Chapter 1
Harry ran. The sounds of battle echoed around him. Curses flew. Lights dazzled. Explosions shook his eardrum. And still he ran. He and his friends had engaged the battle full force after destroying the diadem. They wanted to help. They needed to protect their loved ones. Somehow Harry had become the 'treat' of Bellatrix Lestrange. She had bated and goaded him with taunts about Sirius. But Harry found that the taunts held no stock anymore. There were others dying, others who were much more important at the moment, who needed to be thought of. So he had turned around and walked away. Bellatrix did not appreciate being flipped off though, and now he ran.
"Crucio!" she cried. The spell misfired again as they ran. Harry knew his luck would not last. His blood was not part Felix Felieces as many people joked.
"Impediment!" he shouted running backwards for a second. She sent an ominous blue spell at him silently. He dodged it and continued running. Bellatrix stooped and shouted out the killing curse in a fit of rage. It raced towards him just as his tripped slightly. Bellatrix's eyes suddenly widened in horror. She was going to kill Harry potter. Oh shit Shit SHIT! Harry could see it coming towards him. he had the knowledge to smirk. He could imagine the look on Voldemort's face when he found out Bellatrix killed him. Just as he thought it would hit him someone tackled him to the ground. His glasses knocked of but he could still hear
"YOU!" Bellatrix screamed
"Yes Bella, me." The deep voice said darkly "I just saved your life, or at least what is left of your pitiful sanity. How many time did the dark lord tell us 'potter is mine, I must be the one to kill Harry potter.' really Bella, I thought you hanged of the dark lords every word at those meetings."
"Well yes I do but…"
"There they are!" a voice shouted down the hall. Harry watched the dark shape of Bellatrix disappear while the bolder black shape came towards him. The shape placed his glasses in his hands lingering only slightly for what Harry thought looked like a stretched gaze. By the time Harry put his glasses on the dark shape had left and his friends had arrived.
"What did he do to you?!" Ron asked indignantly
"who was that?" Harry asked in return
"what did he do to you?!" Ron asked again angrily
"saved my life and gave me my glasses.
"saved your life?" Hermione asked again.
"yeah, Bellatrix threw the killing curse at me. That man tackled me down at the last second. I couldn't quite remember his voice… sounded familiar though." Harry said thoughtfully.
"Harry… that was Snape." Hermione said delicately
"…what?" Harry said incredulously and quiet.
"Yeah, we saw him leaning over you and well, we thought he might have been poisoning you or something." Ron said cracking his knuckles angrily
"no… he just gave me my glasses." Harry said quietly
"hm." Was all Hermione replied with. Harry looked over to the direction he left. Suddenly there was silence.
"what the?"
"Harry!" Neville called.
"Neville. What's going on?"
"I killed Bellatrix, the second I did the death eaters started freaking out and retreating. Right now it looks like he's screaming his head off at them across the bridge." Neville said chuckling slightly. Then he paused "course… I didn't do it alone."
"oi! Longbottom! Where'd you go? My mother wants to talk to you?" Draco said strutting down the hall.
"right, hey, thanks again Draco." Neville said running down the hall again
"thanks for what?" Hermione asked
"I helped him take down Bellatrix, mother helped too of course, she's nursing father's face right now… nasty cutting hex from Dolohov." Draco said. The trio looked at each other and back to Draco
"why?" Harry finally asked
"father finally agreed with us." Draco said "we tried to convince him that he was doomed to die if he stayed with the dark… attempted murder by Alecto and McNair changed his mind. He took those two down then Dolohov ripped up his face." Draco said. The he laughed slightly "he'll probably look a bit like Lupin when he wakes up." Draco paused "I saved three of your friends, Lupin and my cousin almost got killed by Amycius and one of your brothers was almost killed by Pius thickness… I think it was Fred, anyway, I helped them." Draco finished
"wow… thank you Draco." Hermione said quietly
"don't mention it… I was never a very good death eater anyway… I'm finding actually that I'm a much better light wizard." With this he walked off; wand still drawn in case of attack. Hermione and Ron went to the great hall. But Harry stood there. He was lost. He was confused. He needed answers.
"here we go again." He said as he let his feet carry him to the headmaster's office. "Snape might kill me anyway." He thought grimly. As he stepped over the gargoyle and climbed the steps he became more and more resolved until he nearly ran to the pensive cabinet when he opened the door.
"Harry." Dumbledore said smiling slightly inclining his head
"professor Dumbledore." Harry relied
"to dispel any confusion, many of the memories you are about to see belong to your father, James." Dumbledore said
"how did Snape…" Harry began
"professor Snape" Dumbledore corrected
"whatever. How did he get those memories?" Harry asked.
"my boy, that will become clear as you watch them." he said his eyes twinkling even through the canvas.
"alright… what can I expect?"
"happiness… then much pain. such is the norm when one loses the thing they hold dearest." Harry swallowed and dipped his head into the memories. At first he only saw snippets of memory. They were all jumbled up in a great big ball. The first thing he saw was a woman, she was beautiful but there was a hardness to her as she watch her son, who looked exactly like his father play with said father as he laughed and smiled. the next thing he saw was a woman with blond hair who watched wearily as her black haired, large nosed son walked home. He husband said something that was garbled by the multitude of memories and she swallowed. Then he saw a multitude of instances where the two boys interacted with each other. One was the instigator, the other was the victim. Suddenly the memories became more focused. He final opened to a memory of Severus Snape being held back by peter and some other Gryffendor while Sirius beat the shit out of him. Harry flinched.
"enough Sirius!" James finally shouted as he watched "he's had enough!"
"nothing's enough for that faggot!" Sirius spat. Everyone blanched. James glared at Sirius coldly.
"if he's a faggot then what am I huh Sirius?" James asked before walking away.
"wait James!" the memory flickered "I didn't mean it!" the memory formed into a new one. James was sitting by the bedside of a sick looking man. His mother sat across from him rigid and sniffing in distaste.
"James… I'm proud of you." the man said smiling
"well I am not. I will not condone your disgusting behaviour, you will marry and love a woman if it's the last thing I do. Your love of men is unnatural and sickening. I will not accept you. I will find you a suitable woman to love you, and you will love her understood!" the woman shrieked. The end of her tirade wet James's eyes.
"Helvetica! You should go!" the man said angrily.
"You poisoned his mind Harold, his abnormality is all your fault!" With this Helvetica stood and stormed out of the room, slamming the door behind her.
"I'm proud of you James. You were very brave, very brave… ignore your mother; she has a sore spot for men who love other men." Harold said. The memory flickered and switched.
"OH Severus! I'm so proud of you!" Eileen cried holding her son to her shoulder. Severus smiled slightly. "And I'm sure there are lots of boys at Hogwarts." Eileen paused "never listen to your father when he is enraged Severus. You are not worthless, or useless and you won't die alone, do you know why?" Severus shook his head "because I believe in you." the memories melded together into a mess again until it finally came to a complete stop in a potions class.
"10 minutes!" Slughorn said. Harry noticed that all of the Gryffendors were paired with slytherins. The pairs were each looking at each other with distain but worked together on their potion together none the less.
"Are you going to help me potter or just sit there being useless, as usual." Severus asked his lazy partner, who just HAD to be James.
"Well, it's what I usually do, plus I'll just fudge it up anyway if I try to help, best stay out of explosion zone I'd think." James said with a glum tone. Severus rolled his eyes and continued brewing the potions himself, which was turning out to be one of his worst since the instructions stated he had to add at least three ingredients at a time, exactly at the same time.
"And… TIME!" Slughorn called. Everyone dropped their ingredients, which saved some and hurt others. He walked around the room inspecting each person's potion, giving out pointers and praise, his chest instinctually puffed out in pride when he reached Severus only to deflate when he saw the mediocre potion. He looked Severus up and down to find the reason and spotted James Potter sitting around doing nothing. "Mr. Potter… did you do anything this class?"
"…Well sir… you see…"
"I've seen enough. You two can either comeback down here on your own time to brew it or receive a zero." Severus turned and glared at James venomously. James just leaned his head back and groaned. Each member of his or her respective houses cringed and looked apologetically at them. The memory changed.
"Enough with the small chat potter." Severus said walking away from the potions lab.
"I thought our mark was really good." James continued obviously ignoring Severus's wish.
"… Potter." Severus began twisting his wrists nervously "about yesterday…"
"Yeah?" James asked turning to smile at Severus
"What did you mean by 'we make a great pair?'" Severus asked
"The way we took down that guy who was beating up that centaur made me think that we made a great pair."
"Is that all?" Severus asked sounding the teensy, tiniest, bit disappointed.
"Well… " James lifted up his hand to scratch the back of his head. "Ha ha… um." He said nervously.
"It's a simple question P…James. Was that all you meant?" Severus asked. James snapped up with the use of his given name. Upon snapping he noticed the sigh on the door they were standing in front of.
"Hey… lets check this out." Severus turned and growled. How dare J…Potter use mischief to get out of this conversation!
"Come on Potter! We brewed the potion no lets go!" Severus hissed.
"Come on yourself Snape. Where's your sense of adventure?" James asked. With this he began to pick at the lock. Harry was shocked to see muggle methods being used. The door read 'arror training extra room'.
"Blocked behind reason." Severus replied looking up and down the hall.
"You mean quivering in fear behind reason, come on Snape, try some Gryffendor courage, you might like it." James said smiling slightly. The door clicked open. "Yes!"
"If we get caught potter I will make you demise my personal goal." Severus growled as the pair crept into the room.
"Nah, if you killed me you'd miss me too much." Severus scoffed "hey cool! Wanna take down the boggart?"
"No." Severus said rolling his eyes at James's antics
"wha? Why not?" James asked turning his puppy dog eyes on
"I will not give you the benefit of knowing my worst fear."
"what is it? Shampoo?" James asked. Severus smacked him about the head.
"of course not!" suddenly the chest in the corner shook ominously.
"what the hell…" James said walking up to the chest. It rattled again. He reached down.
"are you crazy!?" Severus asked grabbing James wrist. "This is what you look like right now." Severus cleared his throat "look at me I'm amazing, popular James potter! I'm gonna open the weird shaking box! What could possible go wrong!" Severus said this all in a incredibly fake deep voice.
"I'm not stupid! There's a tag on the box genius." James said grabbing the tag. "Sick!" James turned to Severus with a smile "it's a dementor!"
"Why are you smiling!?" Severus asked in a strained voice.
"Great time to practice the patronus." James said. Severus looked away "what?"
" I can't do a patronus…" Severus said.
"Really…well we have to fix that!"
"wha?"
"A patronus is part of our newts, you need to learn, alright them Mr. Snape come here."
"Mr. Snape?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow and a smirk
"Don't smirk at your professor's!"
"Alright then professor potter." Severus said rolling his eyes
"Okay then, first things first, you need to find a happy memory." Severus nodded and closed his eyes. He opened them a second later and nodded "you've got one? Good. The next thing you have to do is let it encompass your being, let it fill you up and then it's a simple sweeping thrust, like so; Expecto patronum!" An ethereal royal stag burst from James wand and landed gracefully on the stone floor. "See! It's simple." Severus gulped.
"Ex…expecto patronum." Severus's wand produced a wisp "expe…expecto patronum!"
"Your memory is not strong enough." James said "think of something else"
"A…alright." Severus tried another memory but nothing happened. He threw his wand against the wall in frustration.
"There's no need to get frustrated, try again."
"You made it look so easy…"
"It wasn't easy, it took more then a dozen tries for me to get that charm down
"I can't do it." Severus said looking away so that his face was blocked from James's by a curtain of hair.
"Yes you can, if you can beat everyone in potions you can master this; I believe in you Severus, now all you have to do is believe in yourself." James said turning Severus's face to his own. Harry watched for a few seconds before he turned away and grimaced. No one liked seeing his or her parents kiss, but watching you father kiss Severus Snape was a THOUSAND times worse.
"Expecto patronum!" Severus called. Harry turned back to see what Severus's patronus was and felt his mouth drop open. In the centre of the room was a very familiar doe.
"No way…" Harry said shocked.
"What's your memory Sev?" James asked smirking
"Stop smirking, it doesn't su…" the rest of the words were cut off as the two fell down into a suddenly appearing hole. "What the hell… ouch." Severus groaned rubbing his backside
"Trap… should have seen it coming." James hissed and pulled his arm to his side "my arms broken."
"Let me see." Severus said. James relinquished his hold of the limb so that Severus could look at it. After a few seconds Severus conjured a splint and wrapped it around James's break "that should hold it in place until we get out of here."
"Thanks."
"You know, getting stuck in holes is the reason I hate mischief." James groaned when Severus turned and glared at him. The memory changed. James was now alone sitting on the grass beside a man in a wheel chair. There was another man sitting on the wheel chair arm. Harry recognised the man in the wheelchair as Harold, James's father, but he didn't recognise the other man. He frowned in confusion when the man stole a kiss.
"We want to meet this lover of your James." Harold said warningly looking at his son down his nose above his glasses much like Dumbledore would.
"Harold, don't be harsh." The other man said smiling and rolling his eyes to James.
"But Hammond…"
"First off," the man said ignoring Harold with a smirk "what house is he in?"
"Slytherin." James replied. Harry expected and up roar but Harold just laughed out loud while Hammond threw his arms up in celebration mouthing 'told you so!' very obviously.
"Name?" Harold asked.
"Severus Snape."
"Snape… I'm certain know someone named Snape… from healer training." Harold said frown slightly.
"You might know his mother, Eileen nee prince."
"Oh yes! Eileen. Lovely girl. Very kind and gentle never followed her parents' way of thinking in the way of muggle hatred, or homophobia for that matter. How is the sweet girl?" Harold asked
"I haven't met her." James replied sheepishly
"Well, we have to fix that; go to your lover's house and invite the family for tea." Hammond said as he stole Harold's teacup and took a drink. Harold rolled his eyes at Hammond. Hammond blinked and looked at James "well, what are you still standing there for, go on!" James smiled broadly and leapt from the door to the house. Hammond and Harold laughed at him merrily before sharing a quick kiss again. Harry looked back as his dad to see the open door. The memory swirled and reformed Harry was still standing in the same spot but he could see that Severus was curled into James's side sobbing while Hammond pour more tea.
"It is absolutely tragic… I am so very sorry fro your loss child." Harold said grimly holding his hand out for a shake. Severus sniffed and shook Harold's offered hand.
"Can he stay here dad, please, he's got now where else now…" James said pleading with his father.
"He is more then welcome…was it…sudden?" Hammond asked Severus delicately
"No, father has threatened her hundreds of times… I just didn't think he'd actually… I didn't think he'd actually kill her…" Severus trailed off and snuggled into James. James glared at Hammond slightly. Harry choked slightly. The memory swirled around Harry heard Helvetica scream "WHAT IS THIS!?" before the memory swirled faster and coming to a sudden stop. Harry felt a bit disoriented and blinked to re centre himself. It was then that he saw the gravestone.
Harold Potter IVBorn 12, May 1936, Died 15, June 1976
Tis a sin that my love is so far from here,
But deep in my heart they are always near.
Harry turned and saw that Helvetica was sneering at the grave. She turned to James.
"Your father is dead, go riddance, and I have complete custody, so you will listen to me, do you understand boy?"
"Yes mother." James spat.
"You will brake off all connections with this 'Severus Snape' and marry this lovely muggleborn I met last spring, she is an angel, and is completely in my opinion…you will love and marry her… is that clear?" Helvetica said sniffing angrily.
"I will marry her mother, but you cannot make me love her, that is for my heart to decide." James said turning back to the grave. Helvetica huffed angrily and walked away, leaving James hang his head and cry alone. Harry suddenly felt sick. The memory swirled around until James was in his Hogwarts robes talking to Lily Evans
"I'm really glad you saw the error of your ways James, being gay is so… wrong, besides he's gay, it's not like any of his feelings for you were real, he was probably stringing you along." James was grinding his teeth.
"right…" he ground our angrily. Lily beamed
"you know… I really like you James."
"Yeah, whatever." James replied averting his eyes. Harry heard a choked sob and turned his head. Severus was hiding behind a wall sobbing into his fist, hiding his face behind his hair, as his shoulders shook. The memory swirled away. And Harry could tell that at least a year had passed. Lily was holding James hand while James looked at her with borderline acceptance, but you could tell by the look on his face that he wanted to be anywhere but where he was now. Lily and he had matching rings on.
"I'm really worried doctor.' Lily said, her breath hitching a slightly "we've tried and tried but I'm just not pregnant." She leaned in and whispered "I think my husband is infertile."
"you are right that one of you is incapable of having children, Mrs. Potter, but I'm afraid it's not your husband, it's you."
"ME! I'm the infertile one?! There must be a mistake!" Lily screamed indignantly. James head swiveled around
"she can't have kids?!"
"no, Mr. Potter, I'm afraid not." The doctor said grimly. Lily looked at James with horror. And Harry was horrified to see him looking back at her as if Christmas had come early.
"Lily…I'm divorcing you." James said matter-of-factly
"JAMES?!" Lily screamed.
"I don't have to stand here and take your fucking abuse anymore, I, James Harold Potter, am gay and proud of it! Now if your excuse me, I have a date with my lover." With this he turned and walked out the door leaving the thoroughly shocked doctor and a fuming, spitting lily Evans in his wake. The memory changed as the door closed.
"SEVERUS! Let me in! Please! I'm sorry! I love you! Please let me in!" James sobbed banging on a door. It flew open
"Alright! Would you shut up? I heard you the first time." Severus said angrily. He looked at James coldly before swallowing. "Why?" he asked quietly with distain.
"my mother, she tied my hands, used a contract. I had marry lily for a child or… I'd lose everything. Everything, even magic…" James said
"I thought for a second there you left me for money." Severus said quietly.
"what! Never! If it was just money I would have stayed… but magic…"
"no, I understand, but what I don't understand is why you are here if you're under contract to stay with Evans."
"the contract only remained valid if she could bare children."
"Evans can't bare children?" Severus asked incredulously
"yep, so mother would have had to pick someone else." James said smiling
"would have?" Severus asked with a raised eyebrow
"mother died last year." James said smiling happily "which means I am perfectly free to do this." Harry had a five second warning to turn around while James grabbed Severus into his arms and snogged him senseless. The memory changed as James closed the door behind them. the pair where longing in the sitting room. Severus was reading a potions text peeking up at James every so often. James was reading a quidditch magazine sipping tea.
"James…"
"hmm."
"what if I told you there was a potion that allowed men to conceive." James choked on his tea and spewed it out of his nose before coughing. As his airway cleared he spoke
"I would take you right here right now on that couch." James said looking Severus in the eye
"there is a potion that allows men to conceive." Severus replied plainly
"you're not just saying that for sex are you." Severus put his book down and shook his head. James stood and smiled widely. Harry smacked a hand over his eyes and squeezed them shut. Thank fully it didn't sound like the memory was going to continue. Harry snuck a peak and gaped.
"NO, I will not be called 'Mummy'." Severus said glaring at James as the man smiled and rubbed his rounded stomach more
"Wanna bet?" James said mischievously
"no, because you will train our child to call me that to make certain you win, which is cheating in case you care."
"I love you." James said happily leaning up for a kiss.
"And I reciprocate…" Severus accepted the kiss "sometimes."
"Only sometimes?" James asked in mock hurt.
"yes, because sometimes, you're an idiot." James feigned fainting and Severus rolled his eyes. The memories swirled more Harry heard screams of pain before the memories slowed to a halt again
"MUMMY!" a toddler screamed from somewhere. Severus groaned and stood as James guffawed with laughter .
"He's calling you." James said in a singsong voice. Severus fired a mild stinging hex at him before ascending the stairs. Harry felt his jaw slacken as HE was brought down in Severus's arms. "ah, my two favourite men." James said. Severus rolled his eyes again while feeding baby Harry. the memory changed again and Harry couldn't help but note that this memory seemed colder, sadder. The door opened and closed.
"'m home." James mumbled tiredly. He froze in the doorway in horror. Harry was confused and turned around. Severus was serving tea and where his sleeve was pulled up was the fresh dark mark swollen and red on his pale skin. Severus looked up and moved his arm back to the armrest where the mark was covered again. He stood and walked up to James.
"I'm glad you home." He leaned up for a kiss but James jerked away.
"Severus…how could you…" James whispered painfully.
"what is it?" Severus asked in confusion. James ripped his sleeve up. Severus looked at the mark and back to James only to see that the man had backed away to the stairs. "James…I…I can explain…" James shook his head and ran up the stairs "James!" Severus ran after him. He had just reached the door with the sign 'Harry's room' when there was a familiar crack of appiration. He pushed the door open to find it empty. Severus sunk to his knees in the doorway. Before holding his head in his hands and crying. The memory dissolved and the swirl of colour was back but it was darker as if everything was in different shades of darker colours one touch away from being black and white, as if James' departure took all the colour out of Severus's life. The scene reformed on an hilltop in the midst of an impending rainstorm. Severus was panting, turning around in a circle, and clutching his wand like a lifeline waiting for something to happen. Harry was frightened as well even though he knew that he could not be harmed. Suddenly a bright white spell flew across the ground and hit Severus, Harry almost though he was struck by lightning until the man dropped to his knees and clasped his hands.
"Please! Don't kill me!" Severus begged
"that was not my intention." Dumbledore said walking up to the hilltop the only light produced by his wand. "Well, Severus? What message does Lord Voldemort have for me?"
"No...No message…I'm here on my own account." Severus ran a shaky hand through his hair and wrung his hands. Harry thought that he looked a little mad "I…I come with a warning…no, a request, please…" Dumbledore flicked his wrist and the wind of the storm faded away.
"what request could a death eater make of me?"
"the prophecy… the prediction… Trelawney…"
"Ah. Yes. How much did you relay to Lord Voldemort?"
"Everything! Everything I heard. That's why…it is for that reason…he thinks it mean J-Lily Evans!" Harry noticed how Severus had stared to speak of James, but though better of it and said Lily Evans instead.
"the prophecy did not refer to a woman. It spoke of a boy born at the end of July."
"you know what I mean! He thinks it means m-her son, he's going to hunt J-her down…kill them all." Harry was a bit confused as to how Dumbledore did not catch these slip-ups. Perhaps he was preoccupied.
"if she means so much to you surely lord Voldemort will spare her? Could you not ask for mercy for the mother, in exchange for the son?"
"I have…I have asked him…" Harry knew that Severus had asked for James's life to be spared, not Lily's.
"You disgust me." Harry was shocked by the contempt in Dumbledore's voice. Severus shrunk slightly. "You do not care, then , about the death of her husband and child?" Severus flinched at the mention of the child "they can die, as long as you have what you want?" Harry could see the pain in Severus's eyes at that statement.
"hide them all!" he said that a bit too quickly "Keep h-her, them, safe…please."
"and what will you give me in return, Severus?"
"In return?" Severus began with shock. Harry knew that knowing James and himself would be safe was worth… "anything" Severus finished. Harry stood as the hilltop dissipated for another setting bellow. An animal of some kinds was screaming in Dumbledore's office. Snape was holding his head in his hands while Dumbledore stood over him looking grim. After a few seconds Severus raised his head. He looked like a man who had known nothing but misery for a very long life.
"I though…you going… to keep h-her…safe…"
"she and James put their faith in the wrong person. Rather like you, Severus. Were you not hoping that lord Voldemort would spare her?" Severus groaned and turned away. "her boy survives." Harry knew it irked Severus to no end to hear him be claimed as Lily's. "her son lives. He has her eyes, precisely her eyes. You remember the shape and colour of Lily Evan's eyes, I am sure?"
"DON'T!" Severus screamed angrily before dropping into the seat again and sobbing "Gone… Dead…"
"is this remorse, Severus?"
"I wish… I wish I were dead…"
"and what use would that be to anyone? If you truly loved Lily Evans, if your truly loved her, then your way forward is clear." Severus peered at him in confusion and pain, before planning his words carefully.
"what…what do you mean?"
"you know how she died. Make sure it was not in vain. Help me protect Lily's son." Severus jerked again before saying.
"he does not need protection. The dark lord is gone…"
"the dark lord will return, and Harry potter will be in terrible danger when he does." Severus stared and composed himself.
"very well. Very well. But never… never tell, Dumbledore! This must be between us! Swear it! I cannot bear…especially J-Potter's son… I want your word!" Dumbledore sighed
"My word, Severus, that I shall never reveal the best in you?" Severus glared at him slightly through the pain. "if you insist…" the memory changed. Severus was sitting on an armchair in his dungeon quarters staring at the fire when the door opened and closed and Dumbledore walked up to him. "you lied to me, Severus." The man in question cringed "Harry was not Lily Evans's child, was he?" Severus said nothing but sobbed slightly "he was yours."
"yes." Severus croaked out "how did you figure it out." He asked looking up.
"I watched some of my memories over again… you asked for James's life…not lily's."
"yes…and the dark lord… 'Respectfully refused'" Severus said painfully.
"Why?"
"James was an arror… he was a threat." Severus said quietly.
"why did you become a death eater, Severus?" Dumbledore asked sitting on the adjacent armchair. "you were happy, were you not? What caused this mess?"
"I thought…that if I was a death eater… they would spare him on raids… he wouldn't get hurt… it was only to protect them." Severus finished in defeat. Dumbledore looked at him sadly
"I'm afraid that did not work out." Dumbledore said sadly "you will not take your son in?"
"no… I stopped deserving him the day James took him away and made him Lily Evans's child. If she, homophobia and all, was a better mother then I… it's better this way." All Dumbledore did was shake his head sadly and leave the rooms. Harry gaped at Severus… he'd left him there! All because his Dad took him away! Harry rubbed his face angrily. As he lifted his hands he saw that Severus was pacing in front of Dumbledore angrily.
"disrespectful, arrogant… nothing like his father at all really… but I have to goad him, for my image… can't have junior death eaters ratting me out." Severus huffed before sitting into his chair.
"really Severus, you're seeing what you want to see. The other professors find him engaging and kind." Dumbledore said smiling at him from behind his transfiguration magazine. "much like you." Severus twitched in a annoyance. "you know…truthfully I always believed you had loved Lily, even before you 'asked' for her. The way you angered when James courted her made it look as though you were jealous of him, not lily." Dumbledore said flipping the page a again.
"appearance before reality, Albus. I would never love that…cow." Severus finished angrily
"now, Severus, respect the dead." All Severus did was jerk his neck. The memory shifted and Harry instantly felt the stiffness of the setting. Everything was taught with tension. Even the silver instruments on Dumbledore's table were silent. Severus was sitting straight backed in a chair as Dumbledore paced in front of him.
"Harry must not know, not until the last moment, not until it is necessary, otherwise how could he have the strength to do what must be done?"
"but what must he do?"
"That is between Harry and me. Now, listen closely, Severus. There will come a time, after my death, do not argue, do not interrupt! There will come a time when lord Voldemort will seem to fear for the life of his snake."
"for Naginii?" Severus asked astonished.
"Precisely. If there comes a time when lord Voldemort stops sending the snake forth to do his bidding, but keeps it safe beside him, under magical protection, then, I think, it will be safe to tell Harry."
"Tell him what?" Severus asked in confusion. Dumbledore sighed and turned away.
"Tell him that on the night lord Voldemort tried to kill him, when Lily Evans cast her own life between them as a shield of her own free will, the killing curse rebounded upon lord Voldemort, and a fragment of Voldemort's soul was blasted apart form the whole, and latched unto the only living soul left in the building. Part of Lord Voldemort lives inside Harry, and it is that which gives him the power of speech with snakes, and a connection with lord Voldemort's mind that he has never understood. And while the fragment of soul, unmissed by Voldemort, remains attached to, and protected by Harry, lord Voldemort cannot die." Harry felt his heart sink and shatter upon contact with the memory floor. He put a hand over his heart and choked. He heard a muffled sob and looked up. Severus hand a hand over his mouth.
"so the boy… my Harry…must die?" he asked quietly
"and Voldemort must do it, Severus. That is essential." Severus blinked and lowered his eyes. After a long pause he looked up and his eyes were ablaze with anger
"I though that… all these years…we were protecting him!" Severus yelled standing.
"we have protected him because it has been essential to teach him, to raise him, to let him try his strength…" Dumbledore turned his head minutely. "Meanwhile, the connection between them grows ever stronger, a parasite growth: sometimes I have thought he suspects it himself. If I know him, he will have arranged matters so that when he does set out to meet his death, it will, truly, mean the end of Voldemort." Dumbledore finally turned to see Severus's pain , horror and anger.
"you have kept my child alive just so he can die at the right moment?"
"Severus… we are in war… you cannot save everyone, even the ones we love, how many men and women have you watched die?
"lately, only the ones I could not save… you have used me!"
"meaning?"
"I have spied for you, and lied for you, put myself in mortal danger for you! Everything was supposed to keep Harry safe! Now you tell me you have been raising him like a pig for slaughter!"
"Severus…have you grown to truly care for the boy like a mother?" Dumbledore asked in shock. There was a short pause
"Not just him." Severus said quietly "expecto patronum." From the tip of his wand burst the silver doe: she turned her head as if looking for something before turning her head then bounding out the window. Dumbledore watched he disappear before he turned back to Severus with eyes full of tears.
"You were James's soul mate…" he said quietly
"Yes." Severus said turning away before hanging his head, hiding his face with his hair as he did so long ago. But there was no James to heal his pain now and, leaving a lump in Harry's throat, the memories dissipated.
~ Chapter Finite Icantatum~