Written for and dedicated to SaiBaSiJian of bbnet, who shares my fascination with a certain demonic butler. Visit her very amusing Blog called dakidatingdotcoom for further flights of fancy featuring the frequently fiendish Mr. Michaelis.

OVERQUALIFIED BUTLER

First featured in Hell's Bells, a prominent weekly news, entertainment and demon-interest magazine. 'OVERQUALIFICATION: 'Sebastian Michaelis' on meeting contractors' demands'

What good is it, really, if one can build manor houses in under an hour, become literally anyone or anything, pop the heads off annoying stray angels with one claw tied behind your back, even literally fly if, on securing a good position and promising soul, all they ever ask of one is to brew tea and bake shortbread fingers? One hell of a shortbread finger it goes without saying of course, but still...

Mind you, I will say last week I was really spoiled for choice as to which disaster to give my attention to first: the maid tripping and smashing our very last tea set against the display of rare 14th century Longquan celadon porcelain in the Green Room, breaking both the tea set and every one of the most valuable pieces in the collection a mere 4 hours before we were to have had an expert over for tea to evaluate it for insurance purposes, the gigantic sinkhole the gardener accidentally opened in the middle of the driveway by pulling up a very old Cedar of Lebanon planted to its side, or the chimney fire the so-called cook started in the kitchen, in the mistaken belief he could avoid climbing out on the manor roof in order to replace the kitchen's chimney pot by instead, simply blasting fire up the flue thereby burning out the bats and nesting birds with another of his thrice-damned American-made flame throwers.

Sheer expediency moved me to take care of the first two situations first, which decision eventually led to a massive fire on the second and third floors inside the walls and into the garret, but as I was given permission by my excellent little contractor to punish the cook however I saw fit, I was able to greatly reduce my resulting annoyance by suspending by his thumbs for a while the bone-headed barbarian responsible, from one of the burnt-through beams in the roof, so all in all, job well done, Michaelis.

So… sorry, but what was the question again?