***2010***

The party was in full swing when Octavia announced that we had waited long enough to make our entrance. "We can't be the first there" she had proclaimed earlier, her face too serious that it made me giggle. "It's your house Octavia!" I retorted, but knowing I had already lost this particular battle, I sat back down on her bed. It wasn't like anyone was waiting for us. People might talk to O, but not me. I knew only one person would really acknowledge me. Bellamy.

And now he was leaving. It wasn't fair. I was working up enough courage to tell him how I felt. I loved him. I swear I did. Octavia called it a crush. But I would feel my whole heart beat faster when he looked at me. He was always so nice and thoughtful. Always calling me his 'princess'. He had to feel something.

Bellamy was leaving for college and now was my only chance. I took a deep breath as Octavia gave herself a final glance in the mirror. She always looked so nice in her clothes, whereas mine always fit a little funny. Girls my age were supposed to have some shape but not me. Just straight up and down. That was me. Mom called me a 'skinny minnie' but I wanted a butt, boobs and hips.

The butterflies started once Octavia started pushing me out of her bedroom. We would be the only freshmen at the party. They were all Bellamys friends after all. Not ours. "You look great Clarke, stop fidgeting." O whispered as we descended the stairs of her small home. I managed a strained smile and nodded to her, leaving the hem of my top alone.

An hour passed while Octavia and I were giggling about random things that all the seniors were doing. They were all drunk already. Bellamy had warned Octavia not to touch a drop of alcohol. We didn't mind, it was much more fun watching how everyone made idiots out of themselves.

"Ugh, bitch incoming." Octavia whispered to me as a blonde senior stumbled towards us. "Aw, isn't that cute, Bellamy let you two crash his party." She cooed at us like we were five years old. Octavia's eyes narrowed. "It is not crashing if it is my house Melanie." She spoke slowly to the older girl who just rolled her eyes. "Well I hope you have noise cancelling headphones for tonight. I might get loud." She whispered, then winking before she left us.

"Who is she?" I asked Octavia as she sent evil eyes after the girl. "That's Bell's ex. Remember the last night you slept over?" I nodded, moving closer to my friend as her voice lowered. "She's the screamer." O rolled her eyes as I felt my checks heat up. "Oh…" I didn't like knowing the face that went with the noises Octavia and I would occasionally hear coming from Bellamys room. It felt weird. Not something I wanted to think about.

"Hey there princess, pass me a beer would you?" Bellamy flashed his million dollar smile at me as I walked into the kitchen. I couldn't help a big grin creep onto my features as I did what he asked. Some of his friends were sitting around the kitchen table playing cards. Girls stood watching them, eagerly awaiting any attention they would give them.

"You fucker, you cheated!" Bellamys friend Jack protested as the players turned their cards over. I stood by Bellamy, watching his smirk light up his face. "Me? Cheat? Nope, I just knew you were bluffing man." Bellamy collected his winnings from the middle of the table as Jack huffed. I let a small giggle escape me as Bellamy turned and gave me a wink. Luckily he had turned away to deal another hand as the blush spread across my face.

Bellamy gave me a sympathetic smile as Octavia came over a few minutes later to drag me away from the group to 'socialise'. Meaning she wanted me as back up when talking to the older boys. I had to give it to her, she was determined. We were not all that popular in middle school and she was not going to let high school be the same. Her plan was to talk to all the boys at the party that would still be attending high school next year and then they would at least know who we were when we started in the fall. Not a terrible idea, but I didn't care if they knew who I was.

O tried her best to include me in a conversation about the high school's football team she was having with two older boys but my eyes kept wandering back to the kitchen. I could see Bellamy knocking back bottle after bottle of beer. I would need to talk to him soon or he would be too drunk. I went through my speech in my head as I nodded along to whatever O was saying to the two soon-to-be senior boys. Both seemed taken with her while I don't think they knew I was even sitting beside them.

I saw Bellamy stand from the table and head outside. Now was my chance. I stood up, giving an excuse of needing some fresh air and went after him. It was cold out but I hardly registered the drop in temperature as I scanned the backyard of the Blakes house. "Bellamy?" I whispered into the darkness. Bellamy appeared from around the corner of the house, a cigarette in his mouth. "Princess? God, go back inside! Its freezing." He ordered, smiling. I let a big smile appear on my face and headed back into the house. I grabbed a jacket off the coat hook and skipped back, smiling. He always worried.

"Princess?" a strange voice asked in the dark. I was about to reply when I heard Bellamy laugh. "Yep! Complete fucking princess." My face scrunched in the darkness. I hugged the oversized jacket to my body and took a few steps backwards, eavesdropping now. Was Bellamy mad at me?

"I swear, that girl could ask daddy for anything and it would be hers in the morning. She probably won't work a day in her life. Just live off her parents money." I could hear unfamiliar disdain in Bellamys voice as he talked about me. His princess. "Jealous much?" the other said, sniggering. Bellamy laughed too. My heart sank.

"Nah, it just makes me mad." I kept listening. I don't know why because the tears were already forming behind my eyes. This hurt. "God love her though, she is going to have such a hard time next year. Not like she was hit too many times with the pretty stick." He laughed.

I thought I was going to throw up. My face was now streaked with my tears as I struggled not to let my legs buckle from under me. "She seems like a nice kid though. She likes you." The strange voice said, I noted the teasing tone. He was laughing at me. "Yep, give her a complement and she'll to do anything for you. She thinks I'm complementing her when I call her 'princess' when it started as an insult." Bellamy laughed again.

My mind was racing, along with my heart. Just not in the way Bellamy used to make my heart race. I felt a heavy weight on my chest. I was staring at the corner of the house, not believing what I was hearing.

The flick of the cigarette butt across the garden alerted me. My legs were moving before I even thought about running. I rounded the other corner of the house and didn't look back. I ran the whole way home. Two miles in a cold dark night but I didn't stop until I sank onto my bedroom floor.

How could he say those things about me? Did he always hate me? I began to examine every conversation I ever had with him. Questioning every smile, every grin, every wink, every complement… every little favour. I had never imagined he could say those things. Did Octavia feel the same way? She was supposed to be my best friend.

I shrugged off the jacket I had borrowed…. Well I suppose it was stolen now… my reflection from the full length mirror caught my eye as I stood and stared at the girl looking back at me. I was thin and lanky. My body was too small for my big head. I searched my face. He called me ugly… the tears began to sting the back of my eyes again.

I cried myself to sleep that night. And the next.

On the third day Octavia barged into my room demanding to know why I was mad at her. She looked so upset with me. It was at that point that I decided she was in fact still my best friend.

I decided that I was finished crying over him.

I decided that I was not love with the bastard, Bellamy Blake.

***2015***

"CLARKE?!" I could hear Octavia happily scream from the hall. Who was I kidding, the neighbours across the street could hear her. She was obviously having a good day. "SHOWER!" I shouted back, while scrubbing my own crappy day off my skin. The door knocked in a rhythmic way as she sang "Guess who called me today? Can I come in?" Octavia just walked on in anyway, not waiting for an answer.

Being best friends for fifteen years, we didn't bother with modesty anymore. I wiped steam from part of the shower door so I could see her sitting on toilet lid. "Jameson?" I asked hopefully although I knew straight away from her face that Jameson was not the right answer. The tall blond worked at Ark, the student nightclub, as a bartender.

"No! What the hell is up with him? I mean I flirt and I smile and I flirt and I laugh and nothing… is he gay?" I laughed out loud while messaging the conditioner into my hair. "I don't think so O. I'll ask around though."

"Anyway, forget about gayboy, guess again!" Octavia pushed. I rolled my eyes at her, shaking my head. "I don't know… Our landlord?" I guessed, hopefully. "He rang to tell us to forget about our overdue rent and he loves us as tenants so much that we don't ever have to worry about paying rent again?" God, wouldn't that be great I thought, smiling at O through the area of shower door that wasn't misty with steam. I could see Octavia roll her eyes as she threw her head back. "We really need to stop thinking he will just forget that we owe him two months back rent." She sighed.

"I give up then." I said as I rinsed my hair under the hot stream of the shower. Octavia began clapping her hands of the wall as a drum roll as I waited for her to spit it out already. "Bell!" My head fell back into the stream of water and I swallowed. I righted myself and began choking. "Clarke? You alright?" Octavia stood up from the toilet as I caught my breath, shut off the shower and wrapped a towel around my body.

I still hadn't acknowledged her declaration when I stepped out of the shower. My best friend was looking at me, worried. I needed to speak. Before she started asking questions, again.

"And what did big brother have to say for himself?" I finally muttered, patting myself dry with another towel. I could see that Octavia was questioning my reaction. She stood in front of me with that look she had. Head tilted ever so slightly to the left and her brown eyes squinting just a little. That look meant 'You're not telling me something'. And she would be right. I had never told her what had happened the night of the party. I just wanted to forget about it. But that was much easier when he was not brought up in conversation.

Octavia shook herself and smiled, obviously dismissing the questions she had for me. "He's coming home! I can't believe it. For crying out loud, it's been what? Nearly five years? 'Bout bloody time if you ask me." She rambled on as she followed me out of the bathroom to my bedroom.

I could have done with another five years. Hell, fifty years would be freaking fantastic. But already I could see the happiness in Octavia's eyes. They would always become a lighter shade of brown when talking about Bellamy. She missed him. But I was always the realist. He'd said he was coming home before.

"Look, I don't mean to be a complete Debbie downer," I began, trying to keep the conversation light. "But don't get your hopes up O. Please." I couldn't deal with Octavia being a mess again if this fell through. I planted my feet right in front of her and looked at her sternly. "Octavia…" I pleaded. She rolled her eyes at me. "I know, I know… this isn't the first time. My hopes are definitely not up… they're way down… or in the middle somewhere." She said, while moving her hands up and down and then putting them at shoulder height. We both erupted in laughter.

Octavia and I sat on the couch later that day, both wrapped up in a blanket watching reruns of Friends. "Do you think Bell's really coming?" Octavia asked, not taking her eyes off the TV. Looking at her, I could see she was not worried or scared but bracing for impact. I knew she felt abandoned by him. There were times in the past few years that she really needed him and he just wasn't there.

"I don't know, babe. For you, I hope so." I snuggled tighter to her underneath the blanket and gave her a squeeze. Octavia pulled her face from me and gave me a pointed stare. Here she goes. "What happened with you two?" she whispered, desperate for an answer after all these years. "Nothing, O." I answered quickly. Hesitation was a dead giveaway. Again, the beautiful brunette tilted her head and squinted. "You are going to tell me one of these days, you know… Right get your ass up Griffin! We're going out! I'm going to give Jameson another try." She laughed, giving me a wicked grin.

Well, I could definitely do with a stiff drink.

Bloody Bellamy Blake.

- AN

Hi folks, this has been playing at the back of my mind for ages now. Please review so I know if I should continue this story or not. -AL