Hi guys! I'm so sorry for the lack up updates! A lot of things have started to happen and I've found myself with little time to write!

As well as my computer breaking and I literally just got it back!

Anyway, I'm sorry to say that sadness will happen, I know a lot of people will be mad at me, but sorry!

This isn't a happy story =)

So, I hope you all enjoy this new chapter!

Warnings: Self harm, homosexual relationships, suicidal mentions, mention of rape

NOTE: I just realize that I changed Jin's brother's name... it used to be Yanza... now its Kyoya... I"M SORRY!'

– –

"Scars. A sign that you had been hurt. A sign that you had healed.
Had I been hurt?
Had I healed?
Maybe we just lived between hurting and healing."

- Aristotle and Dante Discover the Secrets of the Universe by Benjamin Alire Sanez

– –

Izaya was terrified, he didn't remember the last time he felt this way but he knew that this was pure fear drilling it's way into his veins, fear that made his heart pound in his pale chest and fear that pushed the tears down his eyes.

Jin was an idiot.

Izaya curled up legs up to his chest, holding them to it with his jacket covered arms in the too bright room of the hospital, he couldn't remember the last time he had been in this horrible place, he just figured it had been recently. He wasn't thinking straight, all he could think of was a funeral...

He didn't ever want to have to see Jin's funeral.

Shizuo saw his distressed beloved and pulled him close, easily lifting his thin body and placing him onto his lap. He kissed his head, knowing how much Izaya wanted to cry...

"Let it out." He whispered, letting Izaya nuzzle his head into Shizuo's shoulder.

But he didn't cry, he stared into the blank space between Shizuo's blond locks and the white wall with the poster of the happy couple and baby with a band-aid on his chin, he guessed that it was suppose to be some kind of joke, it didn't make sense and he found it utterly unfunny.

"He'll be alright." Shinra tried, knowing that no matter what he tried Izaya wouldn't be comforted until he saw Jin up and moving again, anything else was futile to even try.

He stared at the wall, not even realizing that there were two tears making their way down his cheek. Shizuo looked over at him, trying so hard to not run in that room and make sure Jin was fine... while Izaya was the closest to the cherry red head, they all cared for him greatly, Jin was family to the group, he was important to them all.

"Izaya?" Shinra asked softly a little while later, hoping his friend could hear him, he reached over and touched his arm gently, pretending to not notice him flinch at the touch. He sighed sadly, they had been at the hospital a little over an hour already in this waiting room and for most of the time, no one said a thing and no information was given. "Izaya?" He asked once more, sitting up straight. "I'm going to get some sushi from Russia Sushi... want some?" It was just past two in the morning and while Russia Sushi closed at nine thirty, Simon would always make some food if Izaya wanted some. He waited for an answer and realized that none would be given. He sighed and stood, nodding. "I'll order you guys some food... be back in a little while." He shoved his hands into his lab coat pockets and made his way out of the hospital in silence.

Shizuo rose his head from the slight cat sleep he was in, seeing Izaya still awake. "Iz, babe... you have to eat something, you're no help to Jin if you get sick yourself."

Izaya didn't answer.

He sat up with the raven male in his arms and watched the nothingness happening around them, a doctor or two would walk the halls ever so often, sometimes quiet, sometimes on his phone and sometimes humming a tune to a song Shizuo didn't ever recognize.

Ir was three in the morning when anything was said.

The man had dark brown hair, like most of the Japanese that didn't dye it (like Shizuo, which Izaya never understood, he was rather a purest if he was being honest) and wore a lab coat similar to Shinra's, only Shinra's was just his normal attire.

He didn't even get a chance to open his mouth before Izaya spoke first.

"He's not dead." He croaked out, it sounded like he had been crying, perhaps he had, Shizuo didn't claim to have noticed but then again he would do anything to make sure Izaya was happy.

"He's not dead." The doctor said softly, Izaya simply nodded, he didn't want to look up. He didn't want to hear the news, if something wasn't wrong then the doctor would have told them so hours before.

"What did he do?" Izaya asked quietly, making Shinra turn in horror.

"Don't be morbid! Jeeze Izaya!" He huffed, but Izaya ignored him easily.

The man in the labcoat sighed, it wasn't uncommon for the family or friends to want to know what happened... it was a healing process.

"An overdose with sleeping medication... the bottle was prescribed to Orihara Izaya." The raven haired boy whimpered in sadness.

"He downed my sleeping pills..." He said with little emotion, Shinra was appalled and thought perhaps Izaya didn't care but Shizuo knew better... this was how Izaya was when upset.

"Yes..." The doctor said softly, putting a hand on Izaya's shoulder. "Haniko-kun is alright, it's been hard, but we've gotten it mostly out of his system."

"That's good, right Iz?" The blonde said with a small smile. "Hear that Izaya? Jin is alive... he's alright."

"He's not awake, Orihara-san, however the drugs were expelled out of his system, however it'll take some time before he wakes... the best thing to do now is for you two to go home and get some rest... come on now." Izaya nodded sadly, sighing softly before Shizuo stood and lifted him up.

"Babe, he's right, we have to go home, we can eat and we can come back in the morning."

It took a bit of sweet talk to get Izaya home, he didn't want to leave the boy who he had come to think of as his younger brother.

"Izaya, let's go... you're exhausted. You need to get home, I'll make you something to eat."

Shizuo lifted his lover up, kissing his head and holding him against his chest. The doctor watched the two leave and sighed sadly. The man went back and checking on young Jin.

– –

When they returned to the new apartment, Shizuo unlocked the door, only turning on one light, knowing that Izaya was a bit sensitive to light still.

"Are you alright?" Shizuo asked softly, setting Izaya down on the couch and watching him curl up into himself. "Come on beautiful talk to me." He whispered, caressing his cheek. Izaya flinched and moved back, making Shizuo's chest hurt.

"Didn't you hear? The doctor said Jin was alive, he's fine... he's just asleep for right now so all we can do is rest and go back tomorrow."

Izaya nodded but didn't seem to listen.

Shizuo rolled his eyes before he walked into the kitchen, figuring his lover needed something to drink and eat. He made a bit of hot chocolate, he needed warmth. He made the drink, then a small snack of crackers and cheese. "Babe, you have to eat something."

Izaya glanced up, taking the steaming drink and sipping at it, purring at the warmth.
"Thanks..." He muttered, looking down.

Shizuo sat down, kissing his head. "He's going to be alright... we just have to wait."

– –

I'm so sorry for the shitty and lack of update...

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