Give me an Answer chapter 8

'He must want you really badly!' Hawke exclaimed, while the arrows were hissing around their heads.

They were trying to flee Weisshaupt Fortress but it was turning into a narrow escape.

Heeding Hawke's advice, Isabela had showed up in a heavy dark cloak that covered her features. She even had managed to find an Orlesian mask, which had made Hawke almost choke with laughter. Despite the pirate's efforts, they had had just moments to secure their properties on their mounts and lead the horses out off the stable. On the moment they approached the gate, they heard above them the as good as deafening cry: 'Don't let them escape!' It was obvious the First Warden had been freed from his bonds by now and was very eager to revenge his hurt pride. Or to recapture his bride-to-be.

The wooden drawbridge, separating them from the fortress and the rest of the Anderfells, almost became an insuperable obstacle when it got pulled up in an alarming fast tempo immediately after the command.

'Shoot at will!' the furious voice boomed from the ramparts, high above their heads. 'But keep the pirate alive!' Apparently he had figured things out, but nevertheless wasn't willing to let his price get away.

Fenris growled some untranslatable swearwords in Tevene and spurred his horse on. As did the two women.

It was only due to their fast will the animals made the final and utter leap to freedom. Luckily the arrows were shot at random, and since the guards at the gate had been rather flustered to start with and not at their best after a long uneventful night on watch, all of the missiles flew wide.

Isabela's yelled response to Hawke´s remark sounded too jolly for the circumstances. 'Or else he is actually truly desperate! Or completely insane!'

She laughed out loud and for a moment Hawke wondered who was the insane person around. 'I vote for the latter,' she shouted, the anger palpable in her voice. She reined in her horse after the last arrow had buried itself in the barren, dusty ground, more than ten yards behind their backs, and spent a last look at the dark gloomy bulk of the fortress before she urged her mount on again.

In the end the drawn up bridge had worked to the disadvantage of their attackers. It went too far to call them enemies in Fenris's opinion. The Grey Wardens had never searched the skirmish and neither had they. It had just happened. But then again, one could have expected something like this would come along while travelling with the pirate queen. It was a sheer wonder nothing similar hadn't occurred before. One thing you could say for her, life grew never dull in her company. He'd miss her.

It had taken them the best part of half a week to reach the Exalted Plains where Isabela said her goodbyes, eager to at last join her fleet and take the postponed position as Admiral. She waved a dramatic farewell with her impressive hat; the ostrich feathers waved elegantly with her. Hawke and Fenris wished her all the luck and booty in the world and uttered once more their deep and well intended gratitude which Isabela and the feathers on their turn waved away. In short, there was a lot of waving involved.

Up till this day they had camped in the open air, standing guard on turn, but this afternoon the newlyweds stumbled upon a little village. Most of the houses were still nothing but ruins roofed with tarpaulin, though reparations were being made with a lot of animated vigour; it was obvious that now the Inquisition had restored order in the region, people were eagerly returning to rebuild their homes. And the inn was in surprisingly good shape.

'Oh, this is great,' Hawke said with a contented sigh, ' a hot bath and a real bed to sleep in tonight.'

'You're getting soft,' Fenris teased with a crooked smile. 'Four nights sleeping on the ground under the stars, and you're already craving for a feather mattress.'

'I'm just out of practice,' she replied tetchily while she pushed the door open. 'Don't worry, in no time I will appreciate the stones and roots in my back and the soaked blankets on a stormy night again.' She had to admit she had had difficulty with the rocky underground after being spoiled with a nice bed during her stay in Weisshaupt. But the main reason she had been lying awake, was the problem that kept swirling in her mind. She wanted to go to Skyhold but felt reluctant to drag Fenris along, despite his statement he would honour her choice. It didn't feel right to involve him in her personal crusade. He had already endured so much because of her; it seemed hardly fair, if not highly immoral, to ask more of him. But she could hardly send him back to Kirkwall (as if he would listen to her in the first place) or steal away like she'd done before. This time the damage would be unfixable. On the other hand, his words about how much she'd done and given already, made her tremendously indecisive. He had a valid point, and besides that, had touched a sore spot. She should let it go, she should go for that peaceful cottage somewhere remote, far from all the troubles the world could throw at them. They still had to have that talk he had promised her and she wasn't looking forward to it.

Unaware of her struggling thoughts, the elf shook his head behind her and followed her into the inn.

The first thing Hawke did, admittedly after she had drank a mug of ale to wash down the dust in her throat, was gratefully jumping into a bathtub filled with hot, fresh water. After that the world looked a whole lot better.

'Fenris?' Hawke whispered carefully though with force, be it gentle force. Morning had broken and the room they had hired, slowly filled with the light of the new day. She was convinced he was awake by now and just pretended to be asleep, revelling, just as she, in the warm proximities of their bodies. For some reason it was a newly found ecstasy. After all the months of unwanted separation, they both wallowed in the delight of this anew found pleasure and tried to make the utmost of it. Hawke remembered how wound up Fenris had been during the first years after their meeting, so edgily he hardly had been able to sleep at all. So, it had been no less than a small miracle he finally could plunge into calm forgetfulness as it was. She almost felt guilty for drawing him out off his quiet peace. But after again an as good as sleepless night, she finally had cut the knot.

'Wazzyesay,' the elf mumbled fuzzily. His hand almost automatically went up and his fingers started to play lazily with a few strands of her hair.

'I've been thinking,' she said, tentatively.

That made him come to attention; for some reason it sounded ominous. No need to accentuate that. Not at this early hour. How late was it anyway? He lifted his head an inch. 'Really? You can do that?' he chuckled throatily. 'I never knew.'

She lightly slapped his shoulder to chastise him. 'Don't! I'm serious. I've been thinking about what you said and I believe you're right.'

'About what exactly? I said so many things.' He left her hair and caught her fingers instead, softly caressing them, sensually kissing every digit and knuckle he came across. She let the wonderful and strangely erotic feeling wash over her for an enchanting few minutes until she realized there was something she urgently needed to tell him. She drew her hands back with an apologetic smile. 'Please Fenris.'

He was completely alert by now, and more than a little tense. One never knew what she would come up with. It could have a deadly outcome. 'What did you want to tell me?'

'About that I've done enough.'

He frowned. 'Meaning ..?' he asked warily. The drowsiness in his voice had definitely dissolved by now.

'I don't want to fight any longer. I'm sick and tired of it all. I've worked so hard and what has it earned me in the end? Some stupid title I can't even use anymore because it's close to a death warrant. I've lost so much and so many ... I almost lost you.' She pressed her lips in determination. 'Let somebody else do the fighting from now on, I'm done with it. I dream of a nice little house somewhere on a cliff overlooking the sea, where we can raise a couple of children.' She shot him a little smile. 'That is, I hope you also want children.'

Fenris worked himself up on an elbow, forcing her to turn on her back. He stooped over her and cupped her face. 'Are you certain?' He could hardly believe what he was hearing. At the same time some nasty feeling began nagging at the back of his head. She made this decision because of me. For the moment he left the having-children-question for what it was, let alone he'd point out that a house on the top of a cliff would not exactly be the safest place to start a family, what with little toddlers running around and said cliff being a not to ignore danger in their energetic enthusiasm to explore their environment.

Hawke smiled wanly. 'Almost as certain as I am about my marriage with you. Don't be afraid it's some kind of whim. Like I said, I've been thinking.'

Yes, you've been thinking my way, damn it.

'So it seems,' he murmured. He had to let her words sink in. So many things had happened. Even after their strained reunion and strange wedding. For a moment he let his thoughts drift, until he realized Marian was waiting for a more cohesive reaction than "so it seems". 'So, where do you want to go?'

He wasn't surprised she hesitated with her answer.

'I don't know,' she confessed after a long silence. 'I've been fretting about it for what seems an eternity.' She added with a brittle smile, 'The whole night to be frank, or better five whole nights.' She worried her lip. 'That's a mighty lot of eternities, let me tell you.' She let out a small sigh and Fenris almost cringed. All because of me. 'And every once in a while that house at the seaside kept popping up. I thought you'd be happy with it. Stop looking at me in that way.'

'What way?'

'Like you don't believe me.'

'Oh, but I do believe you, don't doubt that.' He meant it because he simply knew she was dead serious. And exactly because of that, the unsavoury feeling kept dragging at his conscious. She does this for you, she wants to humour you. She lay awake because of you, you moron. He let his fingers tenderly and tantalizingly slow draw down her face. 'Do you really want to leave it all behind? Leave the battle against Corypheus into someone else's hands? Is that really your choice? Or do you deep in your heart still want to fight him? I already told you I'm fine with it. You don't have to fear my reaction. Just be honest. Don't do this because of me.'

'You're not fine with it,' she contradicted him with a huff. 'You said you would confront me with my decision the next morning. That was five mornings ago. So ..?'

He clenched his jaw. If she wanted to play difficult, she would get difficult. 'I want to get as far away as possible from all this madness,' he firmly said. He noticed she very hard tried to keep a straight face and not to look disappointed. He sighed and continued, 'But I know damn well you don't, despite all your hesitations and sudden yearning for a quiet life at some coast in some hovel with some children. You want to fight Corypheus and put an end to your unrest. You apparently lay awake all night and I'm quite certain you will spend much more nights awake in that dream house of yours -'

'Of ours,' she murmured.

'Of ours,' he fluently continued, 'if you leave the situation for what it is. So, I suggest we go to that fortress in the middle of nowhere and far from any coast, and fight with the Inquisition. That's what you truly wish for. And I stand beside you. You know that So stop fretting and be done with it.'

She pulled him close. 'This is idiotic,' she mumbled. 'You don't want to go to Skyhold to become a member of the Inquisition but nevertheless you're urging me on to do just that. Do you know I've contemplated to join Isabela's pirate fleet to leave all the suffocating issues behind? To just live the simple life of riding the waves, take booty where you can find it, fight the rivals off and get drunk in the next port? Gods, how simple life could be!'

He didn't know but wasn't surprised. 'I told you before I'm fine with whatever you decide to do, as long as it isn't a decision made out of guilt. If you go back to Skyhold, do it out of revenge, out of adventure for my part, but not out of guilt. I will follow you wherever you go.' He saw her sudden raised eyebrows and alarmed expression, and knew instantly what she thought. 'Once a slave always a slave? An everlasting answering to the Master's whim?' He grinned silently and Hawke relaxed. 'You know that's not true.'

Marian smiled faintly. 'I know.'

The death of Danarius had marked a definitive end to a long process. Of course the change hadn't come out of the sudden, it had taken time, a long time. The realization of being free, really free, had come in slow paces; not at once, but gradually. And with ups and downs at that. Killing his former Master had been the last barrier Fenris had conquered. Their relation had been restored shortly after, because he had only then been able to forgo the fear of her falling into the monster's claws, and she had been all but willing to invite him back into her arms. She had waited for him with a lot of yearning but an equal lot of patience. But still it struck her he now was able to sleep fast and make light of his gruesome past. She gave him a warm smile. 'You don't know half how much I appreciate your intention, but my decision is final. Henceforth we're going to live the easy life of people without a care in the world. After breakfast we're going to hit the road and see where our feet take us. How about that.'

The hands, that cupped her face, suddenly went another, much more exciting way. As did his mouth. 'Breakfast can wait,' he said huskily.

'And the dwarf wins again.' With a contented smirk Varric collected the silver coins, gathered in a heap in the middle of the table, and pulled the clinking metal his way.

'You must teach me that trick,' the Bull rumbled. As usual he succeeded in maintaining his rock fast merry mood, though the dwarf had won too many rounds of Wicked Grace to be trustworthy.

'You know he has been cheating, Chief,' Krem said, cheerfully.

'I know. Do I look like I care?'

Krem chuckled. 'No Chief.'

'Good. Then shut up and pass me that pitcher.'

Varric had some way or another established a weekly evening of playing the infamous card game with the Iron Bull and his Chargers. It served as some replacement of the beloved times in the Hanged Man he missed so much. The participation of the Inquisitor and the rest of the strange companions, who had flocked together in almost the similar way the ragtag bunch in Kirkwall had come to exist, was quite rare. But the Bull and his small army were always in for a game. At this very moment they were gathered in Varric's comfortable apartment close to the main hall.

Before the Qunari could refill his mug, a voice sounded from the doorway of the room. 'Even from this point I can see you have at least three cards hidden about your chest hair and upon your sleeves, you evil bastard.'

Varric almost fell from his chair in pure astonishment. 'Hawke!' he exclaimed. 'And, and Fenris!'

'Don't act so surprised, as if you didn't know he would turn up in Weisshaupt after your letter,' said Hawke. But she wasn't able to hide her merry grin. To be honest, a lot of gleeful, wicked anticipation was stuffed into that very grin.

'Hey, look who's back!' Bull joyfully roared. 'The Slayer of Dragons and Arishoks! And she brought a friend.'

'Not only a friend,' Hawke replied, smiling inwardly at what she was about to cause and thus keeping an eye on Varric. 'Fenris, meet the Iron Bull and his notorious Chargers; Bull, this is Fenris. My friend, my conscience, my lover, and, since recently my husband.'

She wasn't disappointed.

Varric dropped his tankard and the contents spilled all over the table. A great deal sloshed into his lap but he paid no attention to the deluge. 'What?!' he yelled in shock. 'You are married?! Just like that?! Without letting me know?! And you couldn't have just waited a few more days?!' His voice caught with unrefined agitation and his face turned crimson. It was quite a sight to behold.

'No we couldn't,' Hawke tried to explain to the mighty affronted dwarf. 'Because at the time we were committing the offence, we weren't planning on heading here. We only decided that on the road to, uh, the road to ...' She deflated when realization hit home.

'On the road to Skyhold,' Fenris helpfully completed her sentence. 'For that's what you wanted all along, no matter what you tried to tell me. Or better to tell yourself. To come to this place.'

Hawke had the decency to look ashamed. 'So you noticed. It wasn't on purpose, I swear it. I meant it when I said I was done with the whole Corypheus business.'

Fenris shot her one of his heart-melting lopsided smiles. 'I know. It was rather amusing, actually, the way you kept denying we were travelling in the direction of Skyhold while it was so obvious the place attracted you like a magnet.'

'Then why didn't you say something?!'

'And spoil all the fun? I wanted to find out when it dawned on you and see your reaction. It was priceless, by the way, how you tried to feign utter surprise when we spotted the castle from a distance. As if you had never seen the place before and was stupefied we just like that blundered upon it.'

'You played along!' Hawke huffily muttered.

'Of course I did; no need to start a row on a mountain pass. You're apt to cause an avalanche when you get truly angry and put your back into it. Your qualities are many, Marian, but I would advise you not to consider an actor's career. Although I must admit the "while we're almost there we can as well stop by and tell Varric the news" part was rather good.'

The dwarf, still hugely taken aback, glowered fiercely from one to the other. 'Can you at long last explain why exactly you are here?'

'To join the Inquisition,' Fenris bluntly answered. 'Why else? Evidently it was either that or become pirates.' Or parents, he thought, but he deemed it wiser not to say that one aloud, in case Varric got the wrong impression and definitely a heart-attack.

'Ha!' the Iron Bull bellowed. 'We can always use two feisty daggers and an impressive sword. Sit down, have a drink. Varric, wipe that stupid scowl off your face, it doesn't suit you. Krem, get the good stuff, this calls for a celebration!'

'Everything always calls for a celebration with you,' Krem grumbled, but nevertheless got up to fetch the cask of the "good stuff" Bull had brought along. No complaining there.

Later that night, much later, they found themselves in each other's arms on their bedrolls in a shabby unused room somewhere on the ramparts. Varric had assured that Josephine would arrange for other accommodations first thing next morning, but they were just glad they had somewhere decent to crash after all the drinks they had downed.

'You must believe me I never wanted to deceive you –' Hawke began but Fenris silenced her by putting his fingers on her lips. He smiled.

'There is no need to apologize; to be honest, you started to frighten me with your compliancy.' He chortled softly and pulled her close. 'In fact, I blamed myself for your behaviour. I understand you want to put down the demon. And stop worrying, so do I. But, love, as I emphasized so many times, please not out of guilt.'

'Not out of guilt,' she answered drowsily and more than a bit drunk due to the good stuff. 'Out of true conviction. Or revenge. Or adventure.' She contemplated this. 'We could advertise a whole new unexplored territory for the true adventurers: The Fade, where all your nightmares come true.' With much effort she heaved her head. 'Fenris ..?' Her elf, already seriously on his way to blissful oblivious sleep, mumbled something unintelligible, something that hovered between annoyance, patience, impatience and glowing love. It sounded adorable and Hawke giggled softly. 'Thank you.'

He shot out of his slumber and cautiously opened one eye. 'For what?'

'For understanding me. For rejecting my choice.'

'There will always be a time for that hovel on that cliff. With lots of children.' He kissed her. 'I want lots of children. With you. In the end. After all this.' He frowned. 'Perhaps not on a cliff. Somewhere more safe.'

'You're right, as always. But first we will beat the bastard down. Together.'

'We will,' he agreed, sleepily. 'I'm all with you, I will be at your side. I love you. Deeply. And we will beat the – him together. But, please, will you finally grant me my well earned sleep?!'

With a deep sigh she buried herself in his arms. 'Yes,' she mumbled with a happy smile.

A well meant thank you to Sporksoma who has been a wonderful beta for this story.

And, of course, many, many thanks to all of you who have read, followed and favourite the story. And especially to you who took the time to post a review! Love you all!