Snarky Summer is oh so fun to write. I always saw her as a very gentle, kind, and soft-spoken person before, but I'm starting to warm up to this harsher Summer more.

Yes, it's gone to first person. There's no grand reason for this- I forgot that I hadn't written the previous parts in first person.

Tabula Rasa

It didn't take me long to get my nickname: McClane.

I'm sure there's not a single person on this planet that doesn't get that reference. On the off chance that you've been living under a fucking rock, it's a reference to the movie Die Hard. NYPD officer John McClane shows up to his wife's party in a big tower, some terrorists show up and shoot up the place, he saves everyone pulling off action movie stunts that would kill you if you actually tried them.

It's a fucking awesome movie.

Now I'm not saying I've wrapped a fire hose around my waist and jumped from the top of a skyscraper, because while I might be messed up in the head, I'm not that messed up in the head. I have, however, jumped down from two-story windows and I've leaped a lot of fences.

The funny thing is, I never realized there was anything weird about it until other people started commenting on it. Everything from that was fucking awesome to don't kill yourself, you're actually a decent officer. I guess I'd done parkour before getting my head smashed in, or maybe I was just a ninja in a past life.

And then there's the gunfights, where I'd just get out there like a fearless motherfucker. It's like I just wasn't worried about getting hit by bullets, which is A Very Bad Thing. I mean, we do wear body armour, but it's not that good. It just didn't feel natural to hide instead of getting out there, which is the very opposite of any sane person.

Maybe I am insane. But I'm working on it.

Funny thing is, when they asked me how I expected to not die horribly, the first thing I thought of was some New Age bullshit. Aura is the manifestation of our soul. With practice, our Aura can be the shield that protects us from harm. It is our dark and our light, and only by understanding both can we use our full potential.

Scratch that. I'm pretty sure that comes from some shitty Japanese anime. Maybe it was the last thing I watched before being run through the meat grinder.

Then again, it seemed real, but so did a lot of things. A lot of things that I knew weren't real. Sometimes I just can't trust myself, can't trust my own memories. Even years later, I still had the occasional bad memory or feeling of implacable doubt.

My kids, though, I was sure about. They're out there somewhere. No idea if I'll ever find them or if they want me to find them, but they're out there.

The nickname. It made me feel badass, which is actually another Really Bad Thing for a police officer. That feeling of badassitude, of invincibility, that gets people killed. It gets officers killed when they charge into situations they can't possible resolve. It gets innocents and criminals killed when the officer decides that they're the shit and goes way too far.

But my life isn't all fucked up. I may be fucked up, but I'm keeping other people from getting fucked up. I'm making something of all this, and that's worth it.