Ever Elusive

By elsiie

Genre: Romance, Drama

Rating: T

Summary: The feeling that consumed her body and mind. It was probably something akin to…jealousy. Ryuu/Gyoku. AU.

Characters: Ren Hakuryuu, Ren Kougyoku

Chapter Ten – Gardenias

Her lips met his, and she felt him stiffen. It was the first time she had initiated a kiss, and like her, it was passionate and clumsy. When he didn't respond to it, to her pitiful and desperate attempt to express her feelings, her blood grew cold. She opened her eyes slowly and dropped her hands. Shame overwhelmed her body, he must have thought she was disgusting.

Looking at the sea, its calm waves, she stammered at her feet, "I - I'm sorry."

The girl couldn't bear to look at him, with tears welling up in her eyes, she turned to run. Then her arm was pulled back, and she was enveloped by pure warmth. His lips met hers with such strength that she found herself surprised by the intensity of the sensation. She felt his hands tangle in her hair, gentle yet fierce and oh so lonely.

She didn't care if she was being used.

As he brought her closer and closer, she chanted those magic words over and over in her head. She would be her replacement and she wouldn't mind. For if she was able to stay by his side, then she could endure…

Kougyoku began to cry. She pushed him away, feeling his warm skin coveted by material underneath her fingers. Her vision was blurry, unclear, he was a mess of colours in front of her. A mess of colours that she desperately wanted to blindly dive into. Yet she wasn't able to, no matter how much she wanted to, she just couldn't.

"I'm s – sorry Hakuryuu-chan," she hid her face from him, her disgusting, tear-stained, shameful, face. "I – I can't be her…replacement."

The sound of waves was almost deafening.

When she had finally gathered the courage to meet his eyes, she was shocked by the obvious pain that laid bare for the world to see. Lifting a hesitant hand, she reached towards him, only to be slapped away. As if he was as shocked as her, he recoiled, eyes wide.

"Kougyoku, I – "

She interrupted him, equally hurt, holding her hand close to her chest, "No, I understand."

Before she knew it, her face had once again contorted into an almost hateful expression, it took all of her self-control to stop herself from sobbing.

I'm sorry I fell in love with you.

Only all she could manage to whisper was a simple, pathetic; 'I'm sorry'.

And, like the coward she was, she ran.

oOo

The rose haired girl found herself at the doorstep of the white house a year later. It was unchanged, thanks to the housekeeper, the walls still in pristine condition, the flowerbeds at the front still shining with morning dew. Taking the silver key from her purse, she unlocked the door.

Sunlight streamed in through the windows, illuminating the hallway, causing the polished wood to almost sparkle.

"Miss Kougyoku!"

The owner of the voice, a middle-aged woman with a kind smile, emerged from the kitchen. Her apron was covered in sweet white powder that must have been sugar. Kougyoku offered her a soft smile in return, letting her bags drop gently to the floor.

"It's been a while, hasn't it? I didn't think you'd be here till tomorrow!"

"Yes…it has," she murmured absently, eyes scanning the hallway, from the polished floors to the white ceiling.

When she closed her eyes, she could almost recall that summer that once seemed so distant. The light music that drifted from his room, elegant fingers plucking strings, and the scent of rain and foreign plants. He remained in the house still, a quiet ghost, never far from her mind and body. An ever-present figure, not looking for attention, but nevertheless holding her eyes.

The wizened woman came forward, ready to take Kougyoku's bags, when the younger shook her head.

"Thank you, but I can do it," another small smile, as if to reassure the housekeeper.

She picked up the bags, it didn't weigh much, she hadn't planned to stay for long. The stairs creaked slightly underneath her as she climbed them, taking care to mind her step. When the door to the kitchen closed, she took a deep breath and stared ahead.

I'm here.

OOo

He caught her. His arms were warm but wet, the white shirt almost transparent. She tried to pry his arms from around her, fighting the overwhelming urge to sink into his hold. Yet, he only held tighter.

"Let me talk, Kougyoku - "

The girl shook her head wildly. There was no way she could bear it, a direct rejection from someone she loved so deeply – she couldn't. She wouldn't. She wouldn't give into the warmth.

Breathing heavily, heart pounding, she demanded, "Let go of me!"

Her voice cracked pitifully, and even her fingers were beginning to cease in their desperate movements.

"I won't."

The tenderness that laced his voice in that moment made her whole body freeze. Hakuryuu's hold around her tightened, and she felt him rest his head on her shoulder. She dropped her hands, unable to resist any longer, not when every part of her wanted to accept him wholly.

He sighed into her neck, and murmured with a heavy voice, "I'm cruel."

She didn't move, her eyes shut tightly, heart beating in her ears.

"I lied to you. That night – the night of Sinbad's party – I wasn't thinking of Morgiana."

She began to tremble.

"I wanted you to hate me. I wanted you to see me as the," he let out a bitter chuckle. "The disgusting person I really am."

"You're not!" her voice shook, but she was determined. She felt him start. "D – don't be an idiot, all those times, all those times you've…"

The feeling of his lips on hers, breathing air, life. His arm holding her back, letting the truck rush past them. The warm jacket that he draped around her shoulders as they were trapped by rain.

But most of all, he made her forget.

Forget the time when her mind was not her own, where she hurt so many, where he – the man who she once trusted unconditionally – pulled the strings that moved her fingers.

Tears streaming down her face, as they had done so many times that day, she clutched at his arms.

"You saved me."

oOo

She dragged her blanket across the floor and into the living room. Her feet padded across the surface as she made her way to the sofa where she threw the blanket. The older woman had long since left, leaving Kougyoku all alone in the house. Making herself comfortable, she settled into the plush sofa, bringing the warm wool blanket across her legs. She leaned forward, taking the coffee mug off the table and bringing it to her lips. It was warm and sweet, yet not overly so, the cinnamon she sprinkled doing its job.

The only light was from the lamp that sat on the glass table. It illuminated the room well enough and was not overly bright, so she remained still on the seat, sipping the hot chocolate. When she had drained the cup of every last drop, it was delicious – she couldn't help but be proud of her handiwork – she placed it back on the coffee table.

It was fairly late, she couldn't quite see the clock's hands, but she assumed it was around ten or eleven. Looking out the window, she could make it out the bright moon and the multitude of stars, all sparkling, each one unique.

As she closed her eyes, waiting for sleep to consume her, she could almost hear that familiar melody.

oOo

"I envied you – I envied your kindness and your strength," she cried. "So don't say you're disgusting, because you're the most – "

He released her from him, and for a short second, she thought that she had hurt him yet again. But when she turned, she found that there were also tears streaming down his face. Hakuryuu, the person she loved, kneeled in the sea, took her hands and kissed them. Letting his lips meet her knuckles, warm skin on cold fingers.

He laughed before looking up into her eyes and smiling warmly, his own blue ones still brimming with tears.

"Are you sure I'm the one who's kind and gentle?"

Unable to help herself, she too broke into a smile. Wiping away her tears, she moved her hands from his lips to the sides of his face.

"Don't look at me, okay?" She whispered.

After a brief pause and what seemed like confusion flitting across his face, he closed his eyes obediently. She turned her head, making sure there was no one watching them, and leaned forward, kissing away the droplets of tears that clung to his eyelashes.

He opened his eyes in surprise and she let her hands drop, cheeks and the tips of her ears the same brilliant shade of crimson.

Then, the boy burst into laughter.

"Wh – what?!" She didn't think it was possible, but her face heated up even more and she was sure that she was starting to resemble a tomato.

Wiping away tears of laughter this time, he said unabashedly, with no hint of shame, "You're so cute."

Her eyes blinked furiously, and suddenly the wind felt so very warm. She turned away, hiding her smile.

He stood up, letting the waves splash around them and held out a hand.

"Let's go, Kougyoku."

oOo

She didn't know where she was, a green field sprinkled with sparkling daisies, but she didn't mind. Kougyoku didn't bother to look behind her, she cared not for the past, instead staring straight ahead.

She could see a lone figure walking. They seemed lonely, back bent ever so slightly, pace too slow. Starting to follow them, she felt the grass tickle her bare legs, the daisies sang their little tune in a language she didn't know. The figure slowly began to disappear, walking further and further away from her. She pumped her legs faster, desperate to reach them. She knew not who they were, but only that she had to take their hand in hers and promise them that everything was going to be alright.

Suddenly, sunflowers began to burst from clumps of grass. They stretched high into the sky, towering over her form. For a moment, she was at a loss, they trapped her as if they were a cage. But a small cry compelled her to persist.

She thrust her hands into the sunflowers, ripping through them, hearing cries of pain that dissipated into nothing. Again and again, she tore into the flowers, the voice getting louder and louder. Then finally, she reached them.

A small form, crouched in the middle of the sunflowers. They danced around the child, singing their merry song that was dripping with lies. Like the ones before, she clawed through the flowers, until the song had stopped.

The child looked up at her with large blue eyes and dark hair and she felt her heart stop. He reached for her with his chubby hands, face scrunched up and without hesitating, she picked him up. Feeling him rest his head against her cheek, she let out a sigh.

"You're always so much trouble, huh?" Yet she couldn't help but smile warmly.

Kougyoku walked through the sunflower remains, watching as the wind carried them away. Then, in the distance, he was waiting. Violin in one hand, bow in the other, playing a melody that unlike the sunflowers' song, soothed her.

The boy on her shoulder immediately turned around, his face lighting up. Without fear, he jumped from the safety of her hold, and began to run. She too, broke into a sprint, not so much wanting to catch the child, but rather reach the figure in the distance. Even from so far away, she knew exactly who it was. Having heard their noisy footsteps, the person turned around, dropping the instrument.

Like children, they threw themselves at him. He laughed, a warm sound that made her heart beat faster. Capturing the two of them in a tight embrace and with strength that only he possessed, he twirled them around. She heard the child giggle and soon, she joined him, their laughter mixing into the summer sky. He set them down on the ground, and the moment the boy's feet touched grass, he began to fade. She didn't cry, or call out, simply watching as the child's ever-present smile scattered into blue.

It was just them left, in a field that seemed simultaneously foreign and familiar. His arms wrapped around her, and hers around him, clutching at his shirt.

"…gyoku," he spoke, voice soft. Close yet oh so far away.

She buried her head further into his neck, breathing in his scent. He let his fingers rest in her long hair, strands of rose, long and winding.

"Kougyoku."

Opening her eyes, she smiled warmly. He smelt faintly of rain, and she didn't mind at all.

"Welcome home," her sleepy but cheerful greeting incited him to smile gently in return.

Hakuryuu leant forward, pressing his lips to her forehead. A warm gesture that she looked forward to receiving every time she woke from that day onwards.

"Sorry I'm late."

A/N Thank you so much for sticking with me and these dumb precious children. I hope you enjoyed this story as much as I enjoyed writing it! I was at a lost on how to end it, but I think this sappy ending is fine ahaha…(Some very, very horrible things could have happened, but I think we're both glad that I chose not to be Satan.)