Story Disclaimer: I do not own YuYu Hakusho. Anything familiar belongs to the creator. Anything not, I claim as my own.

(A/N:) Trying my hand at a OC in the Yu Yu Hakusho world. Feedback is much appreciated.

*** Flashbacks at the beginning of the coming chapters (up until cannon) are a continuation of the prologue. They are maybe a paragraph long each. If there are any points of confusion, please ask!***

~Yasha's Sis

A Dead Man's Wish

Prologue

I thought after would be more than just… emptiness…

This drowning sense of not-being was almost all I could remember.

I knew I didn't want to be here. I vaguely recalled my family, my home, before pain and-

"A bit late for that, love."

My mind pulled away from the fog of what was to the new feature in the personal hell I found myself in. The figure before me was distorted, like I had gone so long without colors that my brain couldn't decide the names for what I knew to be a-

"Fuck, Tony, take my hand! Please-"

"Hey!"

The memory shattered with a swirl of motion and the being of before seemed displeased for some reason.

He/She/It relaxed at my renewed attention, features settling into clarity. "Don't go thinking 'bout that, love." Lips pulled in a smile. "That life is over."

I felt I should be bothered by this.

That life… Over? My life couldn't be over. I still have things to do. My sisters are waiting for me to pick them up from school with Leo-

-metal screeched as the door folded in under the pressure. Panicked brown eyes darted between my legs and the oncoming train and I felt him shake with the effort to free me. A man's voice screams. "You can't save her-"

Pain lanced up my arm- take my hand!- and the figure's voice was harsh as it said, "Stop that!"

Their features sharpened moreso until I could distinguish: Female. Younger than Mom. She shook her head slightly, dark brown hair slipping over her shoulder to just below her collarbone.

I blinked- panicked brown eyes- rubbing what would have bruised had I not been- Been what?! I'm not dead!- here.

Emotion swirled in the air and I sensed embarrassment. It huffed."I'm sorry I did that, but you can't go back there.

I surprised myself by speaking.

"Why?" My voice was soft, but not gravelly from disuse. I suppose things don't degrade when you're- I'm not dead. Stop saying that!- here.

I pulled my eyes to her face. Hers were brown too. Just like his-

"Don't!" Came the abrupt command and a hand on my shoulder to ground me to her voice. "Bad things happen when a spirit lingers."

Questions stirred at the statement but I said, "That shouldn't matter for me. I'm not a spirit."

I sounded stubborn, even in my dissociated state, and the woman stared at me, considering.

"Well, you're certainly not alive."

I felt myself frown.

Why wasn't I alive? I could think. I was talking. I even felt a budding sense of frustration for the woman telling me these things. Dead people didn't feel anything.

"I think I'd know if I died." I sniped back.

She grinned at me and I knew I should be concerned. "Most soul don't notice when they've been separated from their bodies. They get picked up before they realize and taken to the Spirit World. By that point, they really can't make much of a fuss with their guide."

"Guide?"

The woman nodded, pulling me into a hug. Stunned, I froze against her and the uncomfortably familiar smell of home. I tensed for the memories- fantasies! I'm not dead you, twit!- but they never came. Instead, she started petting my hair.

Indignation was a slow rising flame within me but her next words snuffed out the response.

"We're supposed to let you figure it out on your own but your soul is incredibly stubborn. You died, love. You've been dead for a while now." The voice that was mine but wasn't hushed its half hysterical ramblings in the echo of her words. I was…

Not alive.

I had existed in this place for such a time that I felt. Nothing.

I was dead.

Oh.

I must have said it aloud because she pulled away slightly to look me in the eye. I was shorter than her by a head and I hadn't noticed until then how warm she was for being a spirit guide. They should be cold and uncaring.

Like the dead...

Maybe I was in shock.

"Love? You look a little peaky. Don't freak out on me now."

My mother would have laughed at that.

I don't think me and peaky have ever been used in the same sentence. I don't get sick. I never look peaky.

I still died.

Yeah. This is shock.

The woman gripped me in a tighter hug, sinking to the floor and I wrapped my shaky arms around her waist. It was unexpected if the squeak she made gave any indication. I think I cried then. I still couldn't feel much other than her warmth and a distant sadness that sitting in her arms beat away. She held me against her like I was her own and gratitude welled within me even though this person was here to take me to the afterlife.

A sniffle sounded- damn, definitely cried- and the woman squeezed reassuringly.

"Wha-" My voice was muffled and shaking because I didn't remove my face from her blouse and I'M DEAD but she was patient as I pulled myself together. "What happens to me now?" The silence stretched for a while.

She made a noncommittal hum and threaded her fingers through my hair. I don't remember what color it was. I didn't get a chance to look when she finally answered me.

"That's the issue, love." She sighed. "Remember when I said your soul is stubborn?" I made a noise of assent. "You've been… floating, I suppose, in limbo for a very long time. So long that we didn't realize you hadn't made it to the Spirit world until someone checked over the records last month." I flinched at the emptiness and the curious pain that came with the word limbo, so much so I barely registered her embarrassment at the incompetence that must have revealed.

Last month? How long was I dead?

"Boss man wasn't very happy to hear we didn't have your soul. We'll be doing quite a bit of clean up now but that doesn't really concern you." She coughed slightly. "What matters is we don't know where to put you in the Spirit World with all the on-going department renovations. They're hardly keeping track of the new souls let alone stubborn ones that fought tooth and nail to stay away." Her body shifted under me and I could tell she was grinning down at the crown of my head.

I don't know why that irritated me. It should have been a compliment to have a strong soul. I pinched her anyway.

"Ouch! Quit it." I subsided but only after glaring up from her skirts. I doubt the image of my tear streaked face sitting in body fluid strewn skirts was very intimidating but she turned away regardless. "Ugh, brat. Anyway, there are some options open to you." Hesitation. "They're not… well, none of them are entirely pleasant. You can remain here-" I tensed unwillingly and her features softened.

Long fingers smoothed out my hair. "I know you don't like it here. Not many souls do. It is, however, the most likely option. If you stay here, you can wait until we have proper room for you and you can continue on to the afterlife. Honestly, Boss man favored this one over the others because he doesn't like stubborn souls. They tend to- " Here she raised one hand to carelessly wiggle it in the air. "throw wrenches into his precious system." [Insert eye roll] "If he can't ship you off to where all the dead people go, he wants you as far away from influencing his operation as possible." Here she puffed out her chest in pride. "I, awesome Spirit Guide that I am, talked to the other guides. There are two other options for you."

I didn't realize how tense I was until she started rubbing my neck with her free hand. The other arm circled me in a loose hug. "Option two: you can become a Spirit Guide apprentice and eventually a Spirit Guide yourself. It's a long, pain in the butt process, but it's really rewarding to make sure people's souls are taken care of."

I thought about it.

Could I really be the person to go to a dying man or woman and take their soul?

No matter how she wanted to phrase it, that's what it was to me: soul robbing. I know it's necessary and I know I should be glad beings like her existed because I would have been stuck in this hellhole otherwise, but…

"And the third option?" She smiled a little sadly at the hesitation in my voice. I didn't want to offend her. I also knew I wasn't cut out to be a soulreaper: warm and huggy my personal one was or not.

"Ah, that one's a little tricky. It all comes down to timing and your personal stubbornness which is apparently obnoxious and abundant." I glared at her and she laughed nervously at my creeping fingers. "No pinching!" We glared.

Abruptly, she dipped her head and sighed. Sober eyes bore down on me and I tried to harden myself for the bad news. "It involves possession-"

I scrabbled away from her immediately. She was comfortable, yeah, but possession was bad juju.

"No."

"Kid, you didn't even listen to the full option."

"I will not possess someone until your scatterbrained lackeys find an acceptable time to deal with me!" I yelled, arms flailing in emphasis.

"Some would say they're not even someones." The woman tried.

"What?!"

"Well they're not really alive, not that I agree, but-" The stomach I was pretty sure wasn't even substantial rolled at the partial statement.

"I-" Not really alive? What the hell did that even mean? How could some see them as alive but others wouldn't. What happened if I did possess them? Would they die? Would I be the dominate soul?

It made me think of Voldemort mooching off Quirrell's soul. To rip someone's choices away by taking control of their body… I wasn't that desperate was I?

But, I wanted to live. Didn't I deserve that? Didn't I deserve a chance to live again? Why did I have to die? I wanted to have a life again. I wanted a second chance!

Her voice was quiet, beseeching. "This wouldn't be a temporary place for you, love. It'd be your life."

"I-"

My life. The desire to have my life back, mine, was overwhelming. I'd have my sisters and my Leo and it'd be like nothing ever happened.

Hope blossomed in my chest at the thought and my eyes sought this woman's face. Her offering was-

"That life is over."

My chest ached at the remembered words. That life… It wouldn't be mine. It'd be stolen and selfish and wrong. She said that and I knew, but- I wanted it anyway. Maybe it was the fear of staying in this place or just my stubbornness but I wanted to change what happened. I wanted to be alive again and if that meant someone else dying in my place then so-fucking-be it!

My vision warped and a sick feeling sunk into my chest. Argh! What am I saying! I…damn I- I'm scared. I was petrified of making the wrong choice and screwing up this weird twisted gift.

The woman was silent in front of me, waiting and patient while I broke apart all over again.

I took a deep breath. I needed to get myself together and make a choice because this isn't something I probably had the luxury of time to sit and contemplate.

Alright.

I'm scared. Check.

I have three options: all three of which I loathed on a barely equal level. I was not willing to kill someone to bring myself back. (You don't even know if they will die?!) NO! I wasn't… I can't. I couldn't look my family in the face again if I did. I was probably too cowardly to live with the guilt of the aftermath anyway. So that took out option 3.

Option two...

A piece of my soul whimpered at the prospect of hunting other souls and carting them to the Spirit World. I sure as heck wasn't going to call it a better place because it obviously sounded like the worst managed bureaucracy ever. Who knew death was so poorly organized? That left option 1…

I shuddered and wrapped my arms around myself.

I was dead. The dead didn't deserve to complain.

Slowly, I shook my head. "I- I can't do that." She tilted her head and for once her expression was neutral. "I can't take that choice. I won't-" Steal someone from their loved ones. "put another family through losing someone."

She gave me another odd, considering look. "They wouldn't know the difference."

The ravenous desire to live slipped past my defenses, weakening the will to stand by my choice. My resolve cracked, and for just an instant, I hated this woman for tempting me. I hated her with the fierceness of an animal desperate to escape.

But, I was a stubborn creature, in life and in death, and I made my choice.

My will burned away the resentment and longing for what could have been and I smiled. It was pained and slight, but a smile all the same. "I would know."

And that was enough.

The woman's shoulders slumped. "You won't come with me to the Spirit world either." It wasn't a question but I shook my head in the negative anyway. She looked like her eyes were tearing up and I was irritated to find my own mimicking her. "Shucks, kid. Are you really going to stay here?"

Terror gripped me at the thought. I don't want to stay!

When she opened her arms in invitation, I flung myself into her and made a noise that could have been a yes. Please don't make me stay here!

She cooed and shushed me like I was a cranky infant but I hardly cared at that point. She was leaving, had to be, because they were busy in that big place in the sky where they couldn't keep their paperwork in order.

I don't know how long we stayed like that but eventually the place, my soon to be hell, rippled and the woman made a surprised noise. "Oh. Shoot." She gave me one last squeeze before I felt myself being manhandled into a standing position. "I've got to go, love."

Now?!

She smiled at me.

It was bright and shining and so cruel for the situation I was being left in.

No.

The situation I made.

"Oh." I said.

You can't leave yet! I'm not ready!

"I understand."

I reached out and gave her a quick hug trying to savor the warmth and smell of home before releasing her with a wavering smile. "Thank you, for finding me."

She beamed at me again and bowed low, which was odd. I'm pretty sure bowing wasn't normally done in my home.

Her head swept back up in a bounce and brown hair floated like a halo around her when the place rippled again.

"You're a brave one. You know that?" I shrugged, trying to force myself not to toe the ground in embarrassment.

"I'm just stubborn." I muttered, eyes flicking down. The space shifts and my eyes dart back to her face to find… nothing.

Alone again.

Panic tried to claw its way into my heart, smothering my will with its strength, but if I had to stay in this hell hole, I sure as heck was going to be in control of myself while here.

It took time - I had plenty of it- and the panic didn't grip me anymore. As I resigned my existence to this terrible, horrible place, something changed.

At once, I noticed the difference of nothingness. There was certainly something here now but it was of the variety of nameless and omnipresent. My sense of sight must have degraded again because I couldn't see anything.

I floated like that for a while, blind and surrounded.

It prodded me, cautiously at first, and then it squeezed.

I had forgotten what pain felt like.

If I had a throat, I would have screamed it raw. It was as if every thread of my being was sliced away and stretched, held together by the spider web thin thread that was my will.

It hurt. It hurt more than anything in the life before and my essence flickered on the edge of nonexistence.

Anger roared through me in a bolt of clarity.

Like hell I'd be reduced to nothing before my time. That wasn't the deal. I'd made my choice and come hell or high water nothing was going to rip away the hope of eventually being free of that place and back with my family in whatever plane spirits go to rest.

The presence started at the ferocity of my response, releasing me like I burned.

As the threads of my existence slipped through its grasp, my awareness wavered, and I fell from the limbo I chose as my hell.

(A/N): Thanks for reading! What did you think?

~Yasha's Sis