Author's note - This is just one of my ideas of how things could have wrapped up perhaps a bit more conclusively if we have to stick with the reality that The Khrushchev List was the last aired episode. If only we could have had have had a 90 minute "special television event" or a DVD extra...

Glancing at the clock as it clicked over to 11:45 p.m., Amanda realized the night was going nowhere fast. With so many competing thoughts and emotions running ceaselessly through her mind, she knew she wouldn't get any sleep tonight. In the past year, so many monumental decisions had been made and this was the culmination. What she decided tonight would change life as she knew it. But then, life had been full of so many changes since that day. The day with a 35% chance of rain that 100% changed the direction of her life.

The past few weeks, months really, had afforded she and her new husband precious little privacy to have any marital intimacy on a physical or emotional level. Each day had dawned bringing its own challenges and practicalities that demanded their immediate attention, leaving scarce time or energy for long term planning, communicating or dreaming. Stolen moments had only added to their frustration, giving them a glimpse at a future that seemed so heartbreakingly close, yet maddeningly far away. Work, family, not to mention physical exhaustion; his from an overwhelming case load, especially without his partner, and hers from the hauntingly close call she had on their honeymoon, had not provided them many chances to work on the blending of their connubial life together. Sure, they knew and understood each other on a deeper level than most typical newlyweds, but when it came to actually living within each other's personal space and boundaries, they were rookies, and today had been a prime example.

With so few opportunities to be together without interruption, Lee wanted to elicit the most out of their time whenever they had it, so he had been keeping track of a list of "matters for consideration", not the least of which was a running tally of her idiosyncrasies, on a yellow pad and, of course, she had found it when he was not home. As a new bride, she had hoped that when they weren't together, he would think of her fondly and miss her, but it had seemed to her that it had only given him time to think of all the things that she did to annoy him. She was dumbfounded, and consequently hung up on him when he called to check in. After all, she had been seeking him out, asking for ways she could help him, wanting to spend time with him, and he had gently refused. His logical reasoning was that he was worried about her still improving health and safety, but she missed their connection and simply the closeness that working together afforded them. It seemed he didn't feel the same. As she continued building her case to herself, she began writing him a note, letting him know how sorry she was to have bothered him and she would just go to her house, leaving him with his apartment. Her mind then settled on what had happened next.

She was finishing writing when he came through the door and very deliberately dropped his keys on the entry table. "Too little, too late," she thought. He then sauntered over to her with his hand behind his back and a gleam in his eye. She questioned him as to whether he had flowers behind his back and he had promptly replied that no, it wasn't flowers, but another list, this one of "all the things I love about you." Her immediate thirst for retaliation cooled and she had drawn him in for a light kiss.

"Lee, as much as I would like to stay and explore your revised list, mother and the boys will be back shortly and I probably need to be there," she said, feeling the same familiar internal struggle that had defined her for the past year.

"I know, but before you go, I've been doing a lot of soul searching recently and there is something I need to get off my chest."

Uncertain as to where this was leading, she hesitantly acquiesced. If he had more bad news or "observations", she wasn't sure her heart could take it tonight.

"Amanda, I love you, but I can't go on like this," he stated matter-of-factly.

Her eyes widened as her entire body reeled from the bluntness of his statement. What was he trying to say? Had today been the final straw that had broken the proverbial camel's back? Did he suddenly feel that everything that came along with loving her was just too much? She felt tears begin to sting her eyes and bowed her head, bracing for the impact of the results of his introspection.

"I'm ready Amanda, more than ready, for us to live together as a family: you, me, the boys and your mother."

Tears spilled over as she jerked her head up to look at him. He reached for her hand and she closed her eyes and slowed her breathing. He didn't want out; the past few months, with all of their complications, tensions and stressors, and he still wanted in, deeper still.

"Our earlier concerns are valid, but not enough to continue this way. With everything that has happened recently, I don't want to waste any more time denying, evading, pretending or missing out. I've done that for far too long. Life is short; you were almost killed, two of my "family", Sally Wong and Peters, were killed. I married you because I want to share our lives every day in every aspect, for better or worse. I want to live and experience everything with you, with our family. I don't want you to give me an answer tonight. Take some time to think about how you feel personally and about what I'm saying. But understand, this is truly what I want. I know we haven't discussed the when or how we were going to actually reveal everything and move forward, definitely not as much as we should have, but if and when you agree, I'm ready."

Taking it all in, she was still unable to respond, so he continued, "I also want us to talk to Billy about work, see what his suggestions are. You know, it seems I have been chasing the same bad guys over and over for years. I tamp one down and another pops up. Maybe there is a different opportunity that will work for us, maybe not, or maybe we'll continue what we're doing now. We'll work on a decision together. I'm just saying I'm more open to the thought of perhaps doing something different than I ever have been, and I thought you should know."

With that, he stood and helped her up. "Do you want me to drive you home?" he asked.

"I'm o.k." she whispered as she nodded her head. "Lee…"

"Not tonight, Amanda. Just think about it. The last thing I want to do is add more pressure on you. I just thought you should know unreservedly where I stand. I believe that if we give our marriage the time and respect it deserves, everything else will find its place."

After walking her to her car, he gave her a light kiss. "Tell your mother and the boys I said 'hello'. I love you, Amanda, more every day and deeper than you'll ever know. Get some rest and whenever you're ready, we'll continue our conversation."

As she pulled into the driveway, she saw that no one was home just yet, so she went upstairs and splashed water on her face, freshening up before she faced her family. Well, most of her family; her husband was not here and she suddenly felt his absence acutely. Sitting on the couch, she began to relive the day and contemplate all that Lee had said. He had surprised her, being so open and forthcoming with his thoughts and feelings, a far cry from the man who locked eyes with her in the train station one cloudy, fall morning.

A short while later, she heard the car engine and doors slamming, alerting her that they were home. She had missed them. It seemed lately that she was always having to miss someone, she thought wistfully. The back door flew open as she put a bright smile on her face.

"Hey fellas, I've missed you so much!" she exclaimed, meaning every word. They were growing so fast and while her mother's heart yearned for the boys they were, she was proud of the men they were becoming.

"Hi Mom, I'm glad to see you, too! Where's Lee?" Jamie asked excitedly.

"Last I knew he was at home. Did you have a good time?" I inquired.

"We sure did," answered Philip. "We can't wait to tell Lee all about the wildlife we saw in the mountains. He bet us we couldn't find 5 different animals and we found 7 – he owes us big time!"

"Do you think he'll come over tomorrow?" Jamie asked. "I wanted to tell him about the pictures I took and see if he'll take me to get them developed. I've got proof that we won!"

"I'm sure he'll be happy to come over tomorrow and take his defeat like a man," Amanda offered with a smile.

"Wonderful!" chimed Dotty, "I'll be able to thank him again for looking at the tires before we left. The roads were extremely rough and I shudder to think where we would be if one of them had gotten a flat or burst while up in the mountains. It's so nice having a man around to help take care of these things, again!" she enthused.

Her daughter had to smile at her not-so-subtle and near continuous endorsement of Lee. It seemed the verdict was unanimous: he was a welcome member of the family. As full as her heart felt at that moment, she knew it was but a brief but welcome respite in the journey towards making the various parts a whole.

After hearing more animated tales from their weekend adventures, everyone had gone to bed. Tomorrow was a school and work day, and they all needed to get some rest. She kissed them goodnight and readied herself for bed. Her thoughts came back to the present as the clock turned to midnight. She smiled, picked up the phone and dialed a familiar number.

"Stetson," a voice answered, sounding alert and much more awake than she would have imagined at this time of night.

"It's just me," she answered, hoping for a more welcoming response.

"Amanda, what's going on? Is everything alright? Did your mother and the boys make it home o.k.?"

"Yes and yes," she replied. "Now that it's finally 'not tonight', I was hoping maybe you would let me tell you my side and where I stand?"

"What are you talking about?" he ventured.

"I mean it's now 12:01, so it's officially tomorrow, and I'm ready to continue our conversation."

"Are you sure, Amanda?" he queried. "You couldn't have had any time to rest or sleep on what I said. I meant it when I said I didn't want to pressure you. All I wanted was to make how I felt as clear as I know how so you wouldn't have to wonder. I don't want you to ever have to guess about any of my feelings, especially when it comes to you, again."

"I know, and I'm more than grateful, but believe me, no matter what the circumstances may be, my answer will never change. I'm ready for us to be a family, too. The boys and mother couldn't even go five minutes tonight without asking about you. Whether they know it's official or not, you are part of our family. I think we should talk to Billy later this morning and then have a big family dinner later tonight to bring everything, and I do mean our work and our marriage, into the open. It will take time and effort for everyone to adjust, but I couldn't be more ready to get started."

Hearing him release the breath he had been holding, she grinned when she heard him say, "Well, I guess it's your tail, too," echoing the words he had spoken after she had told him she loved him for the first time. "So what do you say I pick you up at seven, Mrs. Stetson, to begin our happily ever after?"

"Sounds wonderful, but you're a little late. Our happily ever after began at a train station almost four years ago," she replied cheekily, feeling happier than she could remember being since their wedding day.

"True, but that was just the prelude to the best part, being married forever to you. Thank you for taking a chance and walking with me, then and now every day for the rest of our lives. I love you so much, Amanda."

"And I love you," I whispered. "Happily ever after, indeed…"