This is way longer than I thought it was going to be... And I hate the title. Read on and see what you think!
Disclaimer: Don't own it.
Snow fell that first winter, when everyone was still sleeping in the barn and the houses were still being worked on. The chill in the air had been present for a long two weeks before it fell, but the cold itself was enough that they were thinking of cramming up on top of each other even more so that there were enough stalls for the animals in one barn to protect them from the elements. Carol had taken to sleeping with him for warmth, her knobby spine pressed to his back and her booted feet tangling with his. The first few nights he'd slept stiffly, waking with tight shoulders and a niggling back from sleeping so tensely, but eventually the chill of the nights allowed him to relax against her body as she soaked in any spare warmth.
He kind of liked having her there, to be honest. After everything, it made him a little unsettled to be separated from her when he didn't have to be and the slow sound of her breathing was a comforting metronome at night. Even now, he missed her often-silent presence on watch, and Tara's silence just wasn't the same.
It wasn't that he minded Tara. She was friendly and could take a hint if he wasn't feeling like conversation. She had a sad look in her eyes almost all the time, like she'd seen too much suffering, and bizarrely enough that actually endeared him to her, but on watch under the clear sky she wasn't Carol, and he felt her absence keenly. He glanced at her out of the corner of his eye, watching her breath make a little hovering cloud of fog in the dark night. Her fingers tapped nervously and he noticed her make like she was going to raise her hand to her mouth as if she was holding an invisible cigarette. He quickly dug into his pocket, making her jerk in surprise at the sudden movement, until he discovered his precious beaten-up packet of menthols, as yet unopened because he didn't really prefer them but his usual favorites were damn near impossible to come across any more.
"Want one?" He muttered lowly to her, trying not to draw the attention of any sneaky walkers that may have been lurking in the woods outside the partially constructed wall. She gave her little nervous smile and nodded, wiping her palms on her thighs despite the fact that it was far too cold to have sweaty palms.
"Thanks." She replied, fishing for her lighter. It was nearly empty of lighter fluid, but the chill was seeping into their bones enough that smoking was a just cause for using the last of it. Once her cigarette was lit, she passed it to Daryl before returning it to her pocket. They both took long drags on their cigarettes and sighed in pleasure almost simultaneously, blowing smoke into the silvery darkness. Their perch on top of the completed section of the wall had them eight feet above the ground, their legs dangling against the outside of the stone barrier. "Hey," She said, obviously feeling calmer with the nicotine in her system. "How are you related to Beth?"
"Huh?" He muttered, turning his head towards her a little but keeping his eyes on the woods, hoping to use their elevated vantage-point to spot walkers before they spotted them, should any come staggering through the trees towards them.
"What is she to you? Niece, step-daughter, y'know?" She began bouncing her knee. "Is she Carol's daughter?"
"Naw." He shrugged. "Carol… Her lil' girl died a long time ago. Ain't anythin' to Beth, she's jus' part'a our family like the rest of 'em." Tara side-eyed him. "How come?"
"I'm still not sure how this group works." She admitted, looking down at her hands for a moment. "It's like, you all act like you're family… You just called them your 'family' but you're not actually linked to any of them. Maggie and Beth are sisters and Rick's Carl and Judith's dad, Glenn and Maggie are together… You're with Carol and you guys have Mika together, and Sasha is Ty's sister, she's with Bob." It took him a moment to realise she'd stopped talking.
"Me an' Carol ain't… There ain't no 'me an' Carol'. Mika ain't neither of ours." He said quickly. She raised her eyebrow at him.
"I though you guys were married." She shrugged. "When I saw you after Terminus… Bullshit 'there ain't no me an' Carol'." She huffed a laugh at him when he made a face at her terrible imitation of his voice. "Don't try to bullshit me, buddy."
He rolled his eyes. "Carol's… She's Carol. She ain't my anythin'."
She looked at him then, really scrutinized his face. His lips had an uncertain twist to them and he was squinting at her in the dim starlight. She thought she could detect a slight blush, but maybe she was just inferring it from the way he was squirming and fiddling with the little jasper stone he kept on a string around his wrist. "She wears one of those!" She realised. "She keeps it around her neck…"
"Yeah." He grunted. "She does." The unspoken 'what of it?' lingered between them before she blew it away with her next exhalation of smoke.
"She's your person." Tara said quietly. "I get it."
He sighed. "She's my best friend." He muttered, looking away. "'S enough for me." His relationship with Carol was ambiguous, he realised. Abe had referred to her as both 'his woman', and his 'lil' lady' on many an occasion but he'd never really acknowledged it… But the sudden realization that they appeared to be a married couple floored him for a moment.
"You believe in soulmates?" She asked, taking another drag and staring off into the forest. "Like, that 'one person forever' crap?"
He snorted in derision. "Don' nobody get forever nowadays."
"But if you did… It would be Carol, right?" She was smirking now, but rather than piss him off, he found himself nodding along.
"It ain't like that." He mumbled. "Let it alone."
"She loves you." Tara said lightly, as if she was observing the weather. "You're her person."
Daryl choked and felt his heart pick up pace. "Yeah?" He layered his voice with as mush cynicism as he could manage to distract her. "She tell you that?" He raised an eyebrow challengingly.
Tara shrugged cockily. "She didn't have to." She said simply. "Love like that… It shines through. You both light up."
He scoffed at her. "You high or somethin'?"
"I wish I was, buddy." She sighed, patting his knee when she leaned around him to grab the canteen. He twitched at the contact but she ignored it. "I wish I was. Seriously, though, you're not like this with her…"
He snickered at that. "Sorry," He rubbed his nose to hide his grin. "You, uh, you ain't really my type." He laughed at his own joke. She cackled in surprise.
"No offense…" She laughed, rubbing her palms on her jeans again. "But I prefer them a little older, grey hair… Amazing body… Y'feel? Oh, and female."
"Ha!" He laughed out loud. The laughter felt good. "Y'got good taste." He gave her a sideways grin. "This other guy, from the prison… He was sniffin' round Beth 'cos he figured she was the only one available."
"'Cos you'd already staked a claim on Carol when she wasn't looking?" Tara's eyes twinkled with mirth.
"Naw." He shook his head. "He thought she was a lesbian."
Tara chortled. "That woman in one-hundred-percent straight! No matter how much that pains me…" She looked at him earnestly for a moment. "I'm teasing… Mostly." She teased. "Unless you keep screwing around and leave her all lonely…"
"Asshole." He muttered and sucked on his cigarette. "She damn near took his balls off for creepin' 'round a teenage girl…" He snorted. "Changed his mind and decided Carol was more his type."
Tara rolled her eyes. "Can you blame him?"
Daryl's mood had softened towards Tara on account of the multiple cigarettes they'd chain-smoked and her general lack of judgment, so he shrugged. "Hell naw I can't." He blushed at her triumphant grin, illuminated by the soft glow of the cigarette in her fingers, and nudged her with his elbow when she snickered at him. "I'll cut your tongue out if you tell anyone any'a this shit."
She mimed zipping her lips shut and grinned at him around her cigarette. "I'm just saying," She said. "If you were to say something to her? Let her know you feel how she feels? I think she'd appreciate it. You guys could have something good."
"Why d'you care, anyway?" He asked, listening intently as some branches crackled in the woods. He held up a finger to indicate that she should hold her answer for the moment. They both held their breath as the crackling intensified before terminating in a series of yips and high-pitched barks. "'S just foxes." He shrugged. "Carry on."
"You're good people." Tara said softly. "I used to struggle to tell…" She trailed off lamely. "But you guys are. So I think you should get to be happy. And I know Carol makes you happy. I can see it. And you might not know, but you make her happy, too."
He huffed and let his head hang for a moment. "Am happy." He confided. "Fucked up, ain't it?"
"That you get to be happy?" She questioned. "We're not allowed to find something good after all this?"
"Naw." He shook his head with a stunted laugh. "'M happier now than I was 'fore this even happened."
"What was it like before, for you?" She stubbed out her cigarette.
"Uh uh." He shook his head. "Don' wanna go there."
"Okay." She said simply.
She checked her watch by holding it up to his cigarette which still glowed as it dangled between his lips. He snorted at her in amusement and went back to watching the dark, still forest.
"How long we got left?" He asked after a while.
"Fifteen minutes in the other direction." She said glumly. "You should go back and remind them."
"'S'wrong?" He asked nonchalantly.
"Everyone's so good but it's like… None of you trust me. I can't blame you guys for not wanting me around but it sucks ass. Like, they'd leave you sitting out in the cold just because if someone relieved you I'd wind up back there too… Around everyone, and they don't really want that."
"You jus' feelin' sorry for yourself or you bein' serious?"
"I'm serious. I know that the Governor took your home and killed your people and I know why you guys don't want me getting too comfortable."
Daryl shifted awkwardly. "Hey, 's'a'ight. Ain't nobody here who don't trust you… Reckon you feel guilty an' it makes you think everyone's thinkin' the shit you're thinkin' 'bout yourself."
"Dude." She said. "That's deep." The sound of footsteps crunching through the barely-there frost had them both turning their heads towards the sound.
"Hey." Carl said.
"You on watch by yourself?" Daryl asked, nudging Tara to climb down the unfinished end of the wall that acted as a staircase to climb up it.
"Dad's coming. 'Chonne has Jude."
"Want us to wait around?" Tara asked, peering back they way Carl had come into the dark. "Until your dad gets here?"
Carl glanced around the semi-constructed end of the wall. There were still no walker noises but the forest loomed, dark and solid as it clawed at the night sky. Before he answered, though, Rick's footsteps sounded on the frosty grass and he was illuminated by Carl's torch.
"Y'all should head on back." Rick said, gesturing towards the direction of the barns. "There's coffee in the tack room."
"Thanks, man." Daryl nodded and tapped Tara on the shoulder blade, herding her as quickly as he dared so that he could get something warm to drink before he froze to death. "Come on, short stuff," He prodded her in the back. "I need coffee 'fore my dick freezes off."
"Because that would be a truly terrible thing for me." She shot back with a grin in the light of Carl's flashlight. He snorted a foggy laugh into the frigid air and thwacked her upside the head with a light hand as he trudged past her, shoving his hands deep into his pockets against the bite of the cold night.
Carol and Beth were sitting in the tack room, nursing cups of hot coffee and talking quietly on the sofa while they waited. Mika was snuggled into Carol's side, drowsing with her blonde head resting on Carol's shoulder. When Daryl and Tara stepped inside, they were instantly bathed in the yellow glow of the gas lantern on the table. Carol and Beth both made disgruntled noises at the freezing air that rushed into the room and Carol eased Mika off of her in order to stand and pour two mugs out at the table across the room. Tara accepted hers gratefully and mumbled a sleepy 'goodnight' to everyone, before shuffling into the corridor and heading for the stall she shared with Eugene, Beth in tow.
"You didn't have to get up." Daryl offered, even as she nudged him towards the sofa. "We could'a got it ourselves."
"You've been out in the cold," She said, sitting down next to him and leaning her arm up against his. The warmth of her skin leached through her jacket and into his, heating a small strip of his arm. "It's the least I can do." He reached and tugged lightly on the black cord that disappeared under the sleeve of her jacket and sweater, knowing the little green stone was attached.
"Thank you." He sipped at the coffee and sighed heavily.
"Everything okay?" She asked, looking at him while she sipped her own coffee.
"Tired." He admitted. "An' I was thinkin' 'bout what's gonna happen when the houses are done."
"Me too. Mika needs to stay with me… I want her close." He nodded and looked at the sleeping girl curled up on the other side of Carol.
"Want you both close." He swirled the mug and watched the coffee spin, dark and thick in contrast to the white porcelain of the cup. He chanced a nervous glance at her and saw the expression on her face. "Is that okay?"
"You want to share a house?" Carol asked.
"You're the only one I ain't liable to get sick of." He quipped. "An' you ain't pitched a fit 'bout my snorin' yet so I figure it'd work out."
"Oh…" Carol teased, her eyebrows rising playfully. "Are we going to be sharing a bed, too?"
He snorted and flushed high on his cheeks. She laughed at him and laid her head on his shoulder, rubbing his arm comfortingly. "Already are, ain't we?" He shot back.
"I kind of like it," She mused. "And I can't sleep if you're not there." She rubbed her cheek against his jacket and sighed deeply.
"That why you're up?" He asked, holding his breath as he slipped an arm around her shoulders, pulling her closer and enjoying the warmth of her body sitting against his. He sighed in relief when she slumped against him and yawned into her mug as she drained the last of her hot drink.
"Mmm hmm…" She murmured. "And then Mika woke up and couldn't sleep either so I let her wait with Beth and I, but she fell asleep pretty quickly." She patted his stomach over his jacket and wriggled out from under his arm, taking his now-empty cup from him and rinsing them in the bucket on the table. He groaned and slowly got to his feet, scooping Mika up from the other end of the couch and managing to toe the door open for Carol despite the sleeping girl in his arms.
They slipped into the barn through the interior door and Daryl gently lowered Mika to her foam mattress in the stall she shared with Beth and Carl. Carol lingered in the doorway and pretended she didn't hear Daryl whisper "Sleep tight, sweetheart." while he tucked her blankets around her to ward off the chill that managed to slip into the barn at night. Carol said nothing when he eased past her and followed him to the stall they shared, stepping quietly to avoid disturbing the rest of the group while they slept.
"Here." Daryl offered her one of his clean shirts when she came up empty handed from her bag, clutching sweatpants but unable to find her thick sleep shirt. She took it and ran the soft flannel through her fingers, appreciative of the fact that he'd managed to leave the sleeves on this one. She smiled to herself, thinking that the reason it was still both clean and sleeved was that he'd never gotten around to wearing it.
"Thanks." She peeled her jacket off, then pulled her sweater off over her head, shivering at the bite the air held. Sleeping in the barn was much warmer than some of the other places they'd wintered, because the body heat of the people in the stalls warded off most of the sharp cold. It still got chilly, but only enough to be uncomfortable rather than dangerous. Her tank top was warm against her skin, so she pulled his shirt on and tugged the sleeves down over her hands. She stood on one side of the mattress they shared and watched him strip his layers of clothing off in the faint light of the lantern that hanged off the bars of the next stall.
It wasn't until he looked up from the buttons of the jacket he was wearing over his typical sleeveless button-down that she felt obliged to break the silence. He shrugged the jacket off and tossed it on top of the other outerwear in the corner while she lifted the front of the oversized shirt and popped the button on her jeans, shimmying them down and stepping into her sweatpants. "I'll wash that tomorrow." She nodded towards the final shirt he was wearing. "Throw it in the hamper."
"Too fuckin' cold to be doin' laundry." He shook his head. "You know your hands are gonna be freezin' by the time you're half-done."
"I don't mind doing your laundry, Daryl." She smiled affectionately while she stooped to pick up her black jeans, balling them up and tossing them into the hamper across the stall. She held her hands up above her head in a silent victory dance when they flew straight in, and he snorted at her.
"You're tired, huh?" He teased. "You get silly when you're tired." He threw his shirt in on top of her jeans and mimicked her victory wriggle, making her laugh as quietly as she could manage. He crouched to rifle through his bag for another shirt, mindlessly turning his back to her as he did so.
She'd seen his scars a few times; most of them had. It was an inevitability on the road and living in close quarters, but he loathed the idea of people seeing them and she knew that. The scars were large, most were raised and throwing criss-crossed shadows across his back, but the twin demons scrambling up his shoulders were more intriguing to her. She wasn't a stranger to scars, after all, and the way they rippled when his shoulder muscles flexed had her lips quirking in an approving smile. Her gaze meandered down his back, watching the hard musculature of his back shift when he reached for another bag, still hunting for that elusive shirt. She felt herself blushing slightly when the line of his spine disappeared into the back of his sleep pants and she took a moment to admire the curve of his backside.
She cleared her throat, mentally scolding herself, and his head snapped to the side, not quite facing her and gazing off the line of his shoulder.
"Sorry." He muttered, finally grabbing the right shirt and shooting to his feet, making sure he was facing her so that his back was out of sight.
"No," Carol waved her hand, giggling when her voice came out higher than usual. "I, it's nothing." She pressed her lips together hard to stop the silly smile she could feel. She knew Daryl could see it while she desperately suppressed the little embarrassed giggles by the way his face slowly morphed from discomfort and shame to a slightly embarrassed but amused grin.
"What," He smirked. "You like what you see or somethin'?" He cocked a hip in his typical way and snickered when she rolled her eyes, still shaking with silent occasional giggles.
"Oh my God, Daryl." She managed. "Just get in bed already." Her voice was trembling with thinly veiled amusement and she toed the blankets back. He yanked his shirt on with a grin, looking remarkably boyish when his messy hair popped out of the shirt first and then flopped over his eyes.
"Yess'm." He gave her a wink when he dropped onto the mattress and flipped the blankets back for her. She crawled under them and snuggled into his side, pressing her cold toes against the thin fabric of his pyjama pants, making him hiss when the cold seeped through the material. "Jesus, you're cold."
She hummed against his shoulder. "Could warm me up." She laughed again. He shifted his arm so she could huddle closer and wrapped it around her waist.
"Go to sleep." He mumbled around a yawn, but she could see the grin on his profile thrown by the lantern. "Gotta get an early start on the wall t'morrow." He let her root into his side until she was comfortable and she listened to the sound of his breathing slow down, before closing her eyes and nuzzling that extra inch closer to absorb as much warmth as she could.
"Night." She whispered to him, not expecting or receiving a reply. The rustling of the others shifting around in their sleep slowly melded into a faint background noise and lulled her into an easy slumber.
Okay, time for some real talk. I know everybody goes on about reviews and how great they are and yadda yadda yadda... And I know how you finish reading a fic and go 'can't be bothered right now', but seriously, guys. The last two fics I posted got no reviews at all, like, literally zero. And I know people are reading them because there's people favourite-ing and whatnot, but it's really, really discouraging to get no feedback from the people who have taken the time to read my work...
So if you liked it, or hated it, just flick me a review to tell me about it!