Youko knew what it meant to be the Ruler of Kei. She understood that no matter how much she wished for a lover, a companion, a husband it could never be. It had taken all the strength and self-control that she could muster to push aside such yearnings and dreams that were once fueled by forgotten teenage fantasies. In her time as queen, ever year made Youko more resilient and steadfast. Where as toward the beginning of her rule, Youko was too consumed with her duties to even consider toying around the idea of following in love. At present, the kingdom of Kei was quite prosperous and order had once again returned to the court. There were no wars to be fought, no corrupt ministers to uproot, and no events that called their queen away. This was an ease to many of her closest supporters, who recalled the tole of healing such a broken nation that had heavily weighed on Youko during her first years. Despite the kingdom's and the Queen's prominent standing among the Twelve Kingdoms, Youko was not quite content. It had not taken long for those close to her to realize this, but no urging could derive a cause. For as swiftly as Youko seemed unwell, she just as easily brushed all worries aside and became content. However, it was the pangs of love that tormented the queen- these feelings thought lost would every now and then slither their way back into Youko's mind and even worse... into her heart.

Now well into her fifteen year of reign, Youko gazed up from her document-covered desk. She was torn away by rays of sunlight beaming upon her face through the large glass window. There would be no fighting it Youko thought. She would just have to wait till the sun had fully sunk from view. The heat lured her out of her chair. It was so warm…so soothing like a soft blanket wrapped around her. She could feel the calmness setting in and an unwavering peace cast over her as she walked out onto the balcony from her private chambers. Placing her hands on the cold railing she closed her eyes to soak it all in.

Meanwhile Keiki had been attending to work of his own in his private office when he sensed Her Majesty's sudden joy. It seemed like a warm breeze had passed over him, but it was different from the happiness and reassurance he felt as Kei prospered. It was undoubtively His Queen. He felt that Her Majesty was away from him, but not too far both physically and mentally. Oh! How wonderful it felt, how pleasing, to know that Her Majesty was in such a state of happiness that such a feeling was reciprocated in himself. It had been sometime since Her Majesty was in such high spirits.

Keiki had noticed her gradual hibernation of emotion. Youko had come to always have the mindset of a ruler. Though, it was pleasing to see how far she had come from that young girl he had taken away from Houri. Keiki wondered what to make of it all. Lingering fears of Youko wishing to return to her birthplace, growing weary of the throne, and yearning to fulfill that which comes with womanhood still plagued his mind. She was, after all, of marrying age no matter how young she was still perceived to be. Youko, however, had never shown any advances towards anyone. Instead, she gave her love to those around her. She loved the people of Kei whole-heartedly and was fully devoted to their wellbeing. Her most trusted friends were with her always and, like family, she kept them close to her at Kinpa Palace. She had sewn together such strong and unwavering relationships, but was it enough? Keiki knew that His Queen had drawbacks when she seemed as stern as him. During these times Youko seemed so far away from his reach. It was as if she was fading away from the world. She was quitter, serious, and more introverted then he could ever recall. Whatever the mysterious cause was, Youko never let it interfere with her duties and reflected no discomfort in her face to arouse any suspicions. Keiki could only firmly conclude that she was not ill only distant. He could not bring himself to inquire further on matter after she had once stated there was nothing he could do.

Although, today this was no longer the case and upon feeling the uplifted spirits of Her Majesty Keiki set out to inquire upon the circumstances for such glad tidings. He turned toward the direction of the royal courters, which laid not far from his own, and upon reaching His Majesty's study announced himself and opened the door. Youko, however, was not in her study or her royal chambers. After further observation Keiki found her balcony doors ajar and in turn stepped out. Yuoko stood with her back turned from him, leaning against the railing with her crimson red hair and royal robes blowing about with the wind. Her eyes were closed and a smile rested on her lips as the blinding sun wrapped all its' sunlight and warmth about her.

Upon sensing the presence of the Kirin, Youko slowly opened her eyes and still somewhat lost in the moment spoke gently, "Keiki, is it not the most beautiful thing…the sun."

"Yes, indeed. Your Majesty."

"It feels so wonderful… this peace. I wish I could carry it with me always."

Keiki said nothing as Yuoko closed her eyes so that she could imprint the memory forever. After a few moments had passed she opened them again. The sun was slowly seeping into the landscape red as fire, in but an hour all would become dark.

"I sometimes forget how fortunate I am to be here, to have you, to have such loyal friends, and a to rule such a beautiful country. I'm not only thankful, but also honored to be so lucky. I truly don't say it enough. Thank you Keiki."

It was if some heavy load had lifted from her shoulders. She smiled again and felt relief pouring out of her. Keiki was at a loss for words. He had so much that he wished to say. He too had become somewhat caught in the awe that His Majesty so happily had drawn. Before he could open his mouth, Yuoko interrupted.

"Keiki let us go for a ride. I'm afraid of late I have been very unbecoming to be around. I have not confided with you for some time and have avoided many visitors. Let us go while the sun still shines."

He could not have refused. It was his duty to follow the queen and his being yearned for her comfort. The two soon took their leave from Kenipa Palace.

When they landed in a small field, Yuoko sat down gazing at the scenery. She turned to look at Keiki with a hint of uneasiness in her eyes. She breathed slowly and in her mind she tried to knit her words together. Keiki, however, spoke first for he could not with hold any longer.

"I am glad you have asked me to accompany you here. Before, you gave me such unwarranted thanks. There is no need to thank me, Your Majesty. It is my honor and pleasure to serve you. I would, however, like to express my gratitude for your words. I appreciate your praise, but it is you this thanks should fall upon. The people of Kei have flourished more than I could have ever hoped for since you have become their queen. Despite all the darkness that shrouded your first years, your will and strength has been unwavering. You have far exceeded my expectations long ago..."

He stopped as Yuoko suddenly moved toward him and wrapped her arms about him. She was shaking and Keiki felt hot tears fall upon him. She cried out,

"Keiki, how can you say such things? I have been avoiding from you, and the others. By concealing my feelings, I have turned a blind eye on our bond as rulers, as friends. How can you bare no ill will in light of my neglect? I have hurt you in my silence."

Tears came steadily down her face. There would no concealment now. Her stamina as a ruler had fallen away and her steadfastness as a warrior faded. Her Majesty was once again Yuoko, just one of millions of individuals who have lived. In truth, Keiki only felt sorrow and guilt for not being able to cure His Queen of this unknown aliment. He felt no resentment in his heart toward the only person in the world who truly knew him. Yuoko knew him better than anyone else and trusted him completely despite knowing his faults. He was never the noble Kirin in her eyes, but an equal. For years he believed himself to be a failure as a Kirin because he was unable to choose a stable ruler and help Kei in its' time of need. When he finally found Yuoko, he was unable to help her with her transitioning. He couldn't help protect or fight her battles even after securing the thrown. She took the initiative to leave the palace to learn about her kingdom. She uncovered the corrupted officials that still lingered in the court. She fought with the rebellion and restored order. In all this time she had unwavering trust and faith in him, while he was riddled in doubt.

"Yuoko,Your Majesty, what do you wish to confide with me? What has kept in you in the dark? Please tell me for it is all that I would ask of you." Keiki let go of her embrace once he was sure she had calmed down once again. Upon regaining her strength, Yuoko straightened herself and looked out into the distance.

"Since coming here to Kei, I have had to let go of many things from my life in Japan. I hold no regrets for accepting the title of queen. I couldn't imagine a life anywhere but here. I've become stronger here and overall a better person. As the years have passed, I honestly think very little of Japan. I am still, however, plagued by an old dream of mine that can never be."

Keiki felt a sudden ripple of uneasiness. His harbored fears of Her Majesty started to rise once again, but upon a second thought he held them at bay. He had faith in her. He still has faith in her.

"It is a dream that I have nurtured since I was a child. To find a true lover, is quite a common dream among all ages in Japan. I always believed I would fall in love, get married, and share the rest of my life with that person… After fifteen years, I thought that such a dream would have dissolved by now. It riddles me with guilt and disgust that I would be so selfish as to wish everything away for love. Making me feel so powerless and incapable as ruler. This time was far worse than ever before. It seems no amount of distractions or time alone could prevent my restlessness… I have never been in love or am currently. I suspect by now if it was meant to happen it would have. However, for better or for worse I still think about it from time to time. If such a mood ever befalls me again, I will try harder not to dwell on it. I am sorry."

Keiki pondered all Yuoko had said in silence. He was foolish to believe Her Majesty could have fully moved on from her past in Japan. It would always be a part of her life and he should have suspected some memories would still continue to resurface. Although he could not reciprocate her yearnings for this dream, Keiki understood the matter of love was different between their homelands. He also knew the whims of love to be strong over the mind and heart after serving his first queen. This, once again, arose his uneasiness for this kind of love he did not understand. He felt unsure of his ability to handle the matter. Keiki's fears were partially subdued with the knowledge that Yuoko still wished to remain in Kei as queen. She had no desire to relinquish the throne and return to Japan. As relieving as this knowledge was, Keiki felt even more tormented with sorrow for the great pain this matter had wrought upon His Queen. She condemned her dreams for the sake of the kingdom and believed herself in the wrong for having ever transpired them. Her internal, self-infliction was beyond proof that her heart remained with the kingdom. For all these years, she had kept silent battling this strife alone. Indeed, this was her own personal matter, and in that sense, it was quite understandable why she withheld her old dreams from him. What had caused her change of heart? Was it guilt?

Keiki turned his face back toward her and spoke calmly, "Your Majesty, why have you held this back so long?"

She looked solemnly into his eyes and replied, "I once believed I could face it alone. I saw my dream as my demise and my joy… When you have seen that kind of love, you know it is all you'll ever need or want in life… Knowing I could never live out that dream here made me very sad, but I knew it was for the best. Looking back on it now, I was often to busy running the kingdom to worry about my sadness. My entire focus was fixated on my new dreams for the Kingdom of Kei. However, every now and then I would once again remember my old dreams. The sadness would return and my guilt as well. I was too ashamed and prideful to reveal how I truly felt. I didn't want to worry my friends or give the court any reason to doubt my rule. I also knew few here in this land would understand the love I sought and how deep my old dreams are woven into me."

"Keiki, I cannot forget the past or deny my feelings. I have been blessed in being able to live two different lives in two different worlds. In Japan, I was not the woman I wanted to be... moving through life with shallow relationships. It has made me realize I needed to come here, that I belonged here no matter the Will of Heaven. I love the kingdom, our people, my friends, and my advisors. I have received more love and companionship here than over the entire course of life in Japan. Pushing everyone away has done nothing for me. I asked you here because no one deserved to hear this more than you. Do you remember when you asked me once if there was anything could you could do and I replied that any attempt was futile. Your expression was so remorseful that day and I allowed you to walk away with only a shadow of the truth... Keiki, I was wrong. If you are still willing, for no reason but your own, may I seek your aid once again?"

Message from the Writer: Sorry it's not much. The rest is coming. I believe everyone can relate to having busy schedules. I'm sorry for any confusion, but I've been rearranging and editing periodically. Please feel free to comment, give suggestions, or point out any grammatical errors. I welcome the feedback. Additionally, I would like to thank all my followers for their support.

NEW Message (6/2/15): Hey Everyone! Yes, I'm continuing the story! I've been VERY busy and haven't had the time to post anything new. I'm trying to figure out how I want everything to play out. I wanted this to be a collection of short stories, but it all depends on how the story movie along. Actually, I'm having to revisit the tv series so I can find my characters again. I know I could never perfectly capture their dialogue, gestures, and feelings. However, I don't want to derail the story by rushing back into my writing. I hope to have majority, if not all, of the story completed. Once again, thank you for reading, caring, and supporting my work!

Updates & Revisions (8/20/15): I'm back readers! And don't fret I am here to stay. Yep! In fact, I have officially returned to the drawing board. I recently did some revisions to the story (nothing major) when I went back and reread everything. However, I am still working the stories finer details on how I'm going to keep it up since it seems to have drawn its own mini fan base. I'd love to hear any and all possible story inputs, suggestions, and other comments. Additionally, I want to say thank you to all my loyal followers and reviewers! You guys are the best! Keep your eyes out for additional updates. They're coming soon!

Please know I own no rights to the Twelve Kingdoms. This is just simply for pleasure reading.