It's time

Martha was just standing there as she watched them try and bring back the lady in the bed. She had red hair just like hers and it was just as short as hers, it's just that there was something different about her.

Maybe it was all the wires and tubes that were connected to her. Maybe it was the fact that they had cut away almost all of her clothes, and she didn't even have any shoes on. That sounded cold and uncomfortable and it instinctively made her own feet cold.

Then they all stepped away from the lady in the bed and started putting away all the equipment that they had brought in and started the slow process of disconnecting her from all those wires and tubes.

"Time, …. 11:36 pm, cause, massive blunt force trauma." The man who looked to be in charge called out and Martha watched a nurse write it all down. "Where's her family?" Martha caught a look of sadness on his face for a moment and then it was gone.

His face told Martha that he had seen a lot of this and his walls were down for a fraction of a second, however they were all back up now. Doctors couldn't afford to get emotionally attached to their patients or it would cloud their judgement.

Martha turned to follow him, she wanted to see the ladies family. See what happened when they were told that the lady on the bed had died. Even if she was already pretty sure what she would see, and it brought a tear to her eye.

However as Martha reached the door he had just gone through that would take her out to the waiting room, the door in front of her changed. It went from a wood looking door to one that was all white. Plus she could hear voices from the other side, talking, just couldn't make out what they were saying. One or two however had a familiar sound to them. Voices that she hadn't heard in a very long time.

Martha was sure she was missing what the doctor was saying, however she didn't want to go through the white door just yet. While Martha waited and watched it started to fade and turned back into a wood looking door.

Martha had no idea how long she had been standing there, and yet she didn't feel tired. In fact she didn't remember how she even got here. It was obviously a hospital, Martha just didn't know which one.

It was now that Martha noticed that she didn't have her purse. How was she supposed to pay for a taxi to get home without the money that was in that purse? It had everything she needed, including her ID that had her address on it.

It was also now at this time that Martha knew she needed that ID card because she couldn't remember her own address, which she knew was impossible. Martha knew exactly where she lived.

Martha was trying to get a handle on all these revelations when the door opened and the doctor she saw earlier walk towards her and it gave Martha her chance to go into the waiting room.

The room was surprisingly empty save for one man who was sitting on the floor in front of one of the likely uncomfortable chairs sobbing loudly. Martha could tell that he was falling apart as she watched likely from what the doctor had told him.

His tears were falling like a river down his face. He was clean cut with more than a hint that he hadn't shaved in a few days. His hair was a little bit of a mess, however the clothes he wore told her that he usually kept himself in good shape.

Watching him cry quickly brought tears to Martha's face and started crying with him. Martha so wanted to comfort him, and take all of his pain away.

It was now that Martha started hearing those same voices again, only this time they were coming from behind her. It got Martha to turn and find that white door was back again.

Martha instinctively knew she was suppose to go through that door, except she also knew there was one thing that she needed to do first. Martha knew she had kept her mouth shut for far too long and it was time that she finally had her say.

"Not yet, there is something I need to do first. One last thing that I can do as a mother. Just one last task." Martha told the door and watched it slowly turn back into a wood looking door.

Martha turned back to the man who showed no sign of stopping his sobbing anytime soon. Martha had one last thing to do.

Martha walked for the door that lead outside just now sure how she was going to get there with no money for a taxi. She did however hope that her actions would in some small way help the man still on the floor sobbing uncontrollably and it was hurting her heart. Martha didn't even know the address, just that she wanted to go there.

Martha opened the door and stepped outside and found herself standing outside. However it didn't lead out to a parking lot like she expected it to. It got her to look around and she saw that she was on a porch that had one of those old two person swinging benches along with a small table and a simple cheap plastic chair. Just instead of white this chair was green.

Martha stepped off of the porch and looked around. It was a cabin that looked like it could use a paint job, however it had a cuteness to it that Martha liked. There were was a lone car in the drive that looked long and went she didn't know where.

The house had two floors and the front door had an older looking storm door. Martha smiled since she was betting that when it opened it would squeal and groan something awful.

The surrounding area was heavily wooded and quiet. Nothing like the sound of the city that she loved.

Martha however had a purpose so she stepped back up onto the front porch and looked at the door, and stepped over to the swing and sighed.

Kate was sleeping downstairs since it was still far too painful to go upstairs to her old room, so she was sleeping downstairs in her parents bedroom.

Kate had finally gotten her father to go home after he left behind a weeks worth of food and threats that he would be back next week to check up on her and deliver more food.

"Here is the phone Katie, now call Castle and your friends. You and I both know that they miss you and they only want to help you." Jim hands over her cell phone and starts to leave the bedroom that she was still in and had barely left in the last month.

"I'm fine dad, I don't need their help." Kate was being stubborn and she knew it, it's just that she was hurting in more ways than one.

"If by fine you mean stubborn and foolish, than yeah, you're the queen of fine. Call him Katie, your hiding out here isn't fooling anyone but you." Jim gave his last attempt at getting Kate to use the phone this week. He would be back next week and plead with his own daughter to pull her head out of her ass and listen to her heart for a change.

Jim knew he would fail this time and likely every time he tried till she finally went back to the city, and did what? Her friends were going to take her silence out on her and it was going to hurt then a lot more than it does now. Kate was just too damn stubborn to see it.

Jim walked out the front door and walked for his car and got in. Taking one last look at the cabin, since he knew this was a bad idea. He just didn't know his daughter anymore and without his wife, his chance of reaching Kate were slim. He needed someone.

Jim started driving away and started to seriously consider calling Rick and give him the address and tell him to drive out here. Those two were idiots, why can't they see what everyone else could see so easily?

Kate stayed in bed for a little longer till she figured it was time to get up and make her tiny lunch that was barely more than a snack. Her diet the doctor had put her on might be healthy for her, but she'd kill for a cheeseburger, fries and a shake. Plus she was suppose to eat something when she took her pills.

Kate was sitting in the kitchen just finishing up eating her tiny lunch when she reached for the first of the three little bottles that had her day pills. She had another three bottles with pills she had to take before going to bed.

Kate knew what she wanted to do with all of these pills, it's just that her solitude had come at a price. Her father wasn't going to leave until she promised on her mother's memory that she would take her pills with him gone.

Kate hated him for it, it was a low blow. Still she took out the three pills and washed them down with what was left of the juice she was allowed to drink. Kate supposed it was better than water.

It's just that Kate knew she was going to hate the morning since coffee was off of her list of approved beverages.

Kate slowly stood up and let out a low moan of pain as her chest and every other part of her that hurt, knowing that the drugs would take some of that away and that the night pills would take just enough away that she could get some sleep. Which was hard to do, she was constantly waking up in the middle of the night.

The nightmares at first were bad, just that now they were terrible. Kate could hear the shot and soon found her hands covered in Castle's blood as she begged him not to die on her. He was the only thing in her life that gave her any happiness. She loved him and she was running because how much she loved him scared the crap out of here. She couldn't lose him, if he was only going to be just a friend instead of more, even if more is what she dreamed of having.

Just that she would watch the light in his eyes go out. Lately after Castle died on her leaving her life in total darkness, she saw her mother standing next to him, with both of them crying. Kate knew it was her they were both crying for and Kate would wake up crying heavily which only made the pain in her chest even worse.

Kate picked up her phone and scrolled down her list, bypassing Lanie, Espo, Ryan and her father until she got to Castle and held her finger over the call button. Press it and talk to Castle, because she missed him.

Kate placed the phone on the counter and cried, she couldn't call him. She wanted him and didn't want him, and the crying only made the pain in her chest worse.

"I need to take my mind off of this." Kate tells herself, and walks for the book that is resting on the coffee table. Reaching down for it caused still more pain and got Kate to moan from the pain and squeeze her eyes closed.

With book in hand and her pain swallowed down she headed for the front door to sit on the swing out front and read. It was nice outside and she could use some fresh air she reasoned, and get further away from her phone.

Kate opened the door and pushed the screen door open and listened to it squeal and groan. It did get Kate to smile just a touch. That stupid door had made that noise since it was installed. Kate didn't know why her dad didn't fix it, it couldn't be that hard or time consuming.

Kate let it close and turned towards the swing. "MARTHA!?" Kate's eyes open wide, since she didn't even remotely expect to see her here.

"Hello Katherine." Martha almost sang her name, or so it always seemed to Kate. Martha was such a vibrant person.

"Martha, how did you get here?" Kate looked out for a taxi or Castle's car, and even felt herself soar a little at the thought that Castle hadn't listened to her like he never had before and was out here for a visit, or maybe if she was really lucky, stay here with her.

"We need to talk Katherine and I don't think I have much time." Martha wasn't exactly sure about that, it was just a feeling.

"Where's Castle?" Kate asks, since Kate figures Castle must have brought her out here. However Kate simply sees Martha smile.

"Please sit down dear." Martha waves her arm at the swing, and waits for Kate to sit. Listening to Kate moan from the pain as she does so.

"Are you taking something for the pain dear?" Martha was concerned, she liked Katherine and just had a few wishes for her.

"I'm fine Martha, I just took my pills till this evening. The pain should lessen just a bit soon." Kate assured her, since she didn't feel right lying to her. "You should sit Martha." Kate pats the empty seat next to her.

"I believe I'll stand dear, thank you." Martha smiled, somehow knowing that sitting would be a bad idea. "I know that my son loves you dear, he told me months ago. I also know that he finally told you after you were shot." Martha starts off with while watching Kate.

"Martha, ..." Kate stops when Martha holds up her hand asking her to stop.

It left Kate hanging her mouth open. MONTHS! Seriously? Had she really done this much damage to Castle that he couldn't or wouldn't tell her? Afraid that she would run or at least fight back and push him away.

"Just let me finish dear, after that you can do as you please." Martha asks of Kate who nods her head.

"I don't know the entire story dear, only what I drag out of my son. He told me he loved you months ago, but wouldn't explain why he was so afraid to tell you. Perhaps he was afraid of your response.

He seems to be tip toeing around you like he was walking on egg shells and afraid of breaking them.

You have brought out the best in my son. …. I've kicked myself for years for ever introducing Richard to Meredith. It's just that he was hurting so after Kyra abandoned him after he proposed. I really thought he would just have a little fun and snap him out of his funk.

I was shocked when he told me that Meredith was pregnant. And naturally being the son that I taught him to be, he asked her to marry him. … Alexis was the only good thing that ever came out of that marriage.

Alexis is such a perfect child, I could never have asked for a granddaughter that was ever better. My greatest sorrow is that she was forced to grow up without a mother. No adult female in her life, no one to call mom and mean it.

Gina was another of his mistakes. He was lonely and wanted to find someone that could be a mother to Alexis. It's just that Gina had no interest in Alexis as a mother or even a friend. My son disappeared again after the divorce and lost his way.

Until you came along. You challenged him, made him want to be better, make himself better so he could reach you. He lights up every time you call with another murder. My son wants to spend time with you, find out more about you, try to understand you.

Richard tells you that he loves you and yet here you are, out here all alone, on the run." Martha pauses as she works out the words to continue.

"Martha, …." Kate tries but Martha stops her again.

"You're out hear doing lord knows what, while my son is home falling apart. Not eating, not sleeping, not writing. He just sits in his office staring at his hands.

Did you know that you flat lined twice on the way to the hospital dear? That Richard and Lanie rode in the ambulance with Lanie on your gurney performing CPR as you flat lined yet again on the way down the hall to surgery.

Richard and Lanie were left behind in the hallway covered in your blood, scared out of their minds that you would die on them. The two people on this planet who love you the most and what did you do dear?

Run away all the way out here, away from everyone who loves you. You have pain we all get that, and how do you thank your friends for helping to save your life?" Martha pauses to look carefully at Kate and the tears that were running down her face.

Kate instantly felt ashamed of what she had done. She had only thought about herself, not what her actions would do to others.

"My son tells you that he loves you and instead of saying anything to him, you run off and let him suffer, thinking only of yourself. While all of your friends are left to suffer wondering what to make of your absence.

All of this leaves me with just one question Katherine. … Do you love my son?" Martha finally gets to the point.

"Because if you love him this is a pathetic and cruel way of showing it. And if you don't then you're just stringing him along, playing with his affection for your own sick benefit.

It's time to make a choice Katherine. Love my son and let him love you back, or cut him lose and stop toying with his affections. You have forced him to place his life on hold while he waits for you, only the pain you are presently inflicting on him is cruel of you, whether you love him or not.

So what's it going to be Katherine? Love someone and let them love you in return, or live the rest of your life alone and in pain?" Martha finally asks her to make a choice.

Kate couldn't believe this of Martha, what had gotten into her? And why now?

"And if I'm not ready." Kate didn't want to be alone, it's just that after her mother died and her father disappeared into a whiskey bottle, being alone was all she knew. Kate had learned only to count on herself.

Kate knew she didn't want to stay that way. Sorenson, Demming and Davidson were all the wrong ones to dive into life with. It's just that Castle felt like the one and that frightened her so very much. Keeping the status quo was safer.

"Do you really want everyone to suffer with you Katherine. Is this really the woman that your mother raised? What little I know about your mother I thought she was an amazing person and had taught you better.

If this is the woman you really are, perhaps Richard is better off without you. His only problem is that he loves you so much that he is willing to wait and let you abuse his emotions and play with his life.

So you have a choice to make Katherine, your time is up and I pray that it is the right one, for both you and my son. You two could be amazing together if only you would let it be so." Martha tells her and starts walking away.

"MARTHA, WAIT." Kate calls out and tries to stand only to cry out in pain since she did it far too fast.

"Why now Martha, and how did you get here?" Kate asks.

"Because my time is up here and I needed to do one last thing for my son, and for you dear. … As much as I don't like what you have done, I do care about you Katherine. You're almost like a daughter I never had.

And if you're worried about Alexis don't be. She is protective of her father, but deep down she just wants him to be happy. She just isn't happy about how you have treated her father from time to time.

Alexis is brilliant and rather grown up for her age. I think she grew up so fast because she needed to, to try and keep her father and his childish antics in line. Be a grown up so she could relate to her father whom she loves so very much.

The more you play with Richard's emotions the more likely she is to grow to hate you. And by the time you figure out what it is you want, Alexis will guide her father further and further from you.

As I said dear, your time is up. … As is mine." Martha starts walking again.

"Martha, where are you going?" Kate makes a play for her only to have her hand go right through Martha like she didn't exist.

Kate's mouth falls open and her eyes open wide as she slaps her hand over her mouth to silence the cry that wanted to escape.

"I'm not really sure where I'm going dear. I'm kind of hoping I will get to see my parents again. Maybe Richard's father if his time has already come.

Perhaps I will get to see your mother, Katherine. I have a hundred questions for her along with a lot of stories. I'd like to be able to give her a happy story, but I don't know if that is even possible. Perhaps she will share some of hers about you. I'd like to learn." Martha offers her hopes and dreams that she has now, since they are all she has left to hope and dream for.

"You're, … you're ..." Kate couldn't finish and could feel the tears running down her face. Kate liked Martha. Martha was the closest thing she still had to a mother.

"I'm dead dear, been dead for about an hour now. … An elderly lady who shouldn't have been driving had a stroke and sideswiped a car that sent her onto the sidewalk where I was and crashed both of us into the front section of a sandwich shop.

She killed me and three other people. Now Richard is on the floor of the waiting room of the hospital sobbing and falling apart as his world crumbles around him.

The woman he loves with all of his heart has abandoned him and he thinks that your boyfriend is out here helping you heal while he suffers your silence at home, alone. And now me.

Your time is up darling, as is mine. … Please tell my son goodbye for me and that I love him and have always been proud of him. I'm going to really miss watching Alexis grow up into the woman I know that she will be.

I was hoping to spoil all of my grandchildren, at least I got to spoil one of them." Martha smiles and goes back to walking while Kate watches her suddenly disappear like having a door close behind her.

"MARTHA!?" Kate fell to her knees and felt the pain shoot up her legs and straight to the pain in her chest and in her heart.

It was hours later as Kate sat on the sofa still crying from everything that had happened. It wasn't enough that she lost her mother, but Castle had to lose his and her adopted mother so to speak.

Alexis! Kate knew this was going to kill her. Just was Martha really dead, or was it the pills?

"I'm dreaming, please tell me this is a dream." Kate asks the ceiling. "Choice!"

Kate gets up off of the sofa and grunts in pain and picks up her cell phone and scrolls till she gets the name she wants and this time doesn't wait to press the call button.

"Voice mail." Kate curses and ends the call not leaving a message. "It may take him hours to listen to his voice mail." Kate talks to herself.

Kate decides on a text message instead, and hopes he sees it. "Can't take the chance." Kate scrolls down her contact list again and presses the call button.

"Hi Lanie." Kate knew she was going to be mad.

"Girl where the hell are you? Everyone is going nuts wondering what has happened to you. Castle hasn't been in the precinct since you disappeared. Even if the new captain did throw him to the curb." Lanie wanted answers.

"I know Lanie, I made a mistake and I'm sorry. Lanie I need a favor, Castle isn't answering his phone and I sent him a message. I need you and the boys to find him and make sure he reads it.

Please Lanie, it's important." Kate asks of her.

"Castle is probably mad at you girl, you're going to be lucky if he hasn't erased your email already. … I'll call Espo and see if we can track him down. But you owe me answers girlfriend, you owe all of us. We're your friends and you almost died on us." Lanie would do it, but that didn't mean she wasn't mad.

"I know Lanie and I'm sorry, please, just find Castle." Kate hangs up the phone. "Before Castle does something stupid." And Kate falls back onto the sofa and simply cries. If Castle did something stupid and she lost him, it would destroy her. Worse than even losing her mother had hurt.

Kate was sitting on the sofa watching the clock and it was getting to her. Her mind was making up all kinds of stories in her head. Castle killed himself out of grief for what she had done plus losing his mother.

He was too busy crying that he crashed his car and was in the hospital with serious injuries or even dead. It was enough that she pulled out her phone again and scrolled to Lanie's name and held her finger over the call button.

Then Kate heard the sound of a car outside, and not just any car either. There was only one car that she knew of that made that kind of sound. It got Kate up out of the sofa, groaning in pain.

Kate had the front door open and watched Castle exit his Ferrari and stride for the front door and her.

"Beckett?" Castle was cautious. His heart was already a fragile thing with his mother gone. He hadn't even been able to tell Alexis yet, since he wanted to do it in person and not over the phone.

Kate smiled and stepped into Castle and wrapped her arms around him, feeling the pain in her chest and getting her to groan in pain. "I love you too Castle, I love you too. … Take me home Castle, I don't want to be alone anymore." Kate tells him and looks up at him.

Kate could see the start of a smile even though the pain in his eyes was still there. This told Kate that it really had been Martha and that she was dead and Kate's eyes started to water from the tears and the crying for her loss that was soon going to take her.

"Should you be alone Beckett?" Castle didn't like the idea of leaving her alone in her apartment, not when he had to stay at home for Alexis. They were going to need each other with his mother gone. Alexis was going to take it as hard as he did.

Kate had a very strange sense of timing to send him what she did in the text. It did however brighten his dark world and get him out here breaking all of the posted speed limits after Espo found him.

"To the loft Rick, take me home to the loft." Kate asks of him while cupping his face with her hand.

Kate had made her choice and she hoped Martha knew what it was. It just hurt that it was such a high price to pay to bring her to her senses.