A/N: I've been sitting on this for a while, but I guess now's a good time as any to post it. Before I chicken out of it completely. It's a songfic. Sort of.

I claim ownership over nothing but the context of how this story came to be… and the demons whispering incessantly in my head.

Song: Garden of Everything, composed by Yoko Kanno, sung by Steve Conte, and Maaya Sakamoto. Go and give it a listen if you've never heard it before, it's a gorgeous gorgeous song.

- Chapter One -

It was a beautiful Thursday, like it had been the entire past month. Bright sunshine, clear skies, and by all means he should be happy like everyone he passed on the street and on campus. But he wasn't. Ace had been making his way from one class to the next when he paused in front of a food stall. The campus was littered with them and he wasn't particularly hungry. But he couldn't stomach sitting through another lecture. Ace mentally kicked himself for choosing to take three lectures in one day, it had felt like a good idea at the time. It didn't help that he was probably overdue for another visit to his counselor, but after ten years, he doubted it would do him any good. Deciding to grab an early lunch in favour of sitting through another three hours in a suffocating lecture hall, he bought a burger and fries and made his way to a nearby park.

Four days until the anniversary of his brother's death. Sabo… no- keep it together… depressed and miserable didn't even scratch the surface of how he felt. He took a few halfhearted bites out of the burger. A throng of seagulls and pigeons had gathered around, eyeing the meal he had all but abandoned. He knew from experience those birds were vicious, they were just sizing him up to see if they could get away with outright stealing the food. They had succeeded only once before, but he wasn't in the mood to fight with them. Not now, not this day.

Ace sighed and tossed the food to them, watching impassively at the pandemonium that broke out in front of him. Luckily, the park was nearly deserted at this time and the commotion went relatively unnoticed. Had it been any other time, he would've found the scene amusing, but the slump he was in was only the beginning. It was getting lose to date of Sabo's death and he would go visit the grave every day of the coming weekend and the following week. Then I'll bury the misery and the guilt for another year like I've always done. He scowled at the thought, he'd have to make it through the rest of the day and Friday first. Move on. The birds have all but polished off the tossed food and moved on, leaving only emptiness and silence behind.

Two hours left until his last class of the day according to his watch. He picked up his bag again and made his way back to campus slowly. It was too late to go to the lecture he ditched, he might as well get some reading done in the library till the last class was due to start. I'm behind enough on the course work as it is. At least he had the presence of mind to talk to his professors before he broke down completely.

-
Here you are
Daylight's star
Made out of miracles
-

Ace sat in front of the humble grave. Life was a bitch and he knew it, was reminded of it every single day, but it didn't make the injustices any more bearable. The small tomb sat in a cemetery on the mountain, one side cut off by a cliff overlooking the sea. It had been the only thing Sabo ever asked for, that when he died, he wished to be buried by the sea. Not that his parents had known it, or cared for that matter. They were far too engrossed by their work and perfect lifestyle to give a rat's ass about their not-so-perfect son. Imperfect only in their goddamn eyes, Ace thought vehemently.

As far as those assholes were concerned, Sabo's death had meant nothing. Just whose fault was it that he felt suffocated to the point of acting out like that? They've gone so far as to replace their missing son with an adopted child not two months later. Just how much do you think he was forced to suffer because of you assholes? The same thoughts flitted through his mind as they had year after year. He hated that he blamed Sabo's parents for the tragedy. All it led to was the reminder that he was equally, if not more, guilty.

It was his fault Sabo had died. Sabo had returned to those pathetic excuses for human beings to protect him and he'd blamed him for it. He hadn't known any better at the time, he had felt betrayed. I'm sorry… He had been alone his whole life. I would've been all alone if I hadn't met you… It hadn't been even a year later that Sabo had run away from 'home' again, only this time, it had gone horribly wrong. He had been found dead in an ally, shot to death by a nameless killer. I'm so sorry…

He couldn't stop the outpour of tears. Life isn't fair and the world was full of injustices. But he didn't care, he had to fight Sabo's parents tooth and nail to put Sabo to rest where he would have wanted. It had also been the first time he begged his grandfather for anything. Begged and promised to pay back the debt however he could. Ace curled up tighter into himself, clutching painfully at his chest. I know I should be begging for your forgiveness, but I'm only making excuses for myself.

"Sabo…" Ace whispered quietly to himself, muttered apologies that will never be heard. I'm sorry… I should have come for you. "I'm sorry…"

He sat in front of the grave for what seemed like hours, wallowing in self-hate and loathing. I promise, I'll tell you about how things have been going later, so just for today, let me cry… The sun had begun to set by the time he rose from his sitting place. An entire day wasted on tears, just like all the other years.

-
Perfection
Of your own
-

Ace stood overlooking the abyss below. The seawater churned violently as it hit the cliff and swirled around the jutting rocks. The wind carrying with it the fragrance of sea as the foam floated up from below. The setting sun threw up brilliant show of light, none of which reflected in his dark orbs. He had eyes only for the darkness underneath. Leaning a little more over the railing, he felt mesmerized by the sight of the flowing water below. There were no other visitors to the graveyard as far as he had seen, not that he had been in the state of mind to care even if there had been. He was alone in every sense of the word.

No… as he reminded himself time and time again, he wasn't alone anymore. He knew Garp cared for him, the man was just too busy keeping his own family together to pay much heed to him. Plus, it had been his choice to move out when he went off to university two years ago. He still made sure to visit the grave, having booked a hotel at the foot of the mountain for an entire week. The old man would be bringing his brother Luffy to visit the grave with him on the anniversary of Sabo's passing. Two more days. He let out an exaggerated sigh. How screwed up is it that I can't stand being alone, but can't stomach being around people either…? His full weight was rested on the railing and briefly, he wondered how much simpler everything would be if it had just given way. Then it would all be over. But Luffy would be all alone then…

He had been so lost in his thoughts that he jumped in surprise when the lights overhead switched on. The sun had set below the horizon and the skies were pitch black. Ace turned away from the water, the light's reflection dancing across the surface appeared dangerously enthralling. He sat down against the railing, it was enough to just hear the sound of the waves. He was caught in a wave of nihilism, but the strong emotions at least served to ground him to reality. A demon he fed willingly.

Ace stood again, slowly, reluctantly. If he didn't leave now, he would risk missing the last bus down the mountain. He wasn't up for the trek down the nearly unlit mountain road, even if he'd passed through it enough times to have the entire layout memorized. He checked his watch quickly, he would have to hurry, but he'd make it. There was no way in hell he was getting stranded up here. Again.

"I'll come visit again tomorrow." He whispered in the general direction of his brother's grave before making his way towards the path towards the exit.

-
You Alone
O so incredible
-

He didn't know what he expected, but to literally run into another person wasn't exactly high on that list. Damned place really need to install more lights. Ace growled to himself as he picked himself up and reached out a hand to help the stranger up. It didn't matter how out of it he was, literally plowing over another human being just shouldn't happen. I'm an idiot. It didn't matter that the other man was wearing dark clothes, so was he. They were in a graveyard visiting lost loved ones.

"Sorry, I didn't see you…" Ace was sure the man thought he was as ridiculously stupid as he felt at that moment.

"It's fine." The stranger replied and took his hand, allowing Ace to help him up. The man was blond with blue eyes from what he could make out in the dim and far off light. They stood for a moment looking the other over in awkward silence. The blond's hair was disheveled from the fall, but didn't seem bothered by it. Ace couldn't stop himself from staring, the stranger was definitely a foreigner, about his age, with sharp facial features, an intriguing hairstyle, broad shoulders, and stood half a head taller than him.

He fought hard to keep a neutral expression. ...How in the fucking hell did I…

The blond quirked an eyebrow, confusion and worry evident on his face. Ace wanted nothing more than to dig a hole right there, there was no way he was going to live this down. Perfect, he probably thinks I'm crazy too… These days, he hated himself more than he cared to admit to anyone.

"Shit! We need to go, we're going to miss the last bus down the mountain." Ace cursed, snapping back to the looming reality at hand.

The other man barely had time to react before Ace tore off again, practically dragging him along. Through some miracle, they had made it just as the bus came into view. At least he knew his way to the bus stop.

"Ya… this is why I was in such a hurry." Ace grinned sheepishly at his new companion as they boarded the bus. He hoped desperately that this would redeem himself, at least slightly, in the other man's eyes. The bus was empty save for the two of them. The interior was dark, the only constant source of lighting came from the headlights of the bus. So maybe I've had enough of feeling sorry for myself.

The blond nodded in understanding, a small smile gracing his lips. The remainder of their ride together was spent in amiable conversation. Ace wasn't really in the mood for making small talk, but an entire day of holding one-sided conversations had left him drained and pining for company. Briefly, he wondered if it was the same for the blond stranger, but couldn't bring himself to ask. Deep down, he knew that it was only out of politeness that the blond was willing to put up with him. Maybe the meeting hadn't been the worst thing to ever happen to him. Getting up at his stop, Ace bid the other man farewell. A part of him regretted not introducing himself, but knew it was better this way. We're just strangers that happened to meet… nothing more.

Ace made his way to his lodgings in a hazy stupor. He was exhausted from the long day and sick of feeling miserable. It didn't help that he's barely eaten at all, not that he was in the mood for food. He plopped down on the bed without bothering to remove his clothes and curled up into the blanket. It was just as well he went to sleep now, any reprise from the draining reality was welcome.

He made his way up the cemetery at dawn the next day. He couldn't help the anxiety and fear that welled up in him. Just one more day… He spent his time much like the day before, burning incense and laying out an offering of food and alcohol. He didn't care that Sabo had died as a child, he would've wanted it. He made an effort to keep his ramblings lighthearted and interesting. Things had had happened in the past year, events that his brother would have loved to have been a part off.

He left the gravesite as the sun had just begun to set this time. He was too anxious, too distracted, too afraid to spend anymore time there. He couldn't even bring himself to look at the ocean this time. Garp and Luffy would be meeting him at his lodging at noon the next day and he needed to at least be presentable. He didn't need Luffy to find out about his unstable state of mind and worry for his sake. It had been troubling enough when Gramps found out about the problems and insisted on taking him to see a counselor. A big help that has been…

A/N: I started this figuring I'd write a quick-ish oneshot, 10k words later and I decide that it'd make more sense to break it up into an actual multi-chapter story.

This story'll be roughly fourteen chapters, give or take one or two. Yes, I actually took the time to break everything up so I have the lyrics spaced out all nice and stuff.