Falling Apart

Warning: An uncorrected vent-type story. I'm sorry.

"Ryuuji, come over here already!" Taiga's voice, despite high pitched, was an angry growl, demanding immediate attention.

With a more than annoyed sigh, Ryuuji closed the book he was reading and trudged towards the living room. There stood Taiga, fists placed at her small hips, the mouth a thin line in anger. Ryuuji was already dreading the conversation.

"What is it?" he asked, but the words had barely left his mouth when Taiga already yelled, "You are a failure of a boyfriend!"

Ryuuji furrowed his brows. Not aware of a single thing he had done wrong that day, or any of the previous days, he crossed his arms with a cough. "Would you care to enlighten me as to why I'm a failure?"

Taiga's eyes were already spraying sparks. "You knew that I wanted to go the cinema for that new movie tonight and yet you didn't bother to make some time to go with me! Instead, you spent all afternoon reading, lazing around – you didn't even cook dinner!"

Now it was Ryuuji's turn to glare at his partner. "You know fully well that I'm not just reading – it's work related literature that I need to finish the article that's due tomorrow."

Taiga just huffed, "And you couldn't have done that after the movie, now could you?"

"No, I couldn't!" Suddenly, Ryuuji's voice had become louder, his eyebrows almost meeting due to his angry frown. "If I may remind you, I am the one who is working each and every single day while you are still struggling to find a job."

"It's not my fault there aren't any jobs fitting me," Taiga talked back, but Ryuuji balled his hand into a fist and hit the wall. "Cut me some slack, Taiga! You're just way too used to sitting here all day, letting me cook, clean the house, work for the money you spend on your magazines!"

Taiga twitched, for Ryuuji had hit a spot; ever since they had married after graduation, Taiga's father had declared that since Taiga's now a 'full member of society and married on top', it wasn't his duty to send her any money any more. All the time Taiga had spent with her family trying to reconcile seemed to have been in vain, and the palmtop tiger had fallen into a rather deep hole of protesting laziness, much to Ryuuji's misfortune and dismay.

Noticing how her husband still eyed her sharply, Taiga gulped. "W-well, it's only natural you're doing all of this..." she started, but an incredulous grunt from Ryuuji made her stop herself.

"Natural? You call this natural!? Maybe you've been spoiled too much by your father, but usually, a household and a relationship are carried on by two people, not one, Taiga!"

Taiga felt her stomach curl up in anger, and her tiny fists shook as she snarled, "Well, if it's so much trouble, then why don't you just break up!?"

Suddenly, Ryuuji's eyes became cold and distant. His previously balled hands eased up as he pocketed them. "You're right," he slowly said and Taiga, who was just about to turn away, froze.

Ever so slowly, she turned her head, strands of her wild hair falling into her eyes. "Wh-what?"

Ryuuji stood tall, looking down on Taiga and the tangled ball in Taiga's stomach suddenly felt as if it was made out of ice – so cold that it already burned.

"I'm giving up," Ryuuji said. "I've been trying to make this thing work, but apparently, it doesn't. You're always growling at me, always unsatisfied, you give me the feeling that I am responsible for all your unhappiness and misfortune, and when I do things for you they're either not right or natural."

Taiga's mind couldn't follow. "Ryu-ryuuji?" she asked confused, but her husband seemed to look right through her.

"I had hoped that once we get married, there'd be less of commands, but it's become the opposite: Ever since we moved together, you're constantly nagging at me. You don't see the things I do for you, and that hurts, Taiga. Being with you hurts."

"I... I don't understand," Taiga mumbled, her eyes widening in shock when Ryuuji slid of the wedding ring from his finger. He gave the cold piece of gold a quick glance, then he walked up to his shaking wife.

"You've got something that belongs to me," he held out his hand.

Fazed, Taiga followed the pointer, her eyes falling onto her own ring. It had Ryuuji's name and the date of the wedding engraved, and Taiga had never once taken it off her finger from the moment Ryuuji had given it to her.

Her eyes began to burn, but when she looked back up to Ryuuji, her lovers gaze was unforgiving. He was serious.

Taiga's hot temper bubbled up, and she yanked the ring of her finger, slamming it into the familiar palm that had patted her head, caressed her cheek and held her hands uncountable times. "There you have it!" she yelled, hating herself for the tears that streamed down her face.

Ryuuji just nodded briefly. "I will go to my mother's place until we have finalized the divorce," he said while putting on his coat and packing a couple of necessities.

And with the force of a sledgehammer, Taiga realized what was happening. This was more than their daily squabble, way more than that and this time, it didn't look like Ryuuji was going to give in.

"A-are you serious, Ryuuji?" she whispered unbelieving, but Ryuuji simply nodded.

"I am, Taiga. I really loved you, but I can't be with you anymore. I just can't. You're constantly relying on me; at times, I wonder how you'd do without me. And even though I'm doing so much for you, you don't seem to even realize it. I told you over and over again that I love you, but you are pushing me away."

Taiga shook her head wildly, her heart beating so hard but slow in her chest she was sure it would break out any second. "But, Ryuuji, I really love you, and I -"

"Save your breath. Let me go." Ryuuji already walked past Taiga, acting as if she wasn't even there. When Taiga stretched out her hand to grab hold of his arm, Ryuuji twitched back, hissing a hurt, "No!" and something in Taiga broke.

She barely realized how Ryuuji left their home, slamming the door shut. Silence embraced Taiga, a silence she had never endured before. Ryuuji was gone, and not only was he gone, he had no intention of coming back.

"Ryuu...ji?" Taiga whimpered stunned. Her mind felt blank, countless mental pictures of Ryuuji popped up, reminding her of times now lost forever.

"I... don't... want this!" Taiga protested loudly. She dashed for the front door, almost slamming it into her face, and ran down the hallway, barefoot, but she didn't care.

She needed to catch him. Needed to catch him before it was too late. It couldn't possibly be that the man she held so dear, the man she loved so much, left her without a second chance?

But maybe you had one too many second chances, a quiet voice told her in her head, almost making Taiga stumble and fall. She caught herself by grabbing the wall, continuing to run forward, her vision blurred, but when she made it to the street, no turn of her head would grant her the sight of Ryuuji.

"Ryuuji!" she called, almost cried out his name. "Ryuuji! Come back here! I'm sorry!" The final words broke down into a sob. It was autumn, cold air biting Taiga's small feet, and she curled up her toes. But what curled up even more was her heart, feeling as if it was going to burst.

"Ryuuji," she whispered his name over and over again, holding on to the only thing of his she could hold on to, for she knew that Ryuuji wouldn't return. She had gone too far. Unable to hold herself back, hurting him without even knowing, pushing away the one she loved and needed the most.

Taiga broke down on the street, sobbing uncontrollably.

"Ryuuji, come back to me!" she cried out, but her calls were in vain. All she could do was wrap her arms around her chest inside of which her heart was breaking down in countless sharp pieces, slicing her soul up.

In this moment, Taiga learned what true self-hatred was. And the following months were to prove her that there are some things a 'sorry' cannot fix.

Author's note

I want to fall and fall until the ground shatters my body into countless pieces, matching my heart and soul.

Ruska