We all have a secret, don't we? It's only human nature after all. It manifests itself as a beast held deep within the heart by nearly everyone that has ever lived. How well we imprison the beast driven many mad. Some would rather die than release its cage. Well the truth is, the number of chains and locks we surround our beast with is irrelevant. Once its unleashed, nothing in the warpath will be spared.

My name is Eddward and my beast has broken free. I was the first one to go.

October 14, 2007

Edd sighed and shoved his hands into his pockets during the crisp walk to school. Peach Creek had never fared well with the chill weather. When they were still kids, warm weather in the cul-de-sac meant everything. Almost all of Edd's prominent memories happened in the summertime. Oh, the adventures they'd gone on and the trouble they had gotten into...While Edd would have rather been studying the various (yet somewhat mundane) flora and fauna of Peach Creek, Eddy always had other plans for them. Edd cringed slightly when he thought about the unused bug-collecting kit his parents had bought him.

"What's wrong, sockhead? You got that look on your face again. That one where I can't tell if you're thinking or having a stroke."

Edd broke from away from his musings and looked over to the boy walking beside him.

"Oh it's nothing, Eddy. Just thinking about how things used to be when we were kids."

"You mean when we epically failed at everything we tried and were outcasted by nearly everyone in the damn cul-de-sac? Yeah, those were some real fond memories Double D..." Eddy shook his head.

Edd shrugged his shoulders and kept walking.

It was true. The three boys, Edd, Ed, and Eddy, had never been accepted by any of their peers. In the beginning, Edd had attributed his own exiling to his intellect and peculiar way of speaking. Maybe that's why he treated Eddy, the boy who ripped off everything with two legs and a pulse, like an absolute god. He groveled at his feet and followed his every command, no matter how stupid. And he felt accepted. Even if he was only to be used as a tool to make money.

"I mean...I don't know, Eddy...what if we simply reached out to them instead of trying to reach inside their pockets?"

"They were all stupid anyway!" Eddy snapped. "Every last one of them. Especially that fuckface, Kevin. God, that asshole still makes my blood boil to this day. I used to daydream about taking a sledgehammer to that shiny scrap of metal of his."

A harsh wind suddenly picked up and Edd was quick to latch onto his beanie. This didn't go unnoticed by Eddy.

"What's up with that glorified sock of yours, anyway? You've had that damn thing since the day I met you. You don't even let that crabby bitch in English make you take that thing off. What's up?"

"Mrs. Donner is a not a crabby bitch, as you've so eloquently described her, Eddy. She is simply trying to adhere to school policies. However, I feel that this hat staying atop of my skull is far more crucial than abstaining from academic punishment," Edd said, still fighting with the wind.

"But what's the big deal? Double D. Bro. Best buddy. You can tell me anything. Shit, we've seen each other naked as kids. I've seen your pasty-white skinny ass but I've still never seen what the hell is underneath that beanie."

"What is underneath my hat will go to my grave, Eddy. I respect you as a friend so I would ask that you do the same and respect my right to privacy, mister!" Edd proclaimed defensively.

"Okay, okay. Damn. You don't need to pull out the 'mister' on me, I ain't your dad. I was just wondering, that's all. Sheesh. You think you'd have a second twin growin' under there or something..."

By then they had approached the high school parking lot when there was a loud swoosh and a gust of wind that left Edd sputtering and grasping at his beanie and Eddy cursing. Someone had sped by them on their souped-up motorcycle. There was just enough time to catch a glimpse of red hair peeking out underneath the rider's helmet.

Eddy held up his finger and Edd groaned inwardly.

"Hey! FUCK that guy!"

Edd made it to economics class well before the bell rang. There was no one to engage in hallway conversation with, sadly, as Eddy tried unsuccessfully flirting with some freshman girls.

One of the pretty brunette girls in his class, Claire, stopped to lean down onto his desk. Unsurprisingly, she was wearing her third low-cut shirt this week. A purple camisole when she asked him to help with cost-benefit analysis. A red scoop-neck when she asked him to do her opportunity cost project because she was "too busy with other things." Today she was wearing a striped lacey tank top that didn't leave much to the imagination. Edd sighed inwardly and kept his eyes to the desk.

"Hey Eddward?" She smiled sweetly at him. "Do you remember when I told you I was having trouble with foreign exchange rates?" She drew out the last word painfully and obnoxiously. Edd winced.

"O-Of course, Claire. I remember very well." Relax Edd. Don't freak out, play it cool. Eyes on the desk.

"Weeeeell, see I forgot I have this HUGE sports banquet tonight and I am not sure I can finish allll this tonight." She slid a packet of papers in front of him, taking great care in accentuating her assets. He recognized the packet immediately. He had completed it almost a week ago.

"Don't worry, Ms. Claire! I would not want you to miss such an event. Please," he said, taking the packet into his hands, "Leave these all to me! I-I don't have any plans tonight anyway..." He forced a smile onto his face. That wasn't cool you idiot! God, you can't do anything right.

Claire squealed with delight and kissed him on the cheek. "Oh Eddward you're such a sweetheart and you always come through for me!"

"N-Not an issue at all. It is my pleasure to h-help a friend out," Edd said, blushing from her forward gesture. She is my "friend"...right? That's what friends do...they help each other out.

She giggled and left to join her friends a few desks away.

Edd stared at the packet. This would be the only interaction he'd have with Claire for the rest of the day. Or anyone in his class for that matter. He didn't do her homework for her because he enjoyed the view. No, that had no effect on him at all.

When Edd started high school, he discovered that he wasn't the only one with half a brain. Still, even the kids who were twice as smart as him still exuded a sense of social grace and confidence that confused him. A large part of him had hoped that high school would be the turning point. Where he would finally be able to break away from Eddy's manipulative ways and become part of a circle who accepted him for who he was, and not what he could offer them. To his surprise, the opposite had happened. Edd might have been book smart, but he was not a clever man. Even in his advanced placement classes his peers still regularly duped him into giving them test answers and paid him to do their homework. Edd didn't want money. He wanted friends, and because he was desperate, he always caved in.

Despite his best efforts, he simply could not compete, even with the smart kids. They still listened to current music, played sports and were up to date on all the new TV shows. They went on dates and attended parties. Edd's parents did not allow him to own a television set, much less go somewhere fun like a party. And much to his surprise, not many people wanted to talk about Tchaikovsky or the proper regimen for caring for a cacti collection. At the end of the day was simply their footstool, scapegoat and lackey. And he did it all with the biggest smile on his face. The submissive side of Edd was delighted with all this new-found attention. This is what he wanted, right? Right?

Maybe one day...

Economics went by with relative ease, as did most of Edd's classes. He yearned for greater mental stimulation. He longed to learn about new things like sports, cars and whatever the latest celebrity had died from snorting. Everything he knew, from baroque era music to Egyptian art to quantum mechanics...it felt like it all meant absolutely nothing. How can it be important when it can't even help you make friends? Edd greatly valued his vast amount of knowledge and prided himself on being an information sponge. He could learn how to be cool and confident...if only someone cared enough to show him how.

During calculus Edd took the opportunity to work on Claire's homework. Who needed to listen about derivatives when they already knew how to find the volume of a solid of revolution with ease? Certainly not Eddward. However he began to find it hard to concentrate as the sound of deep snoring could be heard behind him. Edd knew calculus was no walk in the proverbial park for average people, but really? How inconsiderate.

The teacher was furiously scribbling on the whiteboard when the snoring finally caught up to him. He stopped mid equation and raised an eyebrow.

"Mr. Richards, I know I've been told I have a voice so soothing it could put a crying baby to sleep." The class began to giggle. "However, considering your current grade in this class I'd advise you to fight the urge."

The redhead lifted his head to eye the teacher with an expression akin to that of a drunken monkey.

"Urngh...sorry about that, teach." he said as he yawned and fixed his baseball cap atop his head. "Your voice just reminds me of tiny kittens playing in a garden meadow."

Laughter erupted from everyone in the class. Well, everyone except Edd.

Every since they were children, Edd had found Kevin to be quite the brute. More brawn than brains, he always found ways to make it physically clear that he did not fall for the Ed's routine bullshit. While the brunt mainly fell upon Eddy, it was evident that Kevin found Edd's mannerisms to be especially "dorky". He was Edd's foil, completely opposite to him in nearly every way. Kevin knew what it meant to be cool and Edd envied that. He was careless, ruthless and strong. Girls fought to be with him and guys wanted to look like him. Kevin had it all. In fact, he had never once approached Edd to complete his homework despite his low grade in the class. He was too damn proud. Edd found himself frowning sourly at the homework packet.

Eddy was right. Fuck that guy.

The rest of the day went by the way it usually did. By the time the bell had rung to signal the end of the day, Edd had amassed three calculus assignments, two psychology projects, and a smattering of trivial worksheets everyone else "was just too busy to do."

Just another day down the hole.

Edd waited by Eddy's locker and watched for the shorter boy's figure to emerge from the crowd. Edd regularly tutored Eddy in most of his subjects after school. The thought of Eddy being held back or dropping out terrified him. Ed had already dropped out in ninth grade to work in construction with his dad. Edd almost never got to see him anymore. Losing another friend would be traumatic, even if Eddy wasn't much in the way of a "friend".

Eddy had already built up a reputation at the school for being quite the delinquent. In ninth grade he was suspended for soliciting skeezy upskirt photos of the school's most attractive girls. In tenth grade he wheedled his way in to the local pothead circle and once he was outed for reselling their stash at exorbitant prices to everyone and their mom, he was promptly shunned from the group. His most recent claim to fame this semester has been selling fake positive pregnancy tests to the clingiest girls in school. Eddy himself never really changed since childhood, but his schemes grew riskier and more dangerous. Once upon a time Edd would have dove into the latest scheme with Eddy because he worshiped him, but not anymore. Numerous times he suggested that Eddy get a legitimate job only to be scoffed at and accused of "being a buzz-kill".

Finally Eddy emerged from the crowd and fell into step with Edd.

"God damn, Poindexter! Look at all those papers! Please tell me you made mad bank on those babies."

Edd could not help but roll his eyes. "I do not typically accept donations, Eddy. I want my actions to remain pure of heart. I have my friends' proverbial back and they have mine." Why are you lying to yourself again?

Eddy broke out into a fit of raucous laughter. "Your...your friends? Double D, those pissheads aren't your friends, trust me! I should know, I'm an asshole myself. They only have your back so they can step on it when they can't reach something. Dude, you gotta stop being such a pushover."

"I'll have you know, mister, that I have received a kiss on the cheek from Ms. Claire today! And Dean did not find it proper to try and remove my beanie for once. How do you explain that one, hm?" Just stop. You're embarrassing yourself.

"Claire? You should be happy that a kiss is the only thing you got from that butterface. She gave half of the guys in school the clap."

"She applauded them?"

"No! She...Jesus man, never mind. Let's go home and order pizza or something; I'm exhausted."

For once, calorie-dense carbs covered in grease and shame did not sound like a bad idea to Edd.