I never believed that what I sought might become threatening one day.

Mom used to tell me while holding my hand :

"You see Yuu, life's waiting for you honey. And no one would be able to predict what you'll choose to do with it since it's your choice."

Then she tousled my hair and gently kissed my forehead.

I knew mom was the kind of person to put their trust in everyone. Sometimes it scared me. As a child, I feared those long afternoons when she was abroad; I was desperately longing for the telephone to ring.

TICK, TOCK…

I have to admit : in my child's mind, I thought that she would never return to me; or that she was annoyed taking care of a little brat and ran away with some rich old man. It could have happened. But it had not.

Mom was a genuinely warm-hearted woman. And she loved me. That's also why I grew up to become very dependent. Because inside of me, I still felt this frozen heart slowing down as I was staring at the telephone handset.

TICK, TOCK…

Later on, after graduating, I managed to enter a prestigious business school. There, I only met kids from very wealthy families. I was a friendly guy so I had no problems with making acquaintances. Although it never went beyond a certain state. I could not lower my guard. Otherwise it might become very dangerous.

Dangerous I say?

TICK, TOCK…

Not like it was life threatening, but more like I was the one who were likely to fall in this deep black hole.

The hole; I gave it a name : Misery.

Usually I was so afraid of it that from time to time it reflected on my mood. In general people surrounding me were not aware of it; just this guy. He was the only one.

TICK, TOCK…

I wonder how he saw me through these eyes of his. A coward? A yellow belly? Someone so weak that he could not let the people he called his friends find out his true nature?

If that's what he thought, he was probably right.

However, even now I can't tell what's going on inside of his brain.

TICK, TOCK…

"Hi, I'm Mika. Never saw you around. You're new?"

That's the first words he spoke to me. He looked like the type of nonchalant guy who cared about nothing and used to skip class to smoke alone on the rooftop.

So cliché.

But it was not that bad. Actually, I rarely —well, in fact never — hung out with people like him. I hated their guts.

I must had hit my head very hard to not mind his presence near me.

TICK, TOCK…

"I never go to this side of the court. That's all."

"You look like you have no friends."

I'm not lying. That's what he really said. And he didn't seem the least bit disturbed by it.

Of course, I was shocked at first; then I angrily glared at him. He had a little smirk corning the extremities of his lips. It made me mad.

"Even if you're never alone, you always look like you're elsewhere. In your lil' world. Ahem, just saying." ,he added.

It's probably starting from here that I fell in love. I suddenly realized that he had everything I was looking for in a person. Attention. Care. Love. I was sure he had it all. Appearance remained appearance. He was not the guy he wanted others to think he was.

"Do you know me?" , I asked.

TICK, TOCK…

"Would you be surprised if I said that I do?"

'How?' is what I should have desired to know. Instead, I just blushed like crazy and tried to hide my face.

"You do feel surprised." ,he laughed.

It was the best laugh I ever heard. Something so delightful that I was craving for more.

There, my dependence had appeared again.

TICK, TOCK…

After this first meeting I wasn't really in a clear state of mind. Not that his tactless behavior was still haunting me, but I was entirely soaked with his presence.

It's as if it was burning my skin, leaving inside a permanent deep and dark ink. My blood was not the same. It had literally changed. It was more intense; and also more agitated.

To put it bluntly : I was lovesick.

Then, my next matter was the big, enormous, monumental question facing me, standing in 3 single words : WAS I GAY?

TICK, TOCK…

My sexual preferences had always been a mystery to me. It should have been simpler, but one had decided otherwise.

Damn it.

That's why I so hardly believe in karma. It's all that makes sense to me. If not, why having created this heart and this brain in such a distorted way? I refuse to think that the failure I am has been the result of one white beard man's sadism. It is a so pessimistic vision of life. I can't simply go along with it.

In my childhood, my mother didn't quite understand why I refused to go to catechism classes, and why everyone there hated me.

Of course; because she didn't know how twisted I was on the inside. Had she known, she would have seriously freaked out.

TICK, TOCK…

But that was back then, and we're back now.

I grew up beautifully as they all said. Other moms were envious when they saw me. I was the perfect little boy. So soft; so gentle. Pretending to care for everyone; pretending to be interested in my female classmates as I was unconsciously staring at my buddies's body.

I could say that I liked everyone and loved no one. At this period of my life, my personal desires had been completely annihilated, devoured by the social and public opinion.

I was truly beginning to suffocate at this time. But no one suspected it.

Who could have? After all, I was the faired-skin little angel who kindly put on an adorable smile on his lovely face.

And now that I think about it, I realize how stupid I was. Foolishly, I started to think that by suppressing my identity, I could make people happier. I pretentiously thought this while drifting in a very lonely world made of silence and despair.

There I met Misery, my old companion who was still here, waiting patiently for me to fall in her arms.

TICK, TOCK…

But I did not. I stood still and held on.

Sometimes I had crisis. I woke up at night rushing to the bathroom and locked up myself inside.

My head was a mess; my heart was a mess and even my stomach happened to be affected by it.

I was 15 then, the young blood in my veins starting to boil furiously. I couldn't do anything about it. It was my body which expressed on its own accord.

One day where I had to go to the school infirmary because of a fainting, my mom asked me if I had problems with mates or friends. If it could explain why I was so sick lately.

I answered that everything was alright; that I was just going through the process of puberty; nothing to worry about.

It did not make sense at all, right? But you know what's all the more insane?

She didn't say anything in return. Seriously…who would believe that a teenage boy who looked perfectly fine in appearance would lose consciousness just cause of puberty?

The truth was that she didn't want to face the truth. It contained high risks; some very dangerous topics. And in her opinion, it wasn't worth it.

Did I resent her?

Yes,a lot.

Do I still resent her now?

Yes, more than ever.

TICK, TOCK…

"Yuu, are you coming or what? We don't have all day!" ,Mika shouted.

I remember how energetic he was during our first days spent together. I didn't know a damn thing about him and neither did he. We were like complete strangers, and it was what made the game so appealing.

He knew I was obviously preying on him, but he could not care less. His carefree and innocent attitude told me he was the kind of person to not judge people by their looks.

It was so rare. I wanted to dig in and explore all that he still had not exposed to me. And there was indubitably a lot.

Maybe too much to handle.

TICK, TOCK…

With time and patience, I learned that he was an only child so was I; that he had been raised in a foster-care care and that now his aspiration in life was to become someone as great as his biological father. He never explained what he meant by that though.

All that, we exchanged it secretly in a calm little pub near his house. Not once had he bring me home. I didn't ask him the reason, guessing that it would trouble him more than anything to have to come up with lame excuses.

And I didn't wish to see him embarrassed. It was not my purpose.

"You're awfully dynamic. Can't you rest a little bit? It's not good for you too. Your heart's gonna stop one day if you keep being this excited!" , I warned him.

He sat at the bar and without listening to me, he ordered both his drink and mine.

"I can still decide for myself. I'm not a child." , I insisted.

He glanced at me in a way which always made me feel totally helpless.

"So cute.", I let it slipped.

I wanted to bite my tongue but, anyway, he had already heard. I thought he was going to pout or act cutely just so he could turn my flirting comment into a joke, but surprisingly, he didn't.

"You are the cute one." ,he argued.

Under the shock, I thought I was going to spit the beer back. Hopefully —or not— Mika made an unexpected approach that kept me from humiliating myself in public. He slipped in beside me and slowly began to caress my temples and then ground them :

"If I do that, you'll become my prince, right Yuu? " ,he asked, eyes closed and showing a really concentrated expression. " It's like magic. I'm trying to catch your thoughts and manipulate them."

What the fuck was he saying? I had no idea. But, his weirdness was what also made me fall in love with him.

I suddenly grabbed his wrist and forced him to look me in the eyes :

"I don't know which game you're playing right now, but I wish you would stop. It's not funny whatsoever."

"I don't play games with you Yuu. I sincerely like you."

"No, you don't."

Stupid, isn't it? I had this once-in-a-lifetime opportunity to fulfill my so long waiting inner desires and I had to push it away!

Fucking Misery! This fear of mine to be abandoned was too deeply carved in my body and conscience to let me go. And my dependence, once again, took me over. I was so tired of this.

"How can you be so sure?" ,Mika said.

"Because nobody can love me. Because nobody knows me. Satisfied?"

Mika took a step back and started to observe me very closely :

"And if I said I see you for who you really are? Not the kind Yuu, but the tough one, what would you say?"

— Admirable — He was the first to persist in breaking all my defenses. And he was about to succeed if he kept it like that.

"I'd say you're crazy to think you know me, when I don't even know myself."

I was so sure he would back off this instant. However, he responded :

"That is why, if you don't know yourself, let me shape you so that you won't be able to not recognize you anymore. That is my deal Yuu. Agree?"

I looked at him with extremely suspicious eyes. It seemed awkward. All this tension between us. I wasn't used to this. Before, I didn't have to worry with feelings. I loved him. True. But I was happy just being by his side. His sudden change of behavior; honestly, I found it a little bit scary. As if I was framed by him and he had become my master, or something of the sort.

"I'm not making deal with you. You're my friend Mika. I can't think of anything different."

His blue eyes suddenly felt somewhat not the same. It was like he was piercing me with his stare. I smelled danger, and when I saw a dashing red light shining in his eyes, a horrible shudder echoed in my whole body.

"But to me, you look nothing like a friend…"

A sharp pain took my breath away. And that is all I can remember for now.

TICK, TOCK…

This sound's soon going to drive me crazy. Why didn't I accept his offer? Do I own a special talent for always being the protagonist of all the worst scenarios in the world?

No, let's say it's karma. Karma's way better.

Not like it can move its little finger and hurry gets his ass there to save me!

You must be confused.

Well, pardon me. It's not really nice being tied to a bed with nothing else on you other than a ridiculously small towel to cover your most intimate parts, so I tend to forget I have to speak politely. I'm really sorry for that.

"Shit." ,I mumble.

My eyes are half closed and are trying to understand what's going on. I can hear the dripping sound of some liquid inside the room. However, I'm totally unable to see where it comes from.

The nape of my neck seems to be completely paralyzed so I can't move as I would like to.

When my eyes finally accustom to the high-illumination, I begin to find my way through the place.

I start to analyse everything that is in my sight and find nothing but an empty room with absolutely no furniture. It is a strict, silent and creepy one-bedroom apartment.

TICK, TOCK…

Why am I here? What happened to me? These are two questions I have no idea how to answer them. But if I were to sum-up, it'd be something like :

• I hung out in a bar with Mika

• We started arguing like children about his maternal attitude

• I said something I shouldn't have

— Oh yeah— right, that's true. This is all my own doing. Because if I had not opened my stupid mouth, nothing of that would have happened.

Am I in some kind of horror movie or what? Am I going to be dissected by the guy I love or tortured for pleasure?

Ew! It would be so gruesome!

Well, then let's go back to our sum-up :

• Mika gave me a fucking weird answer

• I rejected his proposition

• He kind of punch me I think — but I can't remember it well —

and after that…

• I woke up here, in this bed, tied like a mere sausage.

It's really hurting my pride as a man.

I hear footsteps and someone suddenly walks in the room, a towel —bigger than the one which is 'supposed' to recover the lower part of my body—folded under their arm.

I squint but it's still hard to see a damn thing. My vision is all blurry and the paralysis of my nape keeps me from turning my head.

He did do something to me. Didn't he?

TICK, TOCK…

All of a sudden, the person who had come in the room begins to speak to me :

"Oh, you woke up! Is everything alright? Can I do something for you?"

I recognize a woman's voice. Maybe in her 30's ; but she's still young.

"If I'm allowed to know what I am doing here, it would be very welcomed." ,I say with a touch of irony in the sound of my voice.

"I'm very sorry sir. There's no such thing I can help you with. My employer has been very strict about it."

Her employer? Is she talking about Mika? Since when has he become an employer?

"Then, at least tell me where I am, why am I naked and why do I feel so dizzy."

She comes to me and gently touches my neck while inspecting.

"Good." ,she smiles. « The bite was not too deep. It should heal quite soon. »

The bite? What was she talking about? I was never bitten. Not from what I can remember.

TICK, TOCK…

"The master of this house is very fond of you. That's why he asked for my services. You're the first human to pique his interest, though he made some friends among them; but it's not the same kind of bond that links him to you. I think you're special, in a way."

I look at her with stupefied eyes. It seems that I am not the only one to be mentally disturbed. I found crazier than me.

I'm about to protest when the door opens on a young blond man with beautiful blue eyes. I immediately identify the newcomer and mumble something senseless, shocked to see what my friend has become.

Mika's wearing a white and gold uniform I've never seen and holds in a sheath a magnificent saber shining with red lights. He looks nothing like a student — more like a knight in fact.

Our eyes briefly meet ; and then he suddenly looks away.

"Didn't I tell you to cover him?" ,he shouts.

The woman bowes her head to Mika and declares :

"I'm sorry, sir. I'll come back with the sheets as soon as possible."

She hurries out of the room and lets the two of us alone.

TICK, TOCK…

"I'm sorry you have to bear this freezing cold when you have no clothes on you. It's not really nice." ,he first says.

"I thought you wanted to see me naked and abduct me."

He opens his eyes wide and his face suddenly turns red which makes him so frigging cute that it makes me want to hold him in my arms right this instant.

"I would never do such a thing!" ,he yells.

"I don't know. Apparently, you bit me on the neck. Not that I really mind, but it gives me the right to wonder about your motives."

Again, Mika looks away, eyes to the floor. Just how many times does he intend to shirk exactly?

"Oh, that…"

It annoys me. It seriously annoys me. I feel tricked. Tricked and betrayed.

TICK, TOCK…