This is a one-shot about philinda. From May's POV. It might appear to be kind of weird.

It was ironic that she was brooding over exactly how angry she should be at Phil Coulson.

Okay. She didn't even know how she should feel about it. Throughout her life, she had always been full of emotions, which was why she seemed to overcompensate by hiding it too well, but now suddenly her feelings were like total strangers to her.

Damn Phil.

Well, it was supposed to be their date night, something they'd been looking forward to for a while, between the heavy schedule and commitment they had for the agency. What happened was Coulson call to cancel at the last minute.

For a good reason though, at least that what she told herself. Their agency was resurrected and no longer in darkness. As Directer, Coulson had been exposed to the press. His family finally knew about his survival, and recently he was even able to fly back home and visit. He didn't invite her; they were treading water with their new "sort-of"relationship and both agreed silently that it was too soon for her to tag along. Although the original plan was that he would fly back in the evening and spend the night with her, he just found out that his aunt was visiting and his mom asked him to stay for the dinner.

Of course he couldn't say no to that, and she understood. Family was important.

He apologized profusely on the phone and once she worked out the reason behind it, her first and only instinct was to say "it's okay. I understand." He said again and again that he would make it up for her, and she managed to reply half-jokingly "of course. You're gonna pay for this one for awhile", to which he broke into a laugh, sounding slightly relieved. He wanted to rearrange the date on the next day, and she said stubbornly that they could talk in the morning when he was back. She wished him enjoying his dinner and his response was he would try.

After she hung up, May stood to put the outfit she just picked out back in the closet. Really no real harm was done. She hadn't planned to make this date a big fuss in the first place. Right now it only meant she had an extra evening to deal with paperwork.

However, the tightness in her chest showed her she wasn't as okay as she phrased it, which by the way was exactly what Phil had pointed out on the phone. "It wasn't okay." he had said. And it was so frustrating that after being a specialist and dealing with complicated situation on the spot for decades, she didn't know what the protocol, the fine line, was in this situation.

Was it unreasonable for her to secretively be mad at Coulson over this one?

Was she being careless and indifferent if she didn't express her disappointment?

She genuinely had no clue.

Coulson was the first and only person who she completely welcomed to her heart and came along with that was a new world with new rules to stand by.

In the past, she hadn't believe in being unreasonable. You wouldn't got anywhere and nobody would tolerate you if you had a tantrum instead of handling whatever issue you had by yourself, not even your mother. Any desire or frustration beyond what could be justified by logic or reality was a luxury she never had.

One of the first lectures she taught Skye about herself was that she had feelings, only not wasting it over a tantrum. Now she realized that wasn't entirely true: she reasoned with her feelings, manipulated them and redirected them to a more worthy target; when she failed to do so, she was utterly ashamed by herself.

The truth was, she was overloaded by feelings and the only reason she hadn't collapsed yet was that she was darn persuasive to herself.

And damn Phil came along and broke the balance. He was expressive, proactive and so humble. He genuinely admired everything she achieved, with affection instead of awe. He wrapped her up with tenderness but never made her feel underestimated.

All her life was about control and her Achilles' heel was Phil Coulson. If her inability of resolving her secret crush on him years before wasn't enough as a hint. When they finally started dating, it was getting harder and harder to control her feelings because it didn't feel right to do so any more. It was like a itch that needs to be scratched. She wanted to lose control sometimes and Phil was the safest safe net that she would ever have, but she had no idea how.

As for tomorrow, she doubted she would let her frustration shown, but Phil would definitely not get off the hook easily.

The End