Disclaimer: Much as I'd like to, I don't own anything in the Fifty Shades universe; it all belongs to EL James, the lucky bitch...

Some men believe life is what they make of it. If something slips through their fingers, a lot of the time they just let it go because "it wasn't meant to be". Occasionally, they'll fight for something they deem important, but they generally don't have the means to succeed and they lose their chance. Perhaps they see it as a lost cause, resigning themselves to their fate; "it is what it is" I believe is the saying. Maybe they find it is simply too much trouble and not worth their time.

Fuck that. I am not one of those men. Never have been, never will be. Those men are weak and deserve to live their lives lacking that one thing that is more important than any other. At one point, I nearly became one of them. I believed I lost the one thing in my life worth living and fighting for, and I would have done nearly anything to fix my mistakes. I still would. But I had to make many concessions in terms of this one thing and frustrating as it is at times, it's all I can do for now. For five days last year, I was wrapped in misery and darkness, certain that I would never escape my own personal hell. Even when those five days were up and I was unable to get what I wanted, I knew my life wouldn't be the same. Eventually, I found a way through. It may not be ideal, but until I can find a new way forward, I have to take what I can get.

This is why a year almost to the day that Anastasia Steele left me I'm sitting in a restaurant with my eyes trained on the door as I await her arrival. Between our busy schedules, it's been nearly two weeks since we last saw each other, though we speak as often as possible. It's both a joyous moment and absolute torture to be around her these days. Joyous because she is truly an amazing, beautiful woman I couldn't live without. Torture because there was a time when I was allowed to touch her freely, hold her in my arms, kiss her, and do anything else I wanted to do. Now I'm restricted to keeping our interaction platonic, however much it kills me. It's gotten slightly easier since we reached our friendship agreement ten months ago. The two months previous were an exercise in self-control. I tried shutting her out of my life and I might have succeeded if not for the fact that Ana's best friend and my brother were attached at the hip.

Ana and I may have broken up, but that didn't stop my family, particularly my siblings, from befriending her. The first time I arrived at my parents' house for a benefit only to find Ana had been invited was a shock that nearly killed me. I still remember every detail of how she looked that night—I always imagined she would look amazing in an expensive gown with her hair done up, but she exceeded all expectation. The silver gown chosen by Kate and Mia fit her perfectly and showed off every curve she had. Her beautiful brown hair was styled and hanging down past her shoulders. I stood back and just watched her for nearly half an hour, mesmerized by the sight, and I actually smiled for the first time since she left me when I heard her laugh at something Elliot said. When I finally made myself known, I didn't miss the expression on her face when she saw me or how her eyes widened as she looked me up and down. I couldn't help the smirk that appeared on my lips when I saw the blush creeping up her cheeks as she undoubtedly had the same thoughts going through her head as I had in mine—the ones that involved us finding the closest private corner and ripping each other's clothes off. I restrained myself that night and merely enjoyed her presence. It was awkward at first, especially since Mia insisted Ana and I sit together throughout dinner—probably with some fairytale notion that having us that close to each other would fix all our problems. If only that were the case...

We even danced together that night and I managed to not drag her away from the party. Two days later, I arrived at SIP as she was leaving work and asked her to have dinner with me. She was hesitant, of course; I think she was having the same trouble deciding whether it was better for us to have no contact whatsoever in order to spare ourselves from further heart break. But she did agree and I presented her with my third proposition since she and I met. I told her I missed her and that my life was empty without her, and then I asked if she would be willing to spend time with me a few nights a week, as friends. I know I surprised her with that; she probably thought I would ask her again to be my girlfriend the way I did the night in Portland when I took her to see her friend José's photography exhibition. I certainly wanted to, but I was still stinging from that rejection. She finally admitted that she missed me, too, and that she didn't see any reason why we couldn't try being friends, despite our doubts that we could be so little to one another after what we once briefly had.

Frustrating as it might be and wishing I could change things between us, being Ana's friend has done more for me than I could ever admit to anybody. The second she tripped her way into my life, she brought with her a chance for me to be truly happy, something I had begun to doubt existed. I may not have her the way I want her, but at least I have her at all. She is a force for good. I've realized I didn't truly understand that during our brief relationship, but now that sex is off the table, or anywhere else for that matter, and we're getting to know one another, I can see everything I could have had if I hadn't been so foolish that morning in my playroom that led to her leaving. She has come to know me better than anybody else and I've found I very much enjoy having her around to just talk with. I can talk to her about nearly anything and I very much hope she feels the same with me.

I begin to smile when the door of the restaurant opens and Ana enters, her eyes immediately scanning the room for me. When she finds me, her eyes light up and she returns my smile as she quickly makes her way towards me.

"Hi," she says breathlessly as I stand to help her remove her jacket and pull out her chair—but not before I take advantage of the few ways I'm still allowed to touch her by kissing her cheek a few seconds longer than what might be appropriate in a friendship. I still love the way she blushes when I pull back. "Sorry I'm late. I had to finish some things at work."

"Not at all," I murmur, taking my seat again, my smile still in place. "Everything is okay, I trust?"

She sighs and rolls her eyes, picking up her menu. "Jack is leaving for some conference in the morning and as a result, he's got me running around trying to finalize last minute details."

Jack Hyde. The fucker. I don't like him, don't trust him around Anastasia, but as he hasn't actually crossed any lines yet, I have no reason to fire him and throw him out on his ass, which I've wanted to do since my purchase of SIP went through. Ana hasn't said as much because she knows what my reaction would be, but I know without a doubt he makes her uncomfortable. As a result, I've been looking into having her transferred into a different department of SIP just to get her away from him, but even without my influence, she's up for a promotion from assistant editor to editor. Not that she is aware of it, of course; the paperwork is still being finalized and until it has been and management has informed her, my lips are sealed. The last thing I need is yet another argument between the two of us about me interfering in her career. Her reaction to finding out I was the new owner of her place of work was frightening and I think she might have actually been capable of violence. She came around eventually and though she still doesn't particularly like the fact that I'm her boss's boss's boss, she's accepted it, and that's the best I could ask for at the moment.

"That asshole needs a lesson or two in time management," I mutter under my breath, pouring Ana a glass of wine. "There is no excuse for last-minute panic over a trip that has been planned for months."

The sigh she emits suggests she agrees, but isn't eager to continue talking about her boss. "Speaking of trips," she says, "how was yours?"

"Monotonous as always," I answer. I only arrived home this afternoon after a ten-day trip to Spain to broker a new business deal and the entire time I was gone, all I wanted was to see Ana again. "Successful, but monotonous. I'm sorry I had to cancel our dinner on Friday night."

"It's fine," she says dismissively, frowning with indecision over her dinner choices. "I finally had the apartment to myself for a change since Kate and Elliot have been away. It was nice, but..." She trails off, her frown deepening, though this time I think it's more to do what she isn't saying than anything else.

"But what?" I ask.

She smiles and shakes her head, unable to come up with a believable lie before the waiter arrives to take our orders. Not that I need her to finish that sentence; I know exactly what she wasn't saying. And I missed her, too, much more than what is probably wise, all things considered.

While we wait for our meals, we chat about anything and everything. I couldn't imagine not having her in my life at all and I'd do anything to ensure that never happens. Of course I would jump at the chance to go back to what we once were, but I won't be the one to initiate that. Ana has to want it just as much as I do and I can't in good conscience ruin what we have right now. Eventually, maybe, we'll get there again, but for now I have to take Ana any way she'll let me.

"So my parents' summer party is this weekend," I say when our meals arrive. "Are you coming?"

"I think Mia would find me and drag me there by my hair if I didn't," she says wryly. The funny part about that is it's true. Ana and my little sister have grown quite close over the last year, and Mia doesn't take anyone's crap—least of all mine or Ana's.

I chuckle. "You're probably right," I say, then hesitate before I speak again. I've tried to figure out how to best word my question without making Ana feel uncomfortable or outright reject me. "So if you're going. And I'm going, too..." I trail off, feeling like an awkward teenager asking a girl to the school dance. Not that I have any experience in that.

Realization dawns in her eyes and her lips twitch. "Why, Mr. Grey, are you asking if you can escort me to your parents' party?" she asks teasingly.

I smirk at her. "I suppose I am, Miss Steele," I murmur. "Are you laughing at me?"

She nods, sipping her glass of wine as her eyes dance with laughter. "I am actually."

"You haven't answered my question," I remind her after a few minutes of silence as we eat. This is one thing I really enjoy doing. Ana's eating habits were never what one would call healthy, but once or twice a week, I can ensure she eats properly. She insists I don't need to worry about her, but I've told her a hundred or more times that I will always worry about her and I will always keep her safe regardless of the status of our relationship.

When she still doesn't answer, I look across the table at her and find anxiety in her eyes. "What is it?" I whisper, concerned. Has the food made her ill?

She sighs again and sits back in her chair, eyeing me warily. I can't even begin to imagine what she might say next. "I don't really know how to say this," she mutters uneasily, and I know she's got her fingers knotted under the table.

"Just say it," I reply, wondering why my heart is racing the way it is.

After another few moments of deliberation, she nods, meeting my eyes with regret in her own. "Christian, I have a date to the party."

And just like that, I've lost my appetite even though I've eaten less than half of what's on the plate. I thought this might come up some day, but I'd hoped I'd be a little more prepared, or that we'd end up together again. The thought of her with someone else still causes rage and pain that I've never felt before. We may only be friends right now, but I never stopped thinking of her as mine. "A date," I repeat tonelessly, uncertain whether I'm more angry or hurt by the implication.

She nods meekly, searching my expression for a hint of my thoughts. Not that she needs to; there is no doubt in my mind that she knows exactly what I'm thinking right now and it's not positive. "I didn't get much of a choice in the matter," she goes on, though I hardly hear a fucking thing she says. I'm already imagining some faceless dick putting his hands all over her, holding her, kissing her... fucking her. I still remain the first man she was ever with and I'd hoped it would remain that way, but apparently that's a bit too much to ask for.

It's been a year. You've both admitted a relationship beyond friendship would be almost impossible. She can't suit your needs and you can't give her the hearts and flowers she so desperately deserves. Let the girl move on.

"Christian?"

I look up from where I'm twisting a cloth napkin in my hands, wringing it as I imagine it's the neck of whatever fucker asked her out. "Who is he?" I ask dully.

She hesitates. Rightly so; she knows me well enough to know that I'd research the hell out of anyone in her life, especially a potential boyfriend. I'm already planning on doing a very thorough background check on him, and maybe getting his home address and paying him a little visit to get a few things straight before he takes her out. "Some friend of Elliot's," she murmurs uneasily. "I haven't actually met him."

I run through a mental list of possibilities and when I reach my conclusion, I dislike this situation even more than before. "Not Will Evans," I blurt out. Her eyes widen, confirming my suspicions. "Ana, you can't go out with him."

She sputters in disbelief. "Excuse me?" she asks, incredulous. "Who are you to tell me who I can go out with?"

I growl in frustration. "Ana, please. Trust me," I say, sounding desperate to my own ears. "It's a bad idea."

"And why is that?" she asks wearily.

"Because I fucking know him," I answer resignedly. "He'll take advantage of you because you're this sweet, naïve girl, and then he'll drop you like you're nothing."

"He'll take advantage of me?" she repeats. "Christian, I am more than capable of fighting off unwanted attention. And it's not as though we're going out alone; we'll be at your parents' house with hundreds of people in attendance."

That is true. And since I will be one of those people, I'll take it upon myself to ensure the fucker keeps his hands to himself. It's times like this that I really fucking hate the state of my relationship with Ana. I have no real claim to her, none that she ever acknowledges anyway, so I can't forbid her from doing this. Well, I could, but it would be pointless and would only start an argument between us. Our time together is so limited lately that I don't want to spend that time fighting with her, however strongly I feel that she's making a terrible mistake.

I've known Will Evans for years. He's been Elliot's best friend since grade school and I never really liked him. Even as a boy I could tell there was something about him that I didn't like. Throughout middle and high school, I began to figure out what that something was. My brother might have been a man whore in his wilder days, but at least he gave a shit about whichever girl he might have been fucking at the time. Will has no such conscience. I've seen him switch from girl to girl more often than people change their socks, and once he's had his fill of them, he tosses them aside like a broken toy. Sometimes he doesn't even wait until he's finished with one girl before starting in with the next. Elliot used to come home with bruised knuckles and black eyes after being forced to fight off older brothers of the girl his friend was cheating on after being caught with someone else. He doesn't feel guilty about his actions; he thinks it's amusing. He's exactly the kind of piece of shit I want to protect Ana from. He won't care that she's sweet and funny and overall amazing; all he wants is a good fuck and afterwards, he'll throw her aside just as he has done with every other girl he's been with, probably breaking her heart and self-confidence in the process. I just can't let that happen. Not to her.

"Look," I say, trying to rein in my anger at the thought of what could happen, "I only want what's best for you, Anastasia. I want to see you safe and happy, not broken. Please, just promise me you'll be cautious with him. I've seen him in action and it's not something I want to happen to you."

She seems to realize that I'm genuinely concerned about her wellbeing instead of simply being my usual control freak, overprotective self. Her anger fades quickly. "I know," she says softly. "And I appreciate it, Christian, you know I do. But it's only one dinner and you'll be there; I'm sure you'll make sure he behaves."

Fucking right I will. I want to continue pleading my case on this matter, but for now, I concede defeat. It's a struggle to do so, especially as I realize this is her first attempt at "moving on" since we broke up. I'd hoped by now I'd find a way to convince her to come back to me; nothing has worked and I refuse to give up. I will never give up on her.

After dinner, Ana agrees to let me drive her home, probably to avoid another argument. We pull up in front of her apartment where I park and turn towards her. I should apologize for my reaction about this date of hers, but it would be insincere and she would know that immediately. "I suppose I'll see you on Saturday night," I murmur, unable to resist the urge to reach out and tuck her hair behind her hair. I smile slightly as she shivers at the touch. She's still affected by me just as much as I am by her. So why all this distance between us?

"I suppose so," she replies softly. "Thank you as always for dinner."

"My pleasure, Anastasia." I open my mouth to say something else, though I'm not sure what that might be, but I lose the nerve when she raises her eyebrows expectantly. "Sleep well."

She looks disappointed, but covers it with a smile, leaning over to kiss my cheek. I desperately want to pull her into my arms and kiss her properly. Instead, I cup her cheek, stroking her soft skin with my thumb. "Good night, Christian," she whispers before getting out of the car. As always, I wait until she's safely inside and I see her turn on the lights before driving away.

On my way home, I make a phone call, needing someplace to direct my anger.

"Well, if it isn't my dear baby brother," Elliot says in his typical good-natured voice.

I really do love the man—he's my brother and I'd do almost anything for him—but I'm too pissed off to let him think this is one of our typical phone calls. "What the fuck do you think you're doing setting Ana up with that asshole?" I shout, gripping the steering wheel with both hands.

Elliot sighs and I hear him say something to someone else—probably Kate. I presume he's seeking privacy. "First of all, he's not an asshole," Elliot says wearily. I scoff loudly in disagreement; he ignores me. "Second, I didn't set anyone up. If you must know, it was Kate's idea."

Of fucking course it was... No doubt she was under the impression Will Evans would piss me off more than anyone else. She was right.

"Third, the only reason Ana agreed was because Kate wouldn't leave her alone about it," Elliot goes on. "She kept saying she had no interest in dating; Kate didn't listen. If you want my opinion, Ana was worried about your reaction and didn't want to hurt your feelings or something. Either way, Ana's a big girl; she can handle herself whether it's with you or Will. Besides, do you really think I'd let anything happen to her? I know what you think of Will, and you're not wrong, but I'd be far more concerned if they weren't going to be surrounded by our entire family, not to mention your security detail."

Stopping at a red light, I sigh and pinch the skin between my eyebrows in an attempt to ward of the building migraine. "So you're telling me neither you nor Kate could find anyone more suitable to take Ana out?" I ask. Really, is there anyone who you'd consider suitable enough for her? Not a chance in hell.

"What does it even matter to you, Christian?" Elliot asks, sounding exasperated. It's not something I normally hear from him. "You and Ana broke up over a year ago. And from the way you act when you two are around us, you have no interest in rectifying that."

That's because I'm just as, if not more, unsuitable for her as Will fucking Evans...

My conversation with my brother hasn't made me feel any better about things. I still hate the idea that Ana will be giving another man all her attention at this party when normally she and I are inseparable. She makes parties like those entertaining and we spend most of the evening talking and teasing one another. She even lets me dance with her so I can have her in my arms. In those moments, I really start to wonder what it is she wants in terms of us. Like me, she is utterly content when we dance together. The rest of the world doesn't exist for those few minutes when her head is resting just above my heart and I can feel the heat of her breath against my neck. She's the only person I've ever met that I don't mind having touch me in that way. I know she would never hurt me, not intentionally, and I feel safe with her. I like to believe that she feels just as safe with me, but I often wonder if that's nothing more than blind hope.

Whatever the explanation, I know I can't just stand idly by and watch her with another man without ripping off his arms. Anastasia is mine, whether she thinks of herself in that way or not, and I will not allow her to come to anymore harm.

A/N: It's been a while, so let's see if I remember how to do this... First of all, I'm going to start by saying this story will have no cheating or character deaths (none that really matter, anyway), so that should cut back on some of the reviews asking. Second, it has been a long time since I've posted fan fiction and the last time I was pretty determined that I was done because of website drama. Can we please cut back on that this time around? If you have something to say to me, send me a message. You don't have to review as a guest calling me names and accusing me of things. Let's be adults about this.

Lastly, the reason for the hiatus. And yes, this is a shameless plug that I will be mentioning every chapter, so either ignore it or stop reading now. Currently, I've got four published novels on . You can find the link on my bio page if you're interested.

I'll update this story as often as possible, but life intervenes, so please be patient when I'm a little delayed. In the meantime, please review!