Ch. 5

"Sure he would! How cool would that be?"

"No way." Usopp whispered back at their captain in blunt denial.

" But it is Zoro."

"That's my point! How would we even tell when he was a monster before this, right Chopper?"

Both breakfast and lunch had long passed and with the dishes cleared away Sanji had been hoping to relax for a while before having to think about dinner. He'd stepped outside for a cigarette and, ironically, some fresh air but now his curiosity had been peaked.
He sauntered up to the group, huddled together against the rail of the ship opposite the oblivious, sleeping swordsman and watched in amusement as three of the loudest crew members tried to talk quietly; something especially difficult for the extremely excitable Luffy.

"The only thing monstrous about that mosshead is his manners." The cook countered, crouching his tall frame over his nakama and making his presence known. "now, what are you three buffoons talking about?"

"S-Sanji!" Usopp squeaked in surprise, acting suspiciously nervous, at having been overheard. "We weren't talking about anything! Just planning- I mean, er, discussing...no, uhm-"

"-Do you think Zoro's reactions are faster now he's lost an eye!?" Luffy promptly blurted out excitedly, as if the question was the most important thing he could think of and obviously missing the sharpshooter's attempt at keeping their 'not-plan' a secret.

"Yeah Sanji, you fight with him all the time, even when I tell you guys not too.." Chopper added, looking pointedly at the cook. "I mean, medically, he has lost all sight in his left eye but we've not noticed it affect his abilities at all."

"Maybe it's like fish! They have bad eyesight so instead they have a greater sense of smell, right?"

"Luffy, fish don't have nostrils, they can't smell..." Usopp stated.

"Some of the larger breeds of Sea Kings can! Sharks too!" The doctor piped up quickly, looking proud of himself.

"But we're not talking about sharks! We're talking about Zoro..."

"Exactly. Now, shut up Usopp." Sanji scolded, deciding it best to get the conversation back onto the track he imagined it had been heading down; his crewmates were rather hands-on after all.
"You two as well. Marimo isn't going to stay asleep all day so why don't you just test out your theory, you had a plan right?"

Having successfully set the trio off, Sanji lit his long overdue cigarette and propped himself up against the galley door to watch the experiment unfold. Brook was sat across from the him on the foremast's bench, playing gentle notes on his violin and watching- as well as a skeleton can- the boys sneak to opposite ends of the lawn and take their places behind strategically placed barrels.
Nami had yet to return from mapping the upcoming island's weather patterns, sure they'd arrive before nightfall, and both Robin and Franky had busied themselves below deck, leaving the boys completely unchecked.

He watched as Usopp prepped his trusty slingshot, testing its elasticity and taking some ammo from Chopper's outstretched hoof. Opposite the pair, Luffy held his own arm out; aiming it towards the swordsman's good side, both thumb and little finger spread wide to imitate the sniper's weapon. The rubberman curled his three remaining fingers around his own pellet before using his free hand to pull the makeshift sling backwards, just as Usopp took aim at Zoro's scarred eye- their flawed logic stating that good marksmanship should be used to test bad sight, as apparently pitting bad aim against it would be an unfair test.

"Ready guys?" Chopper asked as quietly as he could manage, peering over the barrel at his nakama who both sharply nodded back. "Ok, on the count of three... One."

Usopp gulped before taking a deep breath to steady his nerves and adjusting his aim.

"Two."

A grin spread across Luffy's face as he tried not to get too excited, gripping the stretched sling tightly.

"Thr-" Splash.

Chopper blinked in stunned confusion as Luffy's ammo sped past the swordsman's now quirked head and harmlessly into the ocean behind him. Quickly following up with his own projectile, Usopp stood to scowl at the captain, the target now completely forgotten.

"Luffy! You were meant to wait until Chopper said three, what gives?"

"Huh, but I did wait till three, shi-shi-shi! But man, did you see how far it went? Zoro didn't even open his eyes, just dodged it. It kept going and... Huh, woops." Both pirates stopped as the grin fell from Luffy's face. The realisation of their failure and it's possible repercussions sinking in as they turned to inspect the damage.

For Sanji and Brook, who had watched the whole scene unfold, it was a spectacular turn of events: As the second shot had sped towards the now alert Zoro, the mosshead had changed tactics: They had watched as the marimo's working eye opened sharply and narrowed just as quickly; they'd noticed the quick twitch of practiced muscles as the man shifted to grab Wado's hilt; and heard the swift ching of the katana flicking free of it's saya, held high enough to cut the pellet in two before effortlessly sliding back home.
They were then witness to the cloud of thick smoke that immediately filled the air; the shell having blown up on impact to coat the now spluttering swordsman in a layer of soot, dust and all things currently loved by Sanji- the whole series of events occurring in the few seconds it took a distracted Usopp to shout at the their equally oblivious captain. Not even Brook's signature laugh ringing across deck was enough to grab their attention.

The cloud began clearing and Chopper ran to take shelter behind Sanji's lithe frame just as the boys remembered their experiment. It was a smart move on Chopper's part as, regaining some composure, Zoro drew his blades; placing Wado in his chalky mouth and gripping the other two tightly before raising his blackened head to meet the petrified duo's gaze.

"Oi." He growled at the pair. "What was that for?"

Sanji froze at the look in Zoro's eyes. There was something thrilling about the seriousness in them that sent a shiver down Sanji's spine and, much to his surprise, a twitch to his dick. He'd seen that look plenty of times, usually after he himself had wound the swordsman up but today, watching from the sidelines, his pent up imagination sent images of that heated gaze- locked on him and stripping him bare, fuelled by want instead of anger- flicking through his mind. He shifted slightly to try and dislodge the thoughts and felt Chopper grip his pant leg lightly.

Usopp's legs were clacking together almost audibly as he stuttered his way through a clever reply, consisting solely of the word 'experiment', before turning on his heel and running straight past the still cackling Brook with his partner in crime in tow- though Luffy too seemed more amused than intimidated.

As Zoro shifted his gaze sideways to the pair now closest to him Sanji calmly lifted his leg in warning. Back in familiar territory, he shook loose any stray thoughts and gestured toward the retreating duo with the best air of nonchalance he could manage.

"Oi oi. It was all Tweedle Dee and Tweedle Dumb over there, don't look at us."

"Oh yeah?" Zoro sneered around his katana's hilt, his disbelief clearly showing on his face. "So Tweedle Midget and Tweedle Dipshit over here had nothing to do with it then?"

Matching the mosshead look for look, Sanji lit a new cigarette and smirked at the hollow insults. "Not in the slightest Alice. Quick, you better catch them before they run down the rabbit hole."

"I'll stuff you down the rabbit hole after I deal with them!"

The lame reply had Sanji grinning at the idiot's back as he took off after the fleeing crew members, obviously deciding revenge was more important. No-one else seemed to goad Zoro into an actual fight as easily as Sanji could so he was sure, after a few empty threats, that both Luffy and Usopp would be left to sulk, but before the marimo even had the chance at that, he found himself face to face with a fuming Nami. How none of them had noticed the fiery angel's presence amidst the ruckus was a mystery but with a fist rivalling Luffy's grandfather's- not that such a beauty and such an ape should ever be compared- she stopped Zoro dead in his tracks, a large lump forming on his head between mossy strands.

"Stop messing around." Nami chastised the group on deck, "we should be able to see the island within the hour and we aren't landing remember, so start getting things ready!"

"Hai. Nami-swan!" Sanji immediately replied- even if the order hadn't been directly aimed at him, she was too cute for any response that the idiots on deck would have given her.