Tea and Munitions

Author: Frost on Maples

Author's Notes: The ladies don't get enough love! I thought it was time for see what happens when they hang out...

This was written in response to the New Year's challenge on the Beta Branch: take one of the challenges from the previous year you didn't complete and meet its guidelines. I chose 'All the Single Ladies' (write a one-shot about a female character of your choice), and threw in a couple of lines to nod at the Quotes challenge (take a quote from your favourite or most written fandom, and use it as a prompt for a one-shot in a different fandom).

"Dr. Foster, Ms Lewis, thank you for coming." Pepper Potts was the epitome of a gracious hostess as she rose to her feet.

"Thank you for inviting us, Ms Potts," Jane Foster said nervously, visibly forcing her attention away from the exquisite decor of one of the most venerable tea rooms of New York City. "Sorry, I've never been here before. It lives up to its reputation - it's beautiful!"

"Very cool," Darcy said approvingly as she looked up at the high ornate ceiling.

"Please, call me Pepper." Pepper stepped around the table to shake hands with both of her guests, her warm smile immediately putting them at ease. She gestured to the other woman at the table, who had also risen to her feet. "This is Maria Hill. Maria is one of our security coordinators and is the official Stark liaison to the Avengers." Maria nodded courteously and shook hands as well, a small, cool smile on her face. "Before Maria started working for me, we would have unofficial business meetings here, away from the protocol and politics of our offices. I thought this would be a pleasant way for all of us to become better acquainted."

"I really appreciate being able to meet you like this," Jane said shyly. "Thor has said so much about you, and I wanted to say 'thank you' for the research grant. When the university announced that they weren't going to continue to fund astrophysics field research, I thought I would either be forced to work in a lab all day or quit."

"And I wanna thank you that your research facility isn't in Tromso," Darcy added. "Bachelor Butte isn't the centre of the universe, but I'm sure it's a lot easier to keep in touch from Oregon than the arctic."

"How are your preparations going?" Pepper asked.

"Everything is on schedule," Jane assured her. "I have a few items to pick up-"

"New iPod," Darcy muttered, then winced as Jane kicked her shin.

"- and we should be ready in time to leave next Monday."

A cell phone quietly chirped. "Excuse me," Maria said, politely stepping back to pull out her phone.

"I'm so pleased to have this opportunity to get to know you better," Pepper said. "Your work is interesting, and many of our researchers are looking forward to seeing the results of your proposed research." She turned to Maria as the brunette tucked her phone away. "Is there a problem?"

"That was Natasha. She says we should start without her. Traffic is bad, and she'll be about fifteen minutes late."

Pepper sighed. "At least she'll be able to make it. The last time we tried to do tea with her she couldn't make it at all." She signalled for the waiter, and the topic of conversation shifted to the cart laden with tea, sandwiches and desserts. Jane's eyes widened when she was informed that they would each have their own teapot (Pepper's eyes twinkled and the corner of Maria's mouth twitched as Darcy rolled her eyes when Jane ordered "Earl Grey, hot"), and Darcy was spectacularly unsuccessful at hiding her glee when seeing the platefuls of decadent dainties.

"So, Dr. Foster," Maria said, "do you think that the new location will be close enough to the conditions in New Mexico for you to use all of your previous research, or do you think some of the basics will have to be redone?"

"Please, call me Jane," the astrophysicist replied. "It's hard to tell without actually being on site, but I think that as long as I compensate for the change in elevation and coordinates I should be fine. Since the Asgardians won't give us the data on how their 'Rainbow Bridge' works, we have to figure it out for ourselves. Most of my observations are based on non-terran phenomena and mathematical formulas, and now that I know that Einstein-Rosen bridges are possible and are actually used by the Asgardians, I can assess the pertinent data more efficiently." She smiled enthusiastically as Pepper and Maria nodded encouragingly.

"I'm really close to practical definitive data for Einstein-Rosen bridges," Jane chattered on, her face becoming animated with unbridled enthusiasm. "From my observations, it appears that if a variation of Raychaudhuri's theorem is applied to the model of a Einstein-Rosen Bridge, it can become more stable than a Lorentzian wormhole, but I'm not sure how the Asgardians avoid the Casmir effect, because we know that an achronal version wouldn't work…" Her voice trailed off as Darcy's kick to the shins alerted her to the glazed expressions around the table. She blushed in embarrassment as she realized she had been babbling. "I'm sorry, I get so wrapped up I forget…It's a bit hard to explain - if I had my laptop with me, I could show you-"

"I'll trust your word on astrophysical matters," Pepper said reassuringly as she sipped her tea. "I'm glad to hear that your preparations are on track. Please feel free to contact my office if there's a problem."

"Thank you, I will," Jane said. "I mean, you'll know when there's a problem...I mean, if there's a problem-" she sputtered, blushing. "There shouldn't be, but when there is - My god, I can't say anything right today."

"Don't worry, I know what you meant," Pepper said kindly as Jane stared down at her tea, face red. "Maria can verify that I encounter more…awkward phrasing than this every day." She turned to her business associate who also had to deal with Tony Stark on a daily basis. "Right, Maria?" Pepper frowned in concern as Maria stiffened beside her. "Is there a problem?"

"We should leave," the former SHIELD agent said.

"Why?" Jane asked quietly, puzzled by Maria's sudden rigid, tightly controlled expression.

"Yeah, what's up?" Darcy asked loudly. "Ow! Sorry! I'll whisper, okay?" as Jane elbowed her in the ribs. Her whisper was worthy of Shakespeare in the Park. Three sets of eyes glared at her. "Okay, shutting up now."

Maria rolled her eyes, sighing. Amateurs. "Far back corner, near the window. A woman is walking over to the table, two women are already - Don't look!" she hissed, glaring at Jane and Darcy.

Pepper's face darkened with anger as she recognized the woman walking. "Sunset Bain," she growled.

"Who's Sunset Bain?" Jane asked quietly.

"Yeah, sounds like a porn star, but I'm guessing not by the way you two are reacting," Darcy speculated, finally mastering a quiet whisper.

"She owns a company called Baintronics," Pepper said coldly, unclenching her teeth. "It's a technology company. One of our competitors. She got her start by stealing our tech."

"On the surface, everything her company does is legit," Maria continued as Pepper seethed. "SHIELD watched them for years. We knew that they were selling arms to any organization with the money to pay for them, and intercepted shipments, busted both their middlemen and their clients. 'Our warehouse was broken into.' 'A shipment was stolen.' They always covered their tracks, and had a legitimate story." Maria scowled darkly at remembered failure.

"Who're the other two?" Jane asked.

"The one next to the window was known to SHIELD as Whitney Frost, though that probably isn't her real name. She's one of the leaders of the Maggia, a major crime organization. The other one, the one with the veil…" Maria's voice cracked and she paused, sorrow briefly flitting across her face through the rigid control. "Once, she was SHIELD Agent Thirty-Three, one of our best." She picked up a cookie and started to crumble it. "When SHIELD…disbanded, she fell into the hands of a Hydra operative named Whitehall. One of his specialities was using a machine called a Fautus device to brainwash people. After he was done with her, she became one of his best agents. He was killed recently. I would guess she's here meeting with those two to negotiate supplies and possibly hire additional help."

"What's with her face?" Darcy asked.

"She was wearing a camouflaging mask when it was damaged and fused to her face. It left her looking like the agent she was impersonating at the time except the part where the live electrical cable burned it off and left a scar."

"Ouch." Darcy winced.

"We need to get out of here," Maria said. "NOW."

"Of course." Pepper signalled the waiter for the bill. "Text Natasha and tell her we're going to…the Russian Tea Room," she said, picking another place at random.

"Why the panic?" Jane asked Hill curiously. "Why not just call the police?"

"There's no sense in contacting the authorities," Hill replied. "Technically, there's no proof of any wrongdoing on their part." Her lips thinned as she looked down at her hands. "Let's go before Natasha gets here." She picked up her purse and pushed back her chair.

Pepper looked over to the entrance of the tea room and winced as she saw a familiar red-haired form talking to the maitre'd. "Too late." She leaned forward, looking at the three faces around the table, hissing, "Act natural. Maybe she won't notice." She looked up at the assassin, smiling.

"This is Natasha," Maria warned her even as she pasted on a rigid smile. "She'd notice the poor shave job on our waiter from the door, never mind a table full of Hydra dealers…"

"Just smile and wave at her, everybody," Pepper gritted from between clenched teeth. "It's called a distraction…"

"Not gonna work," Maria disputed, even as she dutifully continued smiling. Jane and Darcy gamely played along with ghastly smiles worthy of Joker victims as they turned in their seats.

Pepper's heart sank as Natasha's small smile faded into a puzzled frown. Despite an additional wave from Pepper, the assassin's gaze swept over the room, her suddenly professional eyes coldly assessing the tea room patrons. Her eyes immediately locked onto the table by the window. A silence fell over the room as the occupants of said table sensed the intense glare directed at them and slowly stopped chatting to turn and stare back.

"Let me guess," Jane said shrewdly. "Even when they worked together, on the same side -"

With predatorial intensity, the Black Widow stalked forward.

"- they didn't get along," Darcy finished.

The sole sound in the room was the sound of a teacup being crushed in Agent Thirty-Three's hand as she stood, glaring at Romanoff as she pulled a pistol out of her purse on the table.

"Bingo," Maria said grimly, fumbling in her purse for her weapon. There was a clatter of expensive china and crystal as Frost and Bain upended their table to use it as a shield from the Glock Romanoff pulled out from under her coat.

"Everyone, under the table!" Pepper ordered as she ducked down, pulling out the small pistol SI Security insisted on. Her table mates hastily joined her, peering out through the elegant lace at the impending chaos. "Jane, Darcy, do either of you have weapons?"

"Darcy, get out your taser," Jane ordered.

"Why do you always assume I have a taser?" the intern grumbled, scowling. Jane raised an eyebrow. "Okay, okay," she sighed, rolling her eyes as she pulled it out of her purse. "But that doesn't mean I always have one with me!"

"When don't you have one?" Jane argued. "It zapped me when you asked me to get your keys the other day-"

"Settle this later," Maria said firmly, cautiously lifting the tablecloth for a clearer view. "I need to get all of you out of here."

A gunshot echoed into the shocked silence as Bain, panicking at the sight an extremely irate Black Widow stalking towards her, pulled out her own pistol and fired, triggering screams around the room. A second, then a third shot sounded over the screaming as people ran for the exit.

Pepper crawled out from under the table and sighed in resignation as she watched chaos and mayhem overtake her beloved tea room.

"What a mess," Darcy said as she scrambled to her feet.

"No shit," Maria said, positioning herself between Pepper and the confusion. She scowled at both the mob scene at the exit and the miscreants with guns. "Until the stampede is over, we better find cover."

"The kitchen," Jane said, pointing as the last of the waiters disappeared.

They dashed for the door, wincing as a grenade blasted the lovely picture window into glittering shards falling down to the street below. Reluctantly, the staff opened the door to let them into the dubious safety of the kitchen. Hill looked back at the mayhem as she covered the civilians' retreat and rolled her eyes. Romanoff had upended her own table and was cheerfully returning fire from behind it. I bet she's even humming Tchaikovsky. That lucky git is enjoying herself, Maria thought enviously, while I'm stuck herding civilians. With a sigh, she followed the rest of her group into the kitchen.

Jane sighed, looking back at the mayhem. "Do you think they'll ever let us back in here?"

A second explosion shook the fixtures on the walls as the maitre'd gave them a black look.

"I tried to explain that the redhead who was asking for us really wasn't with us," Darcy said, shrugging. "I don't think he believed me."

More gunfire, followed by another explosion, rattled the entire kitchen. Pepper sighed, one hand kneading her temple as both the maitre-d and the chef stormed towards her through the cloud of plaster dust falling from the cracked ceiling.

"I've got a bad feeling about this."

Author's Note: I have done a small edit to this. I thought it would be obvious that just because she pulled out her pistol, that Natasha wouldn't necessarily be the one to start the shooting. That has been clarified. For those who would actually think that. Seriously.