Chapter 11

Dave walked into the pool area of the hotel as Aaron and Matt reached the end and put their arms up on the apron to take a breather from their lap workout around three that afternoon. The three had a healthy start on a beard contest. He looked at Aaron. "How's your ribs?"

"I question if I'll even get a bruise," Hotch said, pushing back a bit to show Dave his chest.

Satisfied, Rossi looked at Matt. "I specifically heard an EMT tell you to keep that wound covered," he pointed.

Matt smiled. "It's covered in Vaseline." Dave looked at him with a question. "Old swimmers trick I learned at the Naval Academy."

"Ahhh the glory days on the diving team," Dave said. "How does it feel?"

Matt shook his head. "I've had worse." Dave pulled off his t-shirt. Hotch pointed to where he and Matt had their clothes. Dave returned and dived in to join them for some lazy laps.

-00CM00-

The five male agents of the BAU stood outside Dick's Last Resort waiting for the power shoppers. Reid's head popped up. "Guys, listen," he said. Per usual, Hotch, Rossi and Matt were cleaned shaved, albeit with two goatees in the bunch.

"That's gotta be them," Morgan said.

Rossi looked and spotted them. "Murderer's Row approaches," he smiled, nodding in their direction.

"No shopping bags," Matt noted.

"They buried the evidence," Hotch said. Dave pointed at him. Morgan eyed Matt.

"You're rubbing off on him man," he smiled.

Matt shook his head. "Let's not go that far." Hotch glared at the two of them; Matt and Morgan laughed together with a point. Aaron smiled at Dave with a wink.

The ladies noticed the guys waiting. Kate looked at Hotch, dressed in jeans. "He knows how to dress down," she asked with a whisper.

"Why he hangs out with Dave and Matt," Emily said. The ladies laughed more.

The group gathered and Matt walked in first, with Reid following him. The hostess looked up. "What do you want?" Reid's eyebrows rose.

"My damn table," Matt said. "I've got a five o'clock reservation for nine; Taylor is the name." Reid fidgeted more.

"Then why the hell didn't you tell me that if the first place," she retorted. "Think all of you can follow me?" Matt waved the rest to go in.

"We're eating here," Reid asked. "She's so rude."

Matt laughed. "Doc, welcome to Dick's. Their motto is no cover charge, no dress code and certainly no class. They train their staff to be like that. It's a great place to unwind and have some laughs. Relax and enjoy it," he said putting his arm around Reid's shoulder. He stopped him. "And if you get fired at Doc, return fire," Matt winked.

"Go it," he smiled.

Their table was at the end of the restaurant next to the window that looked out into the Mall. Callahan, Morgan, Garcia, Hotch and Rossi sat with their backs to the window. JJ, Reid, Prentiss and Matt were on the other side of the table. They settled in, making small talk.

A server approached the table next to Matt and Dave. She looked around, shaking her head. "You all look like a bunch of corporate hotshots trying to mix with the regular people." That got some smiles. She eyed Garcia. "Except for you, of course. You've got to be the token secretary." That drew snickers. She looked at Garcia more. "Goodwill thanks you for shopping with them." That got laughter from the group as the server tossed menus onto the middle of the table.

"OK, here's the drill," she said, reaching into her apron pocket. She pointed to her nametag. "That's my name; if you can't pronouncement, get the hell out." She started nonchalantly flinging cardboard coasters around the table like she was dealing cards. But each stopped precisely in front of each person. "The specials are on the top tabs of the menus; if you can't read, I'm not a teacher. So you all pansies or are you drinking?"

"Miller Lite in a bottle," Matt said.

"Make that two," Dave added.

Rachel looked at him. "Think you can handle that grandpa?" The rest laughed.

"Go easy on him," Matt said. "He's paying the drink tab."

"Well la-de-da," Rachel shot back, looking at Hotch. "You going to let your hair down tonight Mr. CEO?"

"I'll have a Miller Lite in a bottle as well," Hotch answered in his best office voice.

"I bet the little blonde at the end of the table thought that response up for you and sent it to you in an email," Rachel said. "And it only took her four hours to do it." There were more laughs around the table. She looked at Emily. "What do you want Princess," the server asked, emphasizing the last word in a rude manner.

"I'll have a Mich Gold Draft Light," Emily said.

"You a bottle baby like the weenies here, or do you want that in 20 ounce frosty mug?"

"Just as long as the mug comes still frosty," Prentiss played along.

"I'll have a Bud Light the same way," Morgan said.

"The token black adds," Rachel said, writing down his order. She looked at Garcia. "I don't have all night. Make it quick."

"I'll have what the Princess is having; that's means two of them," Garcia clipped off.

Rachel looked at her. "Ohhh, you got me. I'm so impressed," she said rolling her eyes. "Bean pole," Rachel said, looking at Reid.

"I'll have a vodka tonic, two limes please."

"Please doesn't get you jack shit around here. You'll get what the bartenders feel like." She eyed Callahan.

"I'll have a NA strawberry daiquiri," Kate ordered.

"That's sounds good," JJ said smiling, pointing at her. "Make that two; that is if the bartenders can figure out how to double an order in a blender."

"Don't want to make asses of yourselves in front of the boss you two?"

"Nope," Matt said. "They're both pregnant." The rest of the team looked around, a bit shocked.

Rachel put her fingers to her lips and let out a whistle that almost matched one of Matt's. It could stop traffic. "Hey everyone," she shouted. "We've got two pregnant ladies at this table." There was a smattering of applause and a few kind words of "congratulations". Rachel looked around the dining room. "What the hell people! That means they both got laid," she shouted louder. The entire table roared with laughter.

The whole restaurant broke into raucous laughter, with cat call whistles and applause. One of the bartenders rang the bell behind the bar that normally signaled a tip. Rachel started to turn away. "Hang on Rachel," Rossi said, "with that news, the three of us need a shot of the Three Wise Men," he said, waving his finger at Hotch and Matt. "We'll fight over who gets what when you bring it."

"There's hope for you yet grandpa," she smiled, moving off.

The team all shared good wishes and congratulations to the two. Kate and JJ told them their due dates. "Thanks for ordering the shot Dave," Hotch said. "If I'm going to have a six month headache times two, might as well start it out right." Kate and JJ looked at him. Hotch smiled at them. "Don't worry you two; we'll work it out."

"Cob," Morgan said, "how did you know?"

"Hello; my wife has been pregnant twice," he smiled. "I figured out Cannonball Callahan four weeks ago."

"Why I got assigned the farm house," Kate said.

"Boom," Matt said with his point. "Pennsylvania Petite confirmed my suspicions on Monday when Doc walked past her desk with a cup of coffee and she went diving out the glass doors," he smiled. JJ shook her head at the memory.

"What a sec," Emily said. "What the hell is a Three Wise Men shot," she asked Rossi.

"I thought you were the wild child in college Emily," he smiled.

"I was; but my shots came out of a tequila bottle."

"Jack, Jim and Johnnie," Dave explained.

"In English Rossi."

"Jack Daniels, Jim Beam and Johnnie Walker Em," Matt smiled. He looked at Hotch. "We know who's doing the Johnnie; which is yours."

"I'll do the Jack if you don't mind," Hotch smiled.

"No problem partner," Matt smiled. "I like good bourbon." Rachel showed up with the tray of drinks and started with the two mothers' to be. When she got to the other end, she put down the three bottles of beer and the three shots. "Jack, Jim and Johnnie," she pointed. She stood there. "I wanna see if you three can really pull it off." They each grabbed their shots.

"To the new mothers," Matt said, raising his shot glass.

"To all mothers," Hotch added, raising his.

"Salut," Rossi said. They threw down the shots. The three looked at each other, smiled, and slammed the shot glasses down on the table.

Rachel waited for the normal reaction to quickly dive for a beer wash to cool their throats. The three looked at her. "Well color me freakin' pink," she said. "You three do have game." The Three Musketeers laughed.

"Hey Rachel," Morgan said, "Speaking of shots and tequila, I think the four of us need that."

"Especially since grandpa is buying," she asked.

"Exactly why," Morgan smiled. She moved off.

"Morgan, you do realize I never drank a shot before."

"All the more reason Pretty Boy," Morgan smiled.

Five minutes later, Reid looked around the table, petrified. Matt winked at Hotch, taking a drink of his beer. Hotch smiled.

"You can do it Spence," JJ said rubbing his shoulder.

"Reid, it's easy," Kate said. "Lick, drink and suck." Emily had him all set with some salt on the back of his left hand, the wedge of lime in his fingers.

"On the count of three," Garcia said, raising her shot glass.

"One," Kate said. Morgan raised his.

"Two," JJ quickly added. Emily grabbed hers.

"Three; drink," Hotch commanded. Reid followed his boss' order.

Reid joined Emily, Morgan and Garcia, getting the shot down. He looked around. "That wasn't as bad as I thought," he smiled. Prentiss and JJ both rubbed his back.

"Pret-ty boy," Morgan proudly said.

Rachel walked up and looked at Reid. "You're still sitting on the chair bean pole?"

"Tequila, while know for it intoxicating value, is actually comprised of….." Rachel shook her head and moved away to skip the rest of Reid's dissertation.

Matt smiled at Reid as he stopped his lecture when she moved off. "Nice shot Doc."

"Thanks for the advice Cob," Reid smiled back. Matt pointed at him, smiling more.

"But grandpa is done buying shots," Hotch said. "Pass those menus around."

"About time," Matt said. "I'm starving."

"Well there's a headline," Dave said, rolling his eyes.

-00CM00-

After powering through two large buckets of chicken wings along with a bucket of Dick's famous Redneck Fondue, served with its sides and enjoying their dinners, Rachel walked up to the table with two black restaurant folders holding their tabs with the two credit cards already ran. She handed the first one to Dave. "Here's yours," she smiled at Matt. "The top copy is mine; the bottom one is yours."

"Thank you," he smiled.

Rachel looked around the table. "You folks have been great; I hope you had half the fun I did waiting on you. You guys were fantastic," she smiled.

"You're not a bad profiler," Hotch smiled.

"Whoa," Rachel said. "I had classes this morning; but I saw the news conference at noon today on the TV in the Student Union. You folks aren't the FBI that helped…." They all smiled. She shook her head, pointing to her hair. "I'm a brunette that has a dad that is retired law enforcement. You saved me a phone call tonight, checking in with him that I'm safely in my apartment."

"Tell your dad thank you for his service from us," Hotch smiled.

"That will blow him out of the water," she beamed. "Thank you all; for the chance to have a blast and for what you do. You helped deliver a huge sigh of relief around this Mall. There were a lot of us that were worried and on guard," she smiled. "I run into a lot of other store employees having a cigarette break," she confessed.

"Thanks for the great service," Dave smiled at her. "We all had a great time as well; a much needed time to relax and laugh. You gave us my friend some deliverance from dealing with the dark side."

Rachel beamed. "May the force be with you; thanks again everyone."

Ten minutes later, the table empty, Rachel walked up to it and grabbed the two black folders. Walking away, she opened the first. Matt had left the usual FBI approved 18% tip for the dinner tab. She smiled, and opened the second one with the drink tab. Along with Rossi's usual twenty percent tip there was eighty dollars in cash. Rachel shook her head. The rest each kicked in ten bucks she thought with a smile.

-00CM00-

They all stopped in the Mall Security Office to say good-bye to Maggie Porter, with Rossi receiving a text that she was still around. Smiling, she looked around. "One of my staff spotted you all walking into Dick's. I hung around to make sure you didn't need a sober driver."

"Not needed Bags," Dave smiled. "We had a good time and some drinks, but ate well."

"Besides," Matt said. "The two moms' to be are our sober drivers," he smiled. "We play by the rules off the clock."

They all said their good-byes and good wishes. "Dave," Maggie said, grabbing his arm as he was about to walk out. "Is that invitation to visit you all at BAU still on the table?"

"Any time Bags," he smiled. They shared a hug.

Chuck and Angie had the Gulf Stream winging towards home at 10:15 the next morning.

-00CM00-

The morning after, the entire BAU staff walked off the elevators, greeted by red sheets of 8x10 papers taped everywhere. They were all over the lobby off the elevator bank; the glass doors to the BAU were literally covered with them. So were the restroom doors. The breakroom was littered with them. They all said the same message.

The top two lines, in 36 point font, read: First Anderson; then Callahan; now Jareau. The next lines in 72 headline font posted the warning. Do Not Drink the Water. At the bottom was a skull and crossbones. Dave walked into the BAU at his usual time, shaking his head with a smile. He quickly ascended the steps and knocked on Hotch's door. Hotch looked up from his files. "Before you ask Aaron, this was not me," Dave smiled.

Aaron shook his head. "You were my second suspect," he softly smiled.

"Who was your first?"

"Morgan has already pled innocence as well and I believe him," Hotch said.

Dave shook his head. "I think I need to re-train you as a profiler Aaron."

"Dave?"

"Aaron, who around here knows how to do clandestine night ops?"

Matt walked up behind Reid with his refilled coffee cup. Reid was buried in reading a file. Taylor looked at Prentiss. "You know who they're blaming for the decorating," he asked pointing at the two in Hotch's office. Prentiss smiled. "Dr. Ding-dong; next time you and Garcia do night ops, wear gloves so you don't leave fingerprints." Matt moved up the steps to his office.

Reid looked at Prentiss. "Scotch tape and latex gloves do not work well together."

"You're so busted," Emily said, shaking her head.

###

A/N: Dick's Redneck fondue is deep fried tator tots (tiny barrel shaped potato wedges) that are served with nacho sauce, bacon chips and sour cream.

*face palm* I almost forget. Jack Daniels is Kentucky sour mash bourbon. Jim Beam is straight distilled bourbon. Johnnie Walker is a brand of scotch. Please don't ask this bartender to explain about the difference in distilling processes that makes each taste different. I don't have the answer. I just know each does.

Thank you everyone for the reviews and alerts. I'll show up around here sometime soon again. ;)

*Knightly bow*