Title: OK

Author: Moonsetta

Date: Friday, March 06, 2015

Summary: The necessary post wedding gifts pour in. Includes cursed gold, doujinshi, a particle accelerator, a time paradox and American Apple Pie!

A/N: A little fic inspired by my beta-reader insisting that the wedding gifts sent to our Beloved BatWing couple would include a lot of chaos so I was like…OK! And the title came to me!

The weeks following their forced wedding-they got gifts. A lot of gifts.

Damian was sitting on the back of the couch, his legs crossed and hands taken up by a notebook and a pen.

"What's in the next gift Dad?"

Below on the couch, Dick Grayson was tearing away paper from a long carved wooden box while beside him, Bruce Wayne was scanning said box with a handheld device. It beeped once and quit.

"No explosives or bugs detected."

"Bruce, just because Deathstroke sent us a fruit basket-"

"I'm not taking any chances!"

Dick rolled his eyes, tossed away the paper and opened the box.

"Hm, Azrael sent us a sword."

"Ca-"

"No Damian, you can't use it!"

"But Father!"

Dick sighed, "I'll just put it next to quilt the Ma Kent sent us."

Bruce frowned and turned to the next gift, a large covered, plastic-ware from Clark Kent. This time though, he didn't bother with the scanner. He had a feeling that-

He unsnapped the top and the room's three inhabitants all inhaled because-

"Really Clark-apple pie?"

Dick reached around his partner and snatched it up.

"I'll take it!"

This time Bruce rolled his eyes, "Of course you will."

Across the room there was a shuffling and Bruce glanced over to see Tim poking his head into the den, pulling something along with him. The teen glanced around at the floor where there was literally no space left for anything.

"Uh…"

"What is it Tim?"

Tim bit his lip and side stepped in the hallway, revealing a large shipping crate that he was pulling via a rope.

"Lex Luthor sent you a battle-ready exoskeleton," he said.

Bruce threw his hands up in irritation, "Again!?"

"Just put it in the barn out back Timmy," Dick said around a piece of apple pie.

"Hey! Aren't you going to share that pie?"

"Mm, nope!"

Tim huffed and walked off, wheeling the giant crate away.

"Package for you Master Bruce."

Turning back to the door, they found themselves staring at the Amazing Alfred Pennyworth. He was the ONLY resident of Wayne Manor that could maneuver through the gifts covering the floor without damaging anything.

Bruce reached out and took the brown paper package with a sigh.

"Alright it can't be any-oh no."

Dick perked up, "What is it?"

Bruce looked at his partner pointedly.

"Do you remember El Dorado?"

"Who's that?" Tim called where he was standing in the doorway again.

Dick waved off the intrigue simply saying, "Old friend. What did he send?"

Bruce's face fell into a bunch of straight lines, "Cursed Aztec Gold."

Damian hummed and wrote it down in his notebook. He reviewed the list again and bit his lip in thought. So far so good-

"AAAHHH!"

The boy's head snapped up and gaped as a flying mace sparking with electricity flew at his father's head. His Dad was quick to get in front of him though.

"Easy eltro-shock-heat-sensing-flying-mace-thing!"

Angry, Damian jumped and grabbed the mace, "Got it!"

Before it rocketed up to the ceiling, "Ah!"

"Damian!" Dick yelled.

Bruce on the other hand was muttering behind his partner, "I knew Hawkman always had it out for me! He was just waiting for me to lower my guard!"

It took an hour to fry the enchanted-mace and get Damian off the ceiling (Tim had surprisingly found something else to do) and now Bruce was insisting they keep an EMP in reach at all times in case technology or weapons attacked again! Of course before they could get back to the gifts though one of the windows flew open and Jason Todd, made up in his Red Hood outfit, was hanging onto the windowsill.

"I don't know what this is but here ya go!"

He threw a mass of metal and plastic at Bruce, who caught it in midair before examining it and scowling.

"Jason, why do you have a handheld electron particle accelerator?"

The Red Hood shrugged and said, "It's from the Atom now will you please comm him to keep out of my cereal boxes! I haven't had breakfast in three days!"

And with that he fell backwards out of the window, departing the scene.

"This is getting too weird," Dick said as he pulled a fertility sculpture out of the next box.

He glanced at the tag on the box and frowned before sitting the statue aside.

Bruce and Damian both grunted in response but said nothing. Scowling, Dick tried again, aiming his question directly at his husband.

"You know, for the man who supposedly has everything, these people are certainly creative with their gifts."

Bruce raised an annoyed eyebrow. Ha! Success!

"When did you realize that? When the Super Young team-whatever sent us this 'Batman/Nightwing doujinshi' or however you pronounce it or when Starfire gave us that alien rose that apparently eats small mammals?"

Dick crossed his arms over his chest, "I am not killing the plant with the quantum arrow Roy gave us."

"Ollie gave us the same thing."

The younger man reached for next box which was heavy and…wet? He tore away the soggy paper and blinked a few times. It was a small sea chest! Unsnapping the locks he lifted it and-

"Tempest sent me a chest of pearls!"

Beside him his partner grumbled, "I got a piece of dead coral."

"Calm yourself Father-just use it as a paperweight," Damian said, taking up one of the pearls and examining it to determine its value.

Ignoring his son, Bruce took up another package and unwrapped it. And then unwrapped the soft cloth around it beneath the paper.

"Hm, Superboy sent us Batman and Robin salt and pepper shakers."

Dick glanced over and his mouth fell in terror, "Dear lord they're collectables from my Robin days!"

Just then Tim conveniently reappeared in the far doorway-sensing a disturbance in the force, "I need them!"

Later Batman tried to get some work done in the cave. Emphasis on tried.

"Whatever Selina sent us is either a big cat or a small bear."

Batman glanced up from his schematics and over to where Nightwing had a leash in his hands attached to the bear-cat thing he had mentioned.

"Give it to Damian."

"You know he already took Lobo's space dolphins, right?" the younger man asked.

"I'm aware."

"Batman?"

Both men turned to find Tim dressed up as Robin, sans his mask, glancing over at the stairs that lead up to the Manor nervously.

"What should I do with the Giraffe from Animal Man?"

Batman sighed, "Put it outside in the backyard next to Diana's statue of Hades."

"Miss Donna sent a statue of Persephone as well, Master Bruce," Alfred said, walking out from behind the parked Batmobile.

"Oh! Supergirl wanted me to give you guys these," Tim said, tossing two wrapped presents at his mentors.

Batman sneered and just hurriedly ripped away the paper. Then he froze.

"What did she send you?" Tim asked, half turned towards the stairs.

"A piece of coal."

"You know, mine must be the same-holy she made me a diamond!" Nightwing exclaimed, holding it up to the light.

Batman groaned and buried his face in his gloved hands.

"I want divorce papers!"

Tim shrugged and left the cave.

Nightwing scoffed at his partner, "Oh cheer up Bruce, like I know what to do with this diamond anyways. Did you read the card Roy sent you? I think it means he's finally getting over his anger and coming around to the-"

The Dark Knight scooped it up from the table and held it out to read it aloud mockingly.

"Hope You DIE! Please kindly suffer the flames of eternal Hell for your existence."

Dick's face fell, " ...? I'll call him."

"What's left?" Batman growled.

Nightwing walked over to tie the cat-bear's leash to the Batmobile and picked up a last colorfully wrapped box. He made his way back over to his husband as he spoke.

"Well, Booster Gold kind of appeared out of nowhere and gave this to me. I think it's some kind of book?"

He stopped by his partner's side and held it out to him.

"You want to open it?"

"No!" Bruce growled and reached for his miniature EMP device.

Nightwing rolled his eyes beneath his mask, "Oh come on just because Hawkman sent a homing mace to take you out-"

"And Powergirl sent a five ton boulder to crush me, Knight sent an enchanted spear to shish kabob me, Katana sent a kappa to devour me, Beast Boy sent a coral snake to poison me, Raven sent a curse, Cyborg sent an line of DNA-locked explosives to blow me up, Huntress sent a bag of scorpions, B'wana Beast sent a man-eating polar bear-eagle hybrid to slice me open, Aquaman sent a-"

"OK. I get it!"

"…so you open it."

Nightwing tore at the paper, revealing the familiar shape of what was indeed a book.

"See, it's not a weapon of mass destruction. Just a book…from the future?"

Batman frowned, "Is he allowed to do that?"

His partner had already opened the book and scanned the first few pages. Behind them they heard Alfred leaving the room and climbing the stairs; off to probably make some kind of headway on the masses of paper that filled the den.

"Wow. It's the memoir of our supposed romance and ends with our wedding... holy crap it's written by Alfred!"

Both men turned masked eyes towards the stairs and then glanced back at one another.

"Put it in the vault. We never speak of this again," Batman ordered.

Nightwing nodded then turned away to head to the vault and retrieve Damian's newest pet when another box appeared in front of him. He sighed and reached for it, tucking the book under his right arm. Pausing for a minute he felt some kind of energy emanating from the gift. Shrugging, he opened it anyways-

"Hey it's a blue lantern ring! And it's...glowing?"

There was a whoosh! A klank! And Batman was suddenly between him and the gift having clapped a titanium box around the floating lantern ring.

"NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT!"

A/N: Hey Dick almost became a Blue Lantern!

Bruce: I am going to fucking maim the next person that tries to take him away from me!

Dick: Take it from me people-NEVER marry this guy!

~Moonsetta