Chapter 3

Frank Reagan sat at a table by himself at Antonio's finishing a glass of single malt as he waited for his youngest to arrive. The conversation from Sunday's dinner had been weighing heavily on his mind over the last few days, so he'd called him late in the afternoon to see if he was free to meet him for dinner.

He hadn't added much to the discussion then. Partly because he already felt a deep sense of guilt for being the reason that Jamie's career hadn't advanced with the department, regardless of the fact that it was inadvertent. He was no stranger to this feeling. He remembered it well from over a year ago when Jamie had first brought up his frustrations with not making detective. They hadn't really discussed it all that much then either. Too shocked to realize his rookie son was no longer a rookie, he'd chosen to give Jamie the chance to play detective for a few days on the Michelle Lowe case instead - a politically sensitive case that had to be investigated on the down low. So he'd pulled his son off patrol to re-investigate the case. And he'd done a damn fine job. He'd found that girl's murderer and brought her mother some peace. And when he was done, Jamie had told him he actually wasn't so sure which way he wanted to go career-wise. Looking back, Frank now knew that was his son's way of letting him off the hook, of letting him know there were no hard feelings. Jamie had seen the assignment for what it was: his dad's attempt to appease him.

And maybe that had increased the guilt tenfold. He'd thrown Jamie a bone and when he seemed satisfied, they'd all gone back to business as usual. But he wanted Jamie to know where he stood. And to make sure that he knew, that no matter what he chose to do, that he would always have his support, even if he chose to leave the NYPD to join the FBI. And possibly move thousands of miles away just to be able to work his own investigations. So there was the other thing that was now churning in his gut along with the guilt. He knew Jamie could develop into a fine detective with the NYPD, but he'd never stop him from pursuing this or any other opportunity that came along. He wouldn't stop any of his kids from achieving their goals and hopefully getting the sense of fulfillment from their careers that he found in his. But he was selfish in wanting them all to stay near him, to be able to see them with just one quick call or at the weekly Sunday dinners. He already felt like there were too many people missing at the dinner table and he would not want to see another empty chair moved to a corner of the room.

Jamie walked into Antonio's and spotted his father sitting at a table in the middle of the restaurant. As he drew closer, he noticed the near empty glass of scotch. He looked at his watch and asked, "Hey, dad. Am I late?"

Noticing that Jamie had eyed his glass, Frank said, "Hey, there and no, you're not late. I was early, actually. Figured I'd have a drink while I waited."

"Long day?"

"You could say that. You want one?"

"Sure." Jamie sat across from his father and could feel that his father was nervous. Which was funny because he thought he'd be the nervous one of the two after having spent a few days thinking about his possible job change.

Frank waived his waiter down and signaled for two more.

"Really long day," Jamie commented and smiled at Frank. If he was moving on to his second drink before dinner, he could take a pretty good guess as to what was on his mind. Jamie decided not to beat around the bush, especially since it wasn't his intention to burden his father with any of this. They had asked what was up at dinner and he had answered. He just wanted to be honest. Last thing he needed was to hide another run-in with the FBI, despite the fact that this one could provide a real break for him.

"Listen, dad. About the FBI thing – "

"Stop right there." Frank interrupted gently, because he needed to make sure Jamie knew how he felt before he made any decisions that could affect his life and his career. "The other night, when you told us all about the recruiter, I didn't say much and I just want to make sure you understand why."

"Dad - "

"Let me get this out first, son."

"Okay." Jamie sat back as their waiter delivered their drinks. He nodded his thanks and took a sip from the heavy lowball glass and put it back down on the table.

Frank rolled his own glass between his hands as he spoke. "I told you once before that out of all of us, you really got the jackpot here - as a young patrolman whose father is the PC. There's always been and probably always will be more eyes on you than Danny or Joe ever had on them."

"I know that, dad. Got a scrapbook home with the clippings from The Post of all the times my face has been put in there," the younger man joked.

Frank smiled tightly. "It's not fair to you. As much as I wish it could be different, it's just the way things will be as long as I'm commissioner." Frank took a deep breath and continued. "I know you want to do more than what you're doing know. And I wish I wasn't the reason that it's not happening for you. No father wants to get in the way of their kid's goals. If you were to be put up for promotion, I want you to know that I wouldn't do anything to get in the way of that. You deserve it and you would've earned it. But if something better comes along that takes you away from the department, I would understand and support you if you wanted to take another path to doing what makes you happy."

"Even if that path lands me in Nome, Alaska?"

"Well, if you end up in Nome, I can't guarantee I'd come out for a visit. Miami, maybe."

Jamie laughed softly and brought his glass up for another sip of liquid courage. He looked his father in the eyes and said, "Thanks, dad. And I know you're feeling some sort of responsibility for me not making detective. And maybe people are more weary of putting me up for promotion because of how it would look to you or everyone else. But I want you to know that I don't blame you. I accepted a long time ago that me being a cop was gonna be different than what Danny and Joe had to experience. And I'm okay with it cause I wouldn't want anyone but you to be my commissioner. You do good work, dad."

Frank had to swallow the large lump in his throat. For the amazing child he and Mary had raised and for having a son that was proud of the job he did. "Thank you for that."

Jamie nodded and knew he had to share his decision with his father now. "Dad, I've been thinking about the offer from the FBI a lot over the last few days." Jamie looked down at the table and fiddled with his fork to keep his hands busy.

Frank sat quietly, taking another drink and preparing himself for the decision Jamie had made.

"I do want to be more than a patrolman. I want to be a detective and investigate cases from beginning to end."

Frank's stomach tightened and he fought to keep a neutral expression on his face.

"The Michelle Lowe case confirmed that for me. But after that case, I also accepted the fact that it might take a little longer for that to happen for me here. And I'm at peace with that. I do know that it will happen someday. So I'm not planning to go anywhere for now. Not ready to give up on my hopes to be an NYPD detective. Just doesn't mean that I don't daydream about it happening. Or that I don't get tempted from time to time to do more than what I'm supposed to do on the cases we catch."

Frank couldn't respond just yet. The relief was a bit overwhelming.

"But it was kind of nice having someone want me, you know? Got kinda excited by their offer and by the prospect of working big cases." Jamie smiled shyly. "I really considered it, dad. Had me thinking again about what I really want to do. And it was tempting to have it almost in my grasp. But the more I thought about it, I just couldn't imagine doing it anywhere but here with the department. And that took away most of the luster. So I called Agent Dillford this afternoon and let him know I wasn't interested."

"That's understandable, Jamie. And I'm surprised it took them this long to come looking for you. As great a job as I think you could of done for the Bureau, I know the department's better for having you stay."

"Thanks."

Relieved to know his boy wouldn't be going anywhere for now, Frank opened up the menu that sat abandoned on the table. "So, I think I could use some food to counteract that second scotch. Don't know about you, but I couldn't eat a thing all day."

Jamie chuckled at the thought of the Police Commissioner getting buzzed after one and a half drinks. "Well, you did invite me to dinner." And he moved to grab his own menu.

"You're grandfather will be relieved. You're brother and sister too."

"Yeah, well, I may wait to tell Danny. Let him stew for a bit longer."

Frank smiled at his son, feeling like some of the weight had been lifted off his shoulders. He looked forward to the day when his youngest wore a gold shield, because he knew he would one day, and only then would that weight be completely lifted.

Fin

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