Chapter One: Dysfunction

Dear Journal...

You know what? This may sound sort of random, but there's always one person who manages to get a hold on you when you're least expecting it. Not like your-best-friend's-brother-who-gets-you-in-a-headlock-kind-of-hold, or the little-kid-you're-babysitting-who-attaches-himself-to-your-leg kind of hold. I'm talking about the epic, life-changing, can't-sleep, can't-eat, can't-do-your-homework, can't-stop-smiling, can't-remember-anything-but-his-or-her-smile-kind-of-hold.

Like, the Wesley-and-Buttercup-together-forever kind of hold.

The very same hold you secretly read about in your sister's diary when she's out with her boyfriend, and you hope and pray that it'll happen to you—but then it does, and you go completely and totally insane before losing your entire grip on reality. Love is super sneaky like that: it creeps up on boys and girls alike the second they turn their heads.

It will happen to you, as well.

The moment you look to check how cute your butt looks in that new pair of jeans, or the minute you're distracted by SATs, or who kissed who at your best friend's Sweet fourteen. Suddenly, you'll meet that person, who may or may not have been there all along, and wake up the next morning realizing The Truth.

Someone has stolen your heart.

Me...?

Well, something of mine was stolen, but it most certainly wasn't my heart.

In fact, it wasn't even something to be happy about... something precious, something priceless, something nerve-wracking, frustrating, and terrifying... yes, it was taken from me. What, you may ask, might I be rambling about?

Well, truth be told, it's a secret.

No, I don't mean I'm keeping what it was a secret... I mean the secret in itself was stolen from me.

Someone discovered it.

And the frightening part is the fact that he's the worst person who could have possibly learned the truth... I have no doubt that he'll tell everyone and their mother what he discovered, but... well, even so, it's not like they'd believe him, right? Oh, dear, I'm rambling in a book... I really must calm down. After all, Kevin is a brute, but he's not... THAT cruel... right?

With that last questioning line, Eddward Vincent Alexander set his pen down and drew his knees up to his chin. His hazel eyes were troubled as he sat in his bedroom, too anxious to worry about the time: knowing his friends, they would probably come barging into his room at any moment and drag him away for his expertise on another scam. Shivering slightly, he slowly let himself lie down before he winced, remembering he needed to shower.

He was also cramping up pretty badly, but he didn't really have a good reason to complain.

He was used to it.

"Oh, dear," Edd sighed, shoulders feeling heavy and body practically melting into his mattress from the grief. "I'm not looking forward to tomorrow morning... the whole culdesac is bound to know by then. I just know it... but it can't. Maybe... I should..."

He shivered when the thought of all the previous beatings he'd gotten came to mind and pulled his ski cap down over his eyes.

No.

He couldn't, but he had to.

If he didn't, everything would crumble... the life he'd built would fall apart a second time, and once it did, there would be no going back. Slowly crawling to his feet and dusting his violet jeans shorts off, Edd looked at his room with solemn eyes, figuring he might as well get a good look at everything and memorize it. After all, he figured it very well may be the last time he could see it like this.

While it still belonged to him.

Then, lifting his head high, Double D straightened his orange polo and made his way down the hall. He was startled, however, by the sound of his parents' voices coming from the kitchen: they were rarely ever home these days, so it was kind of rare to hear them in the house. He ignored it, though, and merely stepped into his garage.

After peering around and carefully tip-toeing over to the automatic door, the boy carefully lifted it up manually and scooted through before darting over to a pack of bushes and peering around. The last thing he wanted was to get caught by Ed and Eddy before he could find Kevin and convince him to stay quiet. Large eyes flashing with anxiety, the boy charged across the street with his back arched and his elbows in, ski-cap flapping behind him.

He made it to the other side of the street without fail.

However, the hard part was finding Kevin... after all, where would a Jock go to hang out?

He was probably riding around on his bicycle somewhere.

"Messy, messy, messy," Edd grumbled, dusting his sleeves free of some dead leaves before he looked around and glanced at a nearby tree; swallowing hard, he once again snuck out through the open, moving right past Jimmy and Sara, who were having a tea party near the tree he'd chosen. Skinny limbs shaking, the boy slowly started to climb until he was higher than the rooftops, and then he put his hand up to shield his eyes from the sun. "Now... where is he?"

Edd spotted Johnny doing something with plank over near the woods... and not too far away, Rolf was clomping down to the store with a huge grin on his face. There was no sign of his friends, or even Kevin. However, these days he was usually hanging out with Nazz... so after reassessing who to look for, Edd finally managed to spot a familiar blonde bobcut.

His long-lashed eyes widened in triumph when he spotted a familiar cap with a shock of fiery red hair.

"Success," he whispered, hastily moving to climb down the tree; however, when he set his foot down, it slipped on the bark and he almost fell out of the tree completely. Only a reflexive snag of the branch caught his fall: dangling with one trembling, feeble arm, the orange clad boy flailed his legs a little in dismay. "Oh, dear..."

'Oh, dear' didn't even begin to cover it.

When he fell, he landed on the branch below him.

Worst part?

The wood got him between the legs.

Clutching his crotch with a wheeze, the pale boy slowly tilted and fell out of the tree the rest of the way and curled up on his side once he hit the grass. He rolled around in agony, simultaneously feeling revolted by how many germs he was getting on himself. Still, when he was able to crawl back to his feet, he hurried off towards where he'd seen Nazz.

"Have to hurry..." he panted, face even whiter than it usually was. "Can't miss him..."

When Eddward got there, however, Nazz was walking away and Kevin was getting ready to hop on his bike. Legs darting as fast as they could go, the boy ran over to the redhead and stopped in front of him, breathing heavily. The ginger regarded the dark-haired kid in front of him with something close to grim satisfaction, and his eyes gleamed as he waited.

"What do you want, Double Dweeb?" he sneered, tilting his head back with a particularly nasty smirk. "I didn't think you'd show your face in town for at least a week after what I saw yesterday."

"That's why I'm here," Edd stated nervously, twiddling his thumbs. "You didn't... tell anyone, did you?"

"Not yet," the boy smirked, looking at his hand with a sly expression, "but I will tomorrow."

"Don't," Double D instantly stated, hazel eyes frantic. "You can't. Please."

"Who's gonna stop me?" Kevin demanded darkly, grinning at him in a way that made his stomach turn to ice. "It's not like it's my problem... in fact, I'll bet it'll get a laugh out of everyone! Maybe it'll even boost your popularity a little bit, who knows? Anyway, I'm busy, and I've got no time for Dorks."

When he attempted to turn and get on his bike, Edd did the unthinkable and snatched his shirt.

"Don't tell anyone," he stated frantically, eyes large and face pale. "Don't! Please! I'll do anything!"

For a long moment, Kevin seemed to contemplate that statement.

"Anything, huh?" he asked, tapping his chin in a thoughtful manner. "Anything..."

"Double D?" Eddy's voice suddenly called, making the skinnier of the two twitch and look over his shoulder. "Where are ya?! I've got a new plan! Hello?! Double D?"

"Double D!" Ed called in his familiar drawling tone. "We got funny brain movies! Oink!"

"Oh, dear," Edd whimpered, dancing from foot to foot as his anxiety skyrocketed. "Please, don't tell! Not them!"

All of a sudden, Kevin's pondering eyes brightened and he genuinely seemed to sprout a pair of horns.

"Okay, I won't," he stated simply, leaning forward and jabbing Edd in the chest; he instantly winced since a sharp pain shot through his upper torso. "On one condition: you tell those dweebs to get lost and serve as my underling from here on out."

Edd's hazel eyes went blank.

"Anything but that," he stated blankly, looking over his shoulder when his friends came into view and spotted him; Ed waved like the goofy, loveable idiot he was, and Eddy merely folded his arms and tapped his foot expectantly. "Please..."

Kevin's eyebrow twitched when he turned his eyes back on him.

He looked like a puppy that had just been kicked in the face for no reason.

"Okay, stay with them," he retorted, shrugging as though he didn't care one way or another. "I'll tell everyone your secret."

Edd paled and frantically clutched his shirt.

"Okay! Okay!" he wailed, nasally tone vanishing and hitching surprisingly high. "I'll do it! Just don't tell anyone, please!"

Kevin looked surprised when he turned away with watering eyes and walked towards his two best friends. Shivering somewhat, he stared at the ground when they gave him a set of confused frowns.

"What's up with you?" Eddy demanded in his usually brusque tone. "You look like your dog just got hit by an ice cream truck."

"Double D?" Ed asked, tilting his head with a slow blink. "What's wrong."

"I... I'm not hanging out with you pests anymore," he stated simply, shoulders going limp and balled hands unraveling; when he lifted his eyes, they were devoid of the sheen they were used to seeing. "I can't do this. You've been using me from the moment you first met me, and I hate it. No more scams. No more plots. No more anything. I'm done with both of you."

"What crawled up your rear and died?" Eddy demanded in a sour tone, scowling at him. "Come on, D! I've thought up a really good one this time! It'll get us lots of Jawbreakers, I swear!"

"No," Edd stated firmly, giving him a sad smile. "I'm done. You and I are no longer friends. Kevin is my new best friend now, so... so from here on out... I-I... I don't know you anymore. Goodbye, Eddy... and, Ed? Don't cry. It's unsightly and rather revolting."

So saying, he turned around and left a confused Eddy and a puppy-eyed, sniffling Ed standing in the middle of the culdesac, wondering what exactly had just happened.

No more Double D? No more Edd? Just Ed and Eddy?

However, they didn't see the boy's watering eyes as he walked back over to where the ginger was standing.

Eddward shakily rubbed his eyes before he stiffened.

"Satisfied?" he hissed, not looking Kevin in the eyes. "I did what you said..."

"I didn't think you'd really go for it," the boy snorted, quirking an eyebrow. "You that desperate to keep it hidden?"

"If I had to trade my life for this secret, I would," Edd snapped, swallowing when the boy blinked. "This isn't something trivial. I've kept it hidden from everyone, even my parents, for nearly five years now. I will not let you destroy the peace that's finally settled over my family."

"Whoa, whoa, whoa," Kevin snorted, frowning at the hazel-eyed wretch. "Back up? How could your parents not know? That seems kind of impossible all things considered."

"Just another snippet of proof that you know absolutely nothing about me," Edd retorted, finally lifting his eyes; his nasally, gravelly tone was gone and had been replaced with a soft, clear one that sounded quite a few octaves lighter than the boy was used to hearing. "You'd better keep my secret after this."

"I don't see what the big deal is," the boy snarled, gripping his arm and dragging him away against his will. "Seriously, just because you're a -"

"Don't you dare say it," Edd squalled, shaking his head as he was pulled towards the shelter of the woods. "What if someone hears?!"

"So what?!" Kevin snapped, finally looking angry for some unknown reason; before Edd could react, his hand snatched out and he jerked the black ski-cap off of the skinny boy's head. Double D gasped and his eyes flashed for something close to grab, such as a bag or a newspaper... but it was too late.

It all came falling down.

Ebony tresses that stretched all the way down to his shoulder blades.

"Give it back!" he shrieked, frantically jumping for the hat and clutching his shockingly long hair. "Give it back! Give it back!"

"What?" Kevin snorted, sneering at him. "So you can continue pretending you're not a girl?!"

Girl.

That word rang out into the air, but it practically shredded the sanity in Edd's mind.

She couldn't... no, HE couldn't let the truth be seen, even when viewing HIMself internally!

Regardless of his body's gender, he was a boy. He HAD to be a boy. If he couldn't be one, it would all fall apart... everything.

And he couldn't let that happen.

"Give it back to me!" the gap-toothed 'boy' cried, flailing 'his' arms. "You don't know anything, so just forget you saw it!"

"Don't make me laugh, Double Dweeb..." he snorted, leering down at the frantic cross-dresser with a smirk, "although, now that I think about it, Double 'D' really does suit you more than I thought. Kind of ironic, isn't it?"

"Stop it!" Edd cried, covering his head and lunging for the cap; he managed to snatch it back and dragged it over his head, muscles shaking violently. "You can't tell anyone... you can't!"

"Then you'd better do exactly as I say, every day," the redhead snapped, clutching the front of his shirt. "And even if you are a chick, if you wanna pretend to be something you're not, you'd better take what I dish out. I'm not going easy on you if you screw things up!"

"Okay, fine!" Edd stammered, clutching the boy's wrists with angry hazel eyes. "Whatever you say! Just don't tell anyone! You can't!"

"Whatever," Kevin sighed, letting go and throwing his hands behind his head. "Meet me by the bus stop at eight thirty tomorrow morning."

Edd watched him go with a trembling mouth, wondering how things had become so twisted. Slowly sinking down to his knees, he buried his face in his shorts and pulled his hat so far down over his head that it was swallowed: then he bit the cloth to muffle his sobs and started crying. He couldn't believe how bad everything was turning out.

Just because he'd slipped up and gone into his own bedroom without his chest wrap on...

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

"I fear my life is over," he sobbed, falling backwards on his butt as he cried. "I will never recover from this blow."

Sadly, the blows hadn't even begun yet, and it seemed as though all the good times he'd had until this point were dust in the wind.

He... or rather she... was trapped.