AN: This is a one-shot unless reviews request otherwise. It won't become a high priority until after a few of my other stories are finished. Thanks for understanding and reading!

Disclaimer: Been saying it for two years now, Percy Jackson and Naruto aren't mine. All rights belong to current right holders and creators. Not changing anytime soon.

Sound of Madness

The brown liquid set in his dull white mug shook lightly from the vibration his leg caused as his ADHD acted up. To settle it, he picked the mug up and took a sip. It was warm, very warm. Not too hot, nor too cold. In Goldilocks' terms, it was "just right."

"Mr. Uzumaki?"

Eyes that were a dark blue, almost purple, looked back at the boy seated across from him. Muscled and lean, mildly attractive from a girl's point of view, and with a facial structure graced by the gods themselves looked back at him nervously. Sunny blond hair that rivaled his own golden locks was cut short and pulled back with gel. He was sure if he could figure out the right joke, the boy seated across from him would give a smile as radiant as the sun.

A finger idly tapped the mug as he hummed. "Yes, Chester?"

"Charlie, sir."

"Whatever," blue eyes rolled and he sipped on his coffee. "You said the sickle-bearer would pay me for my help?"

"A hefty sum. And give you the place of your father after his...demise." Charles swallowed as his eyes narrowed. The untouched latte made him purse his lips.

"Is there anything wrong with your drink?" He asked. Charles shook his head.

"N-No, sir, I'm just not that thirsty."

"Stop calling me sir. I'm only seven," he said with a roll of his eyes. He sipped his coffee again and frowned when he ran out of the brilliant caffeinated drink. A waitress walked past. "Excuse me, may I get an espresso? Put it on the bill for Charles Brady."

"Sure thing, hun," the girl said with a smile.

She walked off and he shamelessly stared at her posterior. Nicely firm and small, like a peach. Mm...Peaches... Mental note, stop by the store and buy some fruit.

"Mr. Uzumaki, please, we need an answer otherwise he's going to assume you're siding with the Ol-the ones in the Empire State Building's top floor," Charles said with a nervous glance out the window.

"Hm? Oh, right. Well, a hefty sum is a hefty sum..." He looked at his mug curiously. "Do you think they'll let me keep this?"

Charles blinked, baffled by the question. "I-I don't know-"

"Excuse me!" He called another waitress' attention. She came over and he pointed at his mug. "Is it all right if I keep this?"

"We can add it to your bill, and it's all yours," The waitress said.

He smiled widely. "Thank you."

Suddenly, the mug was smashed against the table and his free hand wrapped around the back of Charles' head. The broken mug was then jammed into Charles' exposed throat and pulled out. Charles reached for his torn throat with strangled gasps as he fell to the ground while the woman screamed in horror. He looked at her and his eyes flashed purple. In the split second he did, he slipped the mug into her hand and calmly stepped up and out of the booth.

He put a hand on the woman's shoulder and smiled at her. "Good, because I'd feel bad if you'd miss it."

The woman turned to him robotically and stared into his undoubtedly purple eyes. She and the rest of the people in the store went blank faced while Charles bled out on the table. His frantic attempts to stop the blood were ceased when a knife was suddenly shoved through one hand.

"Consider this a 'no'," Naruto Uzumaki said to the boy. He then pulled the other hand away from the wound and pinned it with another knife. Naruto stepped back and cracked his neck. "You know, I'd feel bad for doing this to one of Apollo's kids...but then I remember that you and your company murdered my little brother and my shits just run the fuck out. Have a nice day, Christopher."

Naruto fixed his brown trench coat and walked out into the sidewalk of New York. Another scream came from the diner and was quickly followed by others. Naruto let a smirk cross his face as he slipped his hands into his pockets.

"So...it's begun..." Naruto's smirk grew into a crazed wide grin and his eyes flashed purple. "I think it's time to go back to camp." With that, he raised a hand with a drachma in his grasp. "Ladies! I need a ride!"

The ride was like a roller coaster, as was the norm, and the conversation was baffling – just how Naruto liked it. The Grey Sisters were riots, in his own opinion, and efficient in their work. Not to mention they were faithfully loyal to the Olympians, always a bonus in his line of work.

However, their tendency to ensure satisfaction in a customer was the cream of the crop.

Which is why he had a bright smile on his face despite the fact that the Chariot of Damnation had tumbled over at least seven times once it got to the base of Half-Blood Hill. Naruto walked out of the car without a scratch and merely fixed his jacket. He turned and gave the women a thumbs up.

"Thanks for the ride, girls! Let's do it again sometime!" The car revved and sped off without another word. Naruto pouted slightly. "I just wanted to drive a little, is that so wrong?"

With a sigh, he walked up the hill and stopped next to the small dragon that encircled the tree. "Hello creature I've never met before, how are you?" The dragon tilted its head and Naruto nodded sagely. "Yes, yes, rambunctious monsters like these need to be penned and on display for all the gods to watch, I agree."

Without waiting for the dragon to reply, not that it would, Naruto walked down the hill into Camp with his hands back in his pockets. He ignored the odd looks and stares he received as he walked by and went right for the Big House. He saw a satyr whisper something to a boy with green eyes and dark hair, but paid it no mind. Instead, Naruto focused on the front door of the Big House and suddenly decided to run at it. With a grin on his face, Naruto jumped over the steps and kicked his feet out. He knocked down the door with his dropkick and landed on his feet.

He threw his arms out and a mad smile crossed his face. "Hi Dad! I'm ba-ack!"

The occupants of the Big House consisted, at the moment, of a centaur with a white coat and a man that wore a tiger striped Hawaiian shirt. The man looked up with a smile, small and hidden by his near-purple beard, but nodded at him.

The centaur paled to the point that his human skin matched his horse coat in color. "By Zeus' beard, no..."

"Chiron!" Naruto vanished and reappeared with his arms wrapped around the centaur's middle. "My friend! I missed you!"

Chiron turned to the amused man with a look of pleading on his face. He mouthed the words 'help me', but the man merely smirked.

"Chiron missed you too, Naruto," the man said.

Naruto beamed up at the centaur. "Really!?"

"Like a hangover," Chiron said. Naruto's hug tightened in joy as he let out a small squeal of glee. Chiron was forced to give a small grunt. "Please, Naruto, release me."

"Right, right, the five second rule. Sorry, Chiron, I was just so excited to see my favorite horse-guy again," Naruto stepped away from the centaur sheepishly and looked at his father, Dionysus the god of wine and madness. "Dad!" His arms were held out. "Hug?"

"Not at the moment, Naruto," Dionysus said with a small smile. "The rules and all...You'll just have to hug Chiron again."

"Later!" Chiron said quickly before the boy returned his damnable affection on him. Chiron glared at the god, who merely smirked in return, before he looked at the...troubled child before him. "Naruto...why have you returned?"

"To help with the war, duh!"

"Oh...wonderful..." Chiron forced a smile. "So you'll be staying for a while?"

Naruto nodded. "Yeah-huh! And now my cabin isn't empty, isn't that lovely!?"

"Yes...I am sorry about Castor," Chiron said to the boy.

Naruto's smile dimmed into a frown. "I didn't even get to meet him."

"But Pollux is still there," Dionysus said softly. He gained a smile. "I'll introduce you at dinner. We'll have a feast to celebrate your return!"

"Awesome, a feast at camp! I haven't had one of those since...well, since before I was sent to that island! Or was that someone else? Some kid name Lion-o...Meh, it'll come to me," Naruto said with a dismissive wave. He clapped his hands together. "But one condition, there has to be a never ending bowl of ra-"

"No."

Naruto deflated and pouted at Dionysus. "Aw, c'mon..."

"No." Chiron added sternly.

Naruto crossed his arms and glared at the sky. "Stupid punishment...It's not my fault he and his brothers can't control their libido...or that Grace was a drunk..."

"You still didn't try to save her," Chiron said.

"Wha-I-oh come on! She was drunk! If I saved her, I'd have to go around saving every drunk driver out there!" Naruto said. He pointed his thumb at Dionysus. "If anyone is to blame, it's daddy dearest over there."

"I'm already being punished by working here," Dionysus said dryly. "He couldn't do anything more but add on twenty years to my then eighty-year sentence. Hence, why you've been punished as well."

Naruto pouted. "So not my favorite grandfather…"

"I'm sure he's all torn up about it," Chiron said dryly.

"He should be!" Naruto said with a huff. "I mean, he knows me! It was a stupid idea to pick me."

"It was Chiron's suggestion," Dionysus said with a smirk. The centaur glared at him and knew this was payback for every game he'd ever lost.

"...I guess I could let it slide," Naruto said with a hand on the back of his neck.

"Uh, Chiron? Is everything okay?" The voice had Naruto turn with an exaggerated yell and throw the nearest thing he could grab, i.e. a card from the table Dionysus and Chiron were gathered around. The card flew and left a shallow paper cut in the cheek of the poor dark haired boy that had entered the Big House. "Ow!"

"Oh, it's just Peter," Dionysus said with a disinterested grunt.

"Like Peter Parker?!" Naruto asked excitedly. He turned and smiled at the boy. "Welcome to the Big House Spider-man! I recommend you stay away from Cabin Seven, they got issues with spiders...or was it Cabin Five? Hm...Which one has the problems with canoe races, again?"

"Naruto, this is Percy Jackson," Chiron said patiently. "Percy, meet Naruto Uzumaki. Mr. D's son."

"But I thought Pollux was the only demigod Mr. D had..." Percy said. He ignored the mild glare Dionysus gave him and gave the blond a wary once over. Naruto had a camp shirt on underneath his trench coat and jeans, but tactical body gear was strapped to his knees and thighs. Boots with red straps covered his feet, and tucked into either boot was a bronze knife, the blades sticking out slightly.

"Percy Jackson? Sounds like a name a protagonist from a novel series would have. Then again, I've got the name of a manga hero, so who am I to judge?" Naruto hummed and tapped his chin. He walked around Percy and then rested his arm on Percy's shoulder and grinned at his father. "I like him! He's dumb-!"

"Hey!" Percy glared at the blond.

"Pure hearted and strong! Just what every major hero needs in a sidekick!"

"I'm not your sidekick," Percy said dryly.

Naruto lightly smacked Percy's cheek. "Shh, quiet boy bubbler. Grown ups are talking."

"Oh, how I've missed your shenanigans, Naruto," Dionysus said wistfully.

Chiron had a dry look on his face. "I haven't."

"All work and no play makes Chiron a dull centaur," Naruto said with a raspberry afterwards. He hooked his arm around Percy's neck and pointed his other hand's finger in the air. "Now if you'll excuse us – quickly, Boy Bubbler, to the Ramen-mobile!"

"Urk!" Percy choked from the pressure around his neck as Naruto ran out the door with him in tow.

Chiron ran his hand down his face and groaned. "Why do I feel like we've just earned a major advantage against the Crooked One and yet we're all doomed anyway?"

"Melodramatic," Dionysus said with a sip of his diet coke. He smirked at the glare Chiron gave him.

"Let...go!" Percy shoved Naruto's arm from his neck with a scowl and glared at the blond while he rubbed his neck. "I could barely breathe!"

"Bah, you were fine~!" Naruto waved off the suffocation with a grin. "Now, Princely-"

"Percy." Percy kept his glare on the blond.

Naruto shrugged. "Whatever, now who's the one with all the info on great-granddaddy's bases?"

"Annabeth and Cabin Six most likely," Percy said.

"Anna-who?" Naruto blinked.

"She's the head of Cabin Six," Percy said.

"Give me a bit more than that. Details boy!"

"Blond hair, Grey eyes...Er, smart?"

"...Wow, and I thought I was bad at descriptions," Naruto said with a laugh while Percy flushed lightly. He slapped Percy hard on the back. "I'm kidding, Boy Bubbler, I know who Alexandra is!"

"Annabeth." Percy sternly corrected as he righted himself. He was trapped once more, thankfully, the grip much looser, and dragged towards Cabin Six.

Naruto climbed the steps and raised his hand to knock on the door. Percy suddenly grunted as his forehead was knocked against it several times and then Naruto's ear pressed to his head.

"Huh, what do you know!? It's not hollow in there!" He grinned and let Percy escape his grip just as the door opened.

"Percy, you alright, you look like...N-N-Naruto!?" Annabeth's tanned skin suddenly paled as Naruto's smile widened.

"Aragon!" he said joyfully with arms extended. "It's been so long! Decades, even!"

Percy looked at Annabeth with furrowed brows while she swallowed and tried to overcome whatever had happened to her. "Y-y-yeah...um, c-come in, Naruto. Malcolm's over by the table, he wants to say hi."

"Marshal!?" Naruto brushed past her and ran into the cabin. "Marshal!"

"N-Naruto!? No, wait don't jump! Don't jump!"

There was a crash and Annabeth grabbed Percy's wrist before she pulled him away from Cabin Six. Once they got a good distance away, and secluded from immediate sight out of the front door of her cabin, Annabeth glared daggers at Percy.

"You took him to my cabin!?" she hissed.

"Not like I had a choice!" Percy returned with a scowl and rubbed his neck. "Who is he anyway? I know he's Mr. D's son, but I thought Pollux and Castor were..."

"The only ones?" Annabeth asked. Percy nodded and she sighed. "Normally, demigods stick together, but Naruto's...Naruto's different."

"No duh."

"Shut it, seaweed brain," Annabeth frowned at him. "He's dangerous. Not intentionally, but he has...mental problems. Nobody knows why, but we're pretty sure it's because his father is the god of madness."

"So he's crazy?"

"Crazy and insane, while similar, aren't the same. By all rights, Naruto's actually really smart. Scary smart. He's just too far gone to put it to any good use in the mortal world..." Annabeth said.

"So, what's he do for demigods?" Percy asked.

Annabeth swallowed. "Some demigods don't turn out like heroes, Percy. Some take advantage of their abilities. A lot of Ares' kids and even a couple of Athena's end up as criminals. Hermes' are expected to, but they stick with break in and house thievery usually. Anyway...they go bad. Like really, really bad."

"How bad?"

"Jack the Ripper was a son of Athena."

Percy, for all of his lack of knowledge on certain things, knew that name and what it meant. He shivered. "Okay...And what's that got to do with Naruto?"

"A few demigods who could end up potentially like that are chosen to take out the ones that do," Annabeth said. "Naruto is one of them."

Percy's eyes went wide. "He kills demigods?"

"Only the ones that the gods send him after," Annabeth said. She wrapped her arms around her legs. "He's...not a traditional hero, but he's still a hero. Even if I don't fully agree with it, it's better than the alternative."

"Alternative?"

Annabeth gave Percy a look. "Naruto joins Kronos?"

"...Yeah, that's bad." Percy didn't know what Naruto was capable of, but so far he's shown to be very unpredictable and even Grover warned him to watch out. "Anything else you know about him?"

"Don't make him mad," Annabeth said. Percy arched a brow and she glared at him. "I mean it, Percy. And definitely don't disrespect Mr. D while he's here. He'll cut your tongue off."

"Wh-what?!" Percy's eyes went wide.

"He did it before," Annabeth said quietly. She closed her eyes and shuddered. "It...it was Chiron's last straw. He had to petition the gods to keep the demigods like Naruto out of camp for our sake. But with the war..."

"It's probably better that we're here." The two looked up and yelped in shock when Naruto dangled down next to them. He hung down by his feet on a branch and looked between the two with an uncharacteristic frown on his face. "Gossiping behind my back? Not very nice, Angela."

"Sorry Naruto...Um, what brought you back to camp?" Annabeth asked shakily.

Naruto shrugged and dropped to sit next to them. "Some little turdbucket son of Apollo tried to get me to join great-granddaddy."

"What happened to him?" Percy asked.

Naruto's smile returned as he looked at Percy. "Ripped out his throat with a broken mug."

Percy paled and looked at Annabeth, who wouldn't meet his eyes and looked away from Naruto with discomfort written on her face. He made a mental note not to make him mad like Annabeth said. And to be extra respectful to Mr. D.

Naruto looked between them and arched a brow. "Wait a second...I know what's going on here..."

They looked at him to see a crazed grin on his face. He held up an index finger and curled the other hand's finger and thumb into a circle. The index finger entered the circle. "A son of Athena and a daughter of Poseidon!?"

They flushed red, even if he got the parents wrong, what he insinuated was way out of line. The two teens began to splutter and fumble over their words.

"I wonder what Samus would think if she learned about this?" Naruto asked with a grin.

Percy, still bright red, looked at Annabeth questionably. Her face turned a darker shade of red.

"You can't tell Silena!" She shouted.

Naruto's grin only widened. "What do I get if I don't?"

"...Ramen?"

Naruto became deadly serious and he picked Annabeth off the ground, his hands on her shirt and pinned her against a tree. "You're going to bribe me with the one thing Zeus decreed I can't have? You'd go against the word of the gods?"

Annabeth's eyes went wide and Percy scrambled to his feet, his hand in his pocket. Annabeth shook her head at him and he clenched his fist.

"Y-Yes?" Annabeth swallowed in fear.

Naruto stared at her for another second before he pulled her into a tight hug. "You're my favorite genius, Alison Candy!" He released her and tapped his chin in thought. "Hm, you know, I never figured Athena to allow her daughter to be named after a stripper..."

He walked away, caught up in his own delusion. Percy helped Annabeth get to her feet and felt her tremble.

"Kronos wanted him on his side," Annabeth said softly. She looked at Percy with genuine fear in her eyes. "What if he had said yes?"

"...Bad day?"

"Really bad day."

The feast was just as extravagant as promised. Naruto grinned at the food set before him and rubbed his hands together eagerly. "Over the teeth, past the gums, look out future bowl movement, I'm going to eat you..."

Pollux eyed the blond seated across from him strangely. "Um...So, how old are you, Naruto?"

"Huh?" Naruto looked up with food in his mouth, a chicken leg in one hand and a spoon filled with corn in the other. He swallowed the food and scratched his head with the leg. "Hmm...Twenty I think, when was October?"

"A few months ago," Pollux said softly. Close to when his twin died.

"Yeah, then definitely twenty," Naruto said with a nod. He took a bite of his chicken. "So...how's life at camp for you been generally?"

"Pretty good," Pollux said. He poked at his food with a fork. "Meeting Mr. D-"

"Dad." Naruto corrected around a bite of food.

"Er, right, dad," Pollux said. "It was nice to meet him. He was always up to help us-er, I mean me."

Naruto finished off his chicken and let the bone drop to his plate. He dusted his hands off and then looked at Pollux. "What was he like? Castor?"

"Castor?" Pollux smiled lightly. "He always wanted to mingle, party...he was a nice guy to the end. Died because he tried to talk two other demigods down..."

Naruto frowned. He set down his utensils and gave a serious look to his brother. "Listen, Pol, I've put down a lot of demigods. I mean, a lot of demigods. You'd be surprised how many actually go bad around age fifteen. There was this one, son of Aphrodite, a real piece of scum. Had that charm talk thingy, used it to rape underage girls with consent."

"That's disgusting!" Pollux said with a scowl. Heads turned and he shrunk down from the attention.

"Yeah, I know," Naruto said. He picked up a biscuit and examined it. "I took care of him slowly, painfully...then dealt with his father, a handsome rich guy that was covering it all up with lawyers and money. Not really the Lady of Doves' best choice in a lay. I digress...this war is going to be ugly, just like that demigod."

Pollux looked disturbed, but Naruto didn't stop. "Castor had the right thing in mind and in his heart, but that's not going to win this war. When it comes down to it, we're going to have to deal with a lot of old friends and demigods. You have to prepare yourself."

"Well said Naruto," Dionysus said from where he sat silently next to Pollux. The boy jumped, having forgotten that his father had taken the seat. Dionysus turned to Pollux with a grim smile. "Unfortunately, Naruto brings up a good point. Castor had the right mindset for a hero, foolish though it were. His name will not be tarnished nor forgotten by anyone in this camp as long as I have a say in it. You, Pollux, have a chance to learn from his mistake, to see an enemy when they present themselves to you."

Pollux had a small frown of understanding on his face and nodded.

"...So, met the Maenads," Naruto said after a beat of silence passed. Dionysus and Pollux turn to Naruto with intrigue while he picks at an ear of corn. "Yeah...Babette is hot, but crazy. She keeps flirting with me, trying to become the Harley to my Joker. I don't mind, but, I'm no one's tool...er, except for the big guy's...even if he is a dirty no good ramen forbidder!"

The sky boomed and Naruto just stuck his tongue out. "Wasn't my fault!"

"Naruto, don't bother," Dionysus said with a chuckle. He examined his can of diet coke intimately with a forlorn sigh. "I've been saying that for decades, the nymph seduced me purposefully. Called out to me..."

"Well, I know that," Naruto rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. "I've heard the story like, seventy times already, Dad."

"I'm sure you have," Dionysus said with a small smile. He turned to Pollux. "Have I told you how I met your mother?"

"Mom had said you met her at a bar," Pollux said.

Dionysus huffed. "A bar! We were at Oktoberfest! The biggest night of drinking, one of the few things I adore about Germany."

"I can think of a lot of things I like about Germany," Naruto said with a grin. He looked at his mug and at the coffee in it. "Barmaids, sauerkraut, lagers..."

"I thought you were twenty?" Pollux asked.

Naruto blinked. "Twenty? I said I was forty-two."

Dionysus laughed while Pollux stammered in bafflement.

"You want him to what?!" The war council yelled in collective shock at the god of wine. The only one who hadn't yelled was too busy staring in horror at the folder set before him with wide green eyes.

Dionysus rolled his eyes at their dramatics, while beside him Naruto played with a paper airplane he made from a napkin. A few of those gathered wondered how the blond managed to keep the plane from falling apart due to the flimsy material it was made from. Chiron frowned in slight disapproval, but his posture screamed reluctant acceptance.

"You heard me," Dionysus said. "Peter Johnson will be Naruto's escort to and from the supply warehouse Artemis' Hunters have found in Stone Harbor, New Jersey."

"We're going to the Jersey Shore?! I love that show! I wonder if I can punch Snooki in the face?" Naruto said before he returned to playing with his toy.

"B-But why me?" Percy asked.

Chiron cleared his throat. "Well, we would have Naruto go alone, but some-"

"I convinced Poseidon that you needed to open your eyes a little," Dionysus said. He idly played with the tab on his coke can. "Besides...Naruto makes the Pegasi nervous."

"Well, it'd be all fine and dandy if there was a pony named Rainbow Dash! She's the only one that gets me, I swear..." Naruto crushed his plane and dabbed at his eyes. He then blew into the napkin and tossed it over his shoulder. "Wait, what were we talking about again? I zoned out."

"The mission, Naruto, the mission." Dionysus chided.

Naruto nodded. "Right, right. Find the warehouse, deal with everyone in it and then blow it up." The crazed blond gave two thumbs up. "You can count on me, Dad!" He chuckled and then spoke lowly. "I'll wipe them all out."

The other demigods looked a bit green in the face at the casual comment of killing, well, save for Clarisse. She just looked a bit unnerved, for as much as she likes to fight, killing is a different thing entirely. Percy shuddered at the last sentence.

Blackjack was never going to forgive him for this.

Boss, I am never going to forgive you for this!

"Just bare with it, Jack," Percy said softly to his steed.

Naruto suddenly snickered. "Hey, if he's blackjack, how does he do in poker?"

Blackjack whinnied angrily. That tears it! I'm gonna buck him off!

"Jack! We're almost there. We let him get off and do his thing, then he gets a ride back after I...destroy the warehouse." Percy finished weakly. He was glad that there wasn't going to be anyone alive when he summoned the tide. Percy shuddered at the thought, not something he wanted to think about.

"You know, this flight is boring, what we need is an in-flight movie. Ooh, I know! I'll recite all of the Lion King!" Naruto said. He cleared his throat and threw his arm out. "NAAAAAAAAAA!"

"No! No, Naruto, that's...that's fine," Percy said pleadingly.

Naruto deflated. "Aww...party pooper. Well, I was going to save you a demigod for your first time, but now it's just not going to happen!" He gave Percy a raspberry and huffed.

Percy turned to look at the blond with exasperation. "Seriously, where did you come from?"

"Origin story time! Ye-eah!" Naruto grabbed the screen and pulled it so that a smaller and animated version of himself and a redheaded woman were in a hospital room. "Ever since I can remember, I've been a fighter. But when I was a baby..." The screen flipped like a comic book panels to show stereotypical ninjas burst in the room and baby Naruto whipped out two katana from his diaper. Naruto teared up slightly and covered his eyes with his arms. "Ninjas stole my momma! You know, you were there. Lazy butthole."

"...How am I in your origin story, when we just met?" Percy asked dryly.

"Don't question greatness!"

How about sanity, can I question that? Blackjack asked disdainfully.

"Jack, knock it off," Percy said to the Pegasus. He looked back at Naruto. "So, what happened next?"

The blond shrugged. "Don't remember much, but it was like some secret underground training from my sensei. He then dumped me in a vat that had a large white X on it. And that's how I lost my hamster, Willie."

"...This is going to be a long flight, isn't it?"

We could dump him...

"Jack..."

I'm just saying!

Naruto laughed and smiled at Percy. "You're a good listener, I like you! Word of advice, ditch the italics when you're talking to the Pegasus. Hurts my dyslexia."

Percy decided to ignore Naruto's comment for his own sanity.

"Thar she blows!" Naruto exclaimed from where he was perched on a crane with a cardboard paper towel tube held to his eye.

"...That's a warehouse," Percy said from where he and Blackjack stood.

"Who's talking about the warehouse? I'm talking about the nine walking down the street in those heels!" Naruto grinned and held his other hand out, his finger snapped to attention. "Boing."

"How can you think about that when you're going to...to kill people?" Percy asked in disbelief.

Naruto just grinned at him. "I'm a healthy teenage boy at the ripe age of fourteen!"

With a frustrated groan, Percy rubbed his face. "Why? Why am I on this mission with you!? Why not Pollux?"

"Pollux isn't so good with the unaliving of people," Naruto said nonchalantly as he scanned the warehouse with his 'telescope'.

"...Unaliving?" Percy asked in mild surprise.

"Yeah, yeah... See, funny thing: I can't really say the k-word out loud, it's a weird mental tick," Naruto said with a gesture to his head which was followed by a insane laugh. "But we're going to destroy them, make them disappear, sleep them with the fishes...we'll k-word them."

Percy looked a little green as Naruto cackled softly to himself. "...Why was I chosen to help you?"

"Because you're the protagonist that everyone loves. Especially Uncle Rick," Naruto said as though it were obvious.

Percy blinked. "Who?"

"What?" Naruto didn't look up as he swung the bag from his shoulders to sit in front of him.

"Who's Uncle Rick?"

Naruto rolled his eyes. "The one that invented you. I was merely borrowed by some loser who had an idea and they made me the son of Dionysus."

"...I...Wha...My brain hurts..." Percy rubbed his head with another groan.

"Good. Here, hold this." Naruto tossed a red stick to Percy. Percy caught the stick and fumbled with it for a moment before he gasped.

"Is this dynamite?"

"Yep."

"How did you get dynamite?!"

"I think the better question is how did they get AK-47s?" Naruto pointed down at several teens that ran out with said rifles in hand. He nodded to Percy and took the dynamite back. "You might want to fall back." He looked back at the group with a mad grin on his face and his eyes flashed purple. "It's going to get messy."

Percy nodded and mounted Blackjack, who quickly took off into the sky.

Naruto pulled two grenades out of his backpack and pulled out the pins with a grin on his face. He whistled sharply and tossed the explosives at the teens. "Beware the pineapples of doom!"

The four looked up and dove away from the explosives. The grenades bounced once after impact before the flaks exploded and shrapnel flew into them. Naruto pulled his knives out of his boots and dove for the ground.

"Slicey-slice time!" he cried out with a cackle. He landed in a roll and stabbed two of the gunmen in their legs. While they screamed, he pulled his knives out and flipped them around in his hands to jam either blade in the sides of his opponents' heads. Then, he finished it with a jerk of his arms, which promptly snapped their necks.

Naruto pulled his knives out and cackled maniacally. "Two down! Only a warehouse left to go!"

"Oh, fuck, it's Uzumaki!" One of the gunmen shouted.

Naruto pouted. "Aw man, my secret identity got out! Who told!?"

"Kill him!" They aimed and fired their guns at him, which alerted the others nearby. A siren started to go off.

"Oh, this my jam!" Naruto ran forward with his head low and dove into a breakdance windmill that knocked the guns out of the teens' hands. He spun out of the windmill and flipped over their heads. "Now you see me!" His knives burst through the back of their heads with a wet rip, and they convulsed for a minute before they died. Naruto sniggered as he pulled the blades out and let the bodies drop. "Now you don't! Ta-da..."

"He's over there!"

"And that's my cue!" Naruto grinned and brought his knives up. "After all, who am I to say no to a little murder?" He settled back into a stance as other gun-toting demigods ran at him. "Strike a pose!"

Blackjack landed on a distant warehouse and shifted uncomfortably. I...will never unsee any of that...

"I...I think I'm gonna be sick..." Percy groaned as he slipped from his steed's back. He dropped to his knees and emptied his stomach contents. He'd never seen someone's arm get ripped off and used as a spear to shove through someone's...another bout of vomiting ensued.

Thanks for not puking on me, Boss.

Percy groaned. "You're welcome..."

...Does he have to get a ride back? Blackjack whinnied.

"Yes, Blackjack..." Percy said sadly. "Otherwise, who knows what he'll do?"

Blackjack shook his head. I don't want to think about it! He's the son of Dionysus? What the hell is wrong with that guy?

"Mr. D is actually a lot more tame than Naruto," Percy said with a grimace. He remembered what happened to those mercenaries back in California on the Quest for Artemis. Percy's eyes widened and he forced a third round down into his stomach. Mr. D could've made any of them turn on each other at a moments notice like Naruto did when he had two of the enemy demigods use their rifles to...Percy shook his head in an attempt to banish the image.

How long do you think it'll take? Blackjack asked as his wings fluttered nervously.

"Don't run! Don't run! I just want to be your friend!"

Percy grimaced when he heard Naruto's laugh in the distance. "Hopefully, not too long."

"Bang! Bang! Bang!" Naruto gunned down another group with a rifle he picked up. He pulled the trigger and frowned. "Uh-oh...no more buwwets..."

"Die!"

Naruto slipped the rifle's barrel into his hands and used the weapon like a bat to crack it against the face of the demigod that ran at him. The demigod fell to the ground with a cry of pain. Naruto cracked his neck and then brought the rifle back up. He slammed it down onto her face and then took it up again. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down. Up and down!

"Splat goes the weasel!" Naruto cackled to himself as he tossed the broken and gore covered gun to the side. He grabbed the bronze sword that lay next to the deceased demigoddess and tested it in his hand. "What a lovely sword, well balanced, a good length and..."

"Got yo-urk!" The blade that once rested in his hand was now pierced through the chest of another demigod that tried to get the drop on him. Naruto's purple eyes glinted in sadistic glee.

"Look at that piercing capability," Naruto said with a grin. He stretched out his arms and yawned. "Man, are they all dead yet? Hello?! Anyone not dead? Gonna come avenge your friends? Yes? ...No...?"

"...M-monster..."

"Hey, look at that, a volunteer!" Naruto giddily ran over to a demigod that tried to crawl away from him. Naruto kicked the demigod onto his back and slammed his foot down on the bloody bullet hole in his left shoulder, the demigod cried out in pain. "Hello, friend!"

The demigod glared at him with hate-filled dark eyes. "You're no friend of mi-ine!"

Naruto twisted his foot on the demigod's wound and tisked. "That's not very nice...I want to be your friend and I want you to be mine...so tell me. Who else is left?"

"All...dead..." The boy grunted out.

Naruto pouted. "Aw, fun's over. Guess I have to make this warehouse disappear then...along with all evidence of your existence!"

He glared at Naruto. "Y-You're sick!"

Naruto stared blankly at the boy before he laughed. A long, amused laugh that made him slap his knee. When he finally calmed down, Naruto smiled eerily at the boy. "Flattery won't save you."

Before the boy could ask what he meant, Naruto jammed his knife into the boy's throat with a smirk on his face.

"But I won't forget you...Drake Wood, son of Demeter." Naruto pulled his knife out and used Drake's shirt to clean it off. He stood up and sheathed his knives. "Wiped out an enemy warehouse and managed to eliminate one of the most wanted eco-terrorists in the world." A grin split Naruto's face as he dropped his bag on Drake's body and rummaged through it. "Today is a good day to be me!"

Naruto walked out of the warehouse after he dragged or carried the remains of all the dead demigods back into it. Twenty, all well above fifteen and some in their early twenties, fell at his hand today. Naruto didn't care, he was doing a service for the gods and it kept him entertained. A win-win in his books.

"And for my final trick, I'm going to make this warehouse disappear!" Naruto said. He looked at the head of a scarred boy in his hand and moved the jaw.

"'But Naruto, how are you going to do it? Magic?'"

"No, stupid boy! With fireworks!" Naruto grinned and tossed the head onto the pile of corpses. "There you go! Front row seat!"

Naruto dusted his hands off and then closed the warehouse doors. He stepped back and looked around. "Dude...where's my car? ...Oh, right I came here on Twilight Sparkle..."

Did he just call me Twilight Sparkle!? Blackjack neighed in offense as he flew in with Percy on his back.

"Only a bit longer, Jack," Percy said, a haunted look in his eyes. He couldn't block out the screams or the laughter. It echoed in his head and he was grateful that he didn't have to see anymore of Naruto's 'fun'. He looked at the satisfied blond and swallowed. "We done?"

"Almost~!" Naruto grinned and pulled out a marker with a red cap. He popped the cap off and revealed a button underneath. "We're going to need some distance Patrick."

"O-Okay," Percy said with a gulp. Naruto climbed onto the reluctant Blackjack and giggled as they took to the sky. Once they had gotten a good distance away, Naruto held the trigger out.

"Time to go boom...Bring the noise!" His thumb slammed on the button and nothing happened. Naruto waited for a minute and then started to fiddle with his control. "Dammit, stupid crappy Korean shit...should've gone Ameri-!"

A loud explosion cut him off and took out half of the docks along with the warehouse. Naruto laughed as Blackjack struggled to not roll from the force of the blast. His arms were thrown up into the air. "Whee! Wow, who'd have thought a lot of C4 could go a long way?"

Percy just shivered as he clung to Blackjack's reigns. "Alright...I just gotta clean up with a wave..."

"Eh, might as well forget that. That was to cover up the destruction of one building collapse, but with all that damage-heads up!"

Percy felt something land with a squish in his lap and, against his better judgment, looked down at it. He screamed and quickly tossed the half-charred head up into the air. Naruto snatched it with a gleeful laugh.

"Awesome! Now I can get paid for the bounty on Wood's head!" Naruto cackled. "The FBI owe me big bucks!"

Percy trembled and lightly tugged on Blackjack's reigns. "Take-take us back to camp, Jack."

You got it boss...

Naruto threw his arm over Percy's shoulder and grinned at the boy. "Well kid, I think I can safely say this is the start of a beautiful friendship."

Percy began to hyperventilate.

AN: Wow... That was fun. A lot of fun. Like, seriously...dangerously fun. Anyway, that's the one-shot of the son of Dionysus. It could be more, I guess, more like a random following of Naruto's life as a rogue demigod killer...Meh, I'll leave it up to you guys.

You all know what to do!

REVIEW!