He is not a homosexual.

No, no, that's wrong and he knows it. It's sick and depraved, a crime against God. It's wrong and he knows that.

But still...

He looks over at Sam, laughing at something Mr. Kelly has said over the rim of his mug. That laugh, John sighed, it was deep, rich, warm like ale and it made him feel as if he had just drank a barrel of it all in one gulp. It was just as addicting too. John knew deep down that he would make a fool of himself everyday for the rest of his life if it meant he could stay warm and drunk on that sound forever. He shook his head, quick to chastize himself for such thoughts.

Glancing around the tavern John wonders what these men, his fellow rebels and criminals, traitors to the crown and brothers in arms, would do if they could hear his revolting thoughts. He had hears the horror stories of homosexual men being beaten like dogs or murdered once their sexuality was discovered. Such stories had always made him queasy and unsettled, but never before had they struck fear in him like this. Perhaps they would tar and feather him instead, that seemed like a more fitting act of violence from patriots. He shivered deep down to his bones at the thought.

But a beating he could handle, for he was certain that he deserved whatever pain these men could inflict upon him for these sorts of urges. What he wasn't sure he could handle was the look of pure and utter disgust that would surly mare Sam's face if he knew the kind of things John wanted to do to him. How badly he wanted to kiss him. John took a deep breath, flicking his gaze back down to the table in front of him. Alright, he finally admits to himself, maybe he is a homosexual.

Sam squeezes John's shoulder suddenly, pulling him out of his daze with a jump."What's the matter with you Hancock? Not considering backing out on us now are you?"

John quickly swallowed the knot in his throat, the one that made it hard for him to speak, and forced a smile painfully. He didn't look into Sam's eyes though for fear of what he would say against his own accord."And leave the lot of you to get killed?"

Sam corked an eyebrow up at him but let out another laugh that knocked the breath out of John, squeezing his shoulder as he turned back to address something Mr. Wells had said. But John kept his gaze on Sam, studying him. This young man who's complete fault it would be if they all died or lived. This man who had completely turned his life inside out and changed everything he once believed in. This incredibly brave, strong, brilliant, wonderful man...

He is going to hell.

John knew this without question, men like him, with his thoughts, and his urges, who could barley hold them back nothing less than all his will power belonged in hell. But for Sam, John was fairly certain that it would be worth it.