disclaimer: Neither of the darling is mine.

inspiration: Facebook, my school confession.

warning: nyotalia, grammar problems, OOCs. Why do I always make Kiku like this?

I'm feeling kind of down now.

/I can't believe I've found you - and you're all I've been waiting for./

I was having lunch in peace with my two self-claimed friends, Francoise and Amelia when they gave me the title "Cavewoman". All of this madness started from that I had no idea what the bloody hell what "Confession" on Facebook was. Well, if I had just eaten my cake wordlessly, I would have been a modern girl. No no, it was their bloody fault that all they talked about were this confession number 7 and that confession number 8, which got on my nerves:

"What the bloody hell are you two talking about?"

And they gave me that look and started lecturing me. Francoise forced me to open Facebook and started this Confession madness. I retorted angrily: "We still have homework to do, you -"

"Homework?" Amelia stared at me as if I had gone crazy. "Come on, Ally, even Maggie likes it."

"My name is Alice! But, really, Marguerite?" I asked the sanest girl in the group, who had decided to sit two tables behind.

She just smiled: "I assure you, Alice, it'll be fun."

Yes, the famous bookworm had just admitted she could have left her books for some activities on Facebook, and I, Alice Kirkland, was telling you that the Earth was flat.

Amelia had been a bad influence – and again, why was I complaining? That girl was Amelia Jones, she could do everything, not to mention there was Francoise Bloody Bonnefoy whom I'd rather not talk about.

Amelia was looking at me with sparkling eyes.

I gave in.

I opened the damn site to shut the girls up, but after a day – just a day – I had to reluctantly admit that it was a little fun. Just a little, mind you. It was out of pure curiosity that I opened my laptop every evening to read them, because apparently, it was what people thought of me. Some lines were pretty hilarious, like: "I confess that I poured you tea on your book. IT WAS AN ACCIDENT, I SWEAR TO GOD ALLY!" (yes right, and my hair wasn't blonde) and "How can you compare me to a cow because I was misinformed of the plan for school festival?" (a cow? I only remembering calling Francoise frog) and "Tom Cruise really took part in Forrest Gump? I'm sorry I mistook him for someone else" (Sweet Marguerite, I'd forgive her immediately). On the third day, I got eleventh confession. This one wasn't like others. I had the feeling that it must be serious, but I couldn't guess who it was from.

Confession #11: I used to have a crush on you when we were in primary school.

'Who are you?' I really wanted to ask but the prospect of posting my thought on Facebook was somewhat dreadful. Knowing Amelia, she wouldn't shut up about it. Therefore, despite my guilty feeling, I decided to ignore it. Two days later, the boy (I just had the feeling it was a boy!) sent another one.

Confession #15: Did you not receive my previous confession? The one "I used to have a crush on you when we were in primary school"? I'm waiting for a "Who're you?" from you.

So he just didn't simply confess. He really wanted to continue. I searched through my primary school album but ended up knowing nothing about him. There was Antonio, and we hated each other with a passion, and there was a Russian boy, Ivan or something whom Amelia never stopped complaining about, and the serious boy named Ludwig, who was currently my classmates. I just had no idea about the one sending those confessions since I'd forgotten half of their names. Pondering, I typed: "To the one who are waiting for my asking, can you tell me who you are?" Francoise commented promptly: "Who're who?" but I ignored it. If I didn't answer, they'd get bored eventually.

Confession #16: Actually, I have no intention of revealing my name that early.

"Then why are you waiting for my question? Are you making fun of me?" I was furious. It was totally unacceptable.

Confession #17: You're not angry, are you?

I didn't reply on Facebook. I had no time for someone who provoked me in the dark. Half an hour later, I received three more confessions:

Confession #18: I apologise for upsetting you.

Confession #19: My deepest apologies.

Confession #20: I told you to ask just because I wanted to know if you had received my confession. I didn't mean to upset you. Please believe me. It's not like I want to appear mysterious or something, I'm currently not brave enough to introduce myself properly. Can you wait for me? You can contact me via email greenchrysanthemum gmail. com instead of replying on Facebook.

I thought about it. He seemed sincere. It was harmless to give him a chance. So I sent my words via that strange address (okay, he seemed to like flowers): "I don't really like secrecy and tricks, so I'll give you a month."

Confession #21: That's a deal.

And I talked to him through his email while he continued sending me his confession. I easily distinguish his with my friends. Francoise and Amelia stopped asking about those no name statuses. And I acted as if nothing was happening. There were things that you liked to keep for yourself for the time being.

Summer greeted us with rain. The first rain came as a surprise when I was walking to school. I only had time to run into the school garage to avoid it. Great, now I couldn't went to my class. What had possessed me this morning and made me forget bring umbrella? I looked at my bag for a second, and praying for it before launching into the rain -

"Can I help you?"

A boy was asking me. From his look, I could guess that he was an Asian, black hair, black eyes and accent. More importantly, he was holding a green umbrella.

My savior.

"Thank you. Can you walk me to the left corridor?"

He nodded. I smiled in thank.

When reaching my destination, I noticed his shoulder was wet because of holding his umbrella for me.

"Your uniform! I'm so sorry!"

He glanced at it, and smiled.

"It's no big deal."

A nice laugh of a cute boy.

He was still looking at me when the sudden question came out:

"Do you not remember me?"

I stared at him, trying to take in what he'd said and his features. His eyes were black, almost dull, but strangely warm. Think, Alice, think, his face does look familiar -

"You're Amelia's friend." I saw him when I was waiting for Amelia to finish her monitor meeting. "Monitor of -"

"Class B-9."

He was about to say something when the bell rang. I only had enough time to mutter a 'thank you' before running as fast as I could to my class. From the corner of my eyes, I saw him waving and smiling.

What a nice boy.

I still kept in touch with my primary-school secret admirer. To be honest, I didn't feel like wanting to know his identity anymore. Whoever he was, it wasn't that important now. I thought maybe I did like reading his confession a bit. They reminded me of things I'd forgotten, and it was kind of interesting, trying to recall what they were.

Confession #25: It's not because of your green eyes that I like you – even though you were pretty as a kid. You probably don't remember, but you did protect me from being bullied. You're the first one to give me candy.

When I asked why he was bullied, he refused to answer.

Confession #26: If I tell you, you'll know. And it hasn't been a month yet.

Confession #27: We were classmates.

Sometimes, I ran into the class B-9 monitor, and he always sent me a friendly and polite smile. I smiled in response, which made Amelia eye me skeptically and Francoise whistle and ask who he was. I didn't bother to tell them. I didn't even know his name – thank god that Amelia didn't say anything. And I certainly couldn't tell them that sometimes, I woke up with that smile in my head.

I just didn't know what to say.

Confession #33: I was the one who broke your umbrella, the green one with chrysanthemum pattern.

Well, that certainly triggered some memories. But all I could recall was that there used to be a boy like that, an umbrella like that and the even did happen. I couldn't find any traces of his face in my head. Everything was so blurry. I remembered it was a really strange boy. He was normally quiet in class, but every time he saw me, he tried to yank my hair and took my book. There was time that he pushed me, resulted in my bleeding knee. I remember it was summer, Mom bought me a really pretty green umbrella with yellow flowers design – chrysanthemum, she said – which quickly became my favorite. This day was the first day I brought it to class. He, as always, tried to yank my hair and took that umbrella and ran away. I ran after him, but that scrawny little git was quick on his foot. I couldn't make out why my umbrella was torn. It rained hard, and I couldn't go home. It was not until my brother came to school to pick me that I broke into tears. I was so determined to revenge on that git. But he didn't pick on me anymore.

It was so strange. I had decided to hate him for the rest of my life and now I barely remembered who he was. I sent him an email: "I don't understand. You liked me? I saved you from bully and gave you candy? But you always made fun of me."

Confession #34: I didn't make fun of you, only touched your hair. You had pretty hair. And I didn't know how to get your attention. Surely I couldn't just stand in front of you and asked: "Can I touch your hair?", right?

Confession #35: Alice, do you remember me?

"I'm sorry, I can't recall your face. I've also forgotten that green umbrella."

Green umbrella?

It did hear familiar, right?

The rain got heavier and more consistent as the day went by. Sometimes, you could know it by looking at the grey cloud, sometimes the rain fell down suddenly and disappeared as quickly as it came. There were times that the rain lasted the whole afternoon. Today was no exception. I watched as the grey cloud forming outside. There came the rain. After school, Amelia hurried to home to take care of Marguerite (the poor girl always got sick when it rained too much) and Francoise had plans with her other friends. (Not that I liked their companies, thank you very much.) I stood alone in the corridor, gazing out to the perpetual rain – and I could almost see a glimpse of green umbrella with yellow chrysanthemum in the grey vast of water. Childhood memories were always love.

"Can I help you?"

I tilted my head, only to find the Asian monitor of class B-9, still holding the same green umbrella.

"No, I have my umbrella. I just want to watch the rain. What's about you?"

"I'm about to go home."

"Then you should go."

I watched the sky absent-mindedly. The monitor boy didn't say anything more and followed my line of vision. It was still raining hard, with some sort of melody that I couldn't quite put a name on. The air was cool and fresh. Out of blue, he asked:

"Do you not remember me?"

I wasn't really paying attention to him.

"What did you say?"

He didn't reply right away. Instead, his eyes lock with mine as he said:

"I've been keeping that green umbrella – no, not this one – if you want to take it back."

Several pieces of memories suddenly became clearer. And I realised those dull eyes. They always made him stand out with other kids, which made him became the objection of teasing and taunting. Kids liked to hit him to know if those eyes could sparkle any emotions. It was deep for children, really, but they were being extremely mean. So I stepped in front of him and yelled at other kid, threatening that I would tell the teacher (besides, my brother didn't really have good reputation in the school, all kids were scared of him.) The bullying did stop, and those boys got quite close for a few months later.

It took me a while to find my voice, as if wanting to explain why I hadn't recognised him at the first place.

"Your eyes…" I wish he could stop looking at me. "They're -"

"Not as deadfish as before, I quite understand."

He smiled, and I knew that smile. Even as a child, he had the nicest smile I could remember.

It was too awkward for me to say anything, and his smile never faltered.

The next thing I knew, I was staring at the rain, again.

Confession #37: I realised you the moment I saw you waiting for Miss Jones. I was very surprised, because I thought I would never see that pretty girl again. I didn't grow up to be that different, why didn't you remember me?

Confession #38: Er, Ally, I have something to tell you. I thought I saw Kiku, you know, my fellow monitor, look at you strangely, so I decided to ask him and knew about the 'once upon a time' story. I… I just wanted to help him, okay? That's why I and Francoise introduced this 'Confession' thingy to you. Oh, do you know that his name means chrysanthemum in Japanese?

Confession #39: Ma fleur, I told you it'd be fun!

Confession #40: I used to have a really big crush on you when we were kids – but it was the story for a nine-year-old little boy. Now I confess that I like you, as a seventeen-year-old boy. Alice Kirkland, will you go out with me?

notes: please please please review.