Disclaimer: I own nothing but the thoughts in my head and even then I wonder I own those. Title and lyrics are from a Brantley Gilbert song titled Saving Amy.

Rating: T

Summary: When Costia died Lexa lost her mind and herself along with it. Even the commander needs saving sometimes.

Pairings: Lexa/Clarke, Lexa/Costia

Saving Lexa

Lexa's got the letters I wrote
My picture in a frame
She's had a year to let go
She's still wearin' my ring

It hasn't left her finger since the night I proposed

When I promised her forever before I took her home

I watch over her, even now. I can't help it. She feels guilty for something that was not her fault, something that was not in her control. She reads the letters I wrote her over and over again. I can see the pain on her face, every time she does but yet she doesn't stop. She let's the pain consume her as punishment and in those moments more than any I wish I could reach out and stop her. She doesn't deserve to hurt this badly. I know there is a permanent picture of me in her heart that's become a source of aching.

She's had a year to let go and yet her heart still bleeds and aches. The day she saw the body lying on the ground haunts her while she wakes and while she sleeps. She still wears the ring I gave her around her neck, hidden under her armour. I'm not sure if she's shielding it from the world, or the world from it. She's become so closed off and alone. A far cry from the person I gave that ring too.

I remember the moment I found it in an old subway tunnel. We were off on one of our adventures when I saw something catch the light of my torch. I remember leaning down and picking it up without giving much thought as to what it was. Our people didn't use jewelry to show love or commitment but I knew I wanted Lexa to have it so I stored it away in my pocket.

I didn't give it to her until we returned home three days later. I scrubbed it clean while she had meetings with her generals. She was always busy and that made it easy for me to slip away and prepare her gift. It wasn't a secret that we were together, and maybe that was part of our downfall. I knew how much she loved me, it was clear every moment she looked at me. So young and full of life, her every emotion played across her features. Her smile warmed my heart on even the coldest nights.

That same night we went for a walk to the waters edge. We sat in silence for long moments as we sometimes did when Lexa was having a hard time. Being commander took its toll on her and it made it worse that she could not show it. She could not show any signs of weakness. All I wanted was to see that warm, bright, invigorating smile, to see her eyes light up. She didn't notice me reach into my pocket and take the ring out. I held it out in front of her and I could tell she was slightly confused. 'I found it the other day. I want you to have it, to remind you to always come home when we go into battle.' She looked down at the ring and then back at me without saying a word. She nodded and took the ring out of my hand and tried it on her fingers but it was far too big. I was somewhat disappointed until I saw her smile, untie her necklace and put the ring on it before tying it back around her neck. Her words still play over and over in my head. 'You're the only reminder I need to always come home'.

But I never made it home that night

Part of her died too

I've watched her losin' her mind

And there's nothin' I can do

Sometimes she goes crazy screamin' out my name

Saying, "Baby please come save me."

I wish she knew I'd do anything

Except it was me that never made it home that night. She wanted to walk me to our tent but I told her that she needed to attend to her generals. She was attempting to unite the 12 clans and I didn't want her to waste any time on trivial things such as walking me home. She placed a simple kiss on my forehead before we separated.

She didn't make it home until the early hours of the morning as the sun was starting to rise in the sky. When I was nowhere to be found she immediately starting looking. There wasn't a single person who was not out looking for me, including Lexa herself.

It was a warrior from another clan that informed her that I had been taken by the Queen of the Ice Nation who did not approve of Lexa's plans. Fire raged in her eyes and she wanted to storm in and take control. The first time she tried it cost her 100 lives, the second time was more. She would have tried a third time had the Queen not realized I knew nothing of her plans and that I was merely expendable.

When I was found to be dead Lexa screamed for what seemed like days. Not only had she lost me but she realized she had led hundreds of warriors to slaughter without taking a single moment to reflect on their lives. They were willing to die for her and she was willing to die for me. The pain destroyed her in ways no person should ever have to feel. Internally she felt dead, her eyes lost their spark and flare but on the outside she had to hold it together. So after she screamed she vowed to never show her enemies or her people any sign of weakness. It wasn't who she was. She was a warrior yes but one that was fueled by humility and love not by hate. I would have given anything to stop her pain, to tell her to be the person that I loved so dearly. To be the person her people loved and admired, the person that would had an army that would lay their lives down at her single command, the person who would unite the 12 clans.

As much as she tried she was losing her mind and all I could do was watch. Watch the woman I love go through hell because she lost me. Watch as she started to unravel. The harder she tried to hold it together, the more she fell apart. Until she found a way to turn it off, to not feel anything. She found a way to be a ruthless leader that still instilled hope and strength in her people.

Now three years have gone by

She's finally livin' life

And I still watch her sometimes

Just to make sure she's alright

Her heart turned cold, nothing about her emotions was personal. She turned into someone who was all tactical all the time, even when she didn't need to be. Then a blonde angel landed from the sky and answered all my prayers. She was strong and resilient but she lead with her heart and for the first time since my death Lexa was captivated by positivity in a cruel world. She had united the 12 clans and was almost finally able to defeat the mountain men yet I could see that the sparkle in her eyes wasn't because of her victories but because of the new presence she had in her life.

I had to admit the girl was beautiful with her blonde hair and eyes as blue as the clearest water. From the first moment they met I knew that she was about to start living her life again, to start feeling again. More than beauty Lexa admired strength and courage and it was clear that Clarke had a lot of both. She sees herself in Clarke and it makes her want to make the sky girl even stronger than she already is but what she has yet to realize is that it is Clarke that is making her stronger by thawing what the Ice Queen took from her. Her heart.

I watch them together, the way they plan, the way they argue and disagree. Clarke gives her a run for her money, and what Clarke doesn't know is that that only makes Lexa's feelings grow stronger. Clarke is better for her in ways that I never was, she understands her in ways I could never dream. They are drawn together like magnets. They compliment each other at every turn, where one has shortcomings the other makes up for it and vice versa.

My heart could not have been happier then the night she finally took off the necklace that held the ring I gave her close to her heart. She was finally living her life the way I wanted her to. Her resolve was breaking and her heart was once again taking control. She would not make the same mistakes again but she was understanding that she love was not weakness if you harnessed it in the right way.

I wish I could say thank you to the angel that fell from the sky and saved my Commander, my love. So if you are listening Clarke, angel from the sky, thank you for saving Lexa.

The End

A/N: I know the last Clexa fic I did was basically a song fic but I this idea came to mind and I just had to do it. Hope you all liked it, any mistakes are my own but I'm going to blame my daughter lol