Hi there! So instead of writing anything I was supposed to be writing, I wrote this. :P It's my first attempt at a Modern AU and at first-person perspective. This idea has been fermenting in my head for a while, and I've finally gotten around to writing it.

So, this is my attempt to cut through the clutter of Modern AU's and write something good based on the concept. I've read a few good AU's, and I've read some bad ones, and I think I've figured out the secret. I'm going to try it out. I hope you enjoy.

0=0=0=0=0=0

Insanity

0=0=0=0=0=0

Home is where the heart is. And it needs to find a new place, because my home is insane.

0=0=0=0=0=0

Today I officially decided that everyone in this town is either insane, stupid or both. Especially the people who live in my house.

Let me back up. I'm Roxas. I'm a nice guy, if you can handle my occasional rants about how this place is just stupid. What is this place? Twilight Town. Somewhere in America, I don't even know the state because where the state flag should be, it's this white flag with a giant mouse head on it. Mickey or something, I don't know. I guess whoever founded this place was a really big fan of Walt.

Anyway, I'll just tell you right now. There are three sane people around here. I'm one of them. There's Xion. She's my girlfriend, I guess. We bond over the fact that we aren't complete buffoons. She lives with me. Then there's Axel, the other person who lives with me.

Okay, make that two sane people. Axel is still on the lower end of the spectrum, though. Especially when compared to, say, Sora. Who also lives in my house, and is my brother, and is an idiot. He's happy and cheerful. Everyone in town loves him. Even Kairi, and Kairi is very discerning about who she chooses to spend time with. But Sora is still an idiot.

Case in point.

0=0=0=0=0=0

I heard the electric hum fall silent as the heater went off again. Here's the thing about my apartment. It hates all of us. I think it is actively rejecting someone who isn't totally dumb. So, of course, whenever it's really cold and snow is all over the place outside, that's the moment the heater chooses to turn off and let us all freeze our butts off. Xion keeps telling me to move, but this place has cheap rent. You get what you pay for, I guess.

I sighed and yelled up the stairs. "Demyx, the heater's out again. I think it's your turn."

Demyx also lives with me, and, well, Demyx is Demyx. As in, chronically lazy bum. "Isn't it Sora's turn?"

I facepalmed. "Yeah, it is, isn't it?" I turned back to the living room. "Sora. It's your turn."

"All right! Let's do this!" Sora got up and ran towards the heater, frontfliping inside the bathroom. That's Sora for you—the kid treats everything like he's in an action movie. It's so ridiculous, I don't know how Kairi or Riku stand him. I only stand him because he lives with me, and he's my brother.

So we all waited for a few minutes. It only got colder. There were various colorful cusses coming from the bathroom. Then water started pouring out of the room. Because, you know, that's exactly what I needed on top of being cold, flooding.

I ran into the bathroom. "Sora! What's going on?"

Sora had pulled a metal panel off, and he was staring stupidly at the water spilling forth. "I don't know, it just kind of fell off."

I facepalmed. "Now we have to talk to Vantias."

"Really?"

"Only because of you, Sora."

Without waiting for a rebuttal, I put my coat on and walked two doors down to Vantias' apartment. Vantias is Xion's ex and a complete jerk (I'd use stronger language, but there's probably kids reading this), almost as big a jerk as Saix. He's also the only person in town who knows how to fix anything. Awkward.

Vantias opened the door and rolled his eyes. "What did that idiot do this time?"

"I have to agree with your wording for once. Sora pulled a metal panel off my heater. The house is flooded."

"Of course." Vantias got his toolkit. "Why do I keep helping you?"

"Because then we don't kill each other."

"Nothing wrong with that, methinks."

"If we're all being honest here, I think that feeling is mutual."

I ran ahead of him and burst into my own apartment. The thing about Vantias is that he's the kind of guy who makes you double-check any weaponry you have on hand when he comes to visit. Not that I have any weaponry. Well, I do have a collection of sharp keys which could help in a pinch.

I went over to Xion, who was sitting on the couch with her legs tucked. "I'm getting Vantias."

She put her head in her hands. "Again? Next time, please just pay for a real mechanic, please, if I could never see him again I'd be so happy…"

"Yeah, next time I'll get a real one, I promise. I owe you one for this."

"Yes, yes you do." Xion got up, waded through the water and ran upstairs.

Axel, being an unsympathetic observer, bit into his granola bar. "If you keep doing this sort of thing, she's going to hate you."

"I know. My options are limited, though."

"Cheap rent is not an excuse for pissing off the girl of your dreams, Roxas."

"When you find a new place, do let me know."

Vantias strode in, pushed Sora into a wall (which even I thought was unnecessary—like I said, jerk) and started, I don't know, doing mechanic things. Axel started very conspicuously cutting fruit, slowly and with an unnecessarily sharp knife. Axel is basically my bodyguard, and he likes that to be clear to Vantias. That's why I keep him around. Oh, and he's been my best friend since first grade. That probably also has something to do with it.

Eventually, Vantias fixed the heater and started refilling it with water. "That should do it. You owe me."

Axel bit into a freshly-cut apple slice (the man eats like a black hole). "We don't kill you for another month. How's that for payment?"

"If I don't have to interact with you losers, then fine." Just to be a jerk, Vantias put a hole in my wall with his wrench on the way out. He likes to do that. The doorway is filled with holes I just know are going to be taken out of my deposit when I finally move. That's another reason I haven't moved yet—trapped by how much fixing needs done to get my deposit back.

I sighed and called up the stairs. "Xion. He's gone."

Xion poked her head from behind the corner. "Did he put another hole in the wall?"

"No, he left pizza and cookies. What do you think?"

"We need to sue that guy."

"We can't, for the same reason we can't move."

Xion rolled her eyes as she came down the stairs. "Well, maybe we'd have more money if Sora and Demyx would get jobs like us three…"

The moaning was loud and plentiful. They do that. I shook my head. "No, just Demyx. Sora is…" I watched my brother go back to playing video games. "Not capable of working. Too stupid."

"You don't give him enough credit."

"I'd give him more credit if he would stop doing things like somersaulting into the bathroom and pulling a metal panel off the heater… how do you even do that?"

There was a shudder from inside the bathroom. Living in this town gives you a danger sense as good as a cat, and I knew immediately that I wasn't going to like what was about to happen. I ran up the stairs, Xion following close behind. We turned around just in time to see a massive wave of water spill out, flooding the whole lower level. Luckily, Axel had opened the sliding glass door just in time, and the water came spilling out on the 'patio' (read, slab of concrete with some pretty plants). However, it carried several electronics, multiple chairs and my beautiful couch along with it.

After the initial shock wore off, Axel handed me a laminated piece of paper, clearly fuming. "Found this in the debris."

It was a trollface with the letter V printed on it, along with some inane comments on my idiocy and Xion's weight.

0=0=0=0=0=0

And that's why we're going to be living with Namine for the foreseeable future while Axel works on legal paperwork and getting the insurance coverage we were promised and Xion tries to find us a new place to live that won't constantly make us suffer. Apparently, girls are nice enough to each other to allow five people into their home to live for an indefinite period of time. Xion's Friendship Network comes in handy like that.

Namine's on the saner side. She still shows signs of insanity, though, like the fact that literally everything in her house is white. Everyone here is insane somehow, except Xion and I. Actually, the fact that I let Vantias 'fix' my heater might mean that it's starting to affect me, too. I hope I turn out to be cool-insane like Axel, rather than mean-insane like Vantias or stupid-insane like Sora.

Even Xion is showing signs of insanity, clearly worn down by, oh, three months of this crap. For example, she insists that we all keep journals so the big lawyer guys can read them and find out about all our personal things. That's what this is. As far as I know, I'm the only one actually doing it, partially just for Xion and partially because something this stupid needs to be documented for my children's children to read someday.

I'll keep this up if I can. I have a feeling we're going to be here a while, and that it's going to be something of a ride.

0=0=0=0=0=0

And there you go, a good Modern AU. Your welcome. :)

I don't know how often I'll update this, but it probably won't be often. It will be updated, though, so do stay tuned. Maybe if it really takes off for some reason, I'll update it more, but we'll see.

I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Remember, reviews are always appreciated. This is going to play like a sitcom, at least at first, so if you've got ideas for potential situations, do mention it in the review.

Thanks for reading, and be sure to keep an eye out for chapter two of Insanity, the best Modern AU ever! …What? I can't say that? What if I add the word possibly? :)