Hit Me Cupid!

Author's Note: This is going to be a two-part special for Valentine's Day, mainly because I've always wanted to write a Valentine's Day story and I didn't want to miss my chance again. Hope you guys enjoy!

"I'm tellin' ya man, this Valentine's Day is gonna be the best one yet! Tomorrow is the day I ask Lucina to be my girl."

Captain Falcon sat on the floor of the living room with a silly grin on his face as he thought about the blue-haired swordswoman in question who had been haunting his dreams since the first day of the tournament. He had spent the entire month of January preparing for this big event, dropping Lucina little hints every now and then that he wanted to take their relationship one step further. Realistically, they were just good friends, and this was proven whenever the two would team up together for tourney matches, or hang out during the off-hours training or watching movies with the gang. He was determined to ask her out this Valentine's Day and convinced that there was absolutely nothing stopping him from achieving his goal.

"You say that every year," replied Wario unenthusiastically, who was lying on the couch playing with a Gameboy Advance. "Last year it was Samus, the year before that it was Peach. Seriously dude, I think you need a reality check."

Falcon jerked to the right as he held up the SNES controller. He was currently in the middle of an F-Zero race in the King's League. Things would have been much easier for him if that damn Dr. Stewart and his stupid-ass yellow clown car would get off his tail.

"I really mean it this time!" said Falcon, making a sudden hard turn to the left and dodging a series of land mines. "And I'm convinced that she's got a thing for me too! I mean, I think she does. She did give me a Pocky stick that one time." Just thinking about that fond memory was starting to make his insides tingle with excitement.

"Whatever man. Just don't come crying to me if you end up flat on your face like last year."

Who could forget the tragic and humiliating loss that Samus Aran had put him through during last year's Valentine's Day? Captain Falcon had gone out and rented himself a tux, bought expensive cologne, and even a lovely bouquet of flowers for the equally lovely lady. He invited her out to a candlelight dinner that he and Game & Watch had set up on the roof of the mansion. Pit had even shown up to sing a Capella (which was quite ear-shattering to be frank). Unfortunately, Falcon forgot to check the weather that day, and the whole event ended up getting rained on. Not only that, but he also accidentally ("accidentally") slipped and caught a quick glance at the underside of Samus' dress. Nevertheless, he was all washed up after that day, but it didn't spite his motivation one bit.

"How was I supposed to know it was going to rain that day?" said the racer as he finished up the last lap in the grand prix. "And hey, at least I'm trying to make an image for myself; not like you who just sits around all day like a lazy ass."

Wario didn't even look in his comrade's direction. He simply shrugged his shoulders, muttering a, "You got me there," under his breath.

"This year's going to be different though." Falcon got up and killed the power on his SNES. "This year, there's absolutely nothing that can screw up this master plan! I've already buttered Lucina up enough to the point where I'm sure she'll say yes when I ask her out tomorrow. I've already set up the pins, now I just need to knock them down!" He made a motion as if he was hurling a bowling ball down a lane.

"Oho, I bet you buttered her up," mumbled Wario as an image of Lucina literally dipped in butter passed through his mind. He began to absentmindedly slobber all over his trousers. Wario wasn't really into Lucina at all, but the thought of anything with butter on it was appealing to him considering how hungry he was. "B.R.B., I'm gonna go grab a snack." The fat man shut off his game and started waddling to the exit.

"Wait! Don't you want to hear my master plan first?" asked Falcon hopefully.

Wario sighed. "Fine, let's hear it."

Falcon couldn't help but grin with eagerness as Wario sat down on a nearby chair. "Alright, so you know how Lucina and I always go to the training room on Saturday afternoons to practice?"

"No, but go on."

"Okay, well since Valentine's Day just so happens to fall on a Saturday this year, it will give me the perfect chance to set this up. I'll meet with her in the training room and have a few practice rounds like we normally do. Once we're all hot and sweaty (this is where it gets good) I'll ask her if she wants to call it a day and take a shower. Knowing her, she'll definitely say yes, since she always goes for a shower after a hard day's training."

"How do you know that?" asked Wario curiously.

"What, don't we all?"

"Not me…"

"Uh… Well yeah, anyways, while she's getting cleaned up, I'm gonna go wash up too. I'll tell her to meet me in the courtyard where I'll have Sonic, Duck Hunt, and DK ready and waiting. And then-"

"Wait, what do those guys have to do with it?"

"I was getting to that!" replied Falcon before taking a few seconds to cool down after that explanation. "Sonic can play the guitar, Duck Hunt Dog can play the violin, and DK can play the drums… See where I'm going with this?"

"You're going to have them play music?" asked Wario.

"Not just any music my friend," replied Falcon as he pulled out a few sheets of paper from behind his back. "They're going to play a song that I wrote for her!" He handed his companion the sheet music while Wario skimmed his beady eyes over the lyrics.

"Oh baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, baby, how long has it been, been, been, been, been, been, been, to see you again, again, again, again, again, again, my dear friend?" The monotonous way in which Wario was reading the song totally destroyed the emotion behind it, and Falcon didn't hesitate to swipe it back from him.

"It'll sound better with the instruments playing," he muttered.

"If you say so," replied Wario. "So that's it then?"

"Not quite!" Falcon beamed with excitement. "The song is short, sweet, and it shouldn't last more than a minute or two. I didn't want her to be awkwardly standing there with nothing to say for too long. You know how she gets sometimes. Anyways once the song is over, we'll go for a nice walk down by the pond where I'll have a picnic set up and everything (complements of Princess Peach and Mr. Game & Watch). We'll have dinner beneath the light of the full moon, and then I'll say some cheesy line like how the water reflects the color in her eyes, or how the night is beautiful but not as beautiful as her. Chicks dig that fluffy crap. But it's not going to be an act or anything! I'll pour my heart out right then and there, and it will probably be very romantic. I'll have Duck Hunt Duck waiting in the bushes with a video camera so I can get her reaction on tape. Once she's close to tears, I'll take her hand and get down on one knee." Falcon got down on the ground, imitating his description of how the night was going to play out. "I'll look deeply into her eyes and then I'll say, 'Lucina. Will you be my girlfriend?' When she says yes, that's when Phase 6 of the plan comes into action."

"Phase 6?" asked Wario dumbfounded.

"Greninja will come out of the shadows disguised as an evil ninja and strike! Then it will be a fight to the death between me and him, and I may end up having to sacrifice myself in order to save Lucina. But if I die, at least she'll live on knowing that I loved her." There was a twinkle of light in the racer's eyes as he posed dramatically, but Wario was only getting more weirded out by the minute. "I may not end up going with Phase 6 though. It's not that I don't think I can beat Greninja. It's just that the freakin' guy is never around when you need him! I swear he might as well invisible if he likes to stay that hidden…"

At this point, Wario wasn't even paying attention, and simply resorted to picking his nose unconventionally with his thumb. He managed to salvage a chunky specimen from the wreckage of his nostril though, and held it up high before plopping the spongy substance in his mouth.

"Cool story bro. I'm starving." The fat man left without a moment's hesitation, leaving Falcon all by his lonesome in conjuring up the perfect plan to win Lucina's heart.

"Oh yeah, it will definitely work…" he mumbled to himself. "Of course, I could always resort to Phase 7 if Phase 6 doesn't end up working out. But where am I gonna find a tuba?..."

He looked up and noticed that Wario had got up and left without a trace. Falcon sighed, but it didn't lower his charisma at all. He was able to hold Wario's attention for a few minutes at least, which was really saying something considering the Italian Smasher had the attention span to rival that of Kirby. Surely that must have meant that his plan was at least somewhat foolproof? He had spent the entire week writing down ideas, and realistically he didn't have any time to change anything since Valentine's Day was less than a day away. He was best to take whatever time he had left relaxing so that his mind was clear for tomorrow. As confident as he was about his plan working, at the end of the day, he still had to ask Lucina out on a date. That kind of situation alone can be very nerve-racking for a guy, let alone one of the fastest F-Zero racers in Mute City. Speaking of Mute City, that track on the SNES game has a really catchy tune.

Eventually, Falcon ended up strolling out of the living room, all the while whistling the Mute City theme. Since it was a Friday, a lot of the Smashers were too preoccupied with the daily scheduled tournament matches, thus the halls of the mansion were pretty barren for the most part. The only exceptions of course were a few Waddle Dees who were either scurrying about or attending to other janitorial duties as expected. As Falcon passed by another family room, he heard a familiar voice coming from inside. Curiously, he poked his head in to see Ike sitting on a sofa watching some tournament replays. In his hands was some kind of blue velvet material that he appeared to be knitting. Who knew the guy could even knit in the first place? His legendary sword, Ragnell, was propped up against the side of one of the shelves, but Falcon also noticed a thin silver sword lying on the upper portion of the couch. The sword in particular was a model he had never seen before, as all of the swordsmen in the mansion only carried their own swords, and any training swords that were given by Master Hand were merely common iron ones. Captain Falcon hid behind the side of the wall, his eyes narrowing on the young man everyone knew as Ike Greil.

"Over and through, over and through…" muttered Ike as he concentrated on the fabric in his hands. "Over and through, and… Done!" He held up his creation proudly, examining it from every angle to ensure he didn't miss a stitch. "She's definitely going to love the new cape and sword. Now all I need to do is find some chocolates and this Valentine's Day should be perfect for her."

Falcon almost burst into the room with a Raptor Boost with the mercenaries name on it, but he quickly caught himself and pulled away from the area as fast as he could. He sprinted dramatically down the hall away from that horrid scene, his stomach beginning to twist in discomfort. How was he supposed to know that Ike also had his eyes set on Lucina this year? Surely there must have been signs! The more he thought about it, the more he didn't want to believe it. How many female Smashers in the mansion wore capes? Lucina. How many female Smashers in the mansion used a sword? Lucina. And how many female Smashers in the mansion liked chocolate? Of course, Lucina! Actually no, everyone in the mansion loved chocolate, but Falcon would bet his own intergalactic space vehicle that Lucina loved chocolate more than all of them combined! There was no way he was going to be able to compete with those kind of gifts—not when all he had was a sappy song, a lame dinner, and a possible ninja fight scene that may or may not even occur. No, it looked like he was going to have to resort to the forbidden Phase 8. He didn't want to do this, but it seemed that Ike had left him without much of a choice.

Falcon burst into the dining room to see Wario sitting by himself at the end of the long table with a plate of hotdogs in front of him. The fat man was in the middle of his snack time (consisting of at least six hotdogs daily), but that didn't stop Falcon from dashing all the way to the end of the table right up to the fat man.

"Get lost, I'm busy," muttered Wario between bites as he continued making love to the warm buns in his hands.

"This is an emergency!" replied Falcon in all seriousness. "Ike is after Lucina's heart this Valentine's Day!"

"So? I thought you had a foolproof plan?"

Falcon gritted his teeth. "The plan's been scrapped. Come on; you're going to help me."

Wario shook his head in dismay. "Forget it Falcon. I don't want to have any part in your—WAH!" The next thing he knew, Falcon had lifted Wario up above his head and carried him out of the room just as Mario and Luigi did to enemies back in Super Mario Bros. 2. Fortunately, Falcon was one of the more muscular Smashers, and carrying Wario wasn't too much of a daunting task for him. Poor Wario was kicking and flailing the whole time as he watched his beloved hotdogs disappear from his view. Falcon didn't care though. He was determined to make this Valentine's Day the best one Lucina's ever had. If he had to break a few rules in doing so, well, he was fully prepared to do that as well.