Lovino grit his teeth and chewed on his lip and inner cheek, anything to stop from bursting into tears right there in the park. There weren't many people there, granted, maybe one or two, but still. Crying was weak. Emotion was weak.

He was feeling very red. Again. He promised himself he wouldn't, not ever again, because it didn't actually solve anything, not in the long run. He wouldn't. But he did. The bandage on his wrist attested to it. It was just like how he would never draw blood (it had taken a few weeks to break that rule), how he would never do more than four at a time (it was broken a few days after the no blood rule was), and how he would never, ever, ever do it on his wrist. Ever. (This one had actually stuck for quite a long time. Granted, he was an on and off cutter, but still, this rule took a very long time to break.)

"Ow, you dick!" He heard a male hiss as he looked up from his place against the trunk of a large tree. A boy glared down at his large blue and white pit bull, leash in hand connected to his harness and a longboard a few feet away from them, close to Lovino and half-way in the grass. Ah. It was that boy. He was almost always here around this time, except on weekends, usually. His dog often bullied him around, though seemed nice enough. Sometimes he liked to watch him, because... he was so happy. Carefree. Kind. Handsome. Inside and out.

"If you don't cut it out, I won't take you for a walk tomorrow." He threatened the dog who simply panted happily, cocking his head at him, waiting for him to continue their walk. As he walked to grab his longboard, the dog had a very different idea. He jerked forward suddenly and the boy stumbled forward, letting go of the leash in the process. Lovino's eyes widened as the dog ran towards him, all happy pants and tongue and licks all over Lovino's face. "Aw, man, I'm sorry! He doesn't listen to a thing I say. Don't worry, though, Capone's harmless. Couldn't hurt anyone if he tried." The boy soothed as he pulled Capone away by his harness.

He smacked Capone's behind lightly and the dog sat down, cocking his head at Lovino. The boy sat down beside the dog, in front of Lovino, looking at him just as curiously as Capone, head cocked as well. Like dog, like owner. "It's... It's fine." Lovino's anxiety kicked in and he looked away, fiddling with his sleeves.

"That's good. Really am sorry, though." He apologized with a soft smile. He looked and sounded American, through and through. "My name's Alfred, but you can call me Al." He told him, happy little crinkles at the corner of his eyes and straight, white teeth. He was happy. Lovino wished he was happy.

"Lovino." He awkwardly told him, outstretching his hand, hiding a wince. Alfred accepted his hand and looked deeply into his eyes, then down. "Oh." He said suddenly, quietly, eyes finding the bandage as his sweater sleeve rolled up. "I..." Lovino retracted his hand quickly, pulling his sleeves down and holding them there. "My..." "-Cat? Rabbit? Bird?" He asked, head cocked. "I tend to use either my parrot or bunny as an excuse, since I don't have a cat." He told him, wrapping an arm around Capone and laying his head on top of the dog's.

"..." Lovino's eyes widened as he stared at him in shock. Him? "But..." Lovino struggled to articulate. "But I seem so happy?" He asked, smiling wryly. "Tried to kill myself last year. Rookie mistake with the ibuprofen. Just made me high and with very likely liver disease in however many years." He shrugged. "... I tried to drown myself once. I tied myself up and let the tub fill up with water. If I hadn't taken karate and gymnastics when I was younger, I wouldn't have had the flexibility to get myself out in time." Lovino quietly told him.

He nodded quietly. "Started with scratching?" He asked. "Pinching, more exactly." Lovino sighed. Alfred nodded. "Just to keep calm, right?" He asked with a sad smile as Lovino nodded. "Just to keep calm." He agreed quietly. "I stopped. Cutting, that is. More or less. It still comes back sometimes. I stopped for a full year, then about four months ago I moved on to my wrists. Never thought I would." Lovino's voice cracked. "I think we all do." Alfred's eyes watered and he blinked away tears.

"Do you think we'll ever be able to fully stop?" Lovino asked quietly. "... Maybe. But the feeling of wanting to will always come back, I think." Alfred quietly mused. Lovino nodded in response. His phone beeped an odd tune suddenly, causing the two to jump. A grimace came to his face. "It's... my parents. They're mad. I have to go." He bit his lip. "What happens when they're mad?" Lovino asked. "They're mad." He said simply, smiling thin-lipped and apologetically.

Alfred stood and Lovino followed. "Will you be back tomorrow?" The Italian found himself asking. "Tomorrow." Alfred agreed, smiling ever-so-softly. "And, hey, I mean, if you ever need to talk..." Alfred trailed off. "Here." He pulled a small notebook and pen and scribbled something down. He handed him the sheet of paper after he tore it out and gave Lovino a soft smile. "Bye, Lovino, see you tomorrow." He pushed his board onto the sidewalk and took off with his dog. Alfred looked back and sent him one last smile.

Lovino walked home in a haze.

"What the Hell, Romano!" His grandfather snarled immediately as he walked in the door, bristling and large and all muscles. "Where have you been?!" He fumed, glaring at his eldest grandson. "Out." Lovino said simply, clutching the phone number tightly in his pocket. "Honestly!" His grandfather continued to fume. "I put you in a good school, I treat you with respect and love, and you run out of the house the one time I ask you to do something for me. God, why can't you be more like your brother? He has no problem helping me out and being kind and sweet and not being a moody little-" Lovino slammed his door and locked it.

He shakily pulled out the number and stared and stared until his grandfather gave up and went to go talk or cook or paint with his favorite grandson. He wrapped a hand in his hair and tugged and tugged as he thought. He felt very red. Very, very, very red. But... As he thought more about Alfred, he began to feel more... Pink. Almost lavender, but not yet.

'Hi. This is Lovino. You told me to text if I ever needed or wanted to, so... I feel like shit, constantly. I'm bullied because I'm an asshole to people because I have really bad social anxiety and I just don't want to get hurt. My brother is embarrassed of me, so is my grandfather. My grandfather probably hates me, actually. All he does is constantly compare me to my younger brother. And he's right about all those things, you know? Feli's perfect. I'm far from. I want to die, but I don't want to. I think I need help.'

Lovino stared at his written, not yet sent message.

'Hi. This is the guy from the park.'

Sent.

'Hi! What's up? :) You doing okay?'

Lovino smiled.

He suddenly felt very decidedly green.

No more red.

So I've started describing feelings with colors. It's weird. Black is suicidal, red is feeling angry or wanting to cut, pink is almost red, but not quite, lavender is okay/neutral, green is calm, blue is happy. Idek. Lovino felt red, pink, and green here.

Review, please.