I will kill you dead Sebastian.

…

The door closes and I press my back into it.

What am I doing? Mistakes were made. My arm raises a little but drops back down to my side, resigned in the fact that I'm not going back in.

What is it with Sebastian? He makes me lose all sense of myself. What I know to be right and everything I know is wrong seems to get muddled into this swirling mess.

Pushing away from the door, I make my way back down the hall.

This is all just so bloody perfect. Finnan said he loves me, granted, it was in a state of a drunken stupor but he still said it. Those words came pouring out of his mouth. Then there's Sebastian, he wants me, he's made it perfectly clear, and he knows I want him too, which is why I'm making a hasty escape from his bedroom. If I had stayed a second longer, I'm not sure what I would have done with him. That said, my current feeling is wishing for a sinkhole to appear and swallow me whole. Send me to hell because that's where I belong, fast tracked like a debauched heathen.

Seeing as though that's not going to happen any time soon, I figure I better try and sleep off whatever is left of this night. I'm exhausted, all of this is starting to wear me down but where to go?

My bed is occupied, Sebastian's in a spare room and the others? No, never mind. Dragging heavy feet down the corridor and back into the front.

What fresh hell have I managed to get myself into?

Keeping Finnian here to sober up, that makes sense. Having Sebastian stay because it was late makes sense too, although, I guess he could have just as easily gotten a taxi back. Actually, I could have called down to the concierge and arranged for a car to take him back wherever he needed to go. I'm sure they do that sort of thing all of the time, of course they do, that's all a part of their service. Now he's here, Finnian's here, I'm here, and I make good decisions.

Throwing myself back against the couch, my lungs cave with the release of an exhale. I know the couch seems extreme to some but I'm used to sleeping here anyway. I don't find my bed to be particularly comfortable anymore and it's starting to wear unevenly. Finnian slept on the right whereas I slept on the left, a habit I've continued even though he's gone. In an attempt to remedy this, I've explored many different options of sleeping in the bed. For instance, I've tried to spread out, lay vertically, sleep in the middle or give up and sleep on the couch. None of those options were comfortable or conduce a good nights' rest.

Not that I really planned on having a good nights' rest tonight. I know tomorrow, I will have some explaining to do and I'm sick to my stomach at the thought of it.

Maybe it won't be so bad. Finnian always liked to get up early and Sebastian's a musician. Aren't they the sort who tend to sleep in late? Swallowing hard, my throat works to keep down the bile that's starting to rise. I'm well aware this is wishful thinking and the only thing I can really hope for is for morning to come soon and this can be over with a quickly as possible. I don't know what morning will bring, Finnian has never been drunk before let alone hung over so hopefully he'll just be as confused as he was earlier this evening.

This isn't a good state to try and think in, I need to attempt to relax and calm my mind. Pulling my mobile from my pocket and sitting it down on the coffee table in front, I grab a throw pillow and hug it to my chest. My body drifts to the side before hitting the seat cushions. With each deep breath I draw in, I try to exhale the evening. In with the good thoughts, out with the bad.

"What utter bollocks," I grumble to myself, closing my eyes to allow my mind to shut off and succumb to sleep.

…

The doorbell sounds out like a hurried alarm, making my hand reach for my phone to either switch it off or send it flying across the room. Realising it's not my phone I push myself up and make a frantic mess of rearranging the throw pillows back into place and folding the blanket I grabbed from the side at some point in the night, draping it over the edge of the armrest.

Keys hit the lock and I have a few seconds to straighten up and make myself look more presentable. The latch turns and the door opens followed by several pairs of footsteps just before closing. Great, he's brought along Lizzie and Sieglinde as well, I suppose. Alois can be so rude sometimes, how hard could it be to ring ahead?

Hands run through my hair before being stuck on the lace of my eye patch, fantastic, I've left that on. Now there'll be some kind of bruising around my eye like I've been in some ruddy fight like a common chav. Taking in a deep breath to settle my emotions, I sit and wait for them to come in.

Alois strolls into the front room with a knowing grin on his face, Lizzie follows him wearing a wide-eyed look of concern on her face, and Sieglinde is just behind her looking suspicious but smiling, nevertheless.

"Don't say it," I stop any asinine comment from pouring from his smug lips. Shrugging his coat from his shoulders, Alois tosses it onto the plush cream decorative chair along the side of the bookshelf.

"Say what? I was just going to say that I'm really enjoying whatever you've got going on," he smiles.

"What are you on about?"

"You look like Heroin Chic's dumpy younger sister, Meth Mistakes," he clarifies with a giggle.

"Oh well, ta very much," I slump back and sulk. Lizzie pushes past him to stand in front of me drumming her pink lacquered nails against her hips.

"I'm really quite cross with you, Ciel," she fumes. "You were meant to ring when you got in."

"You're right, I'm sorry, Lizzie." I agree, hanging my head in shame. I'm not really sorry, however, I know I have to convey how suitably chastised I feel in an effort to humour her out of my flat. Her green eyes scan my face and she drops her hands to her sides.

"Are you feeling better?"

"Much," I nod.

"You don't look it, gnome," Sieglinde digs. My brow knits as my eyes narrow at her.

"Well I do, so let's leave it at that, okay?" I snip and she responds with an over articulated pout of her lips and folding her arms across her chest as she flops down beside me uninvited. It seems like they're here to stay and I can't think of anything fast enough to urge them to be on their way.

"Last night was fun though," Alois comments, taking a seat on one of navy blue crushed velvet chairs opposite the coffee table. Lizzie joins him, perching on the arm rest and crossing her legs at the ankle.

"It was fun, wasn't it?" she agrees.

"I liked the music," Sieglinde joins in. "I especially liked the two fingers thing."

"That sounds naughty," Alois chortles, making both Sieglinde and Lizzie frown.

"Why do you always have to be so vulgar?" Lizzie chides. Alois shrugs and falls back into the chair, dangling his arms over the sides like a ragdoll.

"I don't have to be, sweets," his flippant response sends a sharp elbow into his chest delivered by Lizzie. Alois gasps, falling forwards and rubbing his chest.

"Saw that coming," Sieglinde says with a wry smile.

Before anyone can say anything further, a door opens from down the corridor. I swallow hard, completely forgetting what happened last night and now I'm worried over who is coming down the hall. A rapid heartbeat sends blood rushing to my head making my ears throb under the pressure. All eyes travel from me to the end of the corridor as staggering footsteps approach us.

Sebastian steps into view in nothing but black boxes, which hang low on the sharp curves of his hipbones. The back of his hand stifles a loud yawn before blinking ruddy brown eyes land on us gaping back at him.

"Morning," he greets us, clearing his throat.

"Morning," the trio salute him in unison.

"I wasn't aware Ciel had company."

Lizzie arches her brow. "Yes, one would suppose we could say the same thing," she finishes in an even tone.

Shifting in my seat, my body feels a slight unease at her remark. We all look at each other for a moment, but that moment drags on for the longest, most awkward moment I have ever felt.

"Would anyone like a cup of coffee?" he offers.

"Ciel doesn't drink coffee," Lizzie says with a grin. I'm not sure I like this, her face is placid but there still feeling of unease.

"I remember, no coffee. Tea then?" Sebastian suggests.

"That would be lovely," she answers for us.

"Then I shall go do that," Sebastian nods.

He barely takes two steps into the front room before we hear another door open and then shut.

"Ciel, please tell me you're being burgled right now." Lizzie warns, sitting up from her perch. The chance to come up with a witty retort has gone but I know I have to say something to explain the situation. A dull moan comes from the corridor and all eyes go back to me as a stunned silence falls over the room. I feel like I'm in front of a firing squad, only no one was kind enough to lend me a blindfold, so I am forced to see the carnage head on.

"Ciel?" Finnian calls out to me from the corridor and I shudder, feeling my soul ascend from my body.

"Holy shit, is that Finny?" Alois surmises in a loud whisper.

"I make good decisions!" Is all I can manage. Oh yes, I am witty.

"I'll make that tea now," Sebastian proposes, inching towards the door.

"Good idea," she agrees as he escapes into the kitchen, leaving me alone in front of the firing squad.

Sieglinde tugs at my elbow to pull me closer to her.

"I am impressed," she begins in a whisper.

"What?"

"You dirty gnome, I did not think you had this in you."

"It wasn't like that," I hiss in protest but she lets me go, only to give me a knowing smile.

Lizzie lands a sharp slap to my side, where did she even come from? I didn't hear her move. Recoiling into the cushion for reprieve from another as she hovers over me. Picking up a throw pillow, she wallops me on the side and I press myself into Sieglinde in the hopes she would want to avoid any friendly fire spilling on to her girlfriend.

"What is wrong with you?" she admonishments between slaps, dropping the pillow on my head. Sieglinde squirms to the side and pushes me away.

"Do not use me as a shield, dirty gnome," she pokes my arm.

"He was pissed, okay?" I answer and Lizzie's face goes blank.

"What do you mean he was pissed? Finny doesn't drink."

"And I may never again," he interrupts her. We both look over to see a Finnian slumped over Alois' shoulder. His hair is matted and his face looks hallow, complete with bags under his eyes.

Alois manages to drag him into the room, Sieglinde and I get up from the couch to assist, along with Lizzie, who holds his waist steady. Finnian is shaky on his feet, each step wobbles on their way back over to the couch. The four of us take great care in lowering him down, resting his head back.

"How do you feel?" Alois asks, standing upright to stretch his back out.

"Awful."

"Sounds about right."

Finnian struggles to lift his head whilst his bloodshot eyes search the room.

"Did Sebastian go home last night?"

"He's in the kitchen making tea," Sieglinde replies in a soothing tone. A small smile crosses his lips before his head drops back again.

"I could murder a cup of tea," he says before letting out a dry cough. "I'm glad he's still here, I wanted to apologise for last night."

"What do you remember from last night?"

"Truthfully, I don't remember much." Finny goes quiet for a moment and then burps.

"Finny, that's disgusting," Lizzie wrinkles her noise as the smell of last night's excursion permeates the air.

"All I remember is the pub, coming here, you and Sebastian helping me into bed."

"Together?" Sieglinde wonders without the slightest trace of innocence in her question.

"Of course not," I retort. Honestly, what does she take me for?

"That's it?" Alois asks.

"That's it."

"Nothing else?" I press.

"Should I have?"

"No, I suppose not," I mutter with a shake of my head. Nothing else other than you said you loved me.

It's something he wants to forget, of course it is or else he would have remembered his reasons for coming here. Well don't I look like an idiot.

"Anyway, what are you all doing here?" he asks.

"Turns out my new boyfriend is in a band, we saw them last night."

"Oh yes, I remember that bit," Finnian nods. "Sebastian is in that band."

"Yup," Alois confirms.

"That's how you both met, right?"

"Uh, yes." I lie.

If you have never felt the stare of four people on you in a state of frustrated confusion burning a hole into your skull, then you haven't - I want to say lived but at this moment, I'm praying for my imminent demise.

"And you're all here because?" Finnian wonders.

"Ciel left early last night because he was feeling poorly," Lizzie answers honestly.

"And Sebastian came with you?"

"I guess," I finally respond. Everyone holds their breath.

"He's such a good friend," Finnian smiles, closing his eyes.

There's something to be said about Finnian's naivety. I've never needed it to come in handy before but I'm certainly going to take it in this instance.

Sebastian re-emerges from the kitchen with a tray stacked with my finest china patterned tea cups and matching saucers, a pot, milk jug and a small bowl of sugar cubes. Where on Earth did he manage to find those tongs? He strolls into the centre of the room and upon seeing him, Lizzie's eyes widen and she claps her hands together in delight.

"How lovely," she gushes.

"I have perfectly good mugs you know, you must have seen them when you were rummaging through the cabinets for those." I grumble.

"I saw the mugs," he grins, sitting the tray down on the coffee table in front of the couch.

"Come on Ciel, this is much more civilized, isn't it?" Lizzie tries to convince me.

I grunt a response and moving past him to sit down next to Finnian. Sieglinde joins us, sitting down next to me and kicking her feet out. Her dress leaves little room spare on the couch, the overflowing petticoats puffing up around her like black clouds keeping her afloat. I catch Sebastian watching me with a strange and inquisitive expression and I reply by leaning back, folding my arms over my chest.

"Well?" I motion to the tea.

"Well what?" Sebastian stares at me.

"You went through all the effort of making it, you may as well serve it," I instruct.

"Is he always like this in the morning?" Sebastian asks the group.

"Worse," they all reply in unison as if it were scripted.

Setting out the saucers, Sebastian carefully places a cup and teaspoon on each. After asking each person how they take it, he begins being as dutiful as a butler and making each of my guests a cup of tea. There is an absolute ridiculousness to this, I'm not sure if he's trying to curry favour or annoy me but either way, I am not amused. My palms burn, opening them and glancing down to see the indentation my nails have left in the skin, it seems I've been clenching my fists a little tight.

"How do you take your tea?" he asks me, manoeuvring his head to catch my attention.

"A suggestion of milk with three sugars," Finnian responds on my behalf.

"A suggestion?" Sebastian repeats with an arch in his brow.

"He like milk in his tea but he also likes his tea to taste of tea."

"Is there a colour chart I can follow?" Sebastian jests.

"You joke but there was one," Alois snorts.

"We made him get rid of it," Lizzie adds.

"You all make me sound like I'm fussy," I dismiss with a pout.

"You are fussy Ciel," Finnian chuckles, taking a small sip of his tea. After he swallows it down, his whole relaxes and he smiles. "This is really good."

"There is nothing nicer than a brew after the night before," Alois agrees.

Sebastian hands me my cup and I exam the liquid before waving it under my nose. I must admit, it does smell good.

"Do you approve my lord?" He asks with a little smile.

"It'll do, I suppose." I answer. Looking back at Sebastian, I realise he hasn't made anything for himself. "Are you not drinking?"

"I prefer coffee in the mornings."

"Do you also prefer clothes?" I mutter into my cup before having a sip.

"Well actually, I prefer to be naked," he fires back, causing me to choke on my tea.

"Well if I had pearls, they'd be clutched." Alois titters, fanning Lizzie with his hand. She frowns in return, swatting his hand away.

"Ciel, do you have a fever? Your face is red." Sieglinde wonders, touching my cheek with the back of her hand.

"What do you prefer to wear, Ciel?" Sebastian asks with a sardonic smirk.

"Pyjamas, like any other civilised person."

"That's no fun, wearing nothing is quite freeing. You should give it a try." He pauses for a moment, running his thumbs under the elastic of his waistband. "I could always come by and show you how it's done."

I will kill you dead Sebastian.

"See how what's done?" Finnian chimes in.

"Nothing," Lizzie, Alois and Sieglinde interject and Finnian nods.

"Okay," he smiles and then puts the empty cup and saucer down on his lap, holding it still with his hands. "Um, Ciel, do you think we could have a moment alone?" he requests with a shy softness in his voice.

The group look at each other and Lizzie is the first to take the lead. She reaches over and collects the cup from Alois, placing it down on the coffee table.

"I wasn't finished," he protests but Lizzie ignores him.

"We have to get going, I've got an appointment."

"What appointment?" Alois frowns, crossing his legs and leaning back in the chair to stay planted.

"You know, that one appointment with this is none of your damn business now get up," she growls, pulling him from his seat.

"All right already, no need to pull on the Dolce with your man hands, I'm coming." He hisses, twisting out of her grip and striding over to collect his coat. Sieglinde slides off of the couch, handing her cup to Sebastian and then bounces over to her waiting girlfriend, taking her hand into her small fingers.

"You guys didn't need to leave so soon, I could have spoken to Ciel in the kitchen." Finnian says, placing the cup and saucer down on the coffee table, next to Lizzies.

"Nonsense, you guys should chat. We only came to check on him anyway." Lizzie flashes a charming smile before eying Sebastian and letting out a little chuckle to herself. "Will you actually ring me later please?"

"Yes, Lizzie," I sigh.

"Bye gentlemen, Sebastian, lovely to see you again. Thank you for the delicious tea." She waves before ushering the others down the corridor. The door opens, then closes and I slump back into the couch cushions.

"I suppose it's my turn to leave, let me put my clothes on." Sebastian heads off towards the guest room.

"Just a minute," Finnian stops him. "I didn't want to say this in front of the others."

Sebastian looks at me, shifting in his stance. Finnian leans forward, putting both hands down on the edge of the couch. He hesitates a moment and then pushes himself up. There's a slight sway before he straightens up and then clears his throat.

"You're not going to hug me again are you?" Sebastian wonders with an arch in his brow.

"No mate, I just wanted to say thank you for last night, I must have been in a right state."

"It's really okay, I'm happy to have been able to help."

"Well thank you anyway, I hope we can be good friends." Finnian grins, holding out his hand. There is no trace of animosity or embarrassment in his words, just a strange kindness, which had Sebastian look over at me before he takes his hand.

"Sure, we can be friends."

"Good friends?"

"Uh, yeah?" Sebastian agrees, trying to pull his hand back from Finnian's strong grip. "I need my hand back now mate."

"Oh yes, sorry." Finnian releases him.

"I guess I'll get dressed now," he says before making what I am now going to believe is his trademark quick exit.

Sighing, I stand up and collect all of the accoutrements from the tea and put everything on the tray. As I do this, I can feel Finnian's gaze on me, watching me tidy up.

"I should apologise to you too," he breaks our silence. Keeping my back to him, I stop for a second but decide not to say anything. "I didn't mean to come see you in that state."

"It's quite all right Finnian, no need to apologise." I shrug as I make the sugar bowl fit between the slim space next to the stacked cups and the teapot.

"This place still looks the same," he notes.

"You said that last night."

"Did I? Oh." Finnian clears his throat again. "When I said I didn't remember last night, I lied, well part lied." He steps around my side to stand in front of the table. "I remember saying that I loved you."

Picking up the tray and holding it in both of my hands, my eye stays firmly on the cold brown liquid in one of the cups. My mind searches for something to say in reply but it can't seem to make any words form a coherent sentence in an elegant way.

"Do you still love me?" Not suave or elegant but it's what I can get out of my mouth.

"Of course I do Ciel, I will always love you. I just can't be with you, not right now."

"Then why did you come here?"

"Has Sebastian said something?" He looks at me with large eyes.

"No?" I reply and he nods, stuffing his hands into the pockets of his jeans.

"I came because, I don't know, I was pissed and I needed to see you." He answers honestly. "I haven't seen you in two weeks."

"That's because you broke up with me," I snort. Finnian's eyes drop to the floor and his shoulders hunch.

"But does that mean we can't still hang out and be friends?" He mumbles more to himself than me.

"I don't know, you tell me." I shake my head with a sigh. Finnian raises his eyes and looks at me, they glitter a little as though he's about to burst into tears but doesn't.

"I still want to be your friend Ciel, will you let me be your friend?"

"Friends?" I repeat, a little unsure of what that even means for us.

"Yes, right now, I just miss my friend."

"Okay, we can be friends." It isn't so much conceding to this request as it is trying to keep him in my life.

When we broke up, I severed all ties with Finnian and fought every urge to call him but then again, he never called me either. Perhaps he was simply giving me space, whatever that means. If there is a chance of keeping him around, then perhaps there is chance for more?

"Oh, that's great!" He smiles and then looks at his watch. "I have to go but can I call you later? Maybe we can get a coffee sometime this week and catch up?"

"Yeah, that sounds great." I agree. "Do you want me to ring down to the concierge and get you a taxi?"

"I'll be fine, I think I can manage to get to Earl's Court from here and it's a straight shot home."

"Where are you living now?"

"I found a flat over by Putney Bridge with Mey," he runs his hands through his hair.

"How is she?"

"She's okay, hates her job but that's nothing new."

We both share a chuckle at the thought of poor Mey. They've been friends longer than we were but I could never understand the appeal. She's nice enough but incredibly clumsy. Whenever she was due to come round, I'd make a quiet habit of hiding all of my favourite and most expensive antiques. It's an expensive lesson you only learn once.

After a moment, Sebastian appears from the corridor, fully dressed in last night's outfit. I gulp as my eyes land on him. I just saw him in nothing but boxers a moment ago but when he's dressed, everything is accentuated. Delicious dark features, absolute sex appeal and the memories of last night come flooding back.

"I should get going," he says coming into the room and over to me, taking the tray from my hands.

"You don't need to leave on my account, I have to go myself," Finnian informs him.

"You're quite all right, apparently my manager has lost his shit completely and will phone the police if I don't make an appearance in the studio in an hour."

"That's so cool," Finnian enthuses.

"It was," Sebastian says on a sigh. "Any way, it was nice to meet you, I'll probably see you again." He goes into the kitchen with the tray.

"Well, I should go now but coffee later?" Finnian purposes.

"Yes," I agree with a nod.

He doesn't say anything further, just bobs his head and moves towards the corridor. I'm not sure if I should walk him out or not because my feet remain glued to the spot. The front door closes and my body rocks forwards, as though released from a spell.

"Friends eh?" I hear Sebastian say from behind me. Ignoring him, I go to the couch and fall back. "That's a mistake, you know. Exes can't ever be just friends."

"Sage wisdom from the eavesdropper," I remark.

"Maybe but it comes from experience, believe me. Someone always gets hurt and it's never the person you think it is."

"Well maybe you just weren't able to make it work."

"Maybe," he shrugs, coming over to me and standing right in front.

"Are you really leaving?" I ask with a slight pout on my lips, not really eager to be alone so soon.

"Unfortunately, I really do need to be at the studio." He smiles, hovering over me. My brow scrunches as my displeasure over his departure makes itself known. "There's my miserablist," he grins, cupping my cheek in the palm of his hand. "Will you miss me?" he says with the sweetest, devilish glint in his eyes.

"Of course not, I was just hungry and thought that as you liked playing butler earlier, you could make me something."

"I'll tell you what, next time, I will make you whatever you fancy and serve it to you in bed. Will that please you, my lord?"

"There will not be a next time," I brush him off, moving my face away from his hand. Sebastian stands up and pulls his shirt down.

"If you insist, but you're missing out."

"Hardly."

"I was talking about my eggs benedict."

"So was I," I retort.

Walking around the table, Sebastian starts to head towards the corridor to leave but then stops, turning back to me.

"Since you're now taking applications for friends, would you be adverse if I applied?"

"You want to be my friend?"

"No, I don't." He says sharply. "I want you Ciel and if this is how I get you, then I'm willing to."

"You want me?" I repeat.

"I want you, I thought that was clear last night?"

I can feel my face start to burn but there's nowhere to turn and hide.

"I-"

"Don't worry about it now, I can wait." He smiles before walking out of the room.

The door opens and closes once more and now I am completely alone. Sitting up and casting my eye over the room my mind starts to buzz and whir. What does it mean to be wanted? Is it purely physical with him? He'll bed me and then what? On to the next, I suppose.

I know there may not be a chance for Finnian and I to try again but if he wants to be friends, I can work on that. Just because it didn't with Sebastian doesn't mean it won't between Finnian and I, whatever, what does he know? What does anyone know?

A twinkle from my phone sounds out and I feel around for it, finally finding it tucked between the cushion and armrest of the couch. Looking at the screen, it's a message from Finnian asking me to coffee tomorrow. My heart pounds in my chest with a nervous and childlike excitement. Shut up Sebastian, I know what I'm doing and I don't need your advice. If anyone gets hurt in this, it'll be me and it's a chance I'm willing to take right now.