Callie's POV of Chapter 37

"Miss Torres? Calliope?" The doctor's gruff voice startled me out of my daze. I focussed my gaze onto him and made sure I could respond to him in a way that was completely coherent and not at all indicative of what I was feeling right now, of every single thought buzzing through my head.

"Yes!" I replied, probably a little too brightly for the situation. "I'm good, thank you for seeing me!" I continued, my voice reaching such a high pitch it almost hurt my own ears, the falseness of it making me cringe.

"Calliope, I understand this can be hard to take in." The doctor responded sympathetically, arching back into his chair before leaning forward, resting his elbows on his knees. I always wondered how doctors remained so calm when telling people life changing news like this; probably because he knows it's not him. It's not his life; he doesn't have to process this. Tell his loved ones or his wife. Fuck, Arizona. How the hell am I going to tell Arizona?

"Calliope?!" He rumbled at me again, a little louder this time. "We can talk about what to do now and where to go; I can give you leaflets or refer you to our department that specialises in-"

"-no!" I interjected, "I'm fine." I stated, defiantly standing up and pulling my bag firmly onto my shoulder as I ignored the wave of dizziness pulsing through me, attributing it to the tiredness from the early morning.

"Do you want me to call anyone, a boyfriend maybe, or the-"

"No!" I repeated, almost said through gritted teeth, "I'm ok, I have to go." I said, more softly, hoping he wouldn't think I was being rude. Before the doctor could reply, I hurried out of the consultation room, the hot stuffy waiting room being a blur as I ran through before the cool outside air collided in a welcome manner with my burning face. I wasn't in control of myself, I felt myself take a deep breath before slumping myself against the hospital wall. My whole life was about to change and I'm not even sure I can face up to it just yet…I just needed to see Arizona.

Puzzling over how I even managed to find my way back to Arizona's apartment; my hands trembled as I gripped the door handle. The unmistakeable smell of bagels and bacon wafting from the crack underneath the door, I knew I needed to pull myself together for Arizona. She always reassured me; she never even had to do anything, just seeing her instantly eased me.

"Hey baby!" Arizona called cheerfully to me as I opened the door. On any other day I would've beamed at the sight of my beautiful girlfriend, her hair scraped back with a few strands of golden blonde hair falling, flawlessly framing her face. I would've beamed at the sight of her slim, athletic, toned figure standing over the counter as she prepared breakfast for me, humming brightly to herself. I pretended not to notice the fact her grin had grown bigger now that I was home, the way she lovingly placed the bagel and bacon on my plate just that little bit neater than the ones on hers. Any other day…

"Whoah, what's up?" she asked, her expression falling as I flung myself down onto the sofa.

"Nothing." I replied, realised I needed to get away. I needed to process this. I needed time alone. Somewhere in my subconscious I could hear Arizona pressing and almost automatically replied to her with a multitude of vague responses. I loved Arizona, but I wasn't ready for this.

"Calliope?" A faint voice came from outside the bedroom door. I had no idea how long I'd been laying down on Arizona's bed, duvet pulled over my head as I attempted to process the situation I found myself in.

"Callie?" Arizona's soft tones came again. I wanted nothing more than for her to hold me in her arms as we figured out this mess, but there was something holding me back – I just couldn't tell her, hell, I couldn't even look at her.

I was roused from my thoughts by the creaking of the door opening and the sound of Arizona's familiar footsteps as she entered the bedroom. Wanting to avoid talking with Arizona again, I closed my eyes in the hope she would think I was still napping. My body writhed as I felt her warm breath on my cheek and I had to full on control myself as my girlfriend placed a lock of hair behind my ear.

"I love you." She husked before planting the softest, most tender kiss on my cheek as a rush of love pulsated through my body despite trying to remain as still as possible as I waited for Arizona to leave. Once I heard the apartment door lock, I quickly brushed away the silent tears that had fallen away from my face. I needed to get out of this apartment, it was overwhelming.

Torres!" Mark exclaimed as he flung open the door in an animated fashion, "How you been?" "Hey." I grunted, rather less enthusiastically. My eyes darted to the tall, muscular figure in front of me, clad in running shorts and a vest that happened to show off his toned torso, currently glistening in moisture.

"What's up? Can't resist?" He smirked, puffing out his chest.

"Oh put yourself away Mark!" I retorted in disgust, swallowing down the wave of nausea that had suddenly hit me as I pushed past him.

"Why'd you knock anyway?" He asked, grabbing a protein shake before flailing down on the sofa. "You still officially live here you know." He finished, with an air of annoyance in his tone.

Yeah...sorry..." I trailed off, looking at the ground.

"What? Here to tell me you're moving out of here and in with blondie?" Mark eyed me suspiciously, taking a pause from drinking.

"Er...not exactly." I replied glumly, still not making eye contact as I shifted uncomfortably. I hadn't even considered living arrangements with Arizona.

"So, last heard you were all loved up, I know you Callie, what's happened?" He pressed, slouching down on the sofa casually.

I took a deep breath, "Mark, I...fuck..." I couldn't even find the words to explain. I needed to tell someone, I know it should've been Arizona but there was a part of me that didn't quite want to burst the loved up couple bubble just yet, not after we'd just gotten back on track. "Please don't freak out, I...er...Arizona-"

I was interrupted by the sight of Mark immediately bolting upright at the mention of Arizona's name, slamming his down on the coffee table with such force that several pizza boxes fell to the floor. "That's it, Callie, I was lenient last time with her but I'm not holding back!" He exclaimed angrily, "What's she done now?" He asked, apparently oblivious to my bemused reaction.

"Calm down idiot, she hasn't done anything...it's...ughhhh, have you ever needed and wanted to tell someone something but you just know it's going to fuck up something that's probably still so fragile?" The words weren't even going through my head; they just came out almost automatically. For the first time in a while I looked at Mark directly. He'd taken back his position on the sofa, but this time sat forward, elbows resting on his knees, I'd never seen him looking so thoughtful.

"Callie, whatever it is, you need to tell her!" he replied finally, "You can't deny she's really changed these last few months, even I've seen it…she's really trying to move on from what happened."

"You think?" I asked, a little taken aback at Mark's supportive nature towards Arizona.

"Yeah, as much as it pains me to say it, she absolutely idolises you. She's made some shitty choices but she's all about you Callie…she always has been, whatever it is she needs to know."

"But how do I know she's changed Mark? What if she's just been saying the right things to me, doing the right things, yet the minute shit gets real she's going to be off again – her track record doesn't exactly beam for her…" I trailed off again. I didn't want to feel like this, I wanted to trust Arizona but right now I was panicking. I think I'd been living in this bubble; a bubble where the events of the previous months hadn't occurred and Arizona hadn't completely broken me, but the news from earlier just bought everything flooding back? How the hell was I supposed to trust Arizona again after she ruined me, the person you love doesn't do that. This was a time I needed her again and I wasn't entirely sure that things wouldn't turn out like before.

Mark took a deep breath and sprawled himself against the back of the sofa. "Well, you don't. You can never know for sure, but she's not a bad person. She's so in love with you Callie, it's pretty sickening if I'm honest. Yeah, she messed up and you lost trust in her and she's probably still earning that trust from you, she knows you're the best thing that ever happened to her and I think when you guys broke up it scared her, she thought she was going to lose you forever or you'd move on. If she's got an ounce of sense in her, whatever it is Callie, she's going to be right there for you supporting you."

I stared at Mark in disbelief.

"What?"

"You!" I exclaimed, since when were you so…er…not a douche when it came to Arizona?" I continued, grinning at him. "You were all ready to go and beat the shit out of her not five minutes ago Mark!"

"Ok, maybe I'm not the greatest fan" he began, rolling his eyes, "but it's clear whatever you two have is something that doesn't happen often, even she's not stupid enough to throw that away. She's crazy about you Callie, take that chance, she might surprise you!"

I wanted to believe Mark, I really wanted to believe him one hundred percent and I'd go back to the apartment and tell Arizona – but there was something in me that just didn't want to or couldn't burst that bubble of bliss just yet. I figured whatever happened with this; Arizona at least deserved an amazing birthday.

As I stood in front of the mirror putting the finishing touches to an outfit I could almost feel myself becoming too big for, I mentally prepared the many excuses I could use to get out of drinking alcohol tonight. Sorry I'm not feeling well tonight. No, Arizona wouldn't buy that. I've got a class tomorrow. Good one Callie, it's the holidays. I've got a paper due in and I need to start. You're sleeping with the freakin' TA Callie, I am screwed. I was so caught up in how I'm going to survive tonight without spoiling Arizona's night I didn't even notice her behind me until I felt her snake her arm around my waist, pulling me in closer to her. I couldn't help but smile as I relaxed into her embrace, for a split second I'd forgotten everything that was going on in my head.

"I really hope you have a good time tonight." I said, reluctantly pulling away from Arizona. I didn't know what else to say.

"Of course I will, I've got you, Teddy, Ads, even Mark." Arizona grimaced, seeming a little surprised. "No, really…why wouldn't I enjoy tonight?" she pressed, pulling on her heels.

I turned back to the mirror, flattening my dress against my body and attempting to stifle a look of disgust, before turning away and sitting myself down on the bed next to Arizona. I had no idea how I was going to survive tonight; I had to tell her soon whatever the consequences – I was pretty much a ticking time bomb.

Ok, I'd made it to the bar. Alone. I needed to talk to Joe before I had to lie anymore. Arizona seemed pretty content with Mark, Addison and Teddy. I glanced over towards our private booth and couldn't help but smile watching Arizona tossing her head back with glee and laughing at something Mark had said, probably inappropriate! I loved seeing her so happy, so casual and carefree – it was when she was her most beautiful.

"Hey Callie!" A familiar voice came from behind me, startling me from my daze.

"Joe!" I exclaimed, spinning round and leaning in closer to him. "I need to ask you a massive favour!" I continued immediately, fully aware that I could get interrupted at any minute.

"Oh, sounds ominous." Joe replied bluntly, looking slightly taken aback – this was probably the most I'd spoken to him since I'd started college, aside from ordering many, many drinks and a few drunken slurs.

"Haha, no" I smiled forcefully, "Look no questions asked, right?" I said hurriedly as I slid a twenty dollar note across the bar, my eyes glaring at him.

"Just tell me." He replied, taking the note as his own eyes widened in anticipation at what this strange girl who'd he'd barely spoken to was about to ask of him.

"Ok, so you know Arizona Robbins, my girlfriend, well, it's her birthday and well…if anyone orders me drinks…or when I ask for a drink…whatever I ask for, give it to me minus the alcohol." I realised this was more of a demand than asking for a favour but I'd paid the man and as a broke college student that was a massive deal!

Joe looked shocked for a moment as he processed what I'd asked him to do, "You want me to hold back on the alcohol?" he asked again.

"Yes!" I replied through gritted teeth, feeling myself getting annoyed at his lack of understanding. "And you can keep the money for the alcohol you get paid for!" I added, hoping that would sway him.

He took a deep breath and slyly looked around him before standing up, "Ok." He nodded, "Callie, what'll it be tonight to celebrate that lovely girlfriend of yours' birthday?"

I couldn't help but let a cunning smirk creep across my face, "Thank you." I mouthed silently.

1.30am. We'd made it back to the apartment. Arizona was completely wasted, as the night went on it became easier to avoid alcohol the more she drank – at least I knew she'd had a good time. I'd made up my mind, I was done lying to Arizona and I was going to tell her. Tomorrow. For now, however, Arizona was sprawled on the bed, despite how drunk she was, she was undeniably sexy. I hadn't had an alcoholic drink all night yet as I attempted to seductively strip down to my sexiest underwear I felt waves of nausea pulsing through me – this was worse than being drunk!

As I propped myself up against the headboard, Arizona leaned in, I definitely wanted her…I wanted to give her the best birthday ever! As I closed my eyes anticipating the warm softness of Arizona's lips, I felt myself go dizzy, the whole world was spinning…I wasn't sure if Joe had in fact given me alcohol by mistake or…

"Ughh…oh…shit!" I cried, leaping off of the bed and heading for the bathroom. Before my brain could process what had happened, I had my head hanging over the edge of the toilet, waves of nausea pulsating through me for what seemed like an eternity.

"Callie, what's wrong?" Arizona asked, rushing into the bathroom after me. "What's wrong?" she asked again, definitely seeming a lot more sober than before. "You weren't drunk!" she pressed, concern ripe in her voice.

"I'm fine." I'm muttered weakly as I felt Arizona kneel down beside me, rubbing soothing circles on the small of my back. Fuck, I felt absolutely awful. I knew it wasn't from drinking alcohol, I knew Joe had kept to his word. I knew exactly why I felt like this.

"What's going on Callie?" Arizona asked softly, her voice was almost a whisper as my body slumped against hers, my shaking hands firmly gripped in her own. "You've been acting funny since the appointment and now you're slumped over a toilet! Are you ok? Did the doctor say anything?" I could tell she was worried, despite her best efforts, I could feel her chest rising more rapidly than normal against my back, her hands trembling slightly as she mopped my brow. Even after all this time, my stomach still tensed at Arizona's soft gentle touch and I couldn't help but smile and relax into her embrace.

I sighed deeply, "I'm fine Arizona, I'm ok now, I obviously was a lot more drunk that I thought." I grimaced, not looking Arizona in the eye "Help me back to bed?"

"Of course baby." Arizona said kindly, placing her hand on my side, supporting my weight as I stumbled back to bed, my vision still dizzy.

"Do you need anything?" she asked me, I could tell she was desperate for me to cut the bullshit, but she was far too nice and I was too scared, perhaps too selfish even? It was a conversation I didn't want to have right now, Arizona was certainly not of sound mind and if this was to be the last time everything was ok, then I wanted to enjoy it.

"Just you baby." I replied sincerely, pulling the duvet over my head, I could feel my face becoming flushed despite not being able to control the trembling of my body.

"No seriously!" she grinned, planting a soft kiss on my cheek.

"I was being serious. Just you Arizona."

I definitely did not sleep well. 3am. Fuck. I'd been asleep an hour. I rolled over to the sight of Arizona fast asleep, sleeping off her drunken state, probably hurtling towards a massive hangover when she wakes up. I couldn't think about that right now. I had to tell her tomorrow morning.

I wasn't even sure if I slept at all. All I knew was my heart was pounding. Each time Arizona stirred in her sleep, I was convinced she was going to wake up and my chest thumped even more.

"Morning baby." A sleepy voice came from behind me as soft hands weaved their way across my stomach, rubbing it gently. Usually this would send waves of arousal through my body, a fluttering in my stomach but right now it made my entire self stiffen and tense up.

"Hey." I managed to say feigning sleepiness as if I'd just woken from a deep sleep. I took Arizona's hands in my own and rolled over towards her, placing my head on her chest. "How're you feeling?" I asked.

"I'm ok, my head's a bit sore but apart from that I'm ok." She began, "How about you though baby?" she asked, kissing my forehead. "You…er…you really scared me last night, there's something not right Callie, perhaps we should take you to the doctors today."

I felt my blood run cold, "No!" I interjected, louder and more forceful than I had intended, so loud that Arizona had sat upright in bed.

"Callie, you're really starting to scare me now." She said as I sat up too and turned to face her. Arizona's eyes were wide with concern, she was biting her lip nervously – this was torture for her.

I took a deep breath and pulled Arizona's clammy hands into my own, "Ok, I know I've been distant and I know you know…that…er…there's something I need to tell you."

"Yeah…" Arizona let out a shaky breath, "Baby, you're really scaring me now…whatever it is, we can fix it ok?" she reassured, squeezing my trembling hands as she did so.

I took a deep breath, I couldn't even prepare myself to say it, "I'm pregnant."

A/N - Huge apologies for the gap between this and the last update. Planning to write a lot more and getting back to having more regular updates. Hope you all enjoy the chapter, figured this chapter needed to explain a few things from the previous one. Happy reading, please keep the reviews coming! Update soon! :)