She looked up frowning. He almost felt bad for interrupting. As soon as she saw who was before her the frown dropped to be replaced with a stunned, yet delighted, smile. She was breathtaking. She stood, waves of nervousness radiating from her just as much as from him. She took a step closer.
'Hello.' She breathed, her voice barely louder than whisper.
'Hello. Long time no see.' He stared at her. She was within arms reach. Finally, after so many months, he could reach out and touch her if he chose to. But not yet.
'Indeed.'
'Thank you for waiting.' The alternative scarcely bore thinking about. Busses really were filthy.
'Thank you for offering. You were quicker than I expected.'
'I may have broken a few speed limits to get here.' He admitted grinning. She giggled, unable to quite believe that the man she loved so dearly had raced to see her. Had cared enough about being with her to break the law.
'Oh. I suppose I made you wait long enough.'
'I'd wait a lifetime.' Both knew they were no longer just talking about his trip to the sanatorium.
'That's very sweet, thank you.' She blushed.
'You're welcome.'
'Thank you for your letters. They were very...'
'Kind?' He chuckled.
'Yes. Sorry. I wanted to get a message to you that I'd read them without alerting Timothy's suspicions. I don't know how much he knows.'
'Not much as far as I know but he must have picked up on something. I've rather been moping these past few months.' He admitted, as her smile grew yet wider before turning earnestly serious.
'Ah. Oh Doctor I know you so little but I couldn't be more certain!'
'I am completely certain. And I still don't know your name.' They laughed. So much had already been said, whether verbally, written or through the telling looks they had shared yet so little had been said at the same time. Such basic pieces of knowledge were missing yet they felt they knew each other intimately.
'Shelagh.'
'Patrick.'
'There. We've made a start.'
'Yes. We have.'
'Patrick? Could I… could I maybe hug you? It's just I've dreamt of being in your arms for so many months now and…oh forget it I'm just being silly.' She blushed deeply making to step away from him before he reached out and took her hand halting her.
'Are you sure? I don't want to push you to something you're not comfortable with.'
'I'm sure.' She smiled, her wide eyes telling him more than her words of her certainty.
'Come here then.' He opened his arms to her and she fell into them, burrowing her face into his jumper as she wrapped her arms tightly around his waist. He in turn cocooned her. They were wrapped up in each other for a minute, simply living in the moment and in each others embrace, before she pulled back grinning.
'This jumper is hideous you know.' She curled her fingers into it, anchoring herself to him.
'It is?'
'Oh yes. Quite a few of them are. Your ties are problematic too. You should hear Trixie going on about some of your clothing choices. Most disagreeable.'
'Well then maybe you could help me.'
'Maybe I could. I need to go shopping for myself so I could find some more... aesthetically pleasing shirts. Maybe we could even get you into a smart three piece suit someday.' She grinned as she slipped her spare hand into his.
'Sounds like you've got a plan. Do you need... would you like...I'd like...' He stumbled over his words.
'What is it Patrick?' She delighted in speaking his name.
'I'd like to take you. Shopping that is. My treat.'
'Oh no I couldn't.'
'Please. Let me do this for you. You standing here, having you in my arms-it's beyond anything I could ever have dreamed of and I need to do something to prove to myself that it's all real. I want to make sure you have everything in the world.'
'I don't need everything in the world. I just need you and my family. And I need to stand on my own two feet. My life is changing so drastically and I need to not lot lose myself in the chaos. Actually I need to find myself before I can lose myself. As much as I want to be by your side there are some things I need to do for myself. Clothes shopping is one of them.'
'I understand. But please-let me do something.'
'You've already done so much for me. You wrote to me. You gave me the space and time to come to my own decision. You're here now. That's enough for me.'
'If you're sure?'
'I am.'
'Okay.'
'Thank you.' She led him to sit on a settee nearby.
'So what happens now? I'm unfamiliar with the procedures involved in stopping being a nun.'
'It's really quite simple. I sign some forms, hand over my ring, cross and habit and then I get given back everything I handed over when I entered the Order that hasn't already been sent to me. Then I suppose I find somewhere to live.' She sighed sadly. As sure as she was of her choice the procedures would still be difficult and painful.
'Can't you stay at Nonnatus?'
'Possibly. I'm not sure how happily I'll be received.' She admitted.
'But don't you want to continue on with your nursing? You're an excellent midwife and they let the nurses live there.'
'I would love to return to nursing and midwifery but I'm not sure they would let me. This is going to cause a scandal and they may want to remove themselves as much from it as they can.
'They wouldn't do that. They love you. That is your home.'
It's not. Not anymore. Not as Shelagh. When I told Sister Julienne that I want sure where my home was or ought to be ahead said my home was there with my sisters until I decided. I have decided and as a result they will no longer be my sisters. Neonates House wants Sister Bernadette and I can't be her anymore. Besides as you said earlier it'll be months before I'm recovered. I wouldn't be able to work for a while anyway. I wouldn't expect them to just open up their arms to the unemployed woman who betrayed their way of life and who was now…involved…with the local Doctor.'
'Involved? Is that what we are?' He asked tentatively. Her face dropped.
Oh!' She gasped. 'I'm sorry-I shouldn't have assumed. I'm so sorry. I thought…never mind me…of course you wouldn't…I've misunderstood that's all.' She jumped up and away from him. 'Forgive me Doctor Turner. I've made a mistake.' Her eyes filled with tears as she felt her heart shatter in her chest.
'Shelagh no! Stop!' He jumped up and ran to face her. 'I didn't mean it like that. Not at all. I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that. Forgive me. We are…involved. At least I hope we are. That's all I meant-I wanted to make sure you were okay with that label. That you were okay taking that step into officialness. There is nothing I want more believe me.'
'Oh. Don't scare me like that.' She barreled into his chest letting a few lone tears of sorrow and relief seep into his jumper. 'I am very okay with official…I…I love you Patrick. I'm in love with you. And I want to be with you. I want to be involved with you.' She beamed at him, the relief of finally being able to speak the words she had so long yearned to say sending thrills throughout her body.
'Oh Shelagh I love you too. I'm so happy to be involved with you. Shelagh would it be alright if I kissed you?'
'I think that would be very alright.' Her eyes lit up at the thought. 'But I've never kissed anyone before-I'm not sure I'd be any good at it.'
'Well then we'll have to practice a lot.' He grinned as she giggled. 'And I would be more than happy to teach you.'
'I am your willing student. I've always been an enthusiastic learner.' That was the last thing either said for several minutes.