100 reviews. Wow.
Aha. Sorry about how long this story is taking to update.
Frankly, I'm losing interest in the SD3 fandom. I'm doing my damnedest to finish this story, however, because I hate loose ends. (So, uh, please ignore any plot suffering along the way.)
Let's Make a Deal
The three heroes walked into Forcena, staring wide-eyed at the destruction. Flames flared up everywhere, so hot that even Hawk was breaking a sweat. Riesz thought that it might be easier to bear the destruction if she could hear screaming in the flames, the yell of battle, even the ominous footsteps of a mini-boss. Instead, all Riesz could hear was the loud crackling of flames as they hungrily ravaged the homes of innocent Forcena.
Oh, and that background music. Couldn't it play something a little sombre now and then?
"The king!" Duran suddenly yelled.
"I'm sure the king could wait for a moment," Riesz said, a touch concerned. Something similar had happened to Rolante, and her first thought hadn't been for the king - it had been for her father. "What about your family?"
"The king!" Duran insisted, rushing as far forward as he could possibly go.
"We won't be able to get them, anyway," Hawk pointed out a little callously. He gestured at the barricades of blazing wreckage and fauna around them; only the wide stone path they were on was safe to walk on.
Riesz grimaced. "If there's any hope..."
"Dunno," Hawk answered truthfully. "Square's a little hedgy about killing NPC family."
The Amazon and thief rushed to catch up to the fighter, who was already pounding through the castle doors. Inside the pair were immediately met by...well, for lack of a better discription, animated chess pieces.
"Gnome, Hawk, want to explain what Altena was thinking here?" Riesz asked as the trio whipped out their weapons.
"I'm going to go with...irony," Gnome said.
"I was going with 'a really bad joke', but that's better," Hawk said.
Riesz waited for Duran's attack, then dodged the counter before smacking at the bizarre knight-shaped piece. Hawk came in, landing the vanquishing blow before whirling around to block a machine golem's attack.
"Duran!" Riesz yelled as she stabbed at the golem ineffectively. "What's the fastest way to the throne room?"
"Throne room?" Duran paused in mid-swipe; a red 18 flew out his back has he paused to consider it. "Uh, I'm not sure...I think we go downstairs, then take that side corridor into the main courtyard, then we'll have to go through at least three smaller rooms..."
"Okay, that doesn't make sense," Hawk said as he finished off the golem and hauled off the body. "Why do your castles have to be Square-cursed mazes? Navarre's just as bad, but we're a thieves' guild. We're supposed to be confusing."
"It's tradition," Duran mumbled.
"Aren't you going to whine that it's Square's will or something?" Riesz asked, puzzled.
"Square wouldn't design a castle so complicated that it takes fifteen minutes of blind wandering just to reach the throne room," Hawk pointed out. "That's just flawed human design."
Gnome coughed.
"Castles do this because it makes it easier to thwart intruders," Riesz explained.
"Like us."
"Exact - oh, touché."
The pair found themselves defending Duran as they stumbled from room to room, fighting up and down stairs and corridors and at least one bedroom as the fighter - who had been in lifelong service at the castle - tried to fine the throne room. As Hawk had surmised, it took the trio fifteen minutes to find their way through the castle, and it wasn't even to the throne room. Nope, they had spent the last fifteen minutes risking their lives and hacking away at mechanical/magical enemies (and in Hawk's case, abusing Square's MBMCM[TM) to reach...
...a bathroom.
If castles weren't so steeped in history and difficult to take down and rebuild, Riesz would've seriously considered Hawk's snort of contempt and Duran's look of confusion as very good suggestions to do something about Rolante's castle. However, as the Wind Kingdom, they were nestled quite high up in the mountains, and it was a pain to bring in labourers and materials when half of them would die just getting to the location.
"I could swear that this was supposed to be the throne room," Duran almost whined.
"Yeah, well, when you say 'throne'..."
"Hawk, don't start."
"Maybe it's the programming," Gnome was heard mumbling as he conferred with Wisp and the Fairy.
"What are you talking about?" Riesz asked curiously.
"Well, castles weren't designed with bathrooms," Gnome explained, "so how could - "
He paused, noting the looks of vague disgust and realization on Riesz's and Hawk's faces.
"Look, it's not like any guests would ask about them!" Gnome yelled, flailing comically.
"We had privies," Riesz said, "out of sight. And a courtyard with outhouses. It's not like the stench is a problem, being the Wind Kingdom and all."
"Unless Jinn's having a bad day."
"Hawk, shut up. I don't hear your explanation."
"Oh, you don't want to know our solution," Hawk answered with an evil grin. "Let's just say that when we give our targets all our energy, we really give them - "
"Don't finish that. Just. Don't finish that." Riesz turned to look at Duran, who looked lost and confused. "Uh, Duran?"
"Um...would you guys step outside for a minute?" He looked embarrassed. "Just some...business to take care of. I think that last Puipui Grass was kind of bad..."
A relieved Duran stepped out of the bathroom ten minutes later to find his companions talking to the Spirits.
"Okay," Gnome said, rubbing his hands. "Since we've spent nearly half an hour looking for a room that might not even exist, I'm going to have Wisp here do a bit of fancy work to get us there!"
"Might not even exist?!" Duran screeched.
"I thought it was impossible to 'take too long'?" asked Hawk simultaneously.
"Why didn't you do this earlier?" Riesz demanded at the same time. "It could've saved us a lot of trouble!"
"Yeah, well." Gnome's hedgy look appeared. "Coding really isn't my thing, Wisp and Fairy are better at that. I got a good translator, though. And, y'know, we're not supposed to show our powers or anything."
"What about magic?" Riesz countered. "Isn't that your power? If one of us was a magician, we'd be using it everywhere!"
Gnome's face suddenly turned extremely grim. The room seemed to darken and e swelled in size until he towered over the three characters. What should've been a blinding aura of power was the measly light Wisp gave off in comparison to his size.
"Amazon." Gnome's voice boomed, forcing the trio to their knees as they frantically attempted to cover their ears. "Do not meddle in the affairs of Spirits, for they are subtle and quick to anger."
[Laaaaaaame, the Fairy muttered as the room gradually returned to normal.
"Wisp, a bit of magic, if you please!" Gnome said, back to his regular happy demeanour.
Wisp floated over to the bathroom door and began to glow. Nothing happened for a few minutes, although it was obvious that he was concentrating really hard.
"Uh, Wisp?" Riesz asked. "If it's that hard, I can just open the door for you."
"You don't want to do that," Duran said, suddenly red.
Wisp suddenly moved away and nodded, or as much as a ball of light can nod.
"There you go!" Gnome said cheerily. "Go through that door, follow the passage to the main courtyard, up the stairs and you'll be in the throne room!"
"You're...really sure about this?" Duran asked, even redder now.
"I don't care," Riesz growled. She grabbed the doorknob and pulled it open. Just as Gnome had said, it was simply a long corridor, with a second door at the end. The Amazon raced through, Duran and Hawk just a beat behind her. Sheer frustration at her recent journey through the castle fueled Riesz to the second door, which she smashed open with a kick. True to Gnome's word again, there was a courtyard at the end, with grand steps leading into a large, dark doorway.
"Okay, let's - "
"Wait wait wait!"
Riesz turned around and immediately regretted it. The two of them were dealing with storage space again.
"WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" Riesz yelled, pointedly facing the entranceway. "We've got a kingdom to save!"
"We're low on Pakkun Chocolate," Duran patiently explained. He groaned as something shifted. Riesz refused to even twitch. "Got to pull some out of storage before we tackle the enemy!"
"So that's how you store them. No wonder you can't access storage during a fight."
"Are we done yet?" Riesz demanded, biting back the urge to snarl.
"Almost - just - ooh - a little deeper, Hawk - "
"Finished," Hawk said. Riesz turned to see him pop a Round Drop into his mouth. "Need one?"
"If I need healing during this fight, just let me die, okay?"
"Yeah, we're ready now," Duran said, embarrassedly readjusting his armour under Riesz's equally embarrassed glare.
The trio rushed into the entranceway, immediately entering a great hall. Amidst all the grand splendour the great hall - an expansive room that boasted polished wood, lush velvet and gleaming gold - were bodies of both Altena's and Forcena's armies, killed in numerous, almost creative, fashions. The first ones were killed by clean strikes of steel or magic, but as the trio gradually edged in the bodies were more battered and damaged, as though slowly beaten or bluedgeoned to death. The nervous threesome approached the door and noted that there were less Altenan bodies than Forcenan, although they didn't see any survivors. The great doors themselves had been blown off by a powerful burst of magic, and both sides who had been too close to the door had been caught in the blast.
Riesz, Duran and Hawk rushed through to find the throne room. Relatively unscathed, they did note the dead guards lying next to the throne - the throne that King Richard was sitting in and a wizard was standing in front of.
"WIZARD!" Duran roared. The three heroes rushed as fast as the weapons/stalking mode allowed them to at the blond man, but just as one of them raised a weapon to strike, he vanished and reappeared by the window.
"Oh, that's just not fair," Hawk muttered. "Teleporting?"
Duran managed a weak crawl over to their opponent, but the man simply teleported again, reappearing near a wall ledge.
"It looks like we'll have to continue our talk later, King Richard," the man said, giving the group a nasty grin. He vanished again, this time gone for good.
"Your Highness!" Duran yelled, sheathing his weapon and rushing to his liege. After reassurance from Gnome that that wizard wasn't going to jump out of nowhere after and try to backstab them (which would've been completely logical for a man who could easily do so, Riesz decided), Riesz and Hawk followed suit.
"Duran...oh, you survived," King Richard said.
"That's it?" Riesz asked Hawk quietly as Duran and King Richard had some hasty conversation. "No 'thanks for saving my life'? No 'where've you been all this time'?"
Hawk shrugged. "NPC dialogue is a little weak sometimes."
The lights went out, then returned. In that moment the room was restored to order, with two new shining guards standing behind the restored king's throne. Outside, Riesz could hear typical castle sounds - servants bustling about, guards patrolling, etc. etc. Of note was Duran's slide show projector, which was arranged on the far wall, and King Richard proceeded to give a PowerPoint presentation on the Mana Stones, their locations, and juicy gossip about the remaining Spirits.
"Any questions?" Richard asked as the lights went back on.
"That was...really informative," Riesz said. "How did you know all of that? Even the Spirits didn't share."
"Did you bother to ask?"
"...well, no."
King Richard shook his head. "Kids these days," he muttered. "So impatient. Anyway," he said in a slightly louder voice, "I've got something that'll help your quest out a good deal, but you've got to prove that you deserve it."
"We just drove off a wizard that was going to kill you," Riesz pointed out. "And we've also got Gnome."
"And Wisp and the Fairy."
"Those too. As one monarch to another, can't we just call it even?"
"What?" King Richard was clearly thrown off by this new proposal.
The Fairy and two Spirits in question appeared. Gnome covered a polite cough. "Excuse me," he said. "You guys mind just waiting in the corner for a few minutes? This'll go a lot faster if we talk."
Riesz frowned in confusion, but she allowed Duran and Hawk to lead her away.
"What's going on?" Riesz asked Hawk as the three of them cast glances at the party by the throne. All three deities were talking rapidly in quiet voices, with some gestures or nodding; King Richard was mostly nodding, but his gaze flicked from one speaker to the next and he appeared to understand what was going on.
"I don't know," Hawk said.
"He was the Chosen One last time, so he probably knows a lot about our quest already," Duran pointed out, which earned surprised looks from Hawk and Riesz. The fighter blinked back at them. "You didn't know? Everybody knows."
"Well...no."
"You could've brought this up before."
"You didn't ask!"
"Point."
Wednesday, March 2, 2008