Who knew two (well, technically three) words could change everything?

"I'm pregnant."

Those two words almost sent Squidward into cardiac arrest. He had heard the stories of husbands dreading those words when they became spoken. His own father had laughed, as if it was some sort of joke. When it had hit Mr. Tentacles, well, Squidward's mom had told the story from there.

Lax stared at Squidward sheepishly. The squid was (perhaps none to oddly) quiet. He was unsure of whether to laugh it off as silly, thus hurting his wife's feelings, or be overjoyed. Or he could run. There was always running from your problems.

Because that works, Squidward deadpanned mentally. He decided to inquire about the preposterous claim.

"How did you find out?"

"The doctor told me. A few months ago, actually," Alaxis answered. "I waited to tell you because I was unsure of how you would react."

"It's," Squidward fished for the right word, "curious. Is it a normal baby?"

"We don't know yet." Alaxis replied.

Squidward awkwardly rubbed his neck. Sure it should have felt natural, but he was essentially a human squid, and she was, well, a normal human. He could tell that she felt the same way, if her shyness was anything to go by.

"So, how does that work exactly?" Squidward asked.

"You know how it works," Alaxis spat, though she made it evident that she didn't mean to come off harsh. Squidward could feel his appetite draining. He was due for another round of coffee with Spongebob.

Friday, after work, the two pals met up at the usual place once more. The weather was warm, it being June, and Buffalo Café showed this through tan décor around the restaurant. Two cardboard palm trees evoked a sense of the beach, even though the nearest palm trees, at least to Squidward, were many, many miles south of Seattle.

In spirit of the season, Spongebob was now drinking a blueberry smoothie. He still drank his coffee, of course, but today, he aimed to change the pace. Also, Patrick also joined them.

Spongebob laughed loud and long. Other patrons were beginning to stare. Squidward gave a toothy sarcastic grin, before flashing a glare at Spongebob.

"You knew this, didn't you?" Squidward accused.

"Well," Spongebob held back the rest of his chuckles, "if she was any good mother, she wouldn't have taken the champagne. So that was a gambit."

"So," Patrick asked, "is it going to be a mermaid?"

Squidward slapped a tentacle over his face and muttered. Spongebob rested a hand on his friend's shoulder.

"Squid, congratulations," he smiled.

Squidward smacked his hand off.

"How can you congratulate me? Alaxis could be the mother of an abomination and we're drinking champagne!?"

"Um, blueberry smoothies," Spongebob corrected.

"That's not the point!" Squidward whisper yelled hysterically.

"Squidy, calm down," Spongebob offered.

"I can't be calm!" Squidward covered his head with both tentacles.

"Sandy told me that our baby's going to be a sponge. So, you'll probably get to have the same situation. The kid'll probably look like you or Lax."

"And you find comfort in that, how?" Squidward asked skeptically. "If it is a squid like me, then fine. But if it isn't…"

"What are you suggesting?" Spongebob was mortified.

Squidward replied with a flat look, before conceding and sighing. He rested his head on the table. He knew that he should be happy, but he wasn't feeling comfortable with the situation. Especially any unfortunate implications. Squidward groaned.

"I'm regaining my cynicism," he grumbled.

"I'll get the tikis!" Patrick cried, causing Squidward to jolt upright.

"No, No! I'm fine! Honest!" Squidward couldn't bare a repeat of the tiki incident. Patrick nodded, but he looked at Squidward with a suspicious look. As if he was ready to buy tikis at the drop of a hat.

"Just wait before panicking, Squidy ol' buddy! Things will be just fine!" Spongebob assured.

Two more months had passed. Now Alaxis had a more noticeable stomach, and she went to great lengths to hide it. Squidward shook his head every time she bought a wider shirt. She had taken maternity leave from her job earlier in the month, and that relieved her. Though Squidward was unsure why, he gathered that her current "medical state" made her feel embarrassed. Again, he knew not the reason why, for he figured that it should be a normal thing. Then again, she had shown that she hated the notion of being considered fat. And Squidward again thought that was unavoidable, and thus, unreasonable. But, he digressed. If she felt ashamed for some reason, he had tried all the methods in the book to calm her.

Talks with Spongebob inferred that it probably was due it to being her first time. Squidward had asked Spongebob why he could be so sure, since Sandy was acting as if nothing was different about her. Spongebob expertly dodged the question, chalking it up to comparing "apples to oranges".

Of course, all of this lead to a fateful doctor's visit a particularly warm August afternoon. It had rained very little that summer, and so Squidward felt none too good about the rain as he took Alaxis in to see the doctor.

He sat in the clinic for an hour, his tentacles held together by the suction cups. A few people in there stared at him, save for a couple of fish folk. When Alaxis came outside, she was in a wheelchair. When she got up, she smiled.

"What's the situation, doctor?" Squidward asked. He was unsure of the proper medical term, since Alaxis wasn't suffering an illness.

The doctor smiled.

"She's going to give birth to a healthy baby girl!"

"Um, nice," Squidward said, pulling the doctor away slightly. The doctor gave a concerned look when Squidward asked, "Is she a squid?"

"I'm not sure I understand," the doctor seemed visibly grossed out.

Squidward slapped a palm over his face. Of course!

"I mean does she look like me?"

The doctor nodded in understanding before shaking his head.

"From what we can tell, she's developing like a human. Does that worry you?"

"Um, yeah. It does," Squidward said honestly.

"Well, we'll have to wait until the baby is born to make sure, but don't doubt yourself sir. I've found that in relationships like yours, offspring usually take after one parent or the next. Of course, your relationship is unique, but that doesn't change the precedent. Mrs. Tentacles seems like a good woman. You do trust her, right?"

"Of course I do," Squidward felt insulted by the notion that he didn't.

"Then sleep easy," the doctor said. Turning to face Lax, he said, "I'll see you again next month, Mrs. Tentacles. Take it easy now!"

Squidward folded his arms and rocked on his heels when the doctor went back inside. Alaxis took in the sight of her husband, but she didn't say anything. She had hoped that he would be happy. Squidward was, he was just being cynical again. It had stayed away for such a long time, yet it was coming back in force.

Four months had passed. The mood swings, cravings, and other associated traits had come in swing. Then came the baby shower, which was admittedly small. Then came the time for the hospital trip. Sandy had beat them to the maternity ward by a day, which made Spongebob excited, since it met that their kids would be born quite close to each other. Of course, that was a bit of an understatement, seeing as how it appeared that they would be born the very same day.

As it happened, Sandy was in the room next to Lax, so Spongebob and Squidward sat on the same bench. Lax's parents had also come, although her mother was currently inside, trying to help. Patrick too stood outside the two rooms, and he was jumping for joy.

"I get to be an uncle!" Patrick squealed, causing Sam and Squidward to both facepalm.

After a while, screaming had begun and Spongebob had begun pacing, Patrick taking his seat on the bench. Eventually the screaming stopped, and Spongebob asked, "Do you think something's wrong?"

Squidward was about to snort, when he caught sight of Spongebob's eyes. They were scared. This confused Squidward. In the past two years, Spongebob had been his voice of support and reason. But Squidward remembered that even the cool and calm could get scared.

"First time dad I bet," Sam stated. When Spongebob nodded at the much older man, Sam said, "She'll be fine kid. Just try to stay calm."

"Yeah, Sponge," Squidward added. "You're the most optimistic person I know. Smile!"

Spongebob responded with a cheeky smirk that turned into a full smile. Suddenly, an infantile cry came from Sandy's room, and the sponge dashed to the mother's aid. Patrick giddily following him.

Squidward shrugged and went into Sandy's room. The room was surrounded by blue curtains, and filled with doctors in scrubs. Spongebob held the freshly wrapped newborn, and his eyes widened as he caught sight of a small brown hair peeking out from under the cap. As only female sponges had hair, Spongebob asked, "It's a girl?"

"Surprise!" Sandy smiled.

Spongebob plastered a wide smile on his face.

"It's a girl!"

"What do you want to name her?" Sandy asked Spongebob. The new dad turned to look at Squidward and Patrick, then back to Sandy.

"Really?"

When Sandy nodded, Spongebob said, "Well Olivia's taken now, how about Brittany?"

"Brittany Squarepants…" Squidward deadpanned. Patrick was a little less skeptical.

"It's perfect!" Patrick approached Spongebob, and looked at the baby. Spongebob handed Brittany to his best pal.

"Hey there, baby girl! Meet your Uncle Patrick!" Patrick gave a full smile at the newborn, who suddenly opened her eyes. Tiny arms started to reach out, when Spongebob gently took her back.

"Hey Brittany, I'm your Papa!" The baby turned her head to look at Patrick. Spongebob playfully teased, "Great, she likes you better already."

Everyone shared a good, light hearted laugh. Suddenly, Sam walked in, grabbing Squidward. Concerned, the squid followed his father-in-law into Alaxis' room. She was now officially a new mother, holding a small grey bundle.

"There's someone I want you to meet," Lax said to the bundle, handing the baby to Squidward. Squidward accepted it, frowning. It was a perfect human baby. He had at least expected something weird, like tentacle hands or something.

Squidward awkwardly smiled at the baby, before handing it back to Alaxis.

"That was your dad," she whispered. "He might not look like you," Squidward took that comment like a gut punch, "but he's one hundred percent your dada!"

Squidward cleared his throat uncomfortably. He turned to look at the Grants, in hopes that they weren't listening. They were.

"What was that about?" Sam asked. Laura went to hold her grandchild, and Squidward faced Sam.

"I was just expecting her to look, different."

"Not a lot of people are born with a healthy baby anymore. You should be grateful."

"I feel like such a jerk, needing Lax to indirectly tell me that this was all us," Squidward said, bending his head.

"And you should," Sam agreed. "My daughter loves you. She had one boyfriend in high school."

When Squidward acknowledged him, Sam continued, "He ended it because he outgrew her, and he had suspected her of doing the same."

Squidward gulped.

"My point? She was ready to spend her life with him too. And he broke her heart. It took time to heal from the bruising. She's a committer. And if you doubt her for any reason, she might be making a mistake trusting you," Sam's words cut like steel. Squidward felt deserving of it. "So, Mister Tentacles," he never called Squidward that, "do you trust my daughter?"

Squidward replayed the past two years in his mind. She had stuck with him, through thick and through thin, and even when they had split up for a brief period, they had missed each other. She was scared to get married only because she feared that same persecution that had bombarded them before. Still, she was a fighter, and he highly doubted that she wouldn't stay true to her word. So did he trust her?

"Yes. I do."

*Breakline*

Both new families had left the hospital after a week. Squidward figured that since his daughter took after her mother, he and Lax decided on the name "Laxi" Tentacles. It was not a nickname. It was not the short version of her name. Laxi Tentacles was the full name of their daughter. Spongebob joked and said that she could be viewed as a Junior.

So now, the Squarepants household comprised of two daughters, a snail, and a friend, while their "sister family" had their first child. Patrick had grinned a lot that week, stating how he had become an uncle…twice!

As Squidward drove home his new family, he confessed.

"I'm sorry Lax," he said.

"Why?" Alaxis replied.

"I had a nagging fear that somehow," Squidward's sentence trailed off as he turned to look at the baby. Alaxis caught his drift and nodded, ruffling the blanket around their daughter.

"Your father called me out, and I feel like a massive jerk because of it."

"Don't," Lax reasoned. "You're new to this. I am too. Genetics are funny, too. I don't know why she doesn't like more like both of us, but I can accept it. But more importantly, I know how it looks. And how it must feel for you."

Squidward sighed lowly, taking a turn.

"So you don't have to apologize to me. I know that you didn't mean to doubt me personally. If anything, I'm glad."

This took Squidward by surprise, so he snapped his neck towards Alaxis.

"It shows that we need more communication. Talk about any 'nagging feelings'. This ordeal has potentially made us stronger," Lax finished.

Squidward pulled over to the side of the road. She was right. If he'd only talked to her, instead of being suspicious and ignoring everyone else's attempts to calm him, the situation could've spared him much embarrassment in front of his father-in-law. And he wouldn't feel like such an idiot. He had to remedy this.

"What are you hungry for?" Squidward asked. Lax looked at him funny, before responding, "Italian."

Squidward nodded, then sped off towards the fanciest Italian restaurant in town to celebrate such a big event in his new life with his better half. Dear Neptune above, he never considered the truth in that statement.

A/N: I was feeling generous, so I give you two chapters in one day. I originally had an idea to give Laxi cute wittle tentacle arms, but that seemed squicky and weird, so I didn't do thought. If any of you thought that that would've been cute, then I apologize. I got more CD(Character Development, for future reference) for Squidy this way. And you have to admit, Squidward's the type of person who'd be very skeptical about anything good in his life, but things have been going so great so far, so I needed someway to show Squidward that not everything he has to fear. I hope that conversation with Sam reflected that. Anyway, too long of an A/N again, so I'll let you all go!