I've decided that this is just a fun crackfic (because really, Carlisle would never risk his family's safety like this in a world where the Volturi are still in charge) and therefore he can write whatever he wants about Aro and Chelsea. But I also like the idea of Garrett having an underground vampire publishing company, so feel free to imagine that scenario as well :)

Another note: Camilla10 has adopted and posted the chapter on sexuality, and she did a great job so go check it out! It's rated M of course, but nothing too scandalous ;) Enjoy!

Excerpt from An Examination of Vampirism by Carlisle Cullen, M.D. (1640- )

Chapter Five: The Gifted Vampire

The author is eternally indebted to Eleazar Denali for his assistance in the compilation of this chapter.

The study of supernatural gifts is a most fascinating topic. Any vampire who has travelled and met others of his species has either personally met or heard about gifted vampires, if he is not one himself. There is certainly a greater proportion of gifted to nongifted vampires than there is of gifted to nongifted humans; however, it is impossible to tell whether this is due to natural selection (gifted humans being disproportionately chosen for transformation, whether by intention or fate/design) or to the fact that many "gifted" humans either hide their gift or are unaware of its existence in its premanifested state.

The most intriguing question is certainly this: what determines whether a given vampire will be gifted, and with his or her particular gift? There are various theories that have been ascribed to and tested through the millennia. Some believe that a powerfully gifted vampire has a greater chance of creating a vampire with a gift. Some vampires credit their giftedness to a certain geographical region, the favor of a certain deity, or rituals performed in their human lives. Some believe their gift was formed or refined by stressful circumstances surrounding their transformation. Still others claim that their giftedness can be linked to a particular illness or trauma that they suffered as a human, and that the human pre-manifestation of their gift began soon after the incident.

There are two predictors of giftedness that are moderately reliable: family history and human premanifestation. The first is less so; having gifted vampires in one's bloodline in no way guarantees that one will be gifted as a vampire. However, many gifted vampires can trace evidence through their human ancestry to support a causal relationship. Giftedness in this case appears to follow a similar pattern as the allergic phenomenon; the tendency to have a gift is what is passed down, not the tendency to have any particular gift. There is some minor evidence to the contrary, but it is anecdotal at best. The second predictor, human pre-manifestation, is by far the most reliable indicator that a particular human will be gifted. Nearly every gifted vampire can vaguely recall that they were different from their human peers in a way that clearly foreshadowed their gift. Many trackers remember being exceptional hunters. Empaths often recall being unusually insightful and/or charismatic, and so on.

Not all supernatural gifts are immediately discovered upon awakening. Many are: a newborn mindreader will express confusion over hearing voices, a passive physical shield will quickly discover that no one can approach her, and so on. But other gifts are so subtle that it takes some time to discern their presence. Consider the newborn vampire with a lie-detecting gift. If she wakes up with only her creator for company, and that creator is honest with her at all times, it could easily be years before her gift is discovered; even then, she might have some difficulty associating her gift's expression with the lie that has triggered it. Another complicating factor is that fact that many gifts "grow" in potency over time, and that it can often take the gifted newborn some time to identify and learn control over their gift. The latter is naturally complicated by the emotional instability of the newborn period. In fact, the newborn period itself may be lengthened by the presence of a supernatural gift. (see Ch. 9, Caring For Your Newborn) Gifted newborns sometimes feel an additional pressure or fear that nongifted newborns do not. This effect can be lessened by providing a loving, secure environment and by an exclusive diet of animal blood, which dampens emotional extremity in any vampire. (see Ch. 7, The Myriad Benefits of Practicing a Humane Lifestyle)

The "growth" of a supernatural gift is as personalized as the gift itself. As no two gifts are identical, no two gifts develop in an identical way. Many gifts seem to grow and refine themselves as the vampire matures through his or her newborn period. Some gifts continue to grow with advanced age, as is the case with the vampire whose illusory gift "grows" to include moving images in her second millennia, whereas she was previously only able to project still images. Many gifts respond well to a more organized training regimen, and still others will manifest what appears to be rapid growth under certain circumstances. Consider the shield who has difficulty expanding her gift more than a few meters outside herself; then under extreme duress she "suddenly learns" to expand her shield to much greater distances. It is more likely that this vampire has discovered, in a process similar to an adrenaline burst in humans, a portion of her gift that was previously unaccessed. It is the opinion of some that a vampire's gift is most "supple" during the newborn period in terms of potential; it follows that for a gift to reach its highest potential, it must be challenged and trained during that period. There are, on rare occasion, gifts that can be enhanced by the presence of another gifted vampire; such a relationship is difficult to define. Some gifts appear to "work better" on certain individuals, as is the case with a mindreader who requires less effort to hear his loved ones' minds at a given distance than a strangers'. Many gifts, especially offensive ones, require the vampire to practice "control" versus raw growth. A vampire who can remove physical sensation from his target may be powerful, but his gift is of little use until he learns to control which targets receive his effect.

As with many areas of study that this book concerns, it is impossible to describe the substance of a vampire's supernatural gift. Some gifted vampires do perceive their gift in quantifiable ways, however. Some see and/or manipulate auras or a "mist", while others report a tingling sensation or feelings of discomfort and/or pleasure when their sensory gift is active. Still others feel points of heat, can "reach out" with their gift, "expand" their gift, "hurl" their gift, feel a magnetic pull, etc. No two gifts are alike, and thus the potential for expression and description of those expressions is infinite. Almost every gifted vampire develops, over time, their own technical language (jargon) concerning their gift and its use. Vampires with similar gifts sometimes feel a sense of competition, and enjoy speaking with others who understand their particular jargon. For example, a young vampire with a lie-detecting gift might feel relieved and accepted to discover another like-gifted vampire who understands her visceral response to falsehood. Two mindreaders might enjoy discussing the intricate "layers" of thought that they assess in others.

Instead of listing all the known gifts of currently living and deceased vampires, it is perhaps more fruitful to provide categories with which to classify those gifts. Many gifts do not clearly fit into one of the two classes in each area, but such organization is nonetheless helpful in understanding their nature and operation.

Offensive vs. Defensive

An offensive gift is not necessarily "harmful", as this term may imply; it is a gift which, by its use, has a direct effect on a vampire's environment or on others. A defensive gift is any gift, or one component of a gift, which does not have such an effect. In some cases these gifts are, in every sense of the word, defending the vampire in question from physical or psychic attack; these gifts are called shields. Most other defensive gifts are more neutral, in the sense that they provide the gifted vampire with information. Examples of this include sensory empathy, mindreading, discernment of gifts, the ability to detect subterranean fault lines, the ability to observe relational bonds between people, etc. Most gifts that are generally classified as offensive have a defensive component; a vampire may be best known for her ability to manipulate relational bonds, but her ability would be useless without some rudimentary ability to observe those bonds and her effect on them. Truly defensive gifts often have a more developed accuity than the mere defensive component of a corresponding offensive one. In the example just used, another vampire with a truly defensive gift can only observe relationship bonds, but with far greater sensitivity and discernment.

Active vs. Passive

An active gift is one that requires intentional effort; in other words, it needs to be "activated" in order to function. This feature is sometimes crucial for the protection of the vampire's loved ones; for example, a telepathic pain-generating gift which is "on" all the time would quickly lead to an eternity of social isolation. The same applies to a gift that causes tornadoes and earthquakes. Active gifts can be engaged for short or long periods, but not indefinitely; the prolonged exertion of an active gift, especially at maximum range and/or amplitude, accelerates the body's use of consumed blood and therefore leads to an earlier manifestation of extreme thirst and the accompanying emotional vibrance. Other side effects of prolonged exertion may include fatigue, irritability, headache or other physical manifestations of gift-exhaustion, and eventually the cessation of gift performance. Regardless of how "exhausted" the vampire becomes, recuperation is complete and immediate after feeding.

A passive gift is one that is automatically engaged, or automatically engaged when all requirements for activation are met. Consider the example of the passive mindreader who requires physical touch; despite his power, his gift is "passive" because he automatically reads minds upon every incidence of physical touch. These gifts generally do not "fatigue" or require extra feeding; though the latter cannot be proven, since the vampire in question would always be feeding "more". Some passive gifts can, with effort, be minimized or completely disengaged. This disengagement can generally only be maintained for a short time and with focused concentration.

Many gifts that fall into the passive category have an active component. Consider the mind-reader whose baseline (passive) range is one mile, but who can, with effort, hear minds within a three-mile radius. Another example is a passive mental shield who can, with effort, expand her shield to encompass those minds near her.

Binary vs. Variable

This classification is a simple one. A binary gift is either engaged or not engaged. There is no degree, range, amplitude, or any other variable quality to its expression. An example of a binary gift is an empathic vampire who emits (whether passively or actively) a static level of a single emotion to anyone within a static range. Most gifts fall into the "variable" category, since they can have variations in their expression. It is possible for a binary gift to "grow" into a variable one, as in the case of the aforementioned empath who learns, with age and practice, how to voluntarily modify the range of her gift.

Psychic vs. Physical

Most gifts are psychic in nature, meaning their expression, whether offensive or defensive, does not involve matter. This does not preclude physical effects of the psychic expression, however, as in the case of the vampire who can telepathically cause intractable pain. The victim does not experience any physical effect directly, but the illusory pain is so great that he is, in every practical sense, physically disabled during his torment. A physical gift does involve changes in matter, whether this effect occurs in the gifted vampire's environment, in their intended target(s), or in himself. Some obvious examples include manipulation of weather elements, levitation, physical shields, etc.

In some cases, however, it can be surprisingly difficult to determine whether a gift is psychic or physical. For example, one could observe two empaths whose sensory and pathokinetic abilities appear, upon first examination, to be similar. But one gift is actually psychic, directly observing and manipulating "feelings", while the other is physical, his own body physically adapting to match the emotional states of those around him and manipulating those same chemical processes in his target.

Positive vs. Negative

This classification is a rather arbitrary one. It must be admitted that certain gifts tend to elicit a subconscious assignment of "good" or "bad", while others seem more neutral. A great deal of interpretation concerning the strategic and moral value of a particular gift depends on the worldview of the observer. To the vampire concerned with world domination, or more kindly, the management of a species through executive and judiciary means, a gift that causes pain would be considered "good" in terms of application toward his goal. To a vampire who entertains a more sadistic worldview, this gift would be seen as "good" in the sense of its employment being enjoyable. A more peaceable observer might consider this gift "bad" or "unfortunate", in that its expression should be prevented in most situations. Yet another observer, more concerned with vigilante justice, might consider this gift "useful" in the sense that the gifted vampire could be employed in fighting crime and thus protecting the innocent. Another perspective that must be considered is that of the gifted vampire herself. A "good" gift, in this case, would be one that she feels proud of, that aids her in protecting her loved ones, that brings pleasure, that achieves her goals, or that helps her feel productive and valued.

To further complicate this classification, nearly every gift will shift from "positive" to "negative", or vice versa, in certain situations. A peaceable vampire who does not usually "like" her gift of electrocution will consider her gift to be good and desirable when her family is in danger, and her gift enables her to be an effective protector. A passive mindreader who generally considers his gift to be valuable in terms of reconnaissance and entertainment would consider that same gift a burden when he is being oppressed by too large a crowd of minds, or by nearby thoughts that make him uncomfortable.

In conclusion, it can be agreed upon that, regardless of classification or lifestyle, each and every gift is a sacred trust and thus carries some measure of social responsibility and intrinsic value. Even when one's gift feels like a burden, it is nonetheless a treasure.

Excerpt from Vampirism For Dummies by Emmett Cullen (1915- )

Chapter Five: The Gifted Vampire

You know what gift would be handy? Transmogrification. Like, let's say your annoying little brother is in one of his holier-than-thou moods and is following you around the house, rattling on about what a laborious burden it is to listen 24/7 to your "loud, obnoxious, unsanitary thoughts". You just point at him, think the magic word, and zap! he's a toad. Or better yet, an amoeba.

And how about time travel? Even more handy. Let's say you had a teensy, miniscule lapse in judgment and pranked your vampire mother by sneaking a deer's bleeding head into the washing machine. Now, normally, this wouldn't be a problem. But let's just say that said vampire mother had, in fact, been in the middle of bleaching all the white curtains when you had this teensy, miniscule lapse in judgment. You soon find said vampire mother in your face giving you the talking-to of the century and you're saddled with a month's worth of extra chores. But wait! All you have to do is flex your time-travel gift, and you're back in the forest three hours ago, holding the deer's head and asking yourself "To prank or not to prank?" All you have to do is warn your past self, travel back to the present, and you're out of the dog house. Actually, you never were in the dog house in the first place.

But let's be real for a minute: most gifts are boring, and most vampires aren't gifted. I asked myself once, when I was surrounded by gifties and feeling like a loser, why is that? I'll tell you why. Because some of us don't need gifts, that's why. Some of us are just made of awesome to begin with. We don't need schmancy parlor tricks to justify our existence.

Which brings me to my final scholarly point. I propose a new theory to explain why certain people have the gifts they do: The Supernatural Inferiority Complex Model. No, hear me out! It's common knowledge that the transformation repairs any imperfections and enhances positive features, right? So taking that a step further, a person who's a little bit on the incompetent side needs good ol' Mother Venom to give them a supernatural compensation for their loserness. Ergo, you get a gift. I mean, look at two of the most powerful gifts in the known vampire world: visions of the future and the ability to telepathically cause pain. Who are the carriers of these two astounding abilities? They're the two shrimpiest, weakest, slowest-running vampires in existence. Mind-reading is the perfect solution to guys who are so dense they need a live thought-feed in order to understand women. Ugly as sin? You get an invisibility shield. Can't get a date? Supernatural attraction. So rude and/or awkward that people ditch you in the woods the first chance they get? Tracker.

Bottom line, don't feel bad if you're gifted; just be grateful that the venom found a way to bring you up to par. And if you're not gifted... well, there's no shame in already being perfect.