June 27th 2015

"I swear to God, Dean. If you walk out that door right now I won't be here when you get back," Castiel threatened, placing his palms flat against his boyfriend's chest in an attempt to maintain some distance between them when Dean tried to take a step forward.

"I'll be back in no time, Cas," Dean huffed as he gently slid his hands down Castiel's forearms, "Just one job and I'm all yours," he added playfully, a sly grin spreading across his lips.

"…Job? Is that really what you call robbing people blind?" Castiel asked in outrage. "Or are you so fucking high that you've actually convinced yourself that breaking into someone's home and stealing their shit is an honest way to make a living?"

"I'm doing the best I can here, Cas! It's good money and it keeps Sammy fed," Dean yelled as he pushed Castiel's hands away, the narcotics in his system causing him to sway off balance for a moment before he regained his composure.

"What did you take?" Castiel inquired, his body trembling with anger. "And don't you dare tell me nothing because a blind person could see that you're high as a fucking kite right now."

Castiel always knew when Dean had taken pills because his reflexes, which were usually impeccable, where almost non-responsive and he acted sluggish. And his green eyes, normally bright and attentive, where glossy and hooded.

"Just a couple Oxy," Dean mumbled, looking down so that Castiel could no longer see his dilated pupils.

"…You promised you wouldn't do that shit when we were together…I'm only home for two months, Dean! And I don't want to spend the summer fighting or with you passed out on the couch cause you popped downers!" Castiel screamed, grabbing Dean by the wrist when he made a move to walk away.

"I'm done arguing with you, Castiel. I've gotta meet Ansem and the guys," Dean replied as he yanked his arm out of Castiel's grasp.

"You're in no condition to drive, Dean," Castiel told him, rushing forward to place himself between his boyfriend and the front door.

"Get out of my way, Castiel and stop acting like I'm some child you have to take care of," Dean commanded. "You can't just run off to California for months at a time and then come back to me thinking I'm going to obey your every fucking order."

Losing his temper, Castiel didn't even realize he had raised his hand until he landed a blow to the side of his boyfriend's face, the sound of the smack echoing through Dean's tiny, broken down house.

"Run off to California? Oh, is that what I do? Cause I could have sworn I was trying to get a higher education in order to make something of myself! Maybe you should fucking try it sometime, Dean!" Castiel seethed, a chill running down his spine when he saw the rage in his boyfriend's eyes.

"Get the fuck out of my way," Dean repeated as he roughly shoved Castiel to the side.

Letting out a muffled yelp when his body collided with the back of the couch, Castiel ignored the throbbing pain in his left hip as he reached out to grab Dean's arm once more, this time failing to reach him.

In a flash, his boyfriend was at the door and Castiel was immediately consumed with fear. He couldn't let Dean leave; he couldn't let his boyfriend put himself in danger again.

Without thinking, Castiel instinctively dashed forward, wrapping his arms around Dean's waist so that they were back to chest.

"…Please don't leave…Please…just stop putting yourself at risk…" Castiel whispered, nuzzling against Dean's shoulder.

"…I…" Dean sighed, momentarily relaxing against Castiel's body. "Cas, I gotta do what's best for Sammy."

"If you truly felt that way, you wouldn't even be thinking about leaving right now. You'd be lying in bed with your boyfriend eating junk food and watching movies…You'd be waiting for your brother to come home from his friend's house so you could ask him how his day was…Not going to meet those assholes," Castiel snapped back as he released Dean.

It was one thing for his boyfriend to be an addict and a criminal, but the fact that Dean was still trying to hide his true nature, to lie to Castiel, was just plain asinine and infuriating.

"I'll be back later," Dean gritted out, ignoring his boyfriend's comment altogether as he opened the door.

"Doesn't matter. I won't be here," Castiel said maliciously.

"Ha, right. You can stop putting on a show, baby. We both know exactly where you'll be when I get back," Dean replied, the cocky tone of his voice taunting Castiel.

And without another word, Dean stepped out onto the porch, slamming the door behind him.

Saturday: December 10th 2016

Castiel woke up the next morning with a god-awful headache.

Sluggishly rolling onto his side, he checked his clock through squinted eyes to find that he had slept past noon.

"Shit," Castiel muttered under his breath as he pushed the covers back.

Sitting up with caution, he looked to his left to find that the space beside him was vacant and that Dean was nowhere to be found.

Typical Dean Winchester move. But damn, it still hurt like hell.

With a loud sigh, Castiel got up from his bed gingerly, every muscle in his body throbbing as he pulled on a pair of sweatpants and headed toward the living room.

Entering the hall, the faint sound of running water caught Castiel's attention and he instinctively turned his head to the right to find that the bathroom door was shut and that the light was on.

Weird. Pamela usually wasn't one to let Castiel sleep past ten, let alone noon.

However, before he could make his way over to the bathroom to confront his best friend, Castiel was startled by the sound of laughter coming from the living room.

"What the hell?" he wondered aloud as he walked down the hall, turning the corner to see a large group of people gathered around the coffee table playing Cards Against Humanity.

At the head of the table were Benny and Pamela. Abaddon and Meg to their left, and Andy, and Ava to their right.

"Good afternoon, Sleeping Beauty," Pamela jeered from her spot on the floor next to her boyfriend. "…Whoa…Cassie, what happened?" she asked suddenly, the smile on her face fading into a frown.

Raising his eyebrows in confusion, Castiel was just about to ask his best friend what she was talking about when Meg, the girl he'd met in his Philosophy in Religion class, cut him off.

"Damn Clearance," Meg drawled as she ranked her eyes down Castiel's bare chest. "I can't tell if you got into a fight or had some really kinky sex."

Feeling his cheeks heat up with blush, the memory of the previous night came flooding back into Castiel's mind and he couldn't help but lower his head in embarrassment.

"From that reaction, I'm guessing it was the latter," Abaddon, a fellow classmate of Pamela's, interjected with a chuckle.

"It's about time you got laid, dude!" Andy chimed in, a huge smile on his face.

Andy had been Castiel's lab partner during his first semester and since then, they had become extremely close friends.

"You hussy! FYI, dude, sex isn't an excuse not to answer your phone! I called you like six times this morning. And, what the hell was with the mess in the kitchen?" Pamela asked as she folded her arms across her chest, eyeing Castiel suspiciously. "Oh, and why did Randal bring a whole damn duffle bag of shit? Is he planning on moving in?"

"Ugh, wait! My brother did that to your neck? Gross!" Ava chimed in, visibly cringing.

Feeling his chest tighten, Castiel couldn't even gather even wherewithal to explain that he hadn't been with Randal the night before.

Mainly because he was too busy staring wide-eyed at the green duffle bag Pamela had pointed out that was sitting on the floor next to his chair.

Completely baffled, Castiel had just opened his mouth to respond to his best friend's inquiry when a terrifying thought popped into his mind, causing his breath hitch in his throat.

It had been Dean in the shower, not Pamela. Dean was still there.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!

"Dude, you aren't looking so good…You gonna pass out?" Andy asked nervously, the whole group now looking at him like he was time bomb ready to explode.

Ignoring his friend's question, Castiel rushed forward to grab Dean's bag, slinging it over his shoulder.

"I'll be right back," Castiel murmur in a frantic tone as he quickly headed back to his room, leaving his friends in a silent state of shock.

Bolting through his door, Castiel nearly fainted when he saw Dean standing in front his dresser, singing While You Loved Me by Rascal Flatts under his breath as he rummaged around for a pair of boxers.

And in that instant, the younger man's memory took him back to the days when Dean used to sing to himself while he cooked the two of them dinner. Dean loved to cook and Castiel often sat in the kitchen with him, watching as his boyfriend shuffled around preparing a meal. Dean would always be belting out some Metallica or Led Zeppelin song and the memory was honestly one of Castiel's favorites. Those times had been so peaceful and calm; times when he was afforded the chance to admire the beautiful man he had once called his own.

Wiping a tear from his cheek, Castiel cleared his throat, causing his ex to turn around abruptly.

"Oh, hey, thanks baby," Dean said in a cheerful tone, taking his duffle bag from Castiel who was in the process of shutting his door. "I was gonna come get this myself but I heard a whole bunch of noise and figured you didn't want your company seeing me in all my post shower glory," he added as he sat his bag on the bed in order to grab a fresh pair of boxers and his ripped, faded jeans.

"Why are you still here?" Castiel blurted out before immediately slapping a hand over his mouth.

"…Damn, Cas…" Dean chuckled without humor in his voice as he pulled on his boxers. "…Honestly, I tried to leave…but I just wanted to make sure you were okay before I ditched."

"…Well, I'm not okay, Dean. And you're only making it worse by toying with me," Castiel spat, wishing Dean would stop giving him false hope.

"I'm not toying with you, baby," Dean huffed as he buttoned his jeans, the worn denim fitting snuggly around his muscular thighs and firm ass.

"I beg to differ," Castiel retorted, his heart pounding in his ears as he ranked his eyes down ex's body hungrily.

Dean's hair was damp and messy, beads of water rolling down his bare chest as the jeans clung tightly to his hips. His jaw looked strong and well defined under a tamed layer of scruff and his bright green eyes were sparkling with mischief.

And if he was being completely honest, the sight before him was easily the hottest thing Castiel had ever seen, despite the fucked up nature of the whole situation.

"You know, Cas, you're kinda giving me mixed signals here," Dean pointed out as he walked toward his ex. "Last night you said you'd be upset to find me gone when you woke up…but now, you're practically pushing me out the door," he mused, trapping the younger man between his body and the wall.

"…If you were still here because you truly wanted to be that'd be one thing…" Castiel mumbled as he placed his palms flat against Dean's chest, trying to push him away. "But I know you, Dean Winchester, and you need something from me…otherwise you'd be long gone," he stated as he let his left hand trail downward absentmindedly.

Reaching Dean's stomach, it wasn't long before Castiel felt the rough, jagged outline of a scar underneath his fingertip, instinctively rubbing the raised skin with care.

Lightly running his thumb across the length of second scar, Castiel looked up into Dean's eyes, his chest tightening when he saw a flicker of pain streak across his ex's handsome face.

"Ouch, baby…Don't sugarcoat it or anything," Dean chuckled all of a sudden, whatever emotion he had let show on the surface completely gone now and replaced with a cocky attitude.

However, before Castiel say anything, Dean leaned down and kissed him like it was the most important thing he could ever do.

And even though he knew he should have resisted, Castiel returned the kiss, wrapping his arms around Dean's neck as the older man slipped his tongue into his mouth.

"…H-how mu-ch?" Castiel asked in a rough tone, moaning when Dean captured his bottom lip between his teeth, tugging on the sensitive skin.

"Really, Cas? Did you ever stop to think for a second that I might still be here just cause I wanted to spend a little more time with you?" Dean shot back, letting out a filthy noise as Castiel ranked his nails down his back.

"Of course," Castiel replied instantly, not failing to notice the way Dean's lips turned up at the corner upon hearing his answer. "But I deal in reality, babe, so I know that's bullshit. How much money do you need?"

Sighing dramatically, Dean ran his calloused palms up the younger man's chest until his hands were settled on Castiel's shoulders, holding him in place.

"…Three hundred," Dean confessed as he massaged his ex's tense muscles.

"Bastard," Castiel seethed, trying his damnedest not to cry.

"I'm sorry, Cas…I…just got myself in some trouble and I need to cash as soon as possible…I hate to ask you for it, honestly…And I wasn't lying, I really do want to spend more time with you," Dean promised as he pressed his forehead to Castiel's.

"Drugs or gambling?" Castiel asked in an agitated tone, cupping Dean's chin in his hand in order to force his ex to look him in the eyes.

"…Lost two hundred playin' poker…and I owe a dealer the rest…" Dean admitted, looking utterly ashamed.

"….Dean…Please tell me you didn't bring illegally obtained narcotics into my apartment?" Castiel gritted out, barely able to keep his voice even.

And when Dean failed to respond, Castiel pushed him away forcefully before heading straight for his duffle bag.

"What the fuck, Cas?" Dean nearly yelled as the younger man rummaged through his stuff.

Remaining silent, it didn't take long for Castiel to find small, clear bag of unmarked pills, his anger skyrocketing as he held them up for his ex to see.

"Do you even care that you're incriminating me just as much as yourself by having these here?" Castiel asked in outrage, shaking the bag of pills in Dean's face. "What if your dealer was a fucking snitch? What if he was an undercover cop? If you got busted here I'd be just as responsible as you are! Jesus, Dean, it's called guilt by association!"

"Dude, fucking relax! He wasn't a snitch or an undercover cop. He was just some sleazy dealer at some random bar. Besides, I bought those in Nevada on my way to Cali. I'm pretty sure if I was gonna get busted by an undercover or a snitch, they wouldn't have let me leave the state," Dean teased, his failed attempt at humor making Castiel frown deeply.

"This all really is just one big fucking joke to you, isn't it? …Jesus Christ, Dean…What the fuck is wrong with you? You show up at my door out of the blue looking for sex, after months of refusing to speak to me, and now you're asking me for money and fucking with my emotions for fun! Right, Dean? Watching me fall apart in front of you is fun, isn't it? You sick fuck!" Castiel shouted, not the least bit surprised when he received a smack across his left cheek from Dean in response.

"You can blame me for fucking up our relationship all you want, because honestly, I deserve it. But don't you dare act like I get off on hurting you emotionally," Dean gritted out. "I hate seeing you in pain…especially because of something I've done and you know that."

"...Get the fuck out of my apartment," Castiel ordered, despite the fact that he didn't truly want Dean to leave.

"Whatever you say, baby. But just so you know, kicking me out doesn't change the fact that you begged me to fuck you last night," Dean said maliciously. "You can stand there and play the moral ex-boyfriend card if it makes you feel better about yourself but we both know given the chance, you'd do it all again. You always come crawling back to me any fucking time I want you."

"Really? That's funny, babe, because I could have sworn that you were the one who came crawling back to me last night," Castiel retorted just before Dean surged forward, crashing their lips together.

The whole situation was wrong and twisted, and Castiel should not have let Dean kiss him, reciprocate…But he did.

"…Le-ave," Castiel groaned between rough, sloppy kisses.

"Fine," Dean whispered, gripping his ex's hips tightly. "Give me the pills and I'll go," he said, pulling back to look at Castiel's face.

"No," Castiel replied sternly. "…I'll give you the money to pay off your debts but the pills are going in the garbage."

"Like Hell they are," Dean growled as he made a move to grab the plastic bag clinched firmly in Castiel's hand.

Yanking the bag away, Castiel stepped sideways, creating some distance between he and his ex.

"You can have the money or the pills, but not both," he told Dean, his heart beating faster than a rabbit's.

"Fine," Dean seethed. "Just give me the pills and I'll leave."

"…Jesus, Dean…Can't you see that you have a problem? If…if you'd just let me help…I could help you get better, babe," Castiel pleaded, a look of concern darkening his baby blue eyes.

"I don't have a problem," Dean said through gritted teeth as he clinched both his fists.

"Spoken like a true addict," Castiel spat back just before Dean punched him in the nose.

Teetering off balance for a moment, Castiel regained his composure just in time to dodge another blow from Dean, throwing a right hook of his own that connected with his ex's jaw.

Lunging forward, Dean tackled Castiel to the ground, knocking the plastic bag out of the young man's hand and sending the pills scattering across the floor.

"Why am I not enough for you, Dean?!" Castiel screamed as he and his ex struggled against one another. "Why couldn't you just be happy with me? Why'd you have to turn to stealing…to drugs? I loved you, Dean…Why wasn't I enough?"

"…Loved? As in past tense, baby?" Dean wondered as he roughly pushed Castiel onto his back, straddling the younger man's hips.

"…Don't…" Castiel begged, his vision blurring with tears.

"You were enough for me, Cas…More than enough…Jesus, I didn't deserve the amount of effort you put forth to deal with my bullshit. It wasn't that you weren't good enough for me, baby. It's that I wasn't good enough for you…And knowing that killed me…So I acted out, and like always you did the right thing and left me…it took you way longer than it should have but you left…" Dean panted, both his and Castiel's breathing labored from their tussle.

"…That's so fucked up…you're SO fucked up, Dean," Castiel sobbed, allowing his ex to pepper soft kisses down his tear stained cheeks.

"…After all these years, you've finally realized what everyone else has been trying to tell you from the beginning…" Dean laughed humorlessly. "…Well, better late than never...I guess."

"Yeah, that's it, babe. Turn the pain we're both feeling into a joke," Castiel mocked. "God… I wish…I just wish I could hate you," he bit out, tears streaming down his cheeks.

"…For what it's worth, I wish you could too, baby," Dean admitted as Castiel wrapped his arms around his neck.

And for a while, the two of them just laid there in each other's arms. With Dean's weight on top of him, Castiel felt secure, grounded, never wanting to move.

But he had to.

"…Dean, you have to go…I can't do this. I can't…" Castiel whispered, his voice filled with regret.

"I know, baby, I know," Dean replied as he sat up, his green eyes puffy and bloodshot.

"I…I can give you the three hundred dollars you need," Castiel offered as Dean got to his feet before helping him up.

"No…It's okay, baby. I've got a backup plan," Dean said with a small smile, leaning forward to place a gentle kiss to the bruise forming around Castiel's left eye.

Shuddering, Castiel looked at his ex suspiciously, terrified to know what this "backup plan" entailed.

"Dean, please…I don't want you breaking into someone's house…especially when I've got the money," Castiel begged, his heart dropping into his stomach upon seeing the emotionless, cold glint in Dean's beautiful green eyes that his words induced.

"I wasn't planning on stealing to get the money, Cas. I swore after I got busted I'd never do that shit again," Dean explained, the tone of his voice low and broken.

"…Then what's your backup plan?" Castiel asked, even though he had NO desire to hear the answer.

"Don't worry about it, baby. Just, please, don't waste any more of your time worrying about me," Dean mumbled as he knelt down, picking up the scattered pills one by one.

"I can't help it…I worry about you constantly. I care about you, Dean…and I always will," Castiel confessed, causing his ex to stare up at him wide-eyed.

"Why?" the older man asked incredulously.

"…You know why," Castiel replied in a quiet tone.

"Tell me," Dean ordered as he rose to his feet.

"…Because…."

With his chest heaving, Dean stared into Castiel's eyes, and Castiel knew he had to confess or Dean would go completely off the rails.

"Because I love you, alright? …I never stopped…" Castiel admitted, his voice barely a whisper as he turned away from Dean.

"I love you too, Cas," Dean whispered, tossing the bag of pills he'd picked up into his duffle before wrapping his arms around his ex-boyfriend.

"…Then please, just let me throw out the pills and give you the money…you don't have to leave…" Castiel pleaded.

Pressing a kiss to the side of Castiel's neck, Dean held him tightly for a few minutes, seemly trying to gather the courage to speak.

"I have to go, baby…For your sake, not mine. You said it yourself, Cas, I'm fucked up. And I'm not going to hang around and fuck up your life too," Dean said as he released Castiel, walking over to his duffle bag to grab a shirt.

"We could check you into rehab…And when you're clean we can start over. You could get a job out here and move in with me. It could work, Dean, if you were willing to try," Castiel suggested, looking at his ex with a hopeful expression.

"What about my baby brother? Am I just supposed to leave Sam back in Alabama? He hates staying with Ellen, Cas...Besides, he's my number one responsibility and when the court says I'm fit to have him back, I'm never leaving him again," Dean stated firmly.

"…Yes, Dean, Sam is partially your responsibility…but we both know until you get clean, you aren't fit to take care of a teenager. Besides, Ellen has the means and wants to take care of Sam. Why not let her? You did your part, babe. You raised your brother better than your father ever thought about…now it's time to focus on yourself," Castiel urged, receiving a dirty look from his ex.

"I already told you, Cas, I'm fine," Dean grumbled as he zipped up his duffle bag.

"No, you're not…You're just really good at pretending you are," Castiel retorted, his blood running cold when Dean picked up his luggage and headed toward the door.

"…It was good to see ya, baby…And for what it's worth, I'm really sorry," Dean sighed before disappearing into the hallway.

"So that's it? Really Dean?" Castiel asked angrily, following his ex out to the living room. "If you were going to fuck me and leave me, why couldn't you have just been gone before I woke up?"

Turning the corner, Castiel couldn't even bother to react to Pamela, who started shouting obscenities the very instant she saw Dean.

"What the fuck are you doing here?" Pamela seethed, staring daggers at Dean as he made his way toward the front door.

"Don't get your panties in a twist, Barnes, I'm leaving," Dean barked, earning a downright murderous look from Benny.

"…Whoa, that is not Randal Wilson…" Meg commented thoughtfully as Abaddon, Andy and Ava watched intently at the drama unfolding before them.

"Dean, if you leave right now, you're not welcome back here. I'm tired of letting you run from your problems and being the one to deal with the disaster you leave in your wake," Castiel threatened.

"I'm sorry, Cas…I don't know what I was thinking coming here…I just..." Dean muttered, his hand on the door knob.

"You were just what, Dean? Looking for an easy lay? Being selfish? All of the fucking above?" Castiel growled.

"Maybe I just haven't disappointed you in a while and I didn't want you to think I was neglecting you?" Dean mocked in a venomous tone, shooting Castiel a dirty look over his shoulder.

"Deflection and sarcasm, so damn typical. Well, thanks for that, Winchester. You did a great fucking job," Castiel jeered as Dean flung open the door.

"I always aim to please, Novak," Dean taunted before slamming the door behind him, not even bothering to look back.

Shaking from head to toe, Castiel stared at the door blankly, a storm of emotions raging inside his mind as he fought to hold back the tears that threatened to escape his eyes.