Chapter Song: When Love Takes You In - Steven Curtis Chapman

/Sawyer POV/

"You've got to be kidding me." I groan and look at my spoon I've dropped on the floor. Grasping onto the edge of the counter, I begin to try to squat down to pick up. Thankfully, my knees barely bend before Cyrus is coming in there to check on why I am taking so long.

"What do you think you're doing?" He comes up behind me and helps me stand upright.

"I dropped my spoon and I didn't just want to leave it there. Someone might get hurt."

"Yeah, you would. It is actually two days past your due date and you think you should be bending over?"

We all had high hopes that the baby would come a few days early. Especially me. This July heat is killing me. Have you ever been nine months pregnant in July in Southern California? I feel like a bloated beached whale washed up on the beach.

"You don't have to remind me that I'm two days late. I know that. No one knows that better than me. I'm two days past my due date and I've been in labor for 10 hours. I'm well aware." We leave the kitchen to return to the living room. I take a seat on the yoga ball to help alleviate some of the pain.

James and Cyrus have been on me like ticks for the last week, they made an agreement that I shouldn't be left alone. Honestly, I don't want to be, I'm in a lot of pain and scared. I don't think I've ever actually been so scared in all my life, but just as quick as I can get myself worked up into a tizzy, my boys know how to talk me down. For the last week, I've just been so sure that my baby will pop out any second. It feels like it. Now, that I'm sure that this is the real thing, everyone is getting prepared.

"Oooh, help me, Lord." I hold onto the back of the couch for support.

"Is that another contraction?"

"Mm-hmm."

A knock at the door, then Logan comes through anyways.

"Hey, Baby Sis, you doing okay?" He comes up and puts his hands on my shoulders. "I brought you something special. I hope you like it. Agh. I-it might be a little stupid, but I mean, - well. I don't know. It's in the gift bag over there when you're ready."

"Thanks. Is James out of the shower yet?"

"Do you need me to get him?"

"No." I grit my teeth.

What I really wanted to scream was that, yes, I want James right now. He somehow knows how to rub my back just right to get the pain out. Only him. Bless his heart Cyrus tries, but he just doesn't have the right touch. Though, when it comes to calming me, Cyrus knows what just to say.

The two boys talk about nonsense that I can't even focus on and the fact that I can't concentrate is frustrating me further and putting me in a horrible mood.

"I need to go lay down."

"Okay. Do you need any help getting up the steps?"

"I'll be fine."

That's a lie. It'll hurt every step I take, breathing will be hard, and I've barely slept in two days. Each step feels like I'm running a marathon and all the tension in my back and abdomen doesn't help. Once I make it the bed, I nearly collapse.

"Oh, Baby Girl, just come on." I put my hands on my stomach, but for the last few hours, I've not really felt her. Just the contractions.

No matter what position I get in, no matter how I put the pillows, nor how hard I meditate; I can not get comfortable or rest. How long can this go on? At some point, the baby has to actually come out. I whine and kick the blanket off the bed.

"Come on, Baby Girl. You've waited long enough now. Mama can't take this much longer."

"Hey, hey. Is everything okay?" James comes out of the bathroom with just his sweats on and sits by me in the bed. "Did something happen?"

He wraps my free hand up in his then kisses it. My other hand tentatively rubs my aching belly.

"No." Tears brim in my eyes.

"Has the pain gotten worse?" He brushes the hair from around my face. When I bury my face to his knee, that's answer enough. "Is there anything that I could possibly do to help?"

I let out a small cry of pain while clutching onto him.

"Do you think that you're ready to go to the hospital? How are you feeling?"

"Too pregnant."

He laughs heartily. As for me, I give up on laying down and try to pull myself up. More or less, it looks like I'm a turtle on its back.

"Need some help getting up, Babe?"

"You read my mind."

He takes me by the hands and balances me to my feet.

"You actually look really red." He takes the towel he put on the dresser and wipes across my face. "Hey, Babe, I need you to tell me how you're feeling. You look like you're gonna pass out."

"I'm tired and sweaty. That's all."

He tosses the towel on the bed then pulls me close to him with a kiss to my head. His hands feel cool against my face.

"I want to take a cold shower."

"Anything you want. I'll need to go get you a towel from the laundry room."

"Thank you."

I stand there letting him hold me for a few minutes.

"Take a bath, Baby. It'll make you feel better."

"I feel like I can barely move."

"Then, let me help. I do hope that you don't wait too long and end up having her here. We'd be a little unprepared. None of us would have a clue what to do." He's just trying to cheer me up but that just made me want to punch him. I'm not in a joking mood.

"Please, just hold me. I don't actually think I can make it to the tub." Without hesitation, he lowers me down while I try to turn on my side. It's a lot harder than it should be. Once I get settled, he gets into bed and drapes an arm over me. I hold onto him for dear life. "I can't believe this is actually happening. I'm freaking out. I'm scared. I'm miserable. I'm-"

"You're exhausted. That's what you are. Stop thinking. Just focus on breathing. Try to get some sleep. I'll stay here with you. But, if this goes on until tomorrow afternoon, we gotta take you to the hospital. You can't stay in this much pain." His head lays right by mine.

It's easy to hear how tired he is. He could probably crash. I feel so bad, it's nearly 2:30 in the morning, these boys are exhausted too. If we want to be technical, it's not my fault. Little Miss is making her dramatic entrance and taking her sweet time about it too.

I'm still not comfortable, but it'll have to do.

James slowly massages whatever part of my body his hand happens be on. Admittedly, his touch is hypnotic.

When he starts to drift to sleep, his hands slow down, and I just want to tell him to not stop. That wouldn't be fair though.

Listening to his breathing relax brings a sense of peace to me. I reach up and turn off the lamp.

When I come to, the alarm clock says that it's 7:30. I feel so heavy and worn out. Kinda like the way you feel when you take Nyquil when you have the flu. That really thick, groggy feeling around your body. I already have sweat beads covering my forehead and my head feels sweaty too.

James is looking over a list and checking the bags we've packed. Always the worry-wort.

I'm not gonna lie, there's still a lot of pain, but I think I've just acclimated because it doesn't feel as intense. But I'm drenched in sweat.

Amid his preparations, he stops to look at me. It's a little fun to see him seem shocked to see me looking back. I crack a smile.

"Morning, Baby Boy."

"Morning." He makes his way to kiss me. "Did I wake you up? I'm sorry."

"No. Not you. Baby girl did it this time."

He sits down next to me. I push down the blanket so that we can take a look at my enormous belly.

"Today is the day, huh?" He smiles.

"It has to be."

"Uh, Sweetie. Did you pee yourself or is that-?"

"What?" I pull at my pants to see if I could see what he's talking about. "Oh, man. That's not pee. I'm gonna shower and get changed real quick, you get Cyrus up, and get the car loaded."

As he grabs up the bags, I strip off my dirty clothes and climb into the shower. Hurriedly, I finish my shower and brush my teeth and as I come down the stairs Logan and James are talking quietly but urgently. I stop on the bottom step so I could listen in without them knowing.

"Yeah. I've tried twice now. He's not answering." Logan whispers. "Do you think that he's gone for good this time?"

"Why would he stat this long and leave last minute?"

"I don't know. But there's no note, no text, or anything. He's just gone. What if he left something on Sawyer's phone?"

"She's in the shower. I can go look."

"Yeah. Do that. But, if there's nothing there, then what will we tell her?"

"One step at a time."

He darts around the corner, not expecting to run into me.

"Cyrus left?"

Not long after arriving to the hospital, I asked for the epidural then was told to rest. That was kind of hard to do, considering that Cyrus disappeared. There has to be a good reason. I believe that he's come too far to turn back now.

My phone blows up with texts from my friends and family so much so that I turned it off. Every time that I would try to get some sleep, my phone would ping. But after two hours of That 70's Show, I finally drifted off.

When I come to, I realize that I'm holding a hand.

It's Cyrus.

I'm not gonna lie, it is reassuring. He's more afraid than I am. That, I know, is a fact. But he's here now.

His head lays slightly to the side of the chair while his arm extends to me. I look at him, to make sure that he didn't hurt himself. Seeing his scars across his wrists always breaks my heart. I can still see the fresh cut and stitches from when it first happened.

The scared boy with no hope that thought dying would be the only way to end his misery. My stomach always ties in knot's to think about how he almost didn't survive. If his little sister hadn't have found him, he would have been lost forever.

He's come so far from that day. I'm so proud of him. With all my heart, I wish that Cyrus believed in himself as much I do. He's such a great person, sometimes his reactions are extreme, but knowing how to handle Cyrus is the key. Reassuring him that he will never be in that situation again and that no one else will hurt him. How could someone hurt an innocent child? How could a mother let someone beat her child until their bones are broken? Who could let a monster smash a vase against their little boy's face? That scar is less obvious than the ones on his wrists, even though it trail from his left eye over to his temple. He used to lie and tell everyone that he fell in a river and a rock scraped his face.

My finger gently moves across his wrist scar. I'm not sure why. It still amazes me that he was able to be saved that day.

"If it wasn't for that day, we wouldn't be here today. So, I'm glad that I did it."

I'm not sure how long he's been awake or when he notices that I was staring.

"Where did you go? When you left this morning?"

"To see Dad. I needed to talk about all this. I was scared. Still am. I'm not sure how to be a dad. How will I know what to say, what to do, or even just take care of her? I asked him if I was doing the right thing by staying, even though I hurt you so bad. And, I promise you, I heard a voice tell me that it would be wrong to leave. I'm not sure how to explain it. And, I was just sitting by dad's grave, I heard the voice again saying that I needed to get back to you as soon as possible. That this is what I need and that I am needed. I was told to love her with all my might. That we met just so that she could be born. Instantly, I felt so at peace. Like I was wrapped in a hug of reassurance that everyone is going to be okay."

"That was the voice of God, Cyrus."

"I totally believe you there. I felt like I was being told that as much as I wanted to be loved, I need to show that much to our baby girl. But does that happen to people like me? Does God even know that I'm here?"

"Of course, He does. And, you probably are more apt to hear His voice because you are becoming a father. I've been thinking about that a lot too. Because, for now, this is my only child. I thought about it, could I give up my only child to save someone else? I thought about how much God has to love us to do that. I couldn't. But I'm glad that we met, and that now we're going to have a baby. If that's the only reason that we met, it was worth it." It shocks me that he's being so open about talking about God. He was never against it, but it was hard for him to digest. His excuse for parents went to church so he believed that God shunned him away because his parents wouldn't let him go.

"Who'd have thought. A broken little boy and a happy-go-lucky little girl would've have made it this far."He squeezes my hand and gives a half-hearted chuckle. "I never thought that I'd be a real dad. I knew that it was possible, but I honestly always thought that you were too good for me and the one day you'd realize that and leave. And aside from you, I don't think there will another girl that I love quite as much. Well, except for our little girl."

"Oh, Cyrus. Don't discredit yourself. You're gorgeous. Girls throw themselves at you."

"It's not that. You literally saved my life, you saw that the broken pieces of me could be fixed, you didn't see a suicidal freak. You saw the best was yet to come. For that, I'll love you forever. I'll never be able to say it enough; thank you. I'm so sorry that I screwed up. I let my fear of abandonment and disappointment push you away. But I didn't want you to go, I just didn't want to let you down."

With that, the tears trickle down my cheeks.

"You are gonna be such an awesome dad. I always knew that. It's okay that you don't know what to do. The fact that you're worried about doing it right, proves that you care." I squeeze his hand again, this time because of a contraction. "You weren't here, but the nurses say that I'm practically ready. Just waiting on me to say when I'm ready. Truth is, I've felt ready for a while, but I'm so scared."

The door quietly scoots open to reveal James poking his head in.

"Oh, hey. You're awake. How are you feeling?"

I look at Cyrus, he gives a half smile with a nod.

"I'm ready. Could you get the doctor?"

There she is wriggling, squirming, and squalling. Both dads are standing there with mouths gaping open and gushing over her, each one squeezing my hands. You'd think that they just won the lottery and a box of kittens.

It's hard to make out just what either are saying, they're both just talking over each other and all I can really hear is my heartbeat.

"Here you go, Mama. A beautiful baby girl." The nurse places the little girl, that I've waited so long to meet, in my arms. Neither one of the boys let go my hands, so as I hold our new baby, we all hold her together for the first time.

As I look at them looking at her; Cyrus is full on crying while James can't stop smiling.

"She's perfect. Look at those blue eyes."

"She's amazing. I can't believe that she's really here. Woah."

This is it. This is my family.

"Welcome to the world, Azrielle Imrie." I whisper then raise her to my lips.

This is The Story Of My Life.