Again. They had done it again. Lukas no longer knew what to do. Why did Mathias acted as if nothing ever happened after a night of kissing him feverishly everywhere and mumbling his confessions of love to him? How many nights was it now? Five? Eight?

It was relieving when they were roughly shoving each other against walls and furniture. It was all fine to be removing their clothes. In fact it was begged for. Each time they met gazes here, was a long pause that time ignored. Not that it mattered because time was ignored in these nights. Words were spoken with silences and kisses. Silences that screamed for explanations and kisses that would later be like knife to his heart.

Their nights were intimate and no one knew of their existences but them. And as soon as the sun was raised high on the sky, it was as if they never happened. Lukas could only lie to himself and say it was a bad dream. Because the day that he would wake up to Matthias there next to him would end his torment.

Lukas could only silently suffer without an answer. What was there to ask? Was this one of those secrets that should be talked about? His heart ached. It had been fed sweet words and loving kisses but it didn't know what they meant. He only knew that he couldn't stop Mathias when he was kissed by that Dane. His knees grew weak at his touch. His body ached for him. His heart demanded for the affection and kisses.

There was a lump in his throat now. He didn't know what this meant. What was his emotions telling him and what did his body desire? Was it lust? Was that the only thing that brought Mathias to his mind? No.

The kisses and words that were whispered into his ear. They were the knives that struck his heart when he woke up to an empty bed and his naked body. He would become a mess and become so undone by those sweet words that would heal his wounds only to repeat to rip open them the morning after. His cries of pleasure turned into cries of pain like in their first night. Except there were no kisses to sooth away this pain.

If it hurt like this why was he so willing to accept the tormenting in his mind for a night of pleasure and loving? Had he been blind to his own emotions up until now? Now that he was a mess of salty tears and silent sobs? Was he only now realising that his heart ached because he wished so badly that those words whispered ruggedly into his ears and those groans and moans of pleasure were all true and only for him? Oh how fooling did he have to be.

Everybody knows that they shouldn't believe sweet words in lustful nights.

His phone in his jeans beeped. Without thinking he checked it. It was Mathias.

Hey there~ what are you doing? Can I come over?

His heart stopped. He paused. Mathias wanted to come over. He picked himself off the couch. There was no time to waste his tears. He needed to wash their evidence. He needed answers and to put order in his unsettled heart. Rushing to the bathroom to wash his face he saw himself in the mirror. His eyes, nose, cheeks and lips were red. His eyes were filled with tears and his hair was a mess. It was best to shower. He stripped and went to shower. It was quick.

Now to get this of the puffiness on his face. he decided to reply to the text. He thought about what to reply in the shower. There was always that nervous feeling when he spoke with him now.

I'm not doing anything. What are you doing?

He grabbed a bag of frozen peas and put it on his face. His hand was on the phone in case he didn't hear the beep he would feel it vibrate. 'I'm so pathetic.' he huffed a little bit angry with himself. 'why am I even replying to him?' his heart sank at the thought.

Missing you ;3;

His eyes read the words on the screen and shuddered. It was like his heart was in a wild roller coaster ride. Adrenaline was pumping into his system. His breathing became rugged once again.

Have you had diner? Its late and I'm on my way there so how about I cook for us?

The smile that escaped at the thought of him cooking dinner quickly vanished. If he cooked for them they would get less time. Time was so precious. He only had until sun rise. Even if he hadn't eaten a thing all day. It did matter because Mathias was coming over. And that meant his wounds wont ache.

It's fine. I ate already. Don't be reckless on the road you idiot.

He was still with the bag of peas on his face when his phone began to ring. He looked at it and sat up straight away. He was calling him? Didn't he just tell the moron not to be reckless on the road? His fingers answered the call anyways.

"It's on hands free, before you yell at me." he defended before Lukas could say anything. A chuckle escaping him when Lukas sighed in defeat. Lukas could feel his heart relax with the sound of his voice. It always did.

"I'm happy that you care for my wellbeing." Lukas scoffed to hide his chuckles wishing to escape. 'does he always sound so happy? Why does it even surprise him?' Mathias chuckled softly.

"Hey Lu?" a blush began to spread across his face. His words were lost and replied in a hum. "can I ask you a question?" anxiety filled Lukas as soon as he heard those words. What did he want to ask?

"you already did." He replied not wishing to be asked questions. Mathias chuckled again. This time it didn't sooth the wounds. Instead it clenched at his heart.

"I guest I have.." Lukas began to sweat a little.

"… what is it?" he asked a little anxiously. It was beginning to make him feel sick.

"w-well.. I.. never mind. I'm outside your house." The call ended and now Lukas was feeling fidgety and more nervous. It was always like this except their conversations were less tensed. He was fixing his hair a little as he walked to the door.

Opening the door made time seem to slow down. Mathias stood there with a bouquet of Purple Heathers in his hands. He looked nervous. Lukas felt his lips part away from each other as his jaw dropped slightly. They stared at each other. Mathias stepped forward. Lukas blinked out of they trance. He stared at the flowers.

"Do you like them?" Mathias asked extending them out to him. Lukas was lost for words. His mind was so confused. His favourite flowers in a bouquet, been given to him by the man that drives him insane to the point of tears. He took the bouquet. He stared back at Mathias.

Biting his lips to hold back a few tears of happiness. Mathias didn't hold back when his lips found Lukas'. It's like they were hungry for one another. Kisses were pressed against his face. Softly, not rushed. They moved to his neck. He gripped onto the black tie that Mathias wore with his red dress shirt. Mathias stopped and nuzzled into his neck. Lukas bit his bottom lip. The flowers were pressed against them. Mathias kissed his cheek. Lukas had his eyes shut. His wounds were healed again. He knew what would happen tomorrow. He stood back.

Startled Mathias glanced at him confused and shocked. Lukas stared at him for a second already wishing to be back in those warm arms were he felt that affection he needed.

"I need to find a vase for these. Come in." he moved out of the way to let Mathias into the house. Mathias nodded and took of his shoes and coat to leave them to dry from the melting snow from outside. Lukas went to the kitchen and looked around for a vase. His mind asking him so many questions that he didn't have answers for.

At the back of the kitchen cabinet he found a beautiful old vase and was filling it up with water when Mathias walked into the kitchen. Lukas glanced at Mathias quickly. he put the flowers in the vase and placed them on the kitchen island. Mathias watched him. both their minds flooded with questions.

"what's the special occasion?" Lukas asked after awhile of fixing the flowers in the vase. He didn't look at Mathias. He knew better than to fall for it and get sucked into that gaze. The gaze that was watching his movements.

"well.. I thought .. that maybe you would look beautiful holding them." Mathias spoke walking closer. Lukas straightened his back a little at the compliment. It felt like he mind have a heart attack soon. He tried to be composed. "You never did answer if you liked them or not." The warm arms wrapped themselves from behind. His head rested back against the chest that always held him close at night but was gone in the morning.

"I do like them." He said, getting infectious kisses on his neck. His knees losing strength with every kiss. He placed his hand over the ones that Mathias had on him. Mathias hummed softly. Normally by now they would be against a wall. Lukas proud of the improvement but also worried. He had to ask about them. he needed to.

"Mathias.." Lukas hummed a little distracted by the kisses. Mathias nuzzled his cheek in respond. "You never did finish what you were going to say when you were on the phone." Lukas needed to slap himself but he found it difficult to say what he wanted to say. Mathias froze a bit. Lukas turned around to face him. Mathias just stared at him a little surprised by the question.

"Don't worry about it." He kissed him deeply. Making Lukas forget the worries of before. Everything revolved around them. It didn't matter, his questions will be answered soon enough. There was no peeling him away from Mathias now. Right?

Soon looked further away with every kiss given. They were now hastily undressing each other, yet again. Their unanswered questions turned into heat. There was a strong force that made them be like this. There must be. Mathias ran his fingers along his body. Admiring it and cherishing every bit of it. He left a kiss everywhere. No place was left untouched. It had Lukas weak and shaky. He couldn't stop feeling like with every kiss given the more he fell for that damned dane.

In here they said and did things that they wouldn't with other's around. That was an unspoken rule that has been made up. Both of them were soon moaning and screaming in pleasure. They were grabbing onto each other as if the other would vanish and their world would crush to and end.

"jeg elsker deg, Lukas." It escaped over and over again from Mathias' lips. Their hearts seem to know that already now but their owners didn't. it was a secrecy and an unruly mess of years of unspoken love towards each other, that drove them into their insanity. Both silent and unspoken.

Lukas dug his nail into his back. His name escaping over and over. Reaching their climax they both knew what would happen when it was over. With an arched back he screamed his name one last time. He screamed his as well. Mathias moved off him after leaving small kisses on his forehead, both of them panting and sweaty.

Exhaustion began entering their bodies. Lukas felt his heart began hurting. Yes, it already knew what would happen. He covered his face with his arms. Mathias placed a kiss on his arm. Tears began to pour out of his covered eyes.

"Lukas?" his voice didn't sooth him when he knew that it wouldn't be there in the morning. His lip quivered a little. Mathias stared at him for a bit. He didn't know what was going on. Lukas had never acted like this before. He moved his arms away from his face. he was greeted with a broken looking Lukas. With wide eyes, he stared and felt guilt fill his body like poison.

"whats wrong?" he asked worriedly. Had he messed up again? Had he hurt him? was Lukas mad? Did he hate him? a sob broke through the broken and confused Lukas. A smile on his lips but his eyes so sad it made Mathias want to cry.

"you said you love me" Lukas shook a little. "but you leave me before I can say it." He grabbed their hands. "you kiss me and whisper it but when I open my eyes you're gone." The beautiful eyes looked like jewels of sorrow. Mathias stared at him feeling as if his whole body would explode and let out all the butterflies that flooded his whole body. "why?" Lukas asked him holding back his cries. Anger began to fill him.

Mathias wrapped his arms around him. he held him close and kissed his head. It angered Lukas further. "Why do you do this? You're doing it right now." Mathias didn't let go. "how long will it be until I wake up and find you there?" a chuckle left his lips. Lukas glared at him for a second and realised what he was saying.

Both of them blushed. Lukas turned himself to have his back to Mathias' chest. Mathias giggled. "I love you too, Lu." He kissed his shoulder. "you're so cute when you're like this, you know." Lukas blushed when he was pulled closer. He hated that dane but at the same loved so much. The aching feeling was gone now. Between his tired eyes from crying and being exhausted his body relaxed completely only hearing a faint "you're mine." Which made him smile.

That fool.

eyyyyyy

I'm here. Im alive.. sorta

but i'm back with this...HAPPPPPY VALENTINE'S DAY

I have had a massive writer's block. like my brain is completely blank. Mischief will be updating soon and so will my other hetalia fics, hopefully. its 3 am so i'm going to spend the rest of tonight writing. i might drop a kuroshitsuji fic in another 3 hours maybe.

but i'm here now... maybe? (9 T 7 T)9 i feel terrible.

Anyways! I sincerely hope you guys enjoy this and have a lovely day with significant other of waiting for the discount on chocolates to start because I'm waiting for my discount chocolates too (9 ÓwÓ)9

PM me if you guys want a fanfic for your OTP~

||Ame