Author's Note: Writing the first part of this chapter came pretty easy but holy shit, the second(ish) part of this was like trying to fight off a lion with a piece of meat and took far longer than I would have liked.

Special thanks to, kaialonergan, who request a second chapter and gave me the wonder flashback idea.

Constructive criticism and comments are always welcome.

I hope you all enjoy.

Normally Jim's steady and even breathing would help sooth Bones to sleep, but not tonight. His mind was racing, anxiety running through his veins as he tried to shut out everything but Jim's breathing. Letting out a deep breath he buried his face in between Jim's shoulder blades, hugging the man closer to him and breathing in his scent. To his unending frustration, he couldn't seem to shut out those nagging thoughts that had gotten steadily worse over the past month when this, whatever it was between them, started.

And maybe he was over thinking it, maybe, they were really just, close friends, nothing more. He wasn't sure what he was trying to detect, the way Jim's actions might say something about how he felt or, about how he felt for Jim. Either way, it had past the point of normalcy between friends, which might explain why they never talked about it. They just acted, holding one another when need be, and in the last week it had become an every night kind of need.

Thinking back, Bones tried to pinpoint when it became, more than just a simple friendship.

Bones was trying to numb some of the pain and sadness he felt in a bottle of whiskey. It was his and his ex-wife's anniversary, and, while things had ended badly between the two of them, some part of him still loved her. The other part of him was drowning in loneliness, trying to find someone to pull him out but unsure as to weather he wanted someone again, wanted to trust someone like that again. His heart was still broken, ten months wasn't enough time to heal and trying to use alcohol as glue was most defiantly not working. But what else did he have?

A knock at the door startled him, choosing to ignore it he took another swing straight from the bottle, having not even bothered with a glass in the first place. The knocking became more persistent and louder, whoever it was very aware they were being ignored. Bones still didn't move, hoping whoever it was would eventually leave. No such luck though and a voice called to him through the door.

"Bones. Open the door," Jim said, knocking a few more times for good measure, "I know you're in there. I've been trying to contact you all day." He heard Jim try the handle when that failed he heard his friend talk in a much softer voice. "Let me in. Leonard, let me in."

Silence hung in the air for a few moments before Bones let out a sigh and pushed himself of the couch, making his way to the door and audibly unlocking it but not bothering to open it. He heard the door open as he made his way back to the couch, Jim sitting next to him silently, waiting for him to talk first. Noticing the more than half empty bottle of whiskey, Jim screwed the lid on tight and got up to put it away, returning with a glass of water. Bones ignored the water and opened his mouth to speak, with nothing coming out he leaned his elbows on his knees and put his head in his hands. Jim hesitantly put a hand on his friend's shoulder and leaned closer as Bones talked through his hands.

"It's our- was our anniversary," Bones said.

"Oh," was all the audible reply Jim gave, choosing to squeeze his friend's shoulder in attempts to keep him talking.

"I knew things hadn't been good between us for awhile and I thought she wanted to make it work. It was an unexpected blow and, I think I made it worse by not even trying to argue or put up a fight. I just, didn't want to fight with her anymore. And it got me left with nothing but my bones," he said, repeating what he had said to Jim the first time they had met.

"I'm sorry Leonard," Jim said softly.

"Worst thing is, part of me still loves her, still wants her. And today, today just reminds me that I lost her and I didn't even put up a fight," he said, voice cracking, "I miss her."

"My mom once said," Jim started, causing Bones to glance up in surprise at hearing Jim talk about his family for the first time, "That, once you love someone, that really never goes away. And when you lose that person, it hurts, all the time it hurts and you try to tell yourself if I had just done this or done that, you could have salvaged whatever was left. As time goes on, it will hurt less and one morning you'll wake up and realize, you don't miss them anymore and it doesn't hurt anymore; it's just bittersweet. Cause missing them is a part of moving on. Love changes with time, sometimes growing, sometimes fading. But it's always there, cause once you love someone, you don't ever stop, not really."

Bones didn't say anything, just nodded and leaned into Jim, seeking something, whatever that was he wasn't sure. Jim assumed the same position as Bones, only clasping his hands together in front of him, and leaned back into Bones. The wall of Jim's body seemed to ground him, even if only their shoulders and upper arms were touching. It seemed to drain his loneliness away, even if only for a moment, he could breath without fear of swallowing water.

Maybe all Bones needed back then was a friend or, maybe it was something more. But he was over thinking things again and he was doing that a lot lately. He wanted to stop thinking about, whatever this was, and just let it be but, in these quiet moments when the only sounds in the room were Jim and his breathing, it was hard not to. It was hard to lay there and not question what this was and, more importantly, where this was going. It scared the hell out of Bones, this could end so many ways; he could end up never speaking to Jim again or, he might spend the rest of his life with the man. Bones wasn't sure which one scared him more.

He felt a hot gust of air on his face, having been so lost in thought he didn't notice Jim turn in his arms and he wiggled up till Jim's hot breath was on his neck instead. He inhaled sharply and Jim's scent assaulting his nose, it was the scent of a forest right before a storm. Bones had gotten used to this scent, it was like a security blanket almost and even on the nights Jim wasn't next to him, his scent still lingered. He hadn't thought how much a scent, this scent, could effect him and try as he might, he knew this scent better than he knew parts of himself.

He was studying in apartment, exams were coming up and he sure as hell didn't want to fail. He had tried to get Jim to stay and study with him only to be rebuffed, then he snapped at Jim. Bones didn't yell or anything, just made some rather hurtful remarks and he felt bad about it. He was getting frustrated with Jim, he had so much potential and it seemed like suddenly Jim didn't care anymore even though it was their final year. He was never good at telling someone he cared, trying to show it in other ways; one of those happened to be snapping at Jim when they both knew he wasn't doing as well as he could.

Looking at the time, he sat back and rubbed a hand over his face, deciding to go to bed. Bones was brushing in teeth when he heard a thump, it sounded like it came from his front door but dismissed it after a few seconds of waiting, figuring it was just the neighbors. When the thump came again he was certain it came from his front door, having been standing near it while drinking a glass of water he choked and ended up with more water on him than anywhere else. Putting the glass down he looked through the peep hole and sighed before opening the door.

Jim had apparently been leaning on the door and not knocking but rather thumping into trying to stay upright while failing to open the door. Jim fell onto him and very nearly knocked them both to the ground. Bones was trying to get Jim on his feet before he dropped the man, with some success he got Jim to lean into him and the smell of alcohol slapped him in the face, suffocating the scent that normal was Jim. He frowned, not liking the way Jim's scent was covered up and frowned farther, ignoring why that might bother him and he listened to what Jim was saying.

"Your shirts wet," Jim mumbled from where his face was pressed into Bones.

Though Jim was clearly drunk and had to ask Jim to repeat himself several times, unable to understand him due to heavy slurring. After the sixth time asking Jim, Bones gave up and pretend to understand. He sat Jim on the couch, having to shove him back down several times as he repeatedly tried to get up. Finally getting Jim to stay put, he got the man a glass of water and handed it to him.

"Drink," was the command he gave.

Jim said something again, sounding vaguely similar to what he had been repeating but Bones still didn't understand. Bones just shushed him and made him drink four glasses of water before trying to get Jim to lay down on the couch. It was nearly an hour since Jim had entered his apartment when he finally got Jim to lay down, Jim was still talking but at least Bones could leave him there to go to bed.

"Your shirts wet," Jim repeated, only this time shoving Bones shirt as far up as he could reach from the couch.

"That's what you've been trying to say? My shirts wet?" Bones asked, as the words weren't slurred into a new language.

"You'll get sick. Off," Jim said, tugging at the shirt.

"I'm just going to bed, I'll change my shirt then," he replied, prying Jim's fingers off his shirt.

Bones was half way to his bedroom when he heard Jim say something in a low voice, he paused for a moment and decided to go back. Jim repeated himself when Bones was next to the couch but still unable to hear him, Bones squatted next to Jim.

"M' sorry," Jim slurred.

"It's fine Jim, go to sleep," Bones said dismissively.

"I know you only said those things because you care," Jim said, speech still slurring together, "But it still hurt, cause your right. I could be better, I was but, this is it. We'll be graduating and, I guess I'm just scared."

"I'm sorry too," he said softly, moving Jim's hair back from his forehead, "Go to sleep now."

He stood and walked away, hearing Jim mumble something else and not hearing it the first time he paused, waiting to hear if Jim repeated himself; his ears were only greeted with the sound of soft snoring. Bones rolled his eyes and went to bed, ignoring the little voice that kept on saying what he thought he heard Jim say.

In remembering that night the little voice had piped up again, quickly reminding Bones of what might have been said before he could squash it. It echoed in his mind, slowly losing volume, but it was still there, in the back of his mind. He couldn't help but wonder what Jim could have meant by those words, if those words were even said to begin with or if he was imaging it. And if he was imaging it, what did that say about him and how he felt? Nothing he wanted to think about now, even if he should try and figure it out. He let out a sigh, his breath ruffling the hair on top of Jim's causing the man to scoot a little closer and Bones rolled away from Jim, thinking that his reluctance to examine his feeling said a lot more than the feelings themselves.

He had never seen Jim this upset, the man seemed so broken. Bones could only stand there, unsure of what to do as Jim paced back and forth in front of him; Jim seemed to barely be holding it together, not that Bones blamed him. Jim had every right to be this upset, Nero had ruined the life he was suppose to have. He never got to know his father because of Nero and he had a complicated relationship with the rest of his family. Now knowing none of that would ever happen but knowing it should have, hit Jim in a way Bones wasn't sure he could ever come back from.

Jim suddenly stopped in front of Bones, looking at him with endless depths of pain and sadness with those bloodshot eyes, he did the only thing he could possibly think of. He wrapped his arms around Jim and hugged him like he was trying to glue all of those broken pieces back together; Jim eventually wrapped his arms around Bones and clung to him. And if there was a wet spot on Bones shirt when they finally broke apart, it was ignored and Jim left, to where Bones didn't know. He didn't see Jim for almost two weeks after that, having to nearly hammer Jim's door to get him to answer.

The look Jim had on his face when the door opened broke Bones heart, his friend looked barely there. It was a fight to get Jim to start living again and it scared Bones so much more than he'd ever admit, seeing the man who never gave up on anything suddenly give up on life. Eventually convinced Jim to come out with him for awhile and that had a snowball effect, slowly Jim came back to life. Somehow he even got Jim to call his family and talk to them, actually talk, not faking conversation for the sake of appearances. Jim was still holding a burden of another life on his shoulders but at least he was trying to make the best of the one he had.

Bones had hated seeing Jim in that much pain and remembering it broke his heart all over again; it also reminded him of how damn horrid sleeping on Jim's couch was and now he was in Jim's bed instead. Things had come so far between them, how much they had helped each other become better, how much they had come to depend upon the other. It worried Bones how much he depended on Jim now; their relationship wasn't like this when Jim had died and he wasn't sure he could handle that again. Despite all the people in his life and who had been in his life, Jim was the only one he couldn't imagine his life without. Losing him, even if it was only for a little while, Bones only held it together at the edges.

Bones had spent more nights by Jim's bedside than he'd admit to, often waking up in the middle of the night to check Jim and make sure he was still breathing. His breathing was shallow, almost as if he was asleep and that's what Bones had to hope for, that this was just his body resting abnormally long to recover from the trauma. He couldn't think about the other possibility, it hurt to much. Sitting there, watching Jim's chest rise and fall was oddly relaxing and, for a moment, he could pretend Jim was just sick or drunk and he was watching over him, like any good friend would do. But this fear in him spoke of more than friendship, he wouldn't use the other word to describe this, and it didn't feel the same as it did with his ex-wife. Convincing himself that was good enough reason to push off his feelings for another day and ignore that damn little voice in the back of his head reminding him that, you can never love to people the same way.

When Jim woke up he had to hold himself back from hugging the life out of him and yelling at him, choosing to try and seem as calm as possible instead. Jim was weak from being unconscious for so long and Bones made himself Jim's caretaker until he was better. Surprisingly, Jim put up little fuss and any fuss he did put up seemed half-hearted. He wonder if Jim was doing this for his benefit, seeing as how Bones hadn't let the man out of his site for more than a few minutes at a time and really, who could blame him. His closest friend hadn't nearly died, he had actually died; big, heart stopping difference.

He took care of Jim for two whole weeks before he had to admit, rather begrudgingly, that Jim was well enough to take care of himself again. Bones still checked up on Jim daily, as his doctor and closest friend he had to or, at least he told himself that. He convinced himself he would examine his feelings later, right now he couldn't be selfish, Jim needed him; and for one split second, that damn voice piped up that maybe he was the one who need Jim. Bones really had to get rid of that voice, he couldn't beat it down forever, as much as he would have liked too.

Bones was once again trying to beat down the little voice and he nearly jumped out of his skin when Jim was suddenly pressing his front up against Bones back, wrapping an arm around him too. He could feel the heat of Jim's skin sinking through his shirt and tried to squirm away, hoping that little voice didn't pipe up; he had luck on neither front. Jim just tightened his arm and the little voice just kept on talking, between the two Bones was starting to feel overwhelmed. He froze in his squirming when a voice broke through the silence.

"Bones," Jim huffed lowly.

"Yeah?" Bones replied, hoping his voice was even.

"Quit squirming," Jim said.

Bones hummed in response and that seemed to satisfy Jim, until he started fidgeting again. Jim let out a long sigh, his breath tickling the back of Bones neck.

"Bones," Jim said in a warning tone.

"Yeah?" Bones said, fanning innocence.

"Why are you squirming?" Jim asked, sounding honestly curious.

Bones froze once again, unable to find words to speak, unable to voice what was going through his mind. Jim sighed again after a minute of dragging silence and rubbed his thumb in a small circle where it rested on Bones body, causing Bones to tense, which Jim ignored.

"Stop thinking. Just," Jim paused, trying to find the right words to say, "Just let it be. It'll work out in it's own time. Don't force it."

"Jim," Bones said, turning in his arms; about to ask if Jim was thinking the same things.

"Now is not the time Bones," Jim interrupted, not leaving any room for arguments, "Shut up and go to sleep."

Bones clamped his mouth shut, knowing Jim was right but still wanting to know, needing to know how Jim felt about all of this. He let out a long sigh, deciding Jim was right, he couldn't just force himself to figure it out. Things like this took time and a month was not enough time, as much as he would have liked it to be, it just wasn't. And he couldn't let himself be kept up at night and worrying all the time because of it, he'd fall apart from stress if he did. For now, he'd do as Jim said, let it work itself out on it's own time; and hopefully, by then, he'd be ready, for whatever it was.