A/N: So, I was completely broken after I learned about Natsu leaving for a year. This is what I did to deal with the feelings. I haven't read the latest chapter, because I wanted to get this up first after spending so much time working on it, but that makes this an AU of what could have happened during the year. Enjoy!

Loke hurried through the woods, looking for a girl. Now, this wasn't very unusual for the spirit, ever since his three year stint on earth, but he wasn't looking for a date. Lucy's emotions had been broadcasting over the celestial world for the past minute, meaning it had been hours of agony for Lucy. Normally he wouldn't have waited this long to force his gate, but he knew Lucy still had her keys and hadn't tried to summon any of his family, he didn't perceive it as a physical threat.

Then it had been a full minute his time of her emotions screaming in agony and he pushed through to help his friend. He found her, sitting on the ground, yelling for Natsu. She looked scratched and muddy, but the croaking sound of her voice was the worst. She had to have been yelling for hours.

"Come on Lucy, it's time to go home," he told her gently, guessing at what had happened. Loke had watched Natsu and the others for three years, they mourned alone and gave little warning. Lucy was the opposite, she held herself together for other people and only with other people. He knelt to help her up, she had finally stopped croaking Natsu's name, only to have her fall against him.

"Lucy? Are you hurt?"

"M-my ankle," Lucy admitted, gasping a little. Her left ankle was swollen, she must have tripped running after Natsu. Loke sighed and easily swept up his master into a bridal carry. She clutched at his suit, letting out little gasps, as he murmured comforting nonsense. He wanted to get angry at something, to go punch something so she wouldn't feel any more pain, but that wasn't what she needed. Lucy needed to be held and reminded that she wasn't alone, so that's what he did.

The princess fell asleep about ten minutes into their walk home, and Loke was glad. When she woke up she would be stronger, and that was the part of Lucy that made him happy to see. She was sensitive, so he knew it was impossible for her to move on completely, but Lucy had never been one to let sadness keep her from acting. She would have died a long time ago if it did.

Her front door had been left wide open, so Loke walked right in and set her on the bed. She woke up when he was removing her shoes, and there was another round of crying that had Loke contemplating the many methods of murdering dragon slayers, before he suggested she take a bath. Lucy looked so lost and confused, he picked her up again and set her on the edge of the bathtub, turning on the water and leaving.

"Thank you Loke," Lucy said quietly as he shut the door behind him. He smiled at her, but she didn't see it. When she came out of the bathroom half an hour later, she changed quickly, wincing at her foot. Loke made her sit on the edge of the bed and wrapped the ankle, which was a dark purple now.

"Go to sleep now Lucy," Loke said, when she had stared at his bandage job for a full five minutes. He startled her, and she looked shyly away. He supposed being helpless for a little while was better than her trying to shut him out. Loke actually liked taking care of her, it felt right to give something more into this relationship. Compared to everything she had given him, these acts of service were nothing.

He would be happier to go beat up whatever was causing her pain in the first place, but he would settle for this.

"Okay," she whispered, pulling up her covers. He turned off the light and started to put her forgotten groceries away, familiar with the kitchen from all the times she had had him over for dinner. On the ground was the note Lucy had been clutching while he had carried her home. Reading it, he sighed and found an extra blanket to sleep on the couch with. He would not let Lucy feel alone, ever.

The next morning:

"Loke, get up you silly lion," Lucy said, waving a plate of fresh pancakes in front of his face. "Come on, I need to thank you." She poked his cheek and he started to stir.

"Lucy? What's going on?" He said confusedly. Lucy giggled when she noticed his hair was stuck up in a truly messy fashion, not the fake messy he did every time she summoned him.

"I made you pancakes, I know you didn't have to stay the night, but thank you." He followed her back to the kitchen table, and both of them enjoyed a yummy, if slightly awkward breakfast.

"I saw the note," Loke said, as he helped do the dishes, "what are you going to do now?" Lucy tensed for a moment, and Loke went on alert for the first time that morning. She couldn't deny she had cried a little bit when she woke up and remembered everything. But Lucy knew she couldn't make her spirits worry like that again. Only the wimpy minor characters fell apart when their guy left and pined for him the entire time he went and made something of himself. She refused to be that person, but that didn't mean Lucy knew what she was going to do, or stop mourning him. The only thing on her mind was that she needed to keep busy.

"No idea, but I'll probably head to the guild after I get dressed. See if there are any jobs I can go on with Erza, unless she took off too," Loke nodded and Lucy realized that the last time she had seen her lion spirit was in Algeria and…oh look something else she was still mourning. The tears started to come again, and she could see Loke start to panic. How could any of her spirits ever trust her again? She sacrificed her friendship with Aquarius for more power, she was a monster.

"Lucy, what's wrong? I'm sure Erza hasn't left yet." He was panicking, and for all the wrong reasons.

"How can you still care about me?" Lucy sobbed, covering her face, "After what happened…" Loke looked confused.

"What happened? Which part? A lot of things happened, but there is no way I could ever stop caring for you," he pulled Lucy into a hug and she smelled the celestial world on him. He knew what to do with crying girls once upon a time, but it seemed forever ago since before he became Leo again. He patted her back and she cried louder, making him wince even as she clutched at his shirt.

"I-I broke Aquarius's key, she can't ever come to-to Earthland again, Momma gave me her key and told me to protect her at all costs, and now I-I'll never see her again!" One day Loke would get tired of her sobbing all the time, Lucy knew it, but she had a lot of things to break down over, hopefully he would give her a break for just this week.

"Aquarius is just fine," Loke comforted, "She and Scorpio have been having a lot of alone time, and I won't say she doesn't miss you, but you did something no one else ever has. You, Lucy of Fairy Tail, you gave her a choice. Celestial spirits rarely get to be the heroes, except me of course, but that day Aquarius was. She chose to let you save Fairy Tail because she knew that would make you happier, and she loves you enough that when you're happy, she is happy. Now, you aren't going to dishonor her sacrifice, are you?"

Hic* "She wouldn't like that," Lucy said, though her tears, "she would also hate that I'm crying." Lucy dried her face as Loke released her from his hug.

"No, you're right, she wouldn't, I want to be able to go back and honestly tell her that you are recovering well and making her proud." Lucy smiled, and blushed in embarrassment.

"Sorry about all the crying, it's been a rough week."

"Cry all you want, I'll be here to help you out of it." Loke smiled and Lucy felt better, more whole. No one in Fairy Tail knew what she had done for them, her sacrifices, and if she had it her way, no one would know for a very long time. Lucy didn't want pity, she was the strong, slightly (incredibly) broken main female character remember? She didn't need their pity.

Loke wiped some of the last of the tears off her face, "Okay, now go change your shirt and I'll head with you down to the guild."

"You don't have to do that," Lucy blushed, "you've already done more than enough."

"And risk you breaking down ten steps from your friends and running away to where I have to find you again? No thanks, just let me help take care of you for a little bit, it's what friends do for each other." For a second Loke thought she would insist, but instead Lucy nodded and went to her room to change her shirt. She considered for a moment her usual blue vest, heart tube top, and detached sleeves, but she felt like she had out grown that outfit. Instead she dawned a purple long-sleeved shirt and black pleated skirt. She would go out there and work until she was exhausted. Things happened in life, this wasn't harder than her mom dying, than making the decision to shoot herself across the sky, than her dad dying after she lost seven years of her life, than having Fairy Tail destroyed the first time around. It was just all happening at once, but she could take it, she was Lucy of Fairy Tail.

Loke walked with her to the guild, and Lucy did not have a mental break down on the way there. Lucy had visited the guild hall ruins the day after they won the war, but aside from that had been taking a couple of days to herself to mourn. Still, she was surprised no one had gotten around to rebuilding it yet. The last of the flyers from the request board were gone, so she supposed that the guild had cleaned the board to stalk up on money and jobs before spending all their time rebuilding.

"Wow, this place was destroyed," Loke stated the obvious.

"Yeah, the worst part is the guilt Elfman must be feeling over it, I'll call Virgo and let's start clearing the rubble. Gray is going to want to see some progress when he comes back. He should be coming back sometime in the next few weeks. If it's starting to hurt staying out, I can call you out on my own power or you can take a rest and I'll call Taurus." Lucy said, checking her magic connection to Loke to make sure he wasn't in pain (he always insisted he could stay out longer than he should, but Lucy felt that just because he could doesn't mean he should.) Starting to pick up pieces of plaster and move them off the basic foundation, she was impressed by how much was still there. Freed and Levy had helped a lot in laying the foundation the last time around, so that must be why. Virgo came out and after three hours of work the three of them had cleared the main hall of the guild of rubble (Virgo being the biggest help).

Lucy took a moment to mourn the broken fairy statue, the girl was so pretty and was smiling even though broken. Being the emotional wreck the she was, Lucy felt a connection to the girl, part of her head and her outfit were now rubble, but Lucy thought she looked more like a member of Fairy Tail than ever. Not a single person in the guild was alright after fighting Tartarus, her team especially, and now their mascot had scars too. Ironically, her tail had been broken off. Loke helped her find the tail and they put her in the pile that could be reused, though neither of them knew how they could possibly use her.

"Oh my," Lucy heard a voice say, and turned to find Mira holding a grocery bag.

"Hello there Mira," Lucy said pleasantly, grabbing a towel full of rocks to carry to the "can't be used" pile.

"Lucy, didn't you hear?" Mira's voice was shaking. Lucy shook her head and did her best not to break down sobbing.

"Yeah, I can't believe Natsu and Happy took off for a year either, the jerks." She was about to say something about how he had always made such a big deal about partners doing things together, but it stuck in her throat, so she swallowed it and turned back to the rubble.

"I know everyone is off taking jobs, but I earned so much from my jobs right before the…the incident, that I thought I would get a head start on rebuilding. Look at how much we've cleared away."

"You don't know," Mirajane whispered. Those words turned Lucy's blood to ice, she couldn't take any more bad news, she was tied together with a smile as it was.

"Whatever it is, I'm sure it can wait until we finish clearing debris from all the back rooms, then Virgo can survey how much we need to dig out of the bottom ruins." Lucy was shaking slightly, and Mira felt horrible, but Lucy had to know.

"Lucy, Master disbanded the guild. He told everyone yesterday evening that it was a new era, we needed to fly on our own, and he wasn't going to restart Fairy Tail." Lucy's emotions flared and then died; Virgo and Loke were at her side in an instant, not even pausing to realize they could sense her distress in Earthland, something they had been unable to do before.

"Lucy, talk to me, everything is going to be okay. Lucy, relax, you're going to be fine, Natsu is going to be fine, Gray is going to be fine, Erza is going to be fine, Wendy is going to be fine, your spirits are going to be fine. We are all going. To. Be. Just. Fine." Loke finished his speech as Virgo took the blank-faced girl into her arms, and he started to glare at Mira.

"What did you tell her?" He demanded. Mira flinched.

"Fairy Tail has been disbanded, Master refuses to rebuild and start it up again. She had to know." Mira's voice was shaking. Loke jumped up, ready to yell at Mira for hurting his master.

"They can't," Lucy said quietly, silencing everyone, "They can't get rid of Fairy Tail, even for a month." She stood up now, and no one knew what to make of her voice, "They can't."

"Master said…" Mira tried but shut up when Lucy looked at her. It was sharper than anything Mira had ever seen from her friend. This wasn't the same Lucy that walked into the guild star struck, this wasn't even the same girl that refused to give into Minerva's beating, this girl was emanating power that had the S class mage ready to run.

"Since when the hell do we listen to Master anyway?" Lucy argued back. Lisanna and Elfman had approached the group, worried when their sister had taken much longer than she should have. They joined Lucy's audience.

"When Master told us to leave him while he fought Aconologia, and did we listen? When he told us that we weren't to fight Phantom without him, who flipping cared? When he thought we couldn't save both the city and guild from the Thunder Palace, did we agree and give up the guild to Laxus? No, if we left Tartarus keep Fairy Tail dead, they've done more than destroy the hundreds of lives they already did. They've won. And I refuse to let them win anything else from me." Her voice only shook a little bit at that point, but she continued on strong.

"Master wants us to choose our own paths huh? Probably inspired by Natsu and Gray taking off to adventure by themselves. Idiots. Well, my choice is family, my choice is happiness, my choice is Fairy Tail. So I am going to sit here and rebuild this guild all by myself if I have to, because Fairy Tail was never just about its members, it was also about our clients. The Council is dead, and they will take a long time to rebuild, so we are just going to leave the citizens of Magnolia without anyone to turn to? What about all those little kids, the ones who are fleeing from their own homes because demons attacked it or their parents disappeared and have nowhere to find work? Or the ones who suddenly realized they have magic, but no one will teach them? What about all those stupid little runaway heiresses" Lucy's voice cracked but she kept going, "who want a family, and have dreamed of joining Fairy Tail their whole lives? Are we just going to tell them that sorry, this last battle was too difficult, we gave up everything we stood for? I refuse, so either get over here and help me clean this mess up, or get out of my way." Her team wasn't here, but there was a reason Team Natsu was considered the strongest team. Lucy held her head high as Virgo and Loke followed her to finish clearing away the last of the rubble.

Lucy hadn't been lying, but she would be if she said it didn't hurt when she saw the Strauss siblings leaving. She and her spirits worked through the afternoon and had the first floor rooms cleared by the time the sun was about to set. Loke and Virgo graciously left no comments about her tears.

The same thing happened the next day, Lucy awoke at dawn and after a good breakfast went back to the guild. She found someone else this time.

"Lucy, is it true you are going to work all by yourself until the guild is rebuilt?" Erza asked, she was sitting on one of the 'can be reused' piles.

"Yes," Lucy said simply, "Fairy Tail is the only home I have ever loved, and it needs to be there for anyone who wants work, home, and family." Erza nodded, then traced the fairy mark on her arm.

"You know, these haven't faded for two reasons: Master hasn't found the founding document and canceled the spell, and we still have mages on jobs."

"You aren't going to convince me that I belong somewhere else too?" Lucy asked, a little surprised.

"I don't believe in stopping hard work for a cause you believe in," Erza smiled, "now did you hear what I said? Master needs the founding document to officially disband Fairy Tail."

"How official can anything be when the council doesn't exist?" Lucy replied, but then she remembered what area Virgo was going to check today, the Master's office.

"Thanks for the tip Erza, what are you going to do now?" Erza smiled sadly.

"I actually snatched up an S class job, hoping to make Fairy Tail go out with a bang. My ferry leaves today, I might be gone a while, so I expect to see some real progress by the time I get back," she finished sternly. Lucy smiled, glad to have a concrete reason for doing what she was doing. Erza would beat her up if she was slacking.

"Yeah yeah, you and the rest of Team Emotionally Stunted, and maybe one day we'll be able to actually talk about our feelings." Lucy rolled her eyes, then took on a serious tone, "hey, you need help just give a shout okay?"

"I will, who else is going to make sure you keep your promise to rebuild the guild? I want something to come home to as much as everyone else." Erza rolled her eyes back at Lucy, smiling.

"I'm not sure how good it'll be," Lucy winced, "after spending so much time with you guys, I've gotten a lot better at destroying stuff than building it."

"Hey," Erza put a hand on Lucy's shoulder, "That's your secret ability, you make anywhere you go into a home. Natsu's is making sure people don't give up, Gray's is keeping his cool when everything goes to hell, Wendy's is never giving into anger or vengeance, and yours is making a place worth coming home to. You'll be perfect at this." Erza confided.

"When was this decided?" Lucy asked, thinking over Erza's descriptions and raising one eyebrow at them. It sounded like an excuse for everyone to keep breaking into her apartment.

"I thought it was obvious ever since Edolas," Erza replied, like it was the most natural thing in the world, ignoring Lucy's disbelief.

"Well, what's your secret ability?" Lucy asked blushing at the praise.

"Me? I'm the shiny one; the one everyone can look to and see light and order."

"You got that right, and you've convinced me I'm not completely crazy," Lucy said, giving Erza the hug she hadn't been able to give Natsu or Gray. Erza knew what it was and hugged back just as tight.

"Hey, who knows, maybe I'll finish this job and be back in less than a week," Erza said as she released her best female friend.

"Do what you always do and make Fairy Tail proud, I'll make sure our marks stay right where they are supposed to be." Lucy said, tracing hers with a finger. Erza nodded before going back to her luggage cart. Just before the re-quip mage disappeared from view, Lucy called her name.

Erza looked back to see Lucy holding up her hand, pointing an "L" towards the sky, her mark as clear as the day she got it. Erza returned the sign.

No matter how far you've gone, or if I can't see you, I will always be looking your way.

Lucy had one final remarkable encounter, about a week after Erza left.

"Why don't you brats ever listen?" Master Makarov grumbled to himself as he surveyed Lucy working alone on the rebuilding.

"Lucy, what are you doing child?" he asked when Lucy stopped thirty minutes later to take a break.

"What I can. What I have to. Maybe the only thing I could possibly do sir?" Lucy replied with a grin. If Master thought that any of his kids were okay with him leaving their home destroyed, he had another thing coming. Lucy had started to take every comment from her guild mates about it being ridiculous as a challenge to do more. It helped that there was a seed of desperate hope behind the eyes of the Strauss's and Erza. Lucy normally wasn't the hope of the guild, that was Natsu's job, but since….she would do whatever she could, no matter what anyone said. Her spirits supported her 100%, her team supported her 100% (or Gray and Natsu would if they were here.)

"I've disbanded Fairy Tail, please stop tying yourself to this dead guildhall and go live your freedom." Lucy looked at her former master for a moment, then burst out laughing.

"I thought you of all people would understand," Lucy laughed, "I have never been chained by anything or anyone here. I run where I will already, or did you never notice my team running around dragging my butt back here? I am here because I want to be, because I only grow stronger with my family, and I will take anyone who needs a home as a member of my family. You taught me that's what Fairy Tail is, that and pushing ourselves beyond what anyone thought our limits were because we should always press the edge of the possible. Well I am going to put this dung heap back into working order before the next Grand Magic Games, and Fairy Tail will make another showing, and we will always do our best to help those in need and destroy those who want to take our family apart. That's the limit I am going to push. Even if it's just me, that option needs to be open."

"It is a new era, one Fairy Tail was never meant to see, I must ask you to reconsider your choice," Makarov said threateningly.

"You're right, my choice." Lucy shot back, "there isn't an era or whatever you call it that wouldn't benefit from Fairy Tail, so I say the best way to start again is to rebuild this place. Legally, you actually can do nothing but stand down as guild master sir. There is no magic council to apply for disbursement, so you can't officially end the guild. Plus I have the founding document, and under its contract, you can step down and leave successor or we have six months to vote as a guild who should be the next guild master. You can't stop me Master, anyone in the Fairy Tail guild has the right to rebuild and destroy on this property, and I am claiming that right here and now."

Makarov shook his head, "Since when did you become a lawyer?" he growled.

"I was always one, what do you think I did for seven years alone in my mansion? I read every stinking book in my dad's library, including one called The making and breaking of Guilds. Virgo retrieved it for me two days ago."

"Fine, do what you will, I could never control any of you brats anyway, but you will regret this decision. Fairy Tail was never meant to live this long."

"I will never regret choosing the only family I have," Lucy said confidently, not quiet reflecting how she felt inside, but refusing to show any doubts. When Fairy Tail was rebuilt and people could take job requests again, she wouldn't be so lonely. Until then, she would live behind the mask of confidence.

Makarov humfed and started walking away, only to turn back for one last look at one of his precious brats.

"Don't break yourself dear," he said gently, "a horrible way to restart a guild, destroying yourself even more in your attempts." Lucy wanted to discount his words, but could only nod.

Flashback two days ago:

"Taurus and Scorpio aren't contracted to me today," Lucy said to herself, frowning at the guild library that needed to be gently cleared and the books placed in storage. She was going to fill her apartment and two of Erza's extra rooms with the books temporarily, but she wasn't sure which of her spirits would be the best for the job. Even if those two were contracted, there's no guarantee that they would be gentle.

"Call Virgo and Aries then, you know they will be careful," Loke said, appearing beside her like he did every day since Natsu left.

"I've been using Virgo a lot, she deserves a break. You deserve a break too, if I could stop you from coming," Lucy snarked. After two days of intense work with her, Lucy tried to get Loke to go back, but every time she forced closed his gate, he would break back through ten minutes later. He was stronger than the others, he would constantly remind her. Eventually she gave up forcing him to do anything, not that she was trying too hard, but she didn't miss his smirk of victory every time she mentioned him leaving without doing anything to enforce it.

"Okay, Gemini and Aries then." Loke suggested and Lucy nodded and selected the two keys and keeping Horologium on the top in case any of the books needed to be magically cleaned and dried.

Yes, she was practicing summoning three spirits, just because she hadn't left Magnolia, didn't mean she wasn't going to make herself stronger as well. No one was ever going to have to be sacrificed again.

"Open Gate of the Ram, Aries! Open Gate of the Twins, Gemini!" The spirits stood before Lucy, she smiled at how easy it was at this point to summon two.

"Okay guys, the plan is to clear out the library today, Virgo and Taurus did most of the heavy lifting yesterday, but we need to get these books to a safe place before we start construction. Make two piles, one of books ready to be stored, and one for Horologium to clean before being stored. Gemini, working while transformed as me for as long as possible will probably be best, while levitating books out of the pit during your down time. Ready?" Her four spirits nodded, and with a poof, Gem and Mini turned into Lucy, luckily her current self with clothes on instead of the towel version they preferred. They smiled and started walking with group down to the library, when the second Lucy fell to the ground gasping.

"Gemini!" Lucy yelled, crouching next to herself, "what's wrong?" Loke and Aries hovered above them scared. The doppleganger looked at their master with tears in her eyes.

"You're hurting so much, you crying inside about your friends, Natsu, Natsu, Natsu, why did you leave? You promised we were partners! You're crying about your spirits, you're so worried about gaining our trust back, you're scared and you're lonely. Oh, you are so lonely! How do you stand it? It hurts so much, it feels like I can't breathe." Gemini kept crying, while Loke and Aries watched to see what Lucy would do.

"Transform back, we'll try this again when I'm a little stronger," Lucy said, voice shaking. She forced closed the gate to stop the sounds of her own internal crying being given a voice, and was shaken by what she saw. Gemini was going to have to get Lucy out of her system until she wasn't so broken. Levy and Wendy might be good replacements in Gemini's memory banks, and she was probably even power wise with those two.

"Open, Gate of Goat, Capricorn!" Lucy called, quietly explained the plan to him, and started walking down the broken staircase to the library again.

Flashback end

"I promise to take care of myself," Lucy told him, pushing down the worry of her own collapsing. Luckily she was familiar enough with pushing her power to know when enough was enough, and since two days ago when Gemini collapsed, Lucy had been having early morning meditation sessions with Capricorn to help put her psyche back together. Makarov nodded and turned away, seeing the pain behind Lucy's eyes, but knowing that she knew what it was and was dealing with it.

Her only living parental figure was walking out of her life for who knows how long, and Lucy couldn't stop the last ,"Wait!" from escaping from her lips. She cursed herself as soon as she said it, the question she was dying to ask shouldn't be asked because the answer was probably going to destroy her. True to Lucy fashion, she threw caution to the wind.

"Are you proud of me?" she asked in a small voice. Brought back to all the times she begged for her father's attention, she wondered if she looked as young as she felt in that moment. Makarov turned to face her completely, twenty feet between them.

"Yes. Yes, Lucy of Fairy Tail, I am so very proud of you." He finally left the site then, and Lucy didn't stop him this time. She was crying once again, but this time tears of happiness and determination. When her friends came home, they would have a home to return to, another job to go on, and a place to relax with their family.