"And so does your mom." -Roman Torchwick
"Alright," Glynda Goodwitch said with a hellbent tone, "let's start cooking class."
"Teacher, I have a question!" An unnamed background character screamed like a little girl.
"Yes? What is it, you little son of a bi- baby?"
Mr. Son of a Bi-Baby asked curiously,
"Why is there a cooking class at Beacon, and why are you our teacher?"
"Obama."
"What?"
"Nothing. Turn to page three-hundred ninety four."
Ruby Rose hummed happily. Cooking class! She had been waiting so long for something as magnificent as a cooking class to refresh her mind from dozens of boring classes. From Professor Pork's outrageously long stories to Professor Pork's outrageously long mustache, she felt like pork before she started cooking class.
Now, she felt happy! She was going to make some cookies or something.
"Before you all cook your own sh- stuff," Glynda stated professionally, "we're going to make something together. We're going to make a Cardtasm.
"The Cardtasm is a composition of many things combined into a single soup. The materials we are going to use is Cardin Winchester."
"...Wait, wha-"
Without a sound, Cardin Winchester turned into a Cardin Sandwich.
"Why is the recipe consisted of a sandwich, Ms. Goodbi- Goodwitch?" Yang asked curiously.
"Don't question my totalitarian instructions, Ms. Xiao Long."
So Yang frowned like Vladimir Putin would before turning to Blake.
"PST," Yang asked as quietly as possible-
"I can hear you, Xin Long."
"...Sigh... wait, what did she just call me-"
Glynda Goodwitch picked up the Cardin Sandwich, shaking the sandwich until Cardin Winchester slipped out of the sandwich.
"Whew! Thanks for the help, Ms. Goodwitch!" Cardin exclaimed with a shit-eating grin. "Oh, DA-yum, my pants are wet just from the salad dressing in that goodwich, Ms. Sandwitch!"
"Shut the fuck up."
As Cardin fell silent while returning to his seat, Glynda put the Cardin Sandwich into a boiling pot to show the class how to make a Cardtasm. Everyone watched in silence!
When the Cardin Sandwich made contact with the boiling lava in the pot, it screamed, "AGHHHHHHHHHH MY EYES! OH MAN, IT'S ALL OVER my dick."
Glynda punched the sandwich into the lava, sealing its fate.
"Now, with the Cardin Sandwich in the Cardtasm composition, we need Ozpin."
"Ms. Goodwitch," Weiss Schnee, who sat next to Ruby Rose, said out loud, "Ozpin has passed out recently, so he won't be able to die for us."
"What a convenient timing. Let's put in my glasses instead."
After putting her glasses into the pot, a delicious aroma filled the room
right before the pot blew up.
Tainting the entire room with icky red liquids, Ms. Goodwitch winked at Jaune Arc (who shivered uncontrollably before passing out) as she exclaimed,
"Class dismissed!"
Ruby Rose screamed from a distance, "OMIGOSH NORA TURNED INTO COOKIES!"
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Cardin bolted up from his bed, his eyes wide as he took heavy breaths due to the dream he just experienced.
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"...That was awesome."