A/N

Wow. So it's been 3 almost 4 years since I updated this story. But it was the consistent lovely reviews and encouragement from you that caused me to get back on the horse. Let me know what you think.

Chapter Five

Zoe Shepherd could feel Mark Sloan's gaze on her as she studied the surgery board. Just like she could feel it each day since she yelled at him; scorned him; and berated him.

No words had passed between the surgeons since that day. Eye contact had not been made. But every time they were in the same room Zoe could just feel his stormy gaze on her. And whenever she turned around and glanced in his direction he always looked the same with that hard glint in his eyes, his jaw clenched and furrowed brows.

Callie had attempted to talk to her. But Zoe had merely walked away from the brunette and avoided eye contact.

Torres had not made an attempt to talk to her since and Zoe did not seek her out. One constant was that Derek continued to ignore her presence.

The emotions were exhausting her. They truly were. She felt bone-tired and small.

But she proceeded with her day. She woke up, attended to traumas, attempted to reign in the junior residents, and went to her bare, empty apartment. All the while hoping Derek would grant her forgiveness and they could attempt to mend their relationship.

She was fine. She didn't need Mark or Callie or friends.

She needed Derek. She needed her family.

She was fine.

A 58-year-old man had fallen from a construction site and had more broken bones than unbroken. They were working to salvage what was left; to keep him alive and as whole as possible.

Callie's tone was clipped in a way that Zoe had never heard it before. Her gaze was sharp whenever it landed on the youngest Shepherd.

But Zoe had trained herself to block out the unwanted noise; the unwanted emotion.

She was fine.

Until Callie finally cornered her at the end of the day in the change room – her eyes blazing and her mouth set in a hard line.

Zoe opened her mouth with the intent of telling the surgeon that she wasn't in the mood when Callie abruptly cut her off, "Oh no. No. I'm speaking. This is my turn to speak. You can't be silent for an entire week and then choose to speak when I AM SPEAKING."

The youngest Shepherd just stared at her, shocked at the ferociousness and nodded dumbly.

"Good. I'm glad we have that clear." Callie spit out, "Now you need to understand that in this hospital, you need people in your corner. And I thought you were in my corner and I thought I was in yours. But what, you get a little embarrassed and you shut down? Here I thought you were this cool, hardcore chick but apparently not! God, I am so sick of being disappointed in people."

Zoe found her voice, "Callie-"

"I'm not finished!" She said, waving her hands in the air, "Listen I get that you're a bit weird and you have issues. But newsflash we all do." Callie's voice began to deflate, "I-I used to live in the goddamn basement of this hospital, Zoe! And then I had the world's shortest marriage with this guy who just lost his Dad and was in love with his best friend. I was Callie O'Malley. And now –well now I'm just a mess."

Zoe began, "Callie-"

"I'm still not finished!" Callie said, her voice returning to that fierceness that Zoe admired. Zoe just nodded dumbly once again.

"You need people in your corner in this place." Callie said, softly. "I'm in your corner. And maybe someday you can be in mine too. I'll even take you and your weird issues."

There was a beat before Zoe responded. She opened her mouth to respond but this time she cut herself off.

She needed another moment to gather her thoughts. Callie continued to stare her down.

"I-" Zoe started then stopped once again, "thank you."

"Wh-what?"

"Thank you." Zoe stated simply, "It was rude of me to ignore you. It was petty. I deserved to be yelled at. A lot of times people let me away with things. I'm not sure why. But the only person who gets angry with me is Derek usually. So thank you."

Callie let out a deep breath, "You're welcome."

"Can we drink now?"

"Yes, please."

It was the next night at Joe's when she sought Mark out.

Zoe took the seat next to him without an invitation. He didn't look at her first. Instead, he stared stonily ahead as he sipped his scotch.

"I don't know how to do this." Zoe stated bluntly before taking a large sip of her whiskey.

Mark grunted and Zoe could see him roll his eyes, "And what's that?"

"You know, the one with the words and emotions and the expression of regret."

Mark slowly spun the stool around to face her, his handsome face stoic, "Are you talking about an apology, little Shepherd?"

Zoe slapped the well worn bar countertop, exclaiming, "That's the one!" Then she shot him what she hoped was a winning smile.

Mark gave a grunt, looking un-amused as he swiveled the stool to turn away from her once again.

The brunette sighed, and reached a hand out to touch his forearm. The plastic surgeon gave a slight start, clearing not expecting the touch of Zoe, "I shouldn't have spoken to you that way. You didn't deserve it. I am sorry, Mark."

Mark's left eyebrow rose in interest, "Continue." He said in that smooth, even voice that had always irked Zoe growing up.

She sighed once again, "I'm sorry. We are friends. And I'm in your corner. And I'm sorry."

Zoe watched as Mark's lips quirked upwards in the corner and the harsh glint faded from his eyes only to be replaced by that mischievous glint once again.

"We're friends?"

"Yes. Friends."

"Do I get a friendship bracelet?" Mark asked, his lips twisted in a full smirk now as he gazed at her over his glass of scotch.

"I'll get working on it ASAP, Sloan." Zoe quipped.

When the youngest Shepherd returned to her apartment that night, she found an unexpected present on her doorstep.

There was a small, potted cactus with a note attached.

My mother always said every home needs a plant. May this be the only prick in your apartment.

The night was signed with a pretty, cursive C.

Zoe smiled and chuckled softly at Callie's antics as she entered her lonely apartment.

She inexplicably felt a weight lift from her body.

She felt like she had people.

And as her gaze dropped on a plain brown box in a forgotten corner of her apartment, Zoe realized she did have something to give.

Zoe arrived at Derek's trailer the next evening. Mark had given her the directions and Meredith had told her when he would be there.

She inhaled the crisp, fresh air and smiled. She had so many memories of camping as a child with her family. Things were simpler then. Before overdoses and horrible marriages and glares across the dinner table.

Zoe took in the sight of the shiny trailer; the beautiful grounds, the view and her smile grew wider. It seemed so Derek. And not Dr. Derek Shepherd married to the elite Dr. Addison Forbes Montgomery but Derek – her big brother.

"Hello." Derek greeted her from behind, a fishing pole resting on his shoulder and his catch in the other hand.

"Hi." Zoe smiled at him.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here." He said lightly without malice, as he walked towards the fire pit. Zoe felt a flare of hope.

She kept her distance but her eyes followed Derek's every move. She really had missed him; even if he had profound rage towards her and had been unkind. Zoe missed her brother. But she was hopeful.

"I wasn't expecting to see you here either. But I like it." Zoe said softly. Derek caught her eye and for the first time in a very long time the two siblings smiled at each other.

"I'm sorry to bother you, but I have something for you." Zoe said, moving towards her car.

Derek's brow furrowed as he echoed, "You have something for me?"

Zoe made a noise of agreement, as she took out that heavy brown box that sat in the forgotten corner of her apartment.

She carried it over to Derek's fire pit and laid it softly on the grass. She eyed the empty chair but did not want to push too hard.

Soft nudges.

"What's this?" He asked, looking at the box with a critical eye.

The neurosurgeon's sister took a breath as she lifted the cover off the box. Inside, were multiple brown, well-worn leather bound journals. "This box has all of my most interesting cases over the past seven years. I wrote them all down."

"So it's a diary."

"It isn't a diary!" Zoe protested, feeling a surge of annoyance. "They are – they're – they're records!"

"Uh-huh."

Zoe rolled her eyes, "Shut up. I have a point."

Derek picked up one of the many diaries – no Zoe's records – and idly flipped through.

"You keep telling me who I am, Derek. Or who you think I am." Zoe began, "but you don't get to do that. I'm sorry but that isn't fair to me. These journals are a way for me to show you who I am today. What I've been though. What I've done."

Derek sighed but before he could start Zoe cut him off, "I know I hurt you and I know I hurt our family. But if you're going to hate me and resent me at least hate and resent who I am and not who I was."

Derek remained silent as he appraised his youngest sister. His gaze on her was intent and focused.

Zoe swallowed, suddenly feeling vulnerable, "So if you have time, read the journals. Maybe it'll help. Or maybe you'll think I'm a blithering idiot and will shame me. Who knows?"

A smile slowly grew across Derek's face, "You've been a lot of things but you've never been a blithering idiot, Zo."

Zoe smiled back.