sister's mouth. He and Beth let out a laugh when her face twisted at the foreign taste.

Daryl smiled.

Beth realized this was the first time she was with Daryl other than at school, in his office. The thought had her ecstatic. Even though they weren't public, she was glad to be with him just for this night at least.

Carl begged Beth to watch Judith so he could hang out with his friends. She gladly said yes and told him to be careful and have fun.

"What?" she asked when Daryl was staring at her amusedly.

"You like his ma or somethin'."

She shrugged and kissed Judith's cheek again. "I prefer cool older sister."

"Nah, more like a naggin' older sister."

Beth rolled her eyes and bumped her shoulder with his, smiling. He reciprocated by squeezing the side of her waist.

—0—

Beth sometimes didn't have a filter. She said what was on her mind, mainly with Daryl. It wasn't ever anything harmless, though one time she had mentioned something about prison and that hit home with Daryl. He snapped at her to leave, and the next day, she apologized with a batch of cupcakes.

He ate all of them and accepted her apology. He had apologized in return saying that his brother was a sensitive subject.

(She knew his entire family was a sensitive subject.)

Daryl didn't have a filter, either. He said things he might or might not mean when he was uncomfortable or felt trapped.

She should have paid more attention. She should have found the time to talk about whatever worries she was aware of but wanted him to express. Something he never fully did.

—0—

The night remained joyous and active. More and more citizens came, as well as local radio celebrities and other renowned people of the town.

When Senator Monroe stepped up to greet her, Rick, and Daryl, an ominous feeling came over her. The woman wasn't intimidating or threatening, but Beth felt something that she chose to ignore.

She saw Daryl take a step back and knew why.

While Rick and Senator Monroe exchanged pleasantries, Daryl looked more uncomfortable by the minute. She knew he tried to calm himself by playing with Judith, but his posture still didn't relax.

Daryl was safe around Rick, but if there was another person, especially someone with her status, he felt like he could snap at any moment.

Beth noticed that every time the principal was nearby or any other school administration in charge of his paycheck and reputation occupational-wise.

"You are the new janitor of the high school around these parts, aren't you, Mr. Dixon?" she asked.

Daryl eyed her. "How'd you know?" he asked.

"I like to keep myself updated regarding the town I'm in charge of." She smiled at Judith's babbling. Beth took a step back as to not interfere with the "adults'" conversation. "You're pretty well-known, y'know."

"Tch, 'cause I'm a Dixon, right?"

Rick placed a hand on Daryl's shoulder. "Daryl."

Daryl brushed him off, and Beth felt herself wanting to step between the woman and him, wanting to protect him.

"To be perfectly honest, yes, but also because you are a highly skilled man. Every single job, you have had for the past three years, no matter how small or the duration you worked there, there have been no complaints." The senator gave him a nod of appreciation. "You must have a strong woman keepin' you together."

Daryl snorted, looking away from the small woman. "Ain't no woman. Ain't nobody," he snapped, tone harsh.

Beth immediately stopped bouncing Judith. She turned to the side a bit to hide her face from everyone so they don't see the hurt written clearly on expression.

The rest of the conversation between the adults was drowned out. Her throat felt constricted, and her eyes couldn't stop glancing around the park. Vaguely she felt the tugging on her hair by Judith.

What she was most aware of were Daryl's subtle looks her way.

When the fireworks started, Beth used that as an excuse to get away. She tried not to walk too fast to make it obvious, but he knew. She made sure to pick a spot away from everybody else, those that wanted a closer view.

As soon as she sat down on the grass, Beth set Judith on her lap. The baby clapped her hands after each firework popped up. It had Beth smiling just a bit, but her mind couldn't stop thinking about what Daryl said.

He could've said he had someone, but they might've pried especially Rick. She understood that, but it didn't change the fact that it hurt. For him to say that when she was right there next to him … He was so ashamed of their relationship.

Since the beginning of it all, Beth knew he returned the same feelings. He wanted this with her. However, above his wants and needs, fear came out on top. No matter what, it seemed he was always going to be afraid that everyone would condemn them for their relationship, especially him.

God, she understood that. She knew. But she was prepared because she wasn't going to be alone. They had each other's backs and honestly, screw them. This small town was always going to find something to talk about for weeks, months, and years. It lacked entertainment, so it sucked up all the problems and spat them out for everyone to shame and mock. That was how the world worked sometimes, too.

She could see the good in the world but wasn't naïve enough to not acknowledge the bad. She experienced enough of the bad already anyway.

Her good was Daryl. And she hoped to be his in return.

Guess she wasn't enough.

Her body stiffened when a familiar figure plopped down onto the grass next to her. He rested his arms on top of his knees, his forearm slightly pressing against hers. His hand reached, and for a second, she thought he was going to touch her. Instead, he held out his finger for Judith to play with.

She remained quiet and tried to focus on the fireworks. The fireworks exploded up into the air, all specks, colors, and light. Without blinking, she watched them fall and slowly disappear into the night.

Her eyes were burning.

He was looking at her.

Judith held out her arms for Daryl, who went to grab her. Beth tried her best not to make any contact and failed. Once Judith was safely in his arms, she stood up abruptly and began walking back to her car.

Immediately, Daryl stood up and called out, "Beth! Hey!" He caught up with her, inches behind her. "Beth, wait, c'mon."

"Daddy told me to come home before 10," Beth spoke hastily even though she shouldn't even be explaining anything to him.

His tone was desperate. "I'll give Judith to Rick and walk ya to your car." When she began walking faster, he matched his speed with hers. "Beth, please."

Her eyes closed shut, and she mentally cursed at herself for doing so because tears slid down her cheeks. Thankfully everyone was focused on the fireworks.

She continued ignoring him. With her peripheral vision, she spotted Daryl walk to the right, ready to hand Judith to Rick. Taking advantage of that, Beth practically ran to her car. She managed to maneuver around people and squeeze herself through other vehicles.

Reaching her car, Beth placed her hands on the hood of it and took deep breaths. The tears wouldn't stop, and she didn't want to cry while driving. But she also wanted to leave because Daryl could be here any —

"Beth … "

"Go away, Daryl," she snapped, wiping her face with the sleeve of her shirt roughly.

He stepped forward. "I'm sorry — "

She shook her head and went to walk over to the car door when he intercepted her, hands on her shoulders. Furious, she ripped his hands off her shoulders and marched up to him until her head craned upwards to give him so many pieces of her mind.

"We are in this together," Beth began, tired and angry at the same time. "People would talk and say hurtful things, but guess what, Daryl? We'd still be together even if they talk because we — " love each other " — want this!"

This time, Daryl shook his head. "It ain't that simple, Beth — ," he began arguing.

"So what?!" She threw her hands to her sides, hands into fists. "You went through a horrible life before, Daryl. I went through somethin' horrible too. You and I both know nothin' is ever gonna be simple. But we're still here, alive and breathin', gettin' through life. We both made it! And now we can make it through this together!"

Suddenly his face was close to hers, eyes glinting with frustration. "From the beginning, I told ya this ain't gonna work. That we can't do this 'cause I'm no good at this and that I can't do this."

"Then what have we been doin' all this time, Daryl? All those times in your office? The time we spent together?"

He distanced himself from her and looked away. "We both know it was to let off some steam."

Her cheeks flushed with anger. She never thought she would ever be this angry in her life.

"Don't you dare say that what we have is nothin' more than just fucking."

He glared at her, shaking his head. "Damn it, Beth, that's not what I meant!"

"What then?! Tell me how you feel about this relationship!"

It got quiet after that. Her fists remained by her sides. He remained a few feet away from her, looking like he wanted to bolt.

Bitterly, she wanted him to.

Then, so soft and tired, he said, "I keep tellin' you what I've been feelin', girl."

No, you haven't. You haven't, Daryl.

She shook her head for a while, tears falling and falling. She took in a deep breath.

"Well, why don't you open your damn mouth next time," she said in turn. "Because what you're doin' right now? What you've been doin'? It's not enough."

Beth opened her car door and was about to enter before she realized she wanted to say more. She deserved to say more. He didn't say more much less say anything, so she was going to do it for him.

"You know," she began to whisper, eyes hot and bloodshot, "we know each other to the point where you wouldn't say anythin', and I wouldn't say anythin', but we'd understand each other. I know how you feel; I understand you, Daryl."

Her face crumpled up, and her voice turned shaky. "But you can't depend on that. You have to give too and stop hidin'."

Before she entered her car, the last thing she saw was the despair and anguish in his eyes. It didn't make her feel any better because she didn't want that. She didn't want to see him hurting, but there was no choice. These words had to come out, and now it was his turn.

She ended up crying on her way home anyway.

—0—

Burning holes at the door wasn't productive, and her break was almost over. Taking in a deep breath, taking in all the courage she could gather, Beth twisted the doorknob open and stepped inside.

The corner of Daryl's desk was in view, the rest of it blocked by the shelf containing ammonia and other cleaning bottles. She clutched her bag straps tight and went around the shelf, ready to demand the man what was his problem.

Her hands then gripped the straps even tighter, knuckles turning white and fists shaking slightly.

Daryl was leaning against the desk, one ankle crossed over the other. Ms. Carol stood next to him. Their forearms pressed against the other quite comfortably. His head was dipped low, and he seemed to be listening intently to whatever Carol was telling him. All Beth heard were whispers coming out of the woman.

Both heads snapped toward her direction, and she felt herself jumping a bit from the suddenness. She couldn't bring herself to loosen her grip on her bag straps.

"Beth," Carol greeted, smiling. "What brings you here, honey?"

The younger woman tried her best not to glance at the man standing quietly beside her. Beth managed a small smile.

"I was getting a headache, Ms. Carol," she lied effortlessly. "Needed a place to … calm everythin' goin' on in here." Forcing her left hand to rip away from the strap, she pointed at her temple.

Carol's eyes furrowed in concern. She stepped away from the desk, her forearm leaving Daryl's, and approached her.

"If you wanna talk to me about anything, Beth, I'm here, okay?"

Beth expected to feel a pair of eyes burning holes on her, just like she did with the door. However, based on her peripheral, his head remained down, eyes probably burning holes on the ground instead. He couldn't even bring himself to look at her probably.

Softly, she assured Carol, "I'm fine. I've been fine."

While Carol led her out with an arm around her shoulders, Beth took the risk and looked back at Daryl as discreetly as she could. His head was dipped, but it went upwards. Eyes connected, and Beth saw regret and frustration in his eyes. She took advantage of the opportunity and sent him a firm stare, indicating that they needed to talk, indicating that she was not going to let this slide, and indicating that she wasn't going to allow any more bullshit.

He held her gaze, receiving all the messages loud and clear, and nodded once.

She looked away.

—0—

They never talked.

She didn't even try, either, feeling defeated.

—0—

Months passed. Exams came at her all of a sudden.

She studied her brain out hoping that it would take away the thoughts, the worries, the hurt, the what ifs, the regret, and the love she had of the janitor that refused to speak to her.

Maybe he loved her. Maybe he didn't. Maybe she loved him more.

She heard him, but maybe she didn't hear right. Maybe they weren't that connected after all. Maybe she used him. Maybe he used her.

Maybe it wasn't worth it. Maybe none of it was.

She wanted to give him one more chance, though. Despite it all, she held onto that hope.

The principal asked her to lead the graduation song her class decided on. Since she had agreed, she was given the privilege of having four reserved seats with the top ten's and student body officers' parents, guardians, and friends.

She thought of the fourth person immediately.

This was her chance to make more out of her life instead of wondering why it wasn't anything more than she wanted it to be, needed it to be. She asked Maggie to help her find something to wear underneath her cap and gown that was suitable. Glenn gave her support and cheesy compliments while she practiced. Every time she felt like breaking down, she'd see her daddy and ask him to preach to her the word of God.

Daryl wasn't the only person in her life. She loved him to death, but their separation had her realizing that she had other people who loved and cared for her as much as he did.

He was her more. They were her more.

She didn't want to depend on him anymore. She didn't want to hide from anything.

However, if Daryl wasn't ready for that type of commitment, she would understand. It wasn't fair of her to force him into anything he wasn't comfortable with. They would have to take this step-by-step, as slowly and sincerely as they can.

He just needed to do this one act of bravery for her. It would be his answer. It would be the biggest step any of them would have ever taken.

The ambience was high with joy, sadness, and preparedness for what was to come for the graduating class. After all the speeches and receiving of diplomas, the principal gave her the signal to approach the front of the stage.

Surprisingly, she wasn't all that nervous. She should be shaking and sweating in awkward places, but this was her taking chances and grabbing more.

While she situated herself, her eyes scanned for her family whose smiles and the pride in their eyes have never once wavered.

Her hand stopped adjusting the microphone.

Glenn was giving him an awkward look but didn't say anything to most likely not draw any attention and ruin the event.

He wore a leather jacket, and his posture was slumped forward — not because he was hiding but because he was uncomfortable to be around so many people and especially next to her family, who, other than Glenn, have not noticed him yet.

Her eyes begged to see his connect with hers. And then, after all these months, he heard her cries for him and locked his with hers.

He gave her a small smile that she couldn't help but return.

Beth strummed, opened her mouth, and spread beauty through everyone's ears.

— I tried to just let this be mainly about Beth and her thoughts. I had sort of a different way of going about the second part of the story, but the season 5 midseason finale really messed up how I felt about this story. I tried my best to complete it and give it the time it needed, but honestly, I just felt like it wasn't going where I originally planned.

Thank you for reading. Feedback is appreciated.